I can't actually believe I'm doing this but...here we are…
I felt bad for not giving a sense of finality to that fat story of mine. So here's a one-shot to compensate.
TW: Vague references to Self-Harm and references to Grief
Standing in front of the full-length mirror he sighed gently. He shook his head and admired himself almost in a state of hyping himself up to bury his wife today. It seemed like that now anyway. He remembered the words of her, what she would say if she was here in the room with him, ordering him to fix his tie so it was perfect.
So he fixed his tie making sure it was tight enough and perfect for the day ahead
She would be telling him to fix his hair or doing it himself making sure that it was also perfect. Making sure the stray bits were gelled down enough so that they would withstand the day's events.
So he fixed his hair, grabbing the hair gel. Sighing emotionally he realised that the last time he used this stuff was his daughter's funeral, Emma, to be precise. It also stung that she was the one who purchased this hair gel as a gift for his birthday the year prior.
Oh, how he wished she was here with him.
Instead, he was burying his wife today. Instead, he was saying goodbye to their love and having to create a life without her.
"Dad?"
Hayley pulls him out of his thoughts, her dark hair straightened and sitting on either side of her chest. Emerie situated on her hip.
"Sorry baby girl"
"You don't need to apologise" Hayley smiles softly glancing at Emerie who she placed down on the floor "It's bound to be hard"
"Aren't you sad?"
"Yeah" she wipes under her eyes "I've been non-stop crying ever since the accident…"
"Come here" he whispers, bringing his eldest daughter in for a hug. "This is meant to be a good thing, a final goodbye. Your mum would want us to be happy"
"Anyway" she breathes out wiping underneath her eyes once more "I've put Isla and Ebony in their dresses for you whilst I got Emerie ready so you don't need to worry about that. Michelle's going to be around in ten as she texted me and Charlie's helping Casper out with his tie as we speak"
"Your mum would be so proud of you. You know that right?"
"I know" she nods "Well, I hope so"
"She would be, I know it" he confirms before breathing out, Hayley rolls her eyes and adjusted his tie for him "I thought that was perfect"
"You can never get it perfect" she deadpans him before laughing slightly even though it didnt feel right to be laughing on a day like today "Sorry"
"No, it's ok" he assures her as Charlie enters the room holding the twins
"Why can none of these Barlow men get their ties right" Hayley shakes her head with a smirk, Peter playfully punches her in the arm "Are we ready?"
"I think so," Charlie says passing Ebony and Isla to Peter, Michelle enters the room with her hair up and her eyes enhanced with dark makeup to fit the tone
"Hey" she gulps, Peter lets out more tears at the sight of her and she immediately hugs him "How are you?"
"We'll leave you to it," Hayley says awkwardly knowing they needed this time together, so she, Charlie and Emerie excuse themselves
"I just...I don't know what to think right now. I knew this day was coming, ever since the accident"
"Me too" she nods "It still doesn't make it any easier"
"No, it doesn't" he confirms bouncing the twins slightly "Are you ok taking them?"
"Ciaran's going to mind them"
"Is Amber coming?"
"Yeah, so is Robin, I think Cas will be grateful for her being there"
"I guess" Peter nods kissing Ebony on the head "I guess we just have to wait for the hearse now"
"The rest of the family are on their way. Kate, Ryan, Ali...Rana...the rest of them"
"Good I want to give Carla the send-off she deserves. She would want her whole family there but then I question whether she would"
"Whatever decisions we have made Peter, she would be grateful for"
"I hope so"
Stepping in front of the hearse, the weather fitting in all too nicely for the occasion. A rumble of thunder causing him to sigh at how Carla's day was ruined by the weather but the more he thought about it the more he realised she would probably be thankful it was like this, a nod to the past the more he thought about it. Hayley walked up to her father and placed her hand on his shoulder and watched as Peter placed his hand on the glass window shielding the elements from hitting Carla's coffin where her peaceful body would lie forevermore. He smiled slightly at the floral arrangement by the coffin, it was just a wreath, well it wasn't really that if he was honest. It was more of a selection of flowers on this platter, all of Carla's favourites, lilies commemorating purity, roses linking in with the romance of their relationship and forget-me-nots representing how he would never forget his wife, how no one would forget her. It was an odd selection, the colours didn't even match but it felt oddly fitting even if the day was tainted with death and upset.
"Dad?" Hayley brings him out of his trance, he breathes out as the tears fill his eyes and Hayley instinctively wrapped her arms around Peter's body as he sobbed, she let out some tears as well
"Sorry"
"You don't need to apologise" Hayley whispers kissing him on the cheek softly, he gingerly reaches out and places a hand on her ever-growing baby bump causing them both to chuckle "Everything will be fine, even without mum in it"
God, she was so much like her the more he thought about it. A spit of her mother always was. Trying to be strong for everyone else and she was just a kid herself.
"Thank you," he says looking into his daughter's eyes, she smiles and drops her gaze mainly to hide the embarrassment which was her panda eyes but nonetheless she knew what he meant
"You don't need to thank me," she says quietly "We just need to love"
"The very first day I met her, properly that was" he chuckled slightly shaking his head "She was just like me in many ways, we met at one of those alchy meetings and she didn't want to admit that she was there because of her problem with the sauce"
He glances at the photo of Carla which was propped up on the coffin before shaking his head to get rid of the thoughts of sadness that were circling his head at that moment.
