Fandom: One Chicago & SVU
Title: Rain or Shine
Chapter 1: Safe Place To Fall
P O V: Sylvie Brett
A/N: I had a dream where I owned the rights to One Chicago and SVU. It was so incredibly sweet Rolivia, Brettsey were the canon ships. Sadly reality surfaced when I opened my eyes and realized Dick Wolf's lawyers still had that restraining order against me and I don't own the rights. Guess that's what dreams are for so till than I only own my thoughts and ideas, and original characters.
May 21st 2021
Gaffney Chicago Medical Center
Dr. Patrick Drake's Office Chief of Neurosurgeon
3650 W Armitage Ave, Chicago, IL 60647
"Matt, Sylvie, thank you so much for coming to meet with me. I know you have a lot of questions and you're scared. I hope I didn't keep you waiting for too long."
Taking Matt Casey's hands into mine, I can feel he's sweating, trembling, trying hard not to show how afraid he currently is, but every heartbeat Matt breathes lets me know he is fighting a battle of fear with each word Dr. Drake says. "I see you've been experiencing headaches, nausea, blurred vision, dizziness, after a recent head injury, compounded onto an old injury inside your brain; hence why Dr. Halstead ordered the MRI and the CT Scans and asked me to take on your case."
"Yes, um, Will. I mean, Dr. Halstead said you are one of the best in Neurology. You're from um California; he said just moved here to Chicago." Matt's speech is pigmented by the pauses and scattered um's. His left hand twitches as he raises it to brush back his hair back off his brow, which is covered in sweat. "Well, thank you for the flattery; it will get you anywhere you want to go. I am that shallow." Dr. Drake laughs, trying to break the tension in the room which held only the silence of nervous heartbeats.
"Yes, my wife Robin, who is also a doctor here at Med, and I moved here two months ago because our daughter Emma is an amazing singer and actress she's fourteen they accepted her into ChiHighArts for early acceptance in next year's freshmen class. We figured we would get a jump on the move, give us a chance to explore the city, and get to know everything out here before she starts at the school. Will contacted me with this job offer when I told him I was moving out here. I'm honored to have you, Matt; as my first case; I hear you're a firefighter. Thank you so much for your service to this city and its people. I'm sorry you've sustained these injuries."
"Thanks for those words, Dr. Drake, so lay it on me Doctor; what is wrong with me? How bad is the prognosis?"
"I wish I had better news for you, Matt; as I suspected from the initial reports by Dr. Halstead, you have an Intracranial Hematoma, More specifically you have a Intracerebral hematoma. It's serious, Matt the type you have means blood is pooling in the tissues of your brain."
I notice each powerful palpitation of my heart, fueling my anxiety; at Dr. Drake's words, I don't miss a beat. Life is a rhythm of beautiful high melodies filled with hope and excitement and scary gut-twisting lows. When we're high, we sway with a glowing beat to our feet; when we're low, it can feel as if we are sinking, drowning. Dr. Drake's words cause me to fall deep and fast into the ocean of despair. I know how severe an Intracerenral Hematoma is to someone's brain.
I feel like I am on fire, like I might spontaneously combust at any moment, like someone has set a slow and steady match beneath my center, deep in the pit of my stomach. I glance at Matt to see he's closed his eyes to center himself; slowly, I reach over and brush his hair back. My gentle touch grazes across his sweaty brow, shocking him; Matt opens his eyes, which are glazed over in fear and confusion not related to his injury, just the anticipation of finding out how serious his injury is and what it means for his future.
"Dr. Drake, can you lay it out for me in stupid people's language? What does this mean?"
"Matt, what it means is that your ICP is elevated." Matt looks even more confused as Dr. Drake words so I interrupt Dr. Drake turning to Matt explaining. "ICP is short for intracranial pressure, Matt." Dr. Drake smiles and nods at me before he returns his direction towards Matt. "Your girlfriend is correct." Matt and I both sink a little further into our seats, blushing as Dr. Drake assumes we are dating. I can't look directly at him without crying. Instead, I place my hand over his even though he broke my heart when he couldn't commit to me, I want him to know I care for him, and he's not alone, which of course, is why I am here today with him instead of going skiing with Greg.
