Hello everyone! I had something happen to me recently that I've been working on how to process it and so I've decided to start a little miniseries here to help with that. A series of letters from Johan to Judai. Here is the first one. I hope they're enjoyable!

How do I even start this? Well, maybe with why. Dr. Falstad told me that writing would help after everything. I don't know, but I'm desperate at this point.

I guess, if I do end up writing more, I'll need to number these or something. So, this is letter #1.

I don't know. I don't want to talk about what happened again. No- I cannot talk about it anymore. It is too painful. Too soon. It has only been seven days. Seven days, sixteen hours, eight minutes and thirty-two seconds as I'm looking at my clock.

Dr. Falstad said I should write this as if I was talking to you, but it feels fake. I don't know. I guess I can start with the weather. It's dark now. The stars are shining brightly and it's a new moon, so the sky is that type of black that feels more encompassing than it does illuminating. I love this time though. But, you already know that. You already know so much about me. And I don't even know how you are right now. Is it dark? No, of course it's not. Not unless the hospital ran out of power. But I think they're supposed to have like, generators and stuff that make it really hard to run out of power, right? It's funny, I can hear your goofy grin staring at me. But, when I turn around, you're not there. And yes Yubel, I did mean to write hear. I know you're there, listening or maybe even reading this after everyone's gone. You're going to take care of him, right?

I bet the room you're in is full of stuff. There's probably a bunch of stuff from fans and other Pro Duelists, and I'm sure there's stuff from our friends. Maybe they're even in the room with you, reading this letter to you. I'd like to imagine that it's actually Manjome who is reading this right now. That hard exterior is just a show you put on for us, because you're just a big softie too, aren't you? Or maybe, maybe it's Sho. You two always did have a bond closer than most people could imagine.

But, I just can't do it. And this is what Dr. Falstad told me to include when I felt comfortable. But, I won't be comfortable. I am not comfortable. I just want you back. I go to sleep and you're not there. I wake up, and the house is empty. The other side of the bed is empty. The sheets no longer smell like you. No one is there to make me breakfast on Sundays, only to burn it. Then, when making a bowl of cereal, somehow still finding a way to burn it, which leads to a series of playful cussing matches with Yubel. But now, there's nothing. I slept on the couch last night. It's not so lonely when the cushions are on my back. And I can leave the TV to create some noise so the house isn't so sad.

Speaking of the TV, did you know you're famous? I mean, beyond being famous for dueling? Every day, there is a news story about you and about what happened and an update about your current condition. I imagine they're still talking about you, but every time they did, they would show the video. And I just cannot watch it again. I was there. You know that. Or, you did, at least.

I'm sorry. I just can't. The sound. Seeing you. Especially seeing you now. I just can't. Are you mad at me? Are you even awake? Are you alive?

I just want to go back in time. I could have done it instead of you. Then this wouldn't have happened. Everything would be fine. You would be here. Maybe I would be, too. Or maybe it would have happened to me and not you. I'd give anything to change places with you. You know that, right?

I don't know how to end this. Maybe I've deleted all of this by now. Maybe you'll never read this, for one reason or another. Maybe you'll never read this because you're gone.

I love you, Judai. Please come back.

And that's the first one done. It's a bit vague, isn't it? By the end of the series, the pieces will be sprinkled about so that the full picture of what happened will be clear. Until next time!