"The next thing I know I'm walking into her office and see her drinking from a wine glass. If she was here now she would kill me for revealing that."
He laughs once more as a tear from his eye falls and hits the paper smudging the ink slightly but it was still readable nonetheless
"From that point on I realised that there was so much more to her than anyone cared to admit, that she cared to admit. As corny and cheesy as it sounds I worked on cracking her and that was when we fell in love with each other. That was when we realised we were, as the kids would put it, endgame. I guess what I'm trying to say is that all good things must come to an end, after a happy marriage, after six beautiful children between us both, the world wanted this to be the end for us. Goodbye my love, always loved but never forgotten"
"...earth to earth…"
Casper inserts his hand into the earth and chucks it into the coffin before sobbing into Michelle's side
"...ashes to ashes,"
Hayley puts her hands into the dirt and then replicates Casper's motions
"...dust to dust…"
And last of all, Peter feels the texture of the earth on his fingers and chucks it onto the coffin before closing his eyes and letting out a heartbreaking sob. Soon enough he felt Hayley's arms around his body, soon joined by Casper's. Somehow they would have to move on without Carla in the world and if he was honest with himself he didn't know how he was going to do that…
"I thought I should give you these" Michelle brings him out of his trance, he frowns "It just seemed right that you had them"
"What are they?" he questions as they sit down on the sofa, Hayley joins them and sits beside her father
"Photos" Michelle states simply, Peter opens the photo album and the tears prick his eyes "You don't have to do this now"
"She never told me you know" he shakes his head examining the photos "Is this the quarry?"
"Yeah" she nods glancing at Carla's arms and shaking her head "Now she's not here she can't tell me off for showing you these"
"Is that?" Hayley gulps as the tears spring to her eyes, Peter puts an arm around her shoulders
"Yeah, it is" Michelle confirms examining the photos of the scarlet marks indenting themselves into Carla's skin "It was the only time she could be free there, with me. I was the only one who knew. When she got with Paul she lived a much better life and all that stopped"
"She never really talked about her childhood with me"
"With good reason" Michelle places a hand on his back "She was happy though, back then, when she was away from home"
"She looks like Hayley" Peter chuckles, Michelle nods with a grin
"You're the spit of her Hayle's" Michelle smiles at her niece "There will never be anyone in this world who will fill Carla's place, she was so special"
"She really was" Peter admits looking at the photos "I'm glad she had someone like you 'Chelle"
"Don't" Michelle warns as the tears spring to her eyes "I just thought these photos deserved to come home to you so you could have some memories of the good times"
"Thank you" Peter nods as the tears fall from his eyes, Michelle hugs him tightly "Thank you so much"
"No problem" she whispers into his ear, the baby monitor goes off "Do you want me to?"
"No I'll go" he confirms with a small smile "I want to see them"
"I'll get Casper's tea ready"
"I'll help" Hayley confirms as both women head into the kitchen, Peter breathes out and places the photo albums on the coffee table before heading upstairs
Somehow doing the mundane tasks of changing Isla and Ebony settled him into normality once more. He remembered the good times, even though they were few and far between with the twins as Carla got ill after their birth. Peter remembered when they were born and how they were scared that they weren't going to make it and now it was the total opposite. The girls survived but their mother was gone and never coming back. Four children without their mother. He knew in time Ebony and Isla would envy their brother and sister as they had memories, they were left with nothing and that's what made him sob once more. No doubt they would be jealous of Emma as well, their sister who was no longer with them but instead was with Carla up in heaven causing his heart to shatter once more into smithereens. Two kids with his and Carla's genes were bound to kick up a fuss about how unfair this whole situation was but the world had its grievances and this was just one of them.
"Once upon a time there was a princess who lived in the land of far-far away. It was safe there, ever so safe. Her name was Carla, she was happy and that was the main thing. Every story has a happy ending girl's and when you're old enough to realise that this was what the world had planned for us then you will learn that what happened was for a reason whether that reason is left unknown to us as people. All that matters right now is that we're happy, living and growing together then Princess Carla will be looking down on us smiling that we're happy too"
"Dad?" Casper enters the room, he looks up at his son "I love you"
"I love you too, son" Peter whispers closing his eyes, Hayley appears with Simon "Come here you three"
Hayley and Casper walk over to the rocking chair, Simon stands at the door still and nods at his father who nods back. Isla and Ebony look up at them, both very intrigued with the situation as Hayley and Casper sit on the arms of the rocking chair; Hayley tickles Ebony's head and then Isla's. Peter hugs all of his children and all of his children hug him. The family of six, once seven, had to move on now. They had to live their lives with the thought of never seeing their mother again.
The thing was, they never expected this but there was one thing their mother taught them and that was to expect the unexpected as the world would never be the same twice over. You have one chance of living and you had to grasp it with both hands.
And that's what they would do.
Grasp the world with both hands, each and every one of them.