"We need to take action, Matt. Raised ICP can cause strokes, neurological damage, seizures, even death. Matt, one more blow, and you won't be getting back up. I can't stress enough how serious this matter is; we need to take immediate action."
"So what do we do, Dr. Drake? How can this be treated? There has to be something we can do."
Matt's voice raises in anger, his cheeks redden, indicting his blood pressure is rising, not something he can afford to have happen. I squeeze his hand tightly, attempting to calm him down, reassure him he'll be alright no matter what happens. My chest squeezes in pain and fear for Matt seeing him so upset in a state of fear and confusion.
"We need to get you on the schedule for surgery as soon as possible."
"What type of surgery?"
"A hemicraniectomy what this means is we cut a bony opening in the skull we remove the bone flap to access the brain we drain the blood and fluid then replace the bone if all goes well, you will be out of the hospital in a few weeks; of course there's always a risk for complications."
Matt's color turns ashen; I can see he struggles to hold back his emotions men like Matt are built tough. They think showing emotions is a sign of weakness, and men in high officer positions at the CFD as Matt can never show weakness because his men depend on him to be strong, level-headed, and calm under the pressure of life's most scariest storms. Even alone with only the Doctor and I, Matt is afraid showing any emotion is a sign of emasculation. From an early age, we condition men to believe that expressing their feelings is out of character with the male identity. Doing so can ruin their image of being strong and stoic. Men are told that crying in front of other people will threaten their masculinity. Hiding their emotions doesn't mean they don't have them; however, I can see the struggle he's fighting to keep them at bay. He's channeling them through anger and frustration instead of crying; it boggles my mind how women may cry when we are scared or sad; even if it labels us as sissies or cry babies, it's still socially acceptable for women to cry to be softies.
Part of what makes us human is our ability to feel our feelings and process our emotions. When we're happy, we want to smile and show excitement. When we're angry, our body tenses up, and our voice level rises. When we're sad, we naturally want to cry. My throat is tightening up watching Matt struggle, having the medical knowledge that I have myself as a paramedic knowing how serious this illness is.
A massive amount of fear pumps through my blood like adrenaline; I'm choking on my fear for Matt. I can't lose him. I know he isn't mine to call my boyfriend, but Matt has been my rock, and my steady calm in the crazy storm of emotions my life has become in these last few years, my eyes well with tears, my lips form a smile; I try to sniffle discretely, smiling brightly at Matt to show him I have confidence in Dr. Drake. Moving closer to Matt, I place one hand on his knee, which trembles. I hear him swallowing nervously multiple times. "What complications, Dr. Drake? I need to know everything; I have a daughter who depends on me; please be honest with me. I can't go into this blindly."
"I understand, Matt. The complications can include further bleeding, infection, a blood clot in the leg vein, seizures, stroke; there's a chance we may not remove all the blood, recovery may take longer if any of these complications happen months or longer, to be totally honest with you there's a possibility you may never recover enough to return to the CFD. It may be time to talk about retirement. I do not say these lightly, Matt I understand what being a firefighter means to you."
"So to prevent a stroke, you may give me a stroke? This is bullshit! How do I even know you know what the hell you are talking about? It sounds like a load of crap. I'm a firefighter. This is my life we are talking about. I've been nothing else; I have devoted my entire life to serving and protecting the people of Chicago. If I am not a firefighter, then what the hell am I? This surgery could ruin me... No, I won't consent to this damn surgery. I'll take my chances with this hemo or hema.. whatever the hell you call it."
Matt jumps up so fast he sways off-balance, kicking the chair out from under him as he stumbles. Rising to my feet quickly, I grab his hands; a wave of dizziness overcomes me, but I am able to fend it off to move quicker towards Matt. "Matt, you can't walkout; This is serious." Grabbing his hands, I pull him back. His backside hits the wall, Matt's hand's grip on my hands tightens the pain inside of Matt's eyes twist inside radiant in anguish; my chest squeezes, my balance is off, leaving me swaying and nauseated.
