This was a short that I wrote for a prompt on Keira Marcos site years ago. Just found it when doing a computer clean so thought I would post it here. Not to be taken seriously!

"You want us to remove the ZPMs from Atlantis, never go back to Pegasus, abandon everyone to the Wraith because you want to keep your little power base," Rodney stated with barely restrained fury. The politician in front of him opened his mouth as if he could explain his level of stupidity. Rodney lost it and exploded "Your tiny little brain cannot comprehend the danger you are putting everyone in. The Wraith EAT PEOPLE! What part of that do you not understand? If we are not in Pegasus to stop them and gain knowledge of their movements they could be here within a year. We are not certain that this was the only hive ship to know about Earth or whether it was just the first one to make it here. You are going to get us all KILLED. Do you understand that or do I need to speak slower and with pictures?"

Rodney was pissed. Oh, he was so pissed. Blowing up the planet pissed. No, blowing up the entire solar system pissed. He would do it right this time too. No two-thirds about it. He couldn't believe this was actually happening. This was a nightmare. He tightened his fist. He could feel his face going red. He took a deep and shaky breath, trying to regain control of himself.

The politician, whose name Rodney had already forgotten, went red and then white with his own fury. He spoke back his voice barely restrained. "We understand that Dr. McKay but the IOA would feel better if Atlantis was on Earth to protect it from the Alien threat."

Rodney scoffed "They would feel better, no thought about the countless human lives that will be lost because we are not where we should be, or to the planets that are between us and the Wraith who will be fed upon with no warning. As long as the IOA feels better then everything is okay. We should all just sit on our hands and wish the Wraith gone as that is a better idea than this one."

The man straightened up at that and spoke in a stern tone "Now see here Dr. McKay, we are giving you the courtesy of letting you know ahead of time so you can prepare. You are a reasonable and smart man so I know that you are going to do the smart thing and box up the ZPMs for transport to Area 51. You may then tell your staff the exciting news. They can all keep their jobs and stay home while they do it. We will, of course, be telling Colonel Sheppard of his new posting, in Antarctica." With that, the man turned on his heels and walked out of the room. Rodney growled, grabbed a mug, and threw it at the wall. He instantly regretted it; it was his favourite one, the one that Sheppard had found with 'I'm with genius' on it.

Rodney paced back and forth in his lab. He wasn't going to stand for this. No way was he going to be stuck on this godforsaken planet with the politicians, lawyers and, he shivered, Jerry Springer. He had to do something and quickly. He was expected to give them the ZPM in six hours. He was a genius and he could do this. If only he could figure out what.

Right project Escaping Earth is a go. 5 hours 58 minutes left and counting.

Almost six hours later Rodney looked around the Gateroom, he was all set to leave. Both he and his various minions had been looting. Getting essentials and other almost essential items plus all the old-timers Zelenka could find and a few new people. Okay, maybe there was a bit of kidnapping involved in that last one but if it cannot be proven it doesn't count as a crime, right? Giving a last look around, making sure everything was as it should be and checking off a mental list in his mind as he did. Boxes of chocolate check. Crates of coffee check. Group of minions staring at him as if he was God, check and one tied up Colonel, double-check.

"You get to drive" Rodney pointed at Miko. John's eyes went wide with horror and she gave a maniacal grin. John looked like he thought 'we are all going to die' but Rodney had great hope for Miko driving skills, on that thought he didn't think Miko had ever driven a car or has a driving license. Oh well, he is sure a spaceship is different from driving a car anyway so it wouldn't matter too much about her experience, just think and go right. Rodney nodded to himself. He was going home.

"Colonel, explain to me how, after it was explicitly stated to you that Atlantis was not to return to the Pegasus galaxy, you are now in the Pegasus galaxy?" General O'Neil drawled through the wormhole.

John looked around the room. They had survived the terror that was Miko's flying. His eyes found Rodney who was happily bossing his minions around, new mug in hand, and sighed with a small smile on his lips and said "Dr. McKay found an anomaly in the power fluctuations that ensured it was unsafe to remove the ZPM and could have possibly caused the Earth to explode Sir, he did what he thought was best during the time frame he had."

John heard the General give a small sigh "he had time to raid several expensive coffee shops and chocolate factories worldwide leaving them the IOA's details for payment but didn't have time to drop us a note to explain what he was doing."

"That's right, Sir. I don't pretend to know how a scientist thinks."

"Okay Colonel tell Rodney to give us some warning next time, we had to stop several newspapers from running the 'Aliens visited and all they took was chocolate and coffee' story again, This is the fifth time this year. The Asgard teleporter is not a tool for thievery. Also try and get Rodney to explain how he managed to unassembled the Asgard teleportation from Nevada and reassemble it on Atlantis and then put it back in 5 hours 55 minutes.

"Will do Sir" John looked around again. It was good to be home.