It was cold in her room.
She was lying on her stomach, the covers strewn over the lower half of her body, her bare back exposed to the chilly night air. She ran her hand over the empty space next to her, curious as to where the warm body that had occupied the space had gone.
Claire turned her head around to see the door connecting to the balcony open slightly. Outside sat her boyfriend, John Bender, shirtless and wearing only a pair of jeans. He sat with his legs dangling over the balcony and his arms resting on the bars, a cigarette in his hand. She wondered why he had decided it was a good idea to be outside in the middle of February half clothed. Curiously, she grabbed his t-shirt off the ground and put it on, bringing a blanket her grandmother knitted with her to the balcony.
"Hey" Claire said as she slipped the blanket over John's shoulders. "What are you doing? You're gonna freeze out here." She sat down beside him then, lacing her fingers with his. John let out a stream of smoke from his lungs as he toyed with the cigarette.
"Just thinking" he said softly.
"About what" Claire asked, placing her chin on his shoulder. He sighed a heavy breath as he looked over and placed his forehead on hers.
"I'm turning eighteen in a month. My old man's been getting on my back more and more lately. I think it's cos he knows I'll be gone soon" he flicked a bit of ash off the cigarette and took another drag.
It was true. He had been coming to her house more often in the past few months with fresh scars and bloody wounds for her to clean up. She hated it. Not that he came to her, she was immensely glad he felt that he could, that he felt able to trust her like that. No, she hated the fact that she couldn't do anything about it. It was getting worse, his injuries. The worst one was when he came with a huge cut on his forearm. He claimed that his father had attacked him with a switchblade because John wouldn't give him any of his money from his last paycheck to help out the family with. John knew what he really wanted the money for, and he refused to give it. Lord knows John needed it so he could get out when he was of age.
So he came to Claire, and she tried to stop the bleeding but it was so deep. She was terrified. Terrified that he was going to bleed out in her bedroom because he was adamant about not going to the hospital. Claire pleaded to let her bring him, but he wouldn't give in. Claire conceded and put a butterfly bandage on it, praying that it would keep the wound closed. She had almost called 911 that night, something that she was sure John would hate her for.
But he had survived it, and ever since Claire had been scared about letting him go home. As a result, he spent most nights at Claire's. Her parents never checked on her, especially since they were on a different floor, so Claire wasn't worried about them catching her and John. They talked, watched movies, and since she had given him her virginity about four months into their relationship, their nights usually ended with both of them naked and tangled in the sheets, whispering little nothings to each other while wrapped in the warmth of each other's embrace.
"Hmm, your birthday. What should we do, plan a party?" Claire smiled as she kissed his neck lightly. He squeezed her hand and chuckled.
"Sure, what did you have in mind? Chuck E Cheese? Be sure to invite Dork, he'd have a ball at a place like that. Fit right in."
"I dunno, that could be fun. Watching you try to win one of those stuffed rat toys for me. Maybe listen to those scary animatronic animals sing that song for hours on end" Claire smiled into his neck.
"Hey, I could win one of those rats easy. If a five-year-old kid can do it, anyone can."
"Is that why it took you four tries to hit just one mole in the whack a mole game last time?" Claire asked, remembering the time when they all went to Chuck E Cheese for Brian's birthday, something his mom had planned. They bugged him incessantly for it.
"Hey, those games are rigged. Those fucking moles move faster than Dick does when he chased me that one time for pulling that fire alarm" John sneered as he stubbed out the cigarette on the railing. Claire chuckled and ran her thumb across the back of his hand.
"Well if he didn't catch you, we probably wouldn't be together here right now." Claire smiled as she recollected their time after that detention. The ups and downs of them all becoming friends, the beginning of her relationship with John and how her happiness had gone up so much in the time since. Next month would be the year anniversary of that fateful day. Time felt like it had been moving so fast.
"Yeah, I guess I do have to thank good ol' Dick for all this. I hope he never finds out. He'd probably tell me that I actually learned something from being stuck there with him for eight fucking weeks and he'd use it to justify sticking kids in there for the rest of his life" he smirked as he looked back at her face. She shivered slightly and he placed the blanket over her shoulders.