"I'll give you a minute, Matt. I urge you to listen to your girlfriend, Matt. Brain injuries are no joke."
Dr. Drake nods towards me as he slips past us out the door, leaving Matt, and I alone to talk. Matt is leaning back against the wall, eyes closed, perspiration drips down my back and chest. I move closer to Matt, feeling every ounce of his convulsive nervous heartbeats. My tone is harsher and angrier than I intended it to be but I don't hold back. He needs tough love and common sense knocked into his damn noggin. "What are you thinking, Matt? Not getting the surgery it's the only treatment you can't be serious, you heard Dr. Drake."
"Who the hell is he? Why should I take his word for anything? I don't know him, Sylvie. I want a second opinion or a third. I'm not putting my life in some egotistical money-hungry surgery-loving asshole. It's my brain, my body, and my life."
"Your life Matt is important too damn important to waste on anger or to pass blame. You have a right to another opinion, Matt, and I will help you get it, but Dr. Drake is correct. This injury isn't something to mess around with if you wait too long because you are afraid you could have a stroke, an aneurysm. I'll do some research, Matt, for another doctor, but Will recommended Dr. Drake he wouldn't do this if he didn't believe in Dr. Drake's ability. Don't let fear guide you, Matt; listen to me, to your heart."
"Damn right, I am scared, Sylvie; this is my life we're talking about, my career. I'm only forty-one; I am nowhere near ready to retire. I can't lose my job; I know people say it's just a job, but it's not just a job to me. The CFD is my family, my baby; there's nothing more rewarding than saving a life, getting to reunite loved ones in the worst moments of their lives, saving their homes, and memorable. It's all I've ever known. All I wanted to do was work in the CFD; I put my entire life into it. To be a firefighter, it has to be in your heart; I want to do it all the time. I have a passion for helping people." Matt's eyes light up when he talks about the CFD and what it means to him. I know how he feels; it's how I feel about being a paramedic."
"Sylvie being a firefighter means to me I have chosen the right profession. The world needs bankers, food service professionals, and service people. However, those jobs just do not fit me. I am a firefighter, and I feel honored God chose me to serve in this role. So when the nights get longer, the fires get hot, and the chief gets cranky, I remember we have a tradition to uphold. A tradition of service that needs to be continued until I am ready to hang up my helmet. I'm not ready to hang up my damn helmet. You get it, Sylvie. I know you do because you're a paramedic; it's not the same thing, but it's close enough. You devoted your life to helping people, healing them. Are you ready to give it up? Would you be willing to accept this news some doctor says to you, who you just met ten minutes prior?"
"No, Matt, of course, I wouldn't, but I wouldn't go off the deep end and refuse all medical treatment. Take a deep breath, Matt, please calm down." Placing my hand on his cheek, I pull my body closer to his "it's okay to be scared, Matt. It's understandable. I'm scared too about a lot of things, but we're friends. I need you to know we're in this together, which means we can be scared together. It means you are never alone, Matt. You matter to me, Matt, a hell of a lot more than you should." Reaching up, I stroke Matt's checks; his stubble tickles my fingers as they brush the warm freshly shaven face inside of them. "Your health is important. Please take it seriously. We're family at 51; we support each other being a captain doesn't mean you run this ship solo. It means your crew is there to support you when the ship is going under; a ship takes an entire crew to run. We all have important roles no one can sustain alone, so stop trying to protect them or me. We're not fragile, Matt; we can support you. We want to support you."
"You matter to all of us; Matt, let us help you. Let me help you. Stop pushing me away."
Matt takes my hand, so I squeeze his hands, smiling at him softly. "Believe me when I say you matter to me, Matt, I don't think my heart can take anything happening to you. You've been an amazing friend to me over the last two years; our kids are best friends. I'm glad to return the favor, Matt."
Matt pulls me into a hug tightly; his scent drifts to my nose, filling my senses with a lingering feeling of spice and warmth; his arms are strong as they squeeze me, no surprise considering he has fifteen-inch biceps. "I will not let you give up on yourself. Do you hear me, Matt?"
