Olivia was already comfortably settled in her bed, trying to get a catch on the book she had desperately wanted to read since ages, when an abrupt knock on her door straddled her.
She thought for a second that she might have misheard the noise but when it knocked again, she well knew something was wrong. She threw a glance at the clock on the nightstand and wondered who the hell could be at her door in the middle of the night.
She jumped out of the covers and grabbed her gun on the way out. She wasn't expecting anyone, and she knew that Fin or Amanda would have called her before showing up at her door. Which meant the person on her threshold could be a potential danger and she wasn't willing to take any risk with her son sleeping peacefully in the room next door.
She slowly approached the door, leaning against it with her gun held down. She carefully took a look in the peephole, and when she finally spotted the familiar face, she let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.
What the…
She unlocked her door and opened it.
"Elliot?"
As soon as his name escaped her lips, he stumbled towards her with a grunt.
She almost lot her balance as she caught his heavy body in her arms but held him up sliding his arm around her shoulders. She didn't really know how, but she managed to close the door and put her gun down on the furniture behind them without loosening her grip.
Elliot was too dizzy and in pain to even say something about that, but he didn't fail noticing the weapon she was clinging to when she opened the door. He had always known her to be on the defensive but not this much, and he couldn't help but feeling bad thinking she might not even feel safe in her own apartment. This was a conversation he was saving for another day.
"Can you walk?"
Elliot nodded, as she led him to the couch. He fell down heavily on her cushions, groaning in pain as he instinctively brought a hand to his side.
As she straightened up, she was finally able to take a better look at him. There were deep cuts on his face, blood everywhere, several bruises and by the way he was awkwardly sitting, he'd probably received a row of pretty bad punches on the rest of his body too.
"What the hell happened, Elliot?" She sounded angrier than she would have wanted.
"I got caught up in a fight. That's nothing to worry about." He hardly answered, the pain was getting unbearable.
"Don't tell me it's nothing, Elliot. Damnit, have you seen yourself?!"
"Ain't got the chance to admire myself in a mirror on my way here." He chuckled, but Olivia glared at him. She wasn't in the mood for his sense of humor.
"You need to go to the hospital."
"No, I'm not going. I didn't come here for you to bring me to the hospital."
"Elliot, you need to see a doc-"
He cut her off, "Olivia, please."
Elliot looked at her so intensely her heart skipped a beat in her chest. She held his gaze a few more seconds before finally giving in.
"Don't move. I'll be right back."
"Not going anywhere." He mumbled, letting his head fall back on the couch, eyes closed.
As she made her way to the bathroom, she stopped by Noah's bedroom to make sure her son was still sleeping. Once she was reassured, she walked to the bathroom with mixed feelings growing in her chest. She was worried and angry at the same time. She didn't know what was going on but she knew he had gotten himself in a big trouble and that it must have been linked to Kathy's death.
On the other hand, a part of her was relieved and thankful he decided to come see here instead of trying to take care of it himself. The way he had pushed her away last time they talked in her car, still hurt her.
When she came back with a first aid kit in hands, Elliot had fallen asleep on the couch. Her presence immediately woke him up, a bit too abruptly as he had forgotten every part of his body was aching.
"Come here." She helped him straightened in a better sitting position and took his jacket off. Elliot was tired, exhausted, but he took in his last strength to help Olivia the best he could.
Once they had gotten rid off the jacket, she sat next to him and started taking care of his wounds.
The way her hand grabbed his chin, feeling her skin against his, sent shivers through his spine. He tried not to let it show as she turned his face to a better angle and started cleaning the blood trails.
Elliot took the opportunity to look at her face more closely. Her hair was held up in a messy ponytail, a few strands falling to the side of her face and he had to suppress the urge to put them back in place. The years had passed and they both grew older. Her features were more pronounced, the circles under her eyes darker, but she was even more beautiful than he last remembered. Hell, she had always been the most beautiful woman he'd ever met in his entire life.
He felt a bit like an intruder, entering her intimacy like that, unannounced. He didn't deserve it. But still, it felt like a small consolation to be so close to her physically after all this time. It was as if she had become his lifeline in the matter of a few weeks, the light in his chaos and he was scared to mess it up again, scared to lose her again.
He still hadn't told her how much he'd missed her, because he didn't feel the right to tell her those words after what he'd done. Yet, the words were burning down his throat each time she was standing in front of him. As in tonight, they both looked so vulnerable in front of each other.
"How did you even know where I live?" Her voice brought him back to reality.
Right, he should have known better this was a detail that would occur to her.
"You don't want to know."
As soon as he had said those words, she applied more pressure on the cut on his forehead. He hissed in pain and she apologized, although he wasn't sure if she was really sincere considering her death stare.
"You're lucky you won't need stitches for that one." She told him in a neutral tone.
"I'm a tough guy." He offered her a brief smile, but she didn't react. She finished cleaning up his face in silence, none of them daring to say a word. After while felt like an eternity, she kept checking on his body.
"I need to…" She looked down at his abdomen then up to his eyes again. He understood what she implied, and he nodded, taking his shirt up enough to let her get a look at his ribs.
She tried to focus on the bruises and not the shape of his muscles body, but she swallowed hard when she touched his skin with her fingers. As soon as she applied some pressure, he jerked and pulled back from her touch. He suppressed the groan and let out a breath.
"Look, El. I'm not a doctor, this might be broken or crumpled. You need to get checked."
"I will."
Olivia gave him the look, and he couldn't help but smile at her. "I promise, I will."
