Re:Zero Cringe IF
An average wattpad self insert fic, where the protagonist is overpowered and everyone is out of character and nothing ever goes wrong, in fact the protagonist is a chick magnet who fucked your mom.
Formatting:
"talking", 'thinking', description
Credits to: SenkuBreadBoi, me, Looxold. Group project.Chapter 1: The average self introduction where the protagonist feels bland as fuck
My name is Ryan, and I am a 14 year old teenager. I hate school, adults and bad people, they are all so stuck up and act all tall and mighty despite me being so much better than them. Don't get me wrong; my grades are straight A's and I get along with older people really well. This is just my facade. This world is so unfair. They don't understand the pain of being a student. I used to be bullied exceedingly in the past. I've been exercising for a year already and I am ripped and sexy now. I wear black clothes, because I don't want to stand out. Now, all shallow people want to hang out with me, which disgusts me.
I got out of my house wearing my black clothes, like always. Even my parents are not being supportive of my dressing choices despite it not being their business. They're too stupid to understand.
Today I was going to get some new glasses, because the last ones broke. I use them because I like them. As I was walking, I started thinking about my favorite anime, Re:Zero, and my waifu, Rem. Subaru is so stupid and weak. Why didn't he choose Rem. Emilia is stupid too. Suddenly, I saw a white flash and quickly started blinking.
Turns out, I was teleported to the world of Re:Zero
I quickly looked around me, and I instantly knew what to do. It seems that I was teleported here instead of Subaru. "I won't commit the same mistakes he did. I'm better." I muttered under my breath.Looking around the square, I quickly ran into the merchants' street and found the Appa man to register my savepoint."Yo, Mr. Savepoint Guy." Saying that, I turned around.
As I ran off, I decided to go into the alley to beat the thugs and test the extent of my power. Like I expected, they quickly appeared. It seems that they were following me.
'Of course, that's evident, because my clothes are expensive. If anything goes wrong, Emilia will save me, so there's no need to worry. What a stupid girl.'
"Yo, Tondshinkan!"
"Tf you talkin' 'bout?" said Shin.
"Omae wa mu SHINdeiru." I hope they got the pun.
I swiftly moved towards Shin, spun around, and kicked him into the chin. His body flew into the wall and cracks started appearing on it. Before the other two could react, I moved my eyes towards them, and cast a powerful barrage of El Minyas.
"You-" started saying the fat one, before he was pinned to the wall, along the smaller one.
"Hmph, easy trash."
I then turned around and briskly walked towards the slums since we had to fight Elsa, and steal the insignia from that bitch. So, I ran and learned how to use mana reinforcement to get there in 15 minutes. I could see the underdeveloped wasteland around me.
'What a bunch of idiots! they have no knowledge and all they do is rot in poverty, they could just be like me and learn to be perfect but they're too dimwitted for that.'
I then found the lighthouse and knocked on the door, I heard some murmuring and they took too long to open so I turned my cap backwards and punched the door down using my mana reinforcement.
"Now, give me that insignia," I ordered them. The old man Rim charged me with his bat, I jumped behind him and hit his neck with my palm taking him down, I then turned towards Felt to take the insignia back.
As I teleported behind her, and hit her neck with my hand to put her to sleep. "Even with a divine blessing she can't go faster than me and I just entered the world." I put Felt next to Rim and left with the insignia to give it to Emilia.
'I won't tell Reinhard that Felt is a Royal Candidate, because that stupid kid, Emilia, won't win.'
As I walked through the slums, Elsa tried to kill me, but I used my telepathic powers to drive her into the ground.
"Do you want to have a bad time?" I said, looking down on Elsa. My left eye was glowing with blue light. Music started playing, and Elsa died.
Now, I started searching for Emilia.
"That stupid girl must have taken a straight route, If she was Rem she could have sniffed me all the way till here. Emilia is so useless, Subaru is an idiot for choosing her instead of Rem."
I soon found the girl and her powerful spirit Pack coming towards me. Pack was honestly the most amazing character after Rem. He knew if he didn't keep that stupid Emilia girl in check she would do something stupid and kill herself.
I always wanted to meet Rem, because she was the best waifu in the entire series, that idiot Subrau did not deserve her yet rejected her anyway. I will woo her. It shouldn't be hard since I am the perfect human being.
That stupid elf girl gets closer and I initiate a conversation as any intelligent gentleman as myself would do.
I meet her and say hi, just looking at my amazing self she started blushing around her ears and her face became red. Well I couldn't blame her. That is the normal reaction women have when they see me. Women seem to be slightly better than men at seeing my perfected self and my defined amazingness.
Soon the silver-haired girl started speaking,
"Have you seen an insignia for the election?"
I hand over her the insignia and as I do it it starts to glow. It was brighter than Emilia's.
"Oh," she said. "Your glow is stronger than mine, so you're definitely more worthy. Let me join your camp, Master!"
I nodded and walked to the carriage where Ram was waiting, without even looking at Emelia. Ram bowed to me. She heard my conversation with Emelia.
As we were riding towards Roswaal's domain, I started thinking about Rem. I'm going to make her my cute little kitten. She's gonna call me daddy.
"My name's Ryan, and I will turn this kingdom into the best place to live in. Pleased to meet you, Emelia."
I smirked. It won't take long before she falls for my charms, and becomes my second kitten.
"Hi… Ryan, my name's Emelia and this is Pack."
She was blushing furiously. I sighed. What a whore.
I started looking out of the window, and I saw a Witch Cultist, so I shot a powerful Al Fula.
The cultist started being burned alive, and the villager started shouting, thanking me.
I nodded.
"Wow Ryan, you're suuuuch a hero!"
We arrived at Roswaal's domain, and Roswaal came to greet us. He was bowing down. I would kick his head, but he might be a useful subordinate, so I let him live.
"Weeeelcoomme, to my dooooooooooomaiiiiinn, Ryaaaan-saaaamaaaaaaaaaaaa."
He tipped his hat, and if I had my black fedora with me, I would do the same thing. I don't understand why anyone would wear not black clothing, such a bad fashion sense.
But there was no need to panic, since I could use Shamak to create another one. I tipped it forward as my eye glowed with magic.
Roswaal's jaw fell open in awe. Emilia gasped and Pack said
"Oh my god".
The clown quickly dropped his facade and said
"Your yang affinity is so high! Higher than mine."
Then I was taken towards my room, by my adorable kitten, Rem. She still looked a bit glaringly at me but it was not much since I didn't die unlike the weakling Subaru. He doesn't deserve a job here either; he pathetically watched Petelbitch twist Rem's limbs. "What a loser." I uttered under my breath.
I was then taken inside the mansion, for all that weird make up he wore the clown was surprisingly rich. '
I would have earned this much money by crashing the stock market in one day. The clown took 4000 years. A petty effort but at least the weakling tried to match me. A pity he can't, but it doesn't matter since this will all be mine anyways.'
Then I got led into a room, fit for my stature. They gave Subaru that tiny room because they knew he didn't deserve a good room. I got the chief guests room now, instead of the cheap servants quarters Subaru was given. My charms had started working on all the mansion's residents. Even Ram had started to blush and talk to me in a shy way. I just huffed and said, "It was just a matter of time" But I really didn't like that girl. She thought she was the best at everything despite the spot clearly being mine. What a prideful whore.
But being the kind person I am I would accept her. Eventually I would be king anyways. The opponents are all trash anyways. A prideful orange haired annoying bitch. A greedy gal who thinks she is very smart and overrated military waifu bait. I merely smirked watching at the moon as I prepared myself for my new life in this world.
Chapter 1 end.