Letting out a deep breath, he nods. "Okay, help me please, Sylvie. I'm so damn scared. I can't tell anyone else, you are the only one who I can let my guard down, who I can even stomach seeing me broken down. Who I can let see my eyes filled with tears, I need a place to fall but I don't know who I can go to without being judged or laughed at, Sylvie." Matt wipes at his eyes furiously as if he is ashamed that he's almost in tears. Reaching up I feel my tears start to fall as I wipe his face smiling slightly. "I know you feel like you can't share your heart with anyone else, Matt. I am honored to be your place to fall to, I will hold you when you are weak, and let you know you are not broken, you have no reason to feel shame. You can let your guard down in front of me, I won't laugh, and I will never judge you or condemn you, but I will kick your ass when you are being stupid."
"Okay, fair enough." Matt laughs wiping his face with his sleeve. "so what are your opinions on Dr. Drake? Should I get the surgery?" "He's right about how serious this is, Matt, and I think we need to calm down, go to your apartment and do some research on Dr. Drake, look at reviews, and research Intracranial Hematoma. Make an informed decision together because you are not alone, Matt."
My mouth is cotton candy dry, my stomach swirling in uneasy nauseated waves as I look into Matt's eyes; they are intoxicating to me. I never want to look away. Still, his heartbeat lures my tired body into a sleep-like state, so I lower my head to lay it on his shoulder. Feeling his fingers gently run through my hair, massaging my scalp, even scared for his life, Matt is still comforting me.
"Together, Sylvie?"
"Yes, Matt, we're here for each other every time."
"Together feels like a word that belongs with us, Sylvie."
Hand in hand, Matt kisses the top of my head, making my heart dance in happiness even as false as the hope of us ever being together is in reality, he's in love with his ex, so what hope is there for us to ever be a couple? I won't settle for the second-best or a consultation prize. "Promise me to be honest with me, or I can't help you the way you need it, Matthew."
"Matthew? Damn Sylvie, Okay, I swear on my daughter's life."
"Good, because I know she means the world to you, so I know you are serious about being honest with me; think of your daughter when you are angry and want to quit. She needs you, Matt. Every little girl needs their daddy in her life; she loves you and respects you looks up to you. Don't be foolish, Matt."
"Oh shit. I'm sorry." Dr. Natalie Manning enters the half-open door as she knocks, stopping short; she sees us and covers her mouth, her cheeks flushed. "Sorry guys, hey, while you're here, Brett, I'm sorry to bring this up in front of Matt, but you're overdue for your annual cancer screening and your heart biopsy. You know putting them off is playing with fire; please schedule yourself ASAP."
My cheeks redden as Matt's gaze stares at me. "How overdue is she, Natalie?"
'Three months I've called her, left messages, texted she must get checked she's had five relapses, a sixth relapse, if not caught early, will be deadly."
"Thank you, Natalie; I will make sure she gets scheduled right away."
"Good, Matt, see to it she does, thank you, and sorry again for the interruption."
"Oh, and the HIPPA violation as well, Natalie, right?" I snap back at her, feeling my anger and embarrassment arise. I know I was wrong to put the screenings off, but life has been busy, and now I feel hypercritical after lecturing Matt about his health; Matt lifts my chin with his finger, so my eyes are locked with his again.
"No, I'm not sorry about that Sylvie. If it saves your life from your stubbornness, I will never apologize for that even if I get fired."
"Whose running scared now, Brett? Whose trying to be a brave foot soldier carrying the weight of the world on her back alone?"
"It's complicated, Matt. I've been cancer-free for years; she's overreacting."
"Make you a deal, Brett. I will get the research done and make an appointment for surgery if you get checked out ASAP."
"Deal, Matt, but I am fine."
"We'll let the doctors tell us that, Sylvie. Just so you know, Brett. You don't have to hide your tears behind your beautiful smile, you can use my arms whenever you need a safe place to fall. I will always be here for you no matter what the status of our relationship currently is. We are in this together, and your life matters baby-girl. So please take your health seriously."