(Author's note: acebladespades on tumblr asked: Whump prompt: "I am fine"
With Oscar and Solaire.
More than a wound or an injury, how about it being about psychological angst :D?
The moment I saw the prompt, I knew that I had to use the Amor Fati versions, a fantastic, but angsty Oscar and Solaire centric fic. It is my own interpretation of a certain scene and clearly not canon to it. Please enjoy.)
Oscar sat in Fire Link Shrine, staring at the bonfire, or what remained from it. The truth was, nothing remained. It had been snuffed out. It was different from the destroyed bonfire in the Asylum however, because nobody had removed the coiled sword of it.
Instead, the reason for the absence of the bonfire laid in a cell below the stairs. Oscar's eyes briefly wandered to the place where the Crestfallen Warrior had once sat. He probably would have a snarky comment for the whole situation, asshole as he was.
Oscar got up and approached the stairs. Solaire still hadn't come back. As soon as the both of them had discovered the dead body of the fire keeper, they had found their culprit right away. Who else could it have been, but Lautrec? The knight of Carim had been a thorn in their side for far too long, spewing his poison wherever he could. Oscar had tolerated him far too long and he barely understood how Solaire had been able to stand being around him in the time Oscar had been stuck in a dark and very empty place, unable to be reborn by the bonfire.
They couldn't hunt Lautrec down however. They had returned from Blighttown and the journey left their bodies beaten and their Estus Flasks empty. With no bonfire to refill them, they first had to track down another and none of them was in the physical or mental state to brave the dangers of Lordran once more. So for the time being, they were stuck at Fire Link Shrine.
As Oscar reached the end of the stairs, he remembered that Lautrec had often sat down here. His eyes on the fire keeper. In hindsight, it had been obvious. How they hadn't seen it coming... they maybe had thought that not even someone as vile as Lautrec would commit the sin and kill a fire keeper. Especially because he was a knight of Carim, who would protect his maiden his whole life.
Thinking about Lautrec only made Oscar's wounds sting and give him a bad taste on his mouth, so he rather approached Solaire, who sat in front of the cell with a vacant stare. He must have sat there for hours now. They were undead and didn't need food or sleep, but Oscar himself knew how damaging it was to just be left alone with his thoughts. He knew it very well.
Deep inside he feared that Solaire might have gone hollow.
"Solaire?", Oscar said, slowly approaching his friend. "You have sat here for hours, my friend." Oscar paused for a bit, his worry deepening when Solaire didn't answer right away. "...Are you feeling alright?"
"I am fine."
Solaire's answer came much more immediate than Oscar had anticipated. Too immediate. Oscar had the feeling that Solaire very much was... not fine. It was normal for Solaire. He always would downplay how he felt. He would always put others over himself. As long as he could help people, he felt fine. Oscar knew that he did it mainly to hide his own deep insecurities.
Insecurities I have been a part of causing.
Oscar was an elite knight, Solaire never had been a part of his group. Oscar had gotten his title mostly from social status and family name, but he hadn't been able to do anything when all his brethren had fallen in battle. He had never participated in their cruel jests with Solaire, but he had been indifferent about him as well. If only he could have been Solaire's friend sooner. He hated that he had lost most of his memories, but he hated the man he once was much more.
Who does say that you changed in the meantime?
Oscar shook his head at himself. He needed to stop these hurtful thoughts. This wasn't about him. Solaire needed him right now. Both of them were far closer to hollowing than they wanted, with Oscar even being stuck in a state of half hollowing, so that he never removed his helmet and preferred not to speak to others.
"You don't seem to be fine.", Oscar said, sitting down next to Solaire.
"I am fine.", Solaire just repeated, barely acknowledging Oscar's presence.
Oscar thought about his next words. What would be the sensible thing to say? What would Solaire feel at the moment? Guilt maybe? It felt like Solaire might blame himself for having let Lautrec go away, for not killing him, so that he would have hollowed down in the swamp.
"It wasn't your fault.", Oscar said. "Neither of us could know that he would do it."
"I did."
Oscar's eyes widened at the response. Was there something he didn't knew? Should he poke about the issue a bit farther?
"Solaire?", he asked, deciding to let the other knight take the initiative.
"Oscar...", Solaire said. "There are things I haven't told you about."
Oscar held his breath, waiting for Solaire to continue. Solaire surely was talking about the time in which Oscar had been "dead", to him at least.
"It would warp your perspective of me.", Solaire finally spoke, after Oscar finally released his breath.
Oscar used his next breath to reply: "Nothing you did could ever make me think lesser of you."
