A/N: Just a little something I threw together after watching the latest OC episode, and analyzing the hell out of that car scene.
"Back off."
Back off, back off, back off.
Her brain was a broken record, playing those two words over and over again.
Was it a warning?
Or was it him telling her "I couldn't take it" all over again?
Nothing made sense anymore.
She was confused, angry, hurt, but fuck she wanted to be close to him. She wanted to be close to him all. the. fucking. time.
She could make her eyes speak a story of broken trust, but for whatever reason she was incapable of making her body tell the same story.
As soon as he had hurricaned his way into her life, she was once again drawn towards him.
No more than five minutes after he had told her to back off (what the fuck, Elliot?), she pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed his number.
He wouldn't pick up, she already knew this.
"Elliot, it's me. You want me to back off? Fine. But not without an explanation. Meet me in my office tonight at nine."
It was ten past nine and he still hadn't shown.
She sat behind her desk and kept staring out on the nearly empty squad room.
It looked nothing like it did all those years ago, but in the blink of an eye she was thrown back twenty three years, fifteen years, ten years. Scenes played out behind her eyes and she blinked away the tears when memories from that fateful afternoon filled her brain.
She remembered that look in his eyes.
I'm done.
She refused to admit it then, and it had taken her years to accept the fact that on some level she knew. She knew that he wouldn't come back from this.
His eyes had told her that, but for the first time in their partnership, she had refused to listen.
She was pulled from her thoughts when she heard elevator doors open and she immediately braced herself. She'd been doing a lot of that lately.
He walked with determined steps towards her office and he looked pissed. Or scared?
"Talk." She said as soon as he was inside.
"Not here." He replied as he looked over his shoulders, eyeing the few officers still working.
"Where?"
"The roof."
She could see how much he was struggling, how he was battling some kind of internal war. She wanted desperately to know what kind of war it was. More than that, she wanted to join him in the battle. Fight for him. Fight with him.
Let me in, god damnit.
"Elliot, talk."
He walked over to the ledge and just looked over the city for a moment. He hadn't missed it for a second. Not the sound, or the smell or the pure evil that lurked in these streets. But god, he had missed her.
He had cried for her, and over her more times than he would ever admit to. And he was pretty sure he had called out her name in his sleep a few times. No wonder Kathy hadn't fully believed him when he'd told her they weren't talking anymore.
"Richard Wheatley." He started, not entirely sure what he would say next.
He dragged a hand over his face.
"If he finds out about you... About our history. You won't be safe, Liv. Noah won't be safe."
She registered the meaning in his words.
I couldn't take it.
"I don't understand." She said. Only half lying.
"And you don't need to. Ok?"
"No, Elliot, not ok. You don't get to walk back into my life just to shut me out again. I... I can't do it."
"I can't keep you safe!"
I can't be looking over my shoulder making sure you're okay!
"I'm not asking you to!"
"Don't you get it, Liv? Did you even read the letter?"
You mean the world to me, Liv.
"Yes, I did. I told you I did."
"Then why is this so hard for you to understand?"
"You're worried about my safety, fine. You still care about me, I get that. I still don't understand why you're so determined to shut me out."
He was pacing back and forth now and her brown eyes followed every step.
They were about to reach a boiling point. Somehow she could feel it. But still, after twenty three years she wasn't prepared.
"Because I fucking love you, Olivia!"
She felt herself stumble backwards until her back hit the ledge.
"So do you get it now? I already lost Kathy. Losing you? I can't, Liv."
"El." It came out as a whisper. Not Elliot. Not detective Stabler. "El."
"You have to stay away from this. Promise me. Please, Liv. Promise me you'll stay away."
He was crying now. Shamelessly shedding tears, for her. Over the thought of losing her.
She reached out for him, physically and emotionally, literally and figuratively. She grabbed his elbow and pulled him in.
Because god, she was done fighting.
He rested his forehead on hers and for a moment they just stood there, just like that. No words needed.
She was clinging to him. Because she knew that this would end soon. He would walk away, and he would push her away, indefinitely. And this time she would let him. But for now, they were here and they were alive and they were together.
"El..." She whispered again.
"I..."
"I know."
Because she did. He felt guilty, ashamed, pulled against her and breaking away at the same time. She knew because just like ten years ago they were in complete sync.
