Sam was an idiot.
That morning, all of the Avengers would have rather run barefoot in Margareth's Bar after the weekly Thursday brawl that starts by some poor bloke vomiting after hearing a certain merc's story, always end by dismembering and (emphasis here)... bROkeN gLAsS, than go through the events that transpired that damned morning ever again.
As always, the monster awoke to a weirdly female Irish AI telling him to wake up and 'leave the nest'.Courtesy of one Tony Stark. Through grumbles and mumbles, Sam decided to complete his metamorphosis. Leave the toasty covers. And hunt for Steve's pancakes by pestering the guy.
You see all he had to excuse this lousy behavior, in comparison to his usual military one, was the simple fact that the bastard had fought some stupid evil madmen goons all week long, in some frigid hidden base.
Seriously, are villains so cheap they cannot afford proper heating? Is that one of the job requirements? HOw WoULd ThAT iNTerViEw EvEN gO?
'Hello, let's see... a few robberies... ills.. rson... I see you've failed with flying colors our psychoanalysis test! Very impressive! Now, remember you might face an enemy one day, so you must have a stinky face on the get-go. Do you have an evil monologue ready? By the way, how high is your tolerance to extreme temperature? Normal! oh...OH sorry then,coz no AC. So see ya! Why? Because all the bases are built this way to make Sam grumpy. That's WHy!'
Sam was so tired.
Ever the optimist (*cough* moralist) he decided on that thought that coffee and some wishful thinking would make this Monday morning better.
This good resolution was sadly put to the test the second he set foot on the kitchen floor. No, it was not the cold tiles or bleary eyesight, the fact that he was the first one there, or the fundamental truth that is the constitution of humans in the morning... No, it was the feeling of dread that resounded deep within his core.
The brave man took his courage and go on with his coffee. As he poured water into the machine, he distantly recalled an article called '' Premonition in Primates'' he had read in the past.
Not remembering much about the article in itself, he couldn't help but try and dispel this unfounded fear.
He chuckled at the memory of being the ''good'' brother. Quietly waiting in a brightly pink colored room with uncomfortable wooden chairs, flowery cushion, and crappy magazines, while his sister kept proposing to share the drugs with the guy, who had his latex hands in the abyss she calls a mouth, trying to pull out a wisdom tooth. Before she went under, he had teasingly said: ''Too bad this is the only time we're ever going to get out of your wisdom and I won't even be here to see it!''. Yeah, he lost his title very quickly.
Slowly sipping the ''get rid of sleeping'' heavenly blessed bitter drink, he finally noticed the fluffy brown head snoozing in the common room.
The kid had been impressive in battle. Not he would ever admit out loud. Peter had managed to fully destroy the main hardware of the villain's base where some Shield's agents' identities had been filed. Of course, the kid had not quite understood the ''stealth'' part in ''infiltration'' with his big mouth of his. But he managed and actually helped a lot so what could Sam say.
Well... right now, I guess Sam could think along those lines: * Oh damn! He looks likes he didn't sleep in years* or *Shit! The kid might get the leading role in the next Zombie movie. Screw makeup! The kid is a natural!*. In an ideal world where we sing kumbaya in unison, he probably would have thought *Damn! He looks exhausted! Poor kid, he must have stayed up all night trying to catch up with his homework since he helped us all weekend. He was pretty banged up two days ago too. I hope he still took the time to recover. Still, I will let him sleep just in case*. BUT, alas in the reality of the fictional world where Sam, as previously stated, is an idiot, he instead thought: *The little shit is drooling... he looks awful. Let's take a pic!*
The picture never came.
MAY! don't put them in the freezer... I swear it was pink before! ...Shit... whut... oowww ho ho!... WHAT! No, no, no, I fell asleep! Weak! What time is it!? 6:45! Ok, let's calm down. Do a plan quick... uhh hum ok. Finish calc- skim War2- skip shower (Who needs hygiene when you fought the day before and therefore smell like a mongoose anyway? *adds deodorant on the mental to go list*)- web to school. WAIT! Tony will be mad so-lie- than steal Sam's lunch. I should make it in time if only I had... OH hi, Mister Wilson! Sir...haha how d.. do you ?*clear throat* How do you do?... Is that coffee?''
Note that this scene lasted 45.8 seconds, and Sam having whiplash took a few moments to gather himself before being able to answer properly, which caused a bit of frustration in Peter (He was on a schedule. Dammit!) but being very polite he hid it.