"You better." She told him as she gathered up the scraps of gauze on the coffee table.
"Aye, Captain."
Olivia rolled her eyes and shook her head, not without a slight smile growing on her face. As Elliot put his shirt back in place, he leaned in the cushions a bit more comfortably, letting his eyes wander on Olivia, with a soft smile. But the tension was quickly back in the air as she turned to face him, with a serious look on her face.
"Are you gonna tell me who did this to you?"
Elliot sighed. She was never gonna drop it.
"I already told you. This is my business, I can't tell you."
"You can't, or you don't want to?"
He knew this sounded like a reproach.
"I don't want you to get involved in this." He whispered to her, pleading her with eyes to let it go.
"Oh fuck you, Elliot." She finally let her anger out. "You can't come to my apartment, in the middle of the night, half covered in bruises and blood, asking me to clean up your mess and keep pushing me away, expecting me not to get involved!" She was yelling at him in a controlled tone, making sure not to wake her son up. Yet her whole body was burning in anger. "This is too late for that."
She was right, and Elliot suddenly realized the mistake he'd just made.
"I'm sorry. You're right. I shouldn't have come here."
"But you did anyway."
"Of course, I did!" He raised his voice at his turn, but he calmed down immediately. "You are-"
He looked down, letting out a shaky breath.
"You have no idea what he's capable of." He muttered.
"Who?" Elliot shook his head, fighting against the need to tell her everything. "Elliot, who are you talking about?"
He wasn't responding, and she grabbed his face between her hands in a desperate move. She made him look up at her and she plunged her eyes in his, both trying to hold their own tears back.
"Let me help you, please." She whispered to him, begged him to let her in. Elliot closed his eyes, making the tears stream down his cheeks freely. When he opened them again, his vision was blurred but he could see how close their faces were.
"If I let you get too close, he will come after you. He will use you to get through me. If something happens to you, or Noah, I will never forgive myself."
"El…"
"I care about you, more than I should." He looked into her eyes, so deeply. She was crying, too.
He slowly let his forehead rested against hers, his nose touching hers.
"I can't lose you, Liv."
They never allowed each other to be this close, not a single time in the past twenty years. But he needed her.
Olivia could feel her heart beating faster in her chest, so much that she thought it would rip her ribcage off at any minute. She let her hands fall on his toned chest and closed her eyes desperately. She had dreamed about this moment for such a long time that she had stopped hoping for it. The thought of never having the chance to see him again had buried her alive and yet she had managed to survive his absence. She had built a new life without him, and she had convinced herself she didn't need him anymore, or so she thought. Now that he was here, dangerously getting closer and closer, she was putting down her walls, one after the other.
He tilted his head slightly, adjusting his face to hers and she let him close the gap. She felt his lips slowly brushing against hers and a million thoughts rushed through her brain. Yet, the only thing she could focus on was the feeling of his mouth on hers.
Elliot had wondered a million times during his life what it would feel like to finally be able to kiss her, giving in the taste of her, but what he was feeling right now was nothing he ever imagined of. This was even better, surreal. It felt like home. And it hurt even more.
The sudden – almost inaudible – whimper escaping her throat made him lose it all. He grabbed her face in his hands, entwining his fingers in her hair and deepened the kiss. She responded immediately with parted lips, letting him in without hesitation.
He suddenly forgot about the excruciatingly sharp pain burning his side and the sore muscles screaming at him to stop moving. He pushed her down against the cushions and followed her, not wanting to lose the intimacy they had created. She didn't protest, instinctively spreading her legs and welcomed him in her embrace.
The kiss was fierce and messy, almost brutal which was the reflection of their frustrating and unspoken feelings over the past twenty years. But the need of air was getting more and more urgent. He reluctantly let go of her mouth and buried his face in her neck, trailing kisses along the way, tasting her skin, giving in her intoxicating scent. He desperately needed more of her, and without thinking he suddenly slid a hand under her top and made his way up along her ribs.
Olivia had wrapped an arm around his shoulders, while the other one was resting behind his head. No matter how good it felt, she couldn't help but feel none of this was right. She was aching for him, desperately needed to feel him, feel his hands everywhere on her body, let her feelings burst out. But not here, not now. She could tell by the way he was worshipping her right now that he wouldn't be able to stop. So she knew she needed to be the one to bring them to their senses.
"Elliot…" She whispered almost inaudibly, out of breath. But he kept kissing her neck, getting lower.
"Elliot." She repeated more insistent. This time he pulled back his head, resting his forehead against hers once again, both panting heavily. She had put her hands flat on his chest, keeping him at a fair distance.
"You're not- You're not thinking clearly. We can't do this. You are grieving. This isn't fair, to neither of us."
Her words hit him hard, and it seemed as he suddenly got back to reality.
Kathy.
The kids.
Olivia.
He quickly got a grip on himself and pulled away so abruptly she missed the heat of his body instantly. But she ignored the aching feeling and straightened herself as well.
"You're right. I'm sorry. I don't know- I'm sorry." He stuttered, frowning as he grabbed his things. He was trying to get his thoughts in order.
"Elliot… I didn't mean-"
He got up and grabbed his jacket, before walking to the door.
"I gotta go." He briefly locked his gaze with hers. "Thank you for-" he gestured his bruised face.
She got up from her couch and took a few steps closer. "Elliot, wait."
"I'll call you." He said, and those were the last words he told her before shutting the door to her face, letting her on her own with her broken feelings.