She tightened her grip around him and tilted her head slightly. Her lips brushed his temple, before she slowly moved her mouth down and across his cheek. She could taste his tears.
When her lips touched the corner of his mouth something in him shifted.
His past and present need for her emerged, and suddenly nothing was more important than finally, finally, feeling her lips against his.
When it happened, it was exactly what it had always been determined to be. A kiss twenty three years in the making. Her lips melted against his and she whimpered when his tongue brushed against her own.
Fuck.
More.
It was everything, the only thing, she could think of.
I need more.
She was finally kissing him, and it still wasn't enough. She needed all of him. Around her, on her, in her.
His hands were in her hair, and then they were on her back, and without warning, a hand was under her shirt.
Just as his hand was about to move over her breast, he stopped. Breathing hard and fast against her mouth.
"We can't. Not here."
"Then where?" She sounded desperate and she knew it. And she didn't care.
"I... I don't know."
"El-" She was interrupted by his lips back on hers. And she could feel him, and herself, giving in.
Because fuck it.
She didn't want or need the dragged out foreplay, because foreplay meant waiting.
And that's why she clumsily opened his jacket and reached for his belt. She tried to concentrate enough to get it open, but his tongue filled her mouth so thoroughly, turning her body on beyond belief.
Finally, she managed to get the belt undone and started to work on his pants. She only managed to get the zipper halfway down before desperation took over and she reached inside to feel him.
His was rock hard against her hand and her knees almost gave in then.
He groaned against her mouth and moved his hand down to the top of her slacks. Just as she tightened her grip around him, he slipped his hand inside.
They weren't kissing anymore, just breathing each other's air while feeling everything they had spent so many years denying themselves.
He had always known that touching her would feel amazing, no, perfect, sacred. But he still wasn't prepared for her being so incredibly wet.
His fingers slipped between her folds easily and she moaned loudly against his mouth. Her hand was still wrapped around him but she was unable to move now that he was touching her like this.
Just as he was about to slide two fingers inside of her, she managed to whimper a simple "wait."
Because as good as it felt, this, this way of touching her, loving her, would have to come later. She needed all of him, now.
She pulled at his pants and his boxer briefs before she did the same with her slacks and underwear. Before he could say or do anything she had turned around, gripping the ledge so hard that her hands turned white.
"Fuck me."
He didn't even waste any time by looking surprised or confused. He just moved against and towards her, instinctively.
"Say it."
She immediately knew what he meant.
"El..."
She groaned when she felt his cock move between her legs, teasing her dripping entrance.
"Say it."
"I..."
He pushed into her slightly, but not enough. God, it wasn't enough.
"Liv..." He breathed out, gripping her hips so hard she knew they'd be bruised tomorrow.
"I love you. I love you, too."
And that was all it took for him to lose himself completely. He slammed into her and she cried out and into the New York night that laid before them.
It was frenzied and frantic and definitely not romantic. It was everything their partnership had been. A lot of emotions all over the place and still rock solid. Safe. So fucking predictable.
She didn't need to tell him to go harder or faster. He knew.
And she didn't need to tell him she needed more, because suddenly his hand slipped in front of her and circled her clit.
"Fu-"
He filled her in every way possible, and she loved him for it. If this was a mistake, it was the best fucking mistake she had ever made. There was no room for regret anywhere because her body absolutely consumed his.
"Christ, Liv."
Yes, El. I know.
She threw her head back and he used his free hand to turn her around enough so that he could kiss her. It was sloppy and breathless, and just what she needed to spiral out of control.
"El."
It was all she could say before she clenched around him, over and over again. Her moans against his lips turned into soft cries when she felt him spill inside of her.
Her body refused to calm down. She kept clenching around him and he kept vibrating against her. She trembled with every breath and all she could think was I can't let go, I can't let go.
But it was inevitable and she knew it.
He slowly moved his hands down on her hips again and held her still while gently pulling out of her, making her let out a short hiss in the process. Her body missed him immediately.
They fixed and straightened their clothes without looking at each other. She wanted to say something, anything, to make him stay. But, as soon as they were fully dressed, he wrapped a hand around her neck, leaned his forehead against hers and whispered "back off, Liv."
She wanted to scream, yell at him for destroying her like this. She wanted to cling to him and never let go.
Her heart shattered in her chest when she whispered a simple "ok" while nodding slowly as a tear rolled down her cheek.
And just like that, he was gone.