At last, they are not anymore Titans around them.
There have been casualties as usual, but today Petra is not mourning just her comrades. An abnormal killed her horse.
She doesn't have much time to look at the corpse. Commander Erwin orders to retreat.
Before she can even process what has happened and realize that she doesn't have a horse to ride, captain Levi appears before her on his horse and offers his hand to help her get on.
"Thank you, sir" Petra manages to say, despite the shock, and rides his horse.
They head back for the walls at full speed. The wind has a deafening effect on her ears and the sun is blinding her. She's sweating under her clothes.
Levi turns around.
"Grab on. You'll fall".
She hesitates, but it's her captain's order after all. She puts her trembling hands on his waist.
A sudden bump forces her to grab him tighter. He doesn't say anything, so Petra guesses that he doesn't mind.
He stinks. Well, so does she and everyone else. They were fighting all day, so it's natural. The thought that makes her laugh is that he hates his condition more than she does, the clean freak he is. It is a rare occasion to see him in this smelly state. Petra doesn't mind and after a while she doesn't even notice.
It's almost sunset. The Commander will probably order them to stop for a few hours. Wall Maria's gate is still a long way to go and they need some sleep.
Oh, she's so tired!
Before she can realize it, she's hugging him tight. Her head is leaning on his back. She closes her eyes. She can stay like this forever.
"Petra?"
At the sound of his firm voice, she sits back straight. She didn't realize they had stopped. Nor that it's already night. How much time has passed? She can't tell.
"We'll rest here for a while. Get off".
Crap, she's still holding on to him. That's awkward. She lets go and gets off the horse.
"Thank you, sir" she slightly bows her head. She doesn't skip to gently caress the horse's muzzle. "Thank you too".
They can rest for a few hours and still reach wall Maria by dawn. Commander Erwin asks for two volunteers to stay up, keep watch and wake up the others after a couple hours. Sure, the Titans don't come at night, but you can never be too careful.
No one seems excitedly eager, but Petra raises her hand. She slept for a while on Levi's horse, so it should be fair that someone other than her sleeps now. She's still pretty tired, but that's exactly the point of why there are always two volunteers: if one falls asleep, the other will wake him up. Also, they can talk with each other to keep their minds alert.
Captain Levi volunteers too. That makes sense. Petra knows he doesn't get much sleep generally anyway.
That's why she usually finds him drinking tea at the kitchen in the middle of the night, when she gets up for water. Sometimes she's not even thirsty, she just goes there in the hope of meeting him. And she pretends she's not sleepy so she can keep him company. The tea doesn't help. It's wonderful the way Levi makes it, but it makes her even more sleepy. She tries to control her yawns, but sometimes she can't resist and he notices. And then he says he wants to go to sleep, but they both know he's not tired. He's just leaving so Petra can go to her bed too.
Today they are not talking.
They don't have tea.
They are not alone.
Everything is so much different. And yet it all feels familiar. It's like… the sky. Inside or outside the walls, it's always the same. The same moon, the same stars. She gazes them tonight.
Her father once told her that the stars are the souls of humans that pass away. Tonight, she hopes that maybe they are not just humans. Maybe animals too.
She lets out a mixture of a yawn and a sigh.
"Screw the rules, you can sleep" Levi's voice startles her.
"No, it's alright, captain! I'm fine" she insists.
"No offense, but you look like shit".
He has a way with words.
"I can manage. I'm not tired, just sad" Petra says. "Isn't it stupid? So many soldiers died today and I'm sad because of a horse".
"It's not stupid".
She has noticed he takes great care of his horse too. She almost feels bad that today he had to carry two persons instead of one.
"Captain? If I'm slowing you down… Once we depart, I can ride with someone else".
Levi slowly turns and looks her in the eye, with his usual cold expression.
"Did I complain?"
"No, I'm just saying—"
"You don't have to say anything" he cuts her off.
Levi is her captain. He has responsibility for her. Petra is sure that that's why he let her on his horse. He doesn't want anyone else from his squad to have to carry her. Even if she's a burden to him.
"Besides…" Levi continues, "my horse likes you. A lot".
Petra smiles.
"I like him a lot too".
They both know they aren't talking about horses right now.
After a while, it's time to wake up everyone else.
For a moment, she believes she was sleeping too and her conversation with Levi was just a dream. It sure felt like it.
When they get ready, Levi rides on his horse and offers his hand to Petra to help her up. She's a trained soldier, she doesn't need help to ride a horse, but she accepts the gesture.
They will reach wall Maria in a couple hours. When they return from an expedition, Petra always feels this urge to come back home as fast as she can. However, this time she wouldn't mind spending an eternity on this horseback ride.
She's so exhausted she could fall asleep, and Levi reassures her she can, but she prefers not to. She doesn't want to miss a second of this.
Soon they approach wall Maria.
And the worst part of the expedition comes: they march through the town. Everyone complains about the small number of soldiers that return and about their taxes being wasted. Petra is always terrified at these comments. She avoids eye contact with the crowd and only looks down at the rocky pavement. But today it's a bit easier. Being so close to Levi soothes her mind.
The horses go through the town slowly. She doesn't need to hold on to Levi to stay on the horse, but she does anyway.
The following days, when the heavy atmosphere of war and death wares off, her comrades tease her about her horseback riding with the captain. She laughs it off.
What she doesn't understand is how is it possible that the most peaceful and serene moments of her life so far were outside the walls.