Solaire had done so much for him, without him, Oscar had long gone hollow. Solaire had been nothing but a joy in his sorry existence as an Undead, he had been his precious friend. As far as Oscar knew, Solaire probably did blame himself for Oscar's death still, because he had insisted on helpin the woman that had lured both of them into the trap that had cost Oscar's life.
Solaire finally looked at Oscar, his blue eyes seemingly staring right through him. "Are you sure about this?", he said dryly, as if he already had made up his mind about how Oscar would react.
"Yes, I am sure.", Oscar replied. "Whatever happened down there, Solaire, you can tell me. I promise I won't think less of you."
A deep sigh escaped Solaire's lips and he started to tell the story. Once he had left Lautrec to die in the swamp (Oscar felt that he still regretted not having killed Lautrec back then), he had found a cave in which a woman with a giant spider for a body had resided. She had attacked him and Solaire had come out victorious from this battle. Then, he found a sunlight medal on a wall. Upon trying to take it, a secret corridor had appeared and..
"The knight of thorns was there.", Solaire said, nothing but tiredness in his voice, "I saw him and... I saw red. I could only think about, that he was responsible for your death, Oscar. That was all... all I could think about. I didn't simply fight him, I made sure to inflict as much pain as possible on him..."
"Solaire...", Oscar didn't manage to say more than his friend's name before Solaire continued.
"There was this... woman there... blind, sick, broken. She spoke to me and thought that I was her sister. She was... very important to the knight of thorns..."
Oscar felt like he wanted to hold his breath again, having a bad feeling about where this story was going.
"He took away what was most precious for me right in front of my eyes, so I... I was raising my sword and was about to do the same to him... I... I only snapped out of it, because... because she told me... or more her sister that she thought was me, that she would happily die for her. I.. I couldn't go through with it. This had all been so wrong and then..."
Solaire took another deep breath and then the rest of the words just poured out of him.
"It was Lautrec who killed her, but it could have been me. I almost did it. All because I wanted to inflict pain on the knight of thorns. All because I wanted vengeance for you, Oscar."
Solaire was actively sobbing now, burying his face in his hands. Oscar could only imagine the pain Solaire had been in. He asked himself how he had reacted would it have been Solaire that had died and not him. How he would have reacted if Solaired had never been reborn from the bonfire.
At the same time, Oscar felt a deep and dark shame bubble up in himself.
"I turned into nothing but a monster!", Solaire cried out. "And the moment I should have been one, the moment I decided to let Lautrec live, I took the life of two innocent women. That makes me into an even worse monster!"
Oscar flinched upon hearing Solaire talk so ill of himself. He knew that Solaire wasn't... like this. Solaire was compassionate, far too compassionate. It was his compassion that had made him hesitate to kill Lautrec. Lautrec's actions weren't Solaire's fault. If anyone was at fault, it was..
"No, you are not at fault, Solaire.", Oscar said, grabbing the hands of the sunlight warrior and removing them from his face, staring into his swollen and teary eyes. "When anyone was at fault, it was me. I was trapped in the darkness, that is why I couldn't be reborn, but I didn't make an effort. It was nice, warm, calm and someone was there to keep me company."
A friend? Did he see the Chosen Undead as a friend? Probably not anymore after the shit they had pulled, but it couldn't be denied they had a history with each other.
"They showed me a world of... peace and serenity. A world in which I didn't had to care about anything in the world. I was so close to just... give in and stay there forever. It was the thought about you, my friend, that made me snap out of it. I knew that you were waiting for me, Solaire, that is why I could return."
Oscar started into Solaire's face, saw his trembling lip and the unspoken words between them. Instead of saying anything, Oscar simply gave Solaire a tight hug.
"I am sorry, Oscar...", Solaire sniffled after a while. "I appear to be... not fine after all."
"I think... neither of us is.", Oscar said. Or ever has been., he thought. "It's alright, we can figure this out. We have each other after all... we can always figure something out."
"You don't think less of me?", Solaire said, his voice hoarse and broken.
"How could I?", Oscar asked. "You are not responsible for Lautrec's crimes and I promise to you, once we find him, we will make him accountable."
Solaire finally stopped sniffing and reciprocated the hug. "Thank you... my brother."
(Author's note: This probably won't make too much sense when you haven't followed Amor Fati, which I very much recommend. If you like Oscar and Solaire and like angsty stories, go and read it.
It was fun writing versions of Oscar and Solaire that are not mine and I hope I did them justice. I look forward to the next chapter of Amor Fati.)