Note that this scene lasted 45.8 seconds, and Sam having whiplash took a few moments to gather himself before being able to answer properly, which caused a bit of frustration in Peter (He was on a schedule. Dammit!) but being very polite he hid it.
''Hum good. Still a bit cold from you known... ''
Peter knew very well. It was probably the whole reason he had fallen asleep in the first place (not skipping two nights in a row, nooo.)! He almost passed out twice because of the cold during the mission (grr stupid side effect of the super cool mutation...not that anybody knew that or even the fact that his slow reflex cost him a rib). In fact, Peter knew the goosebumps feeling wasn't going to leave for the next two weeks but, at this very moment, he was focussing on something very important to pay any mind to that.
"...Yeah, I just made a pot. I'm just happy I arrived before Tony. You know how HE is. Do you want some?".
Peter was definitely not thinking 'yeah, yeah spare me the life story' nor did he not perk up at the last bit I swear. Instead, he casually replied:
''Yeah sure''
''You sure? I thought teenagers aren't supposed to drink this stuff till you're 18 or something. Plus it is a used insecticide, you know?''
'' No, no, yeah, yeah, hum,,, it's ok. I'm seventeen, and it is not my first time. Plus it is not like in this century, teenagers take way worse anyway. sooo...'
Sam's feeling of dread increased as he poured and handed a cup to the kid. But hey, if the kid says so... surely it will be fine? He looks like he needs it after all...
'' Thanks, Sam. Hum... I really need to take a shower and prepare for school so if anybody needs me I'm in my bedroom, see ya.''
Watching him hurriedly pack his things and leave with the coffee balanced between two books, almost made Wilson reconsider going back to bed and sleep off the feeling of unease. He settled for some toast.
5 minutes later-
''Hey sleepy birdie. Have you seen Peter? I want to tell him to take it easy since the school called, and apparently, there's some construction going on and he's got the first period free.''
''You just missed him.''
''Oh ok I'll just wait for him''
Tony pours himself half a cup and is surprised to notices the coffee pot is empty.
'' Is Steve awake?''
''Dunno. Why?''
''There's no more coffee.''
''Yeah. I gave some to Queens...'
Glass shatters, and Tony swivels to face Sam with an expression of outrage, sadness, and fear!?
''WHAT- DID-YOU- DO?!''
''Chill, I just gave him a cup-like ten minutes ago. He looked like when Spongebob got out of the water .''
''Crap, FRIDAY where is Pete? "
''Peter is currently in his bedroom. There seems to be a problem, sir. Shall I engage in protocol DeathStar?''
''Do it quick!''
The thick Vibranium blinders once again close the eighty-eth floor, leaving the room in all of its glorious artificial light. To the few passers-by, this sight was business as usual. To Sam, the violent clank of the metal closing and blocking all exits made him fall from his stool and was staring owlishly at Stark, wondering what in the blazes was happening.
''Mister Stark,'' FRIDAY had gained some serious badass intensity in the last few seconds. Even had she not spoken two words, her voice was laced with panic, an impressive feat, considering she should not be able to feel such emotion. Tony instantly tensed... well... he tensed more if that was even possible.
'' Phase two is like getting blood from a turnip. Mr. Steve is having a panic attack from the news. He is on the floor of his bedroom weeping and calling for an entity known as 'mama'. Pete has left me a message for you 12 minutes ago. Shall I play it?''
All blood drained from his face as he shakily nodded yes. Sam was finally getting worried. Steve had faced torture, Hydra, and humiliation at Mario cart. For him to weep, it meant shit was about to go down.
'' STARK.
DO YOU TRULY BELIEVE THOSE WALLS CAN CONTAIN ME! YOUR FRIENDS ARE POWERLESS, EVEN NOW I CAN SWEEP THE FLOOR FROM HIS FALLEN TEARS AND DEEP REGRETS.
BRING ME OREOS. I SHALL YEET MYSELF TO SCHOOL AND BEYOND.
WHOAHAH DONE IS MY HOMEWORK! SOY TODO PODEROSO! SOY INVINCIBLE!
AHHH I CAN FEEL THE RUSH. I CAN SEE THE STARS, THE FUTURE! DAMMIT, THE MONKEYS ARE BACK!
I NEED DEODORANT!..."
''Dammit! FRIDAY get bruce, code green. Tell the duo spy to prepare, danger level-Ultron. Calm Steve put him 'Dancing queen'. And YoU (point to Sam) will help me fix YoUR mess. Avengers Assemble!"
Later-
''I'm an idiot'' thought Sam as he flopped on his bed, exhausted, grumpy, and traumatized for life.