"I guess we'll have to thank him someday. For this" Claire squeezed his hands and kissed him softly. He closed his eyes as her lips moved against his, soft and sweet. He pulled back slightly and furrowed his brows, looking down at his lap.
"I've gotta get out, Claire" he sighed, running a hand through his shaggy brown hair. "I can't stay there anymore. Once I turn eighteen, I'm gone."
Claire squeezed his hand again and leaned into him. "I know. I want that for you John, that's all I've ever wanted. I hate that you have to go back there and get treated the way you do. All I want is for you to be safe."
He looked away from her then. "Have you heard back from any of your colleges?"
"A few."
"Do you know where you're going yet?"
Claire sighed, resting her head against his shoulder. It had been a hard decision to make at first. A part of her wanted to leave Shermer behind and go out into the big world. But, her family was here. Her friends were here, and most importantly, John was here.
"I was thinking Northwestern. They have a really good teaching program there. Plus it's close to home…" She kissed his shoulder, just as he sighed and turned towards her, staring deep into her eyes.
"Is that really where you want to go? Or just something that you decided on because it's easier than leaving?" He asked, a slight furrow in his brow. Claire sighed deeply.
"I want to go there, John. Isn't that a good thing? That we don't have to be apart after high school?"
"No, not at the expense of your future" John stood up then, pacing on her tiny balcony in the frigid February air.
"My future? My future is to be with you, teaching while you open your mechanic shop." Claire's face dropped then. "Isn't…Isn't that what you want?"
"It shouldn't matter what I want! It's your life Claire, and to throw it away on some low life kid like me is the stupidest fucking thing I ever heard. I'm nothing, Claire, can't you see that? Everyone else does, so why can't you?" John huffed as he stood facing outwards on the balcony, his hands gripping the railing. Claire got up then, tears lightly falling down her face.
"Why do you do that? Tell yourself that your worthless? Can't you see how much I care about you, John? Can't you see how much I want this to work out? I hate it when you come here with blood running down your face and you act like its no big deal. Can't you see how much I want you to be free and safe, never having to go back to that monster again? When I think about my future I see you and I together, away from our parents and away from anyone's perception of who we are. I see us in our own little apartment, waking up in each other's arms every morning. I see us happy, maybe one day with a family. I see me teaching and you running your shop. I see our kids running around, you playing with them and teaching them what it means to be loved because we never got that from our parents but God knows we'll show it to our children. I see us growing old together, sitting beside each other on a porch somewhere and watching our grandchildren grow. That's what I see as my future. Does it really sound that bad?"
The air was quiet as Claire stood staring at John's back. His head down and the sound of his breathing penetrating her thoughts. He turned back to look into her eyes.
"Naw, it doesn't sound bad, Princess. It just sounds too good to be true." He whispered.
"Why?" Claire's voiced croaked a little as she walked towards him. "Why can't it be true?"
She reached him then, running her hand over his arm. He turned towards her then, his eyes glistening in the moonlight as he ran his thumb over her cheek to catch a stray tear.
"You're so beautiful" he breathed. "So perfect that sometimes I wake up and wonder if I just dreamed you. You have a chance at a life that I could only dream of, Claire. You deserve to be with someone who can provide for you the things that you truly desire." John dropped his hand, but Claire grabbed it, leaning into him.
"The only thing I desire is you."
John let out a sigh then. "What about this house? What about your clothes, and your car and everything you grew up with? You know I can't give that to you."
"John. Can't you see how little I care about all that when I'm with you. Before I met you all I wanted was to be this popular girl with all these material things, hoping to one day marry a rich guy who could give me all the things my parents did. But I also felt so empty, like something was missing. All of those things didn't make me happy, John. I only wanted them because it's what everyone told me I wanted." Claire wrapped her arms around his neck then. "But you, John? You taught me that what I truly wanted was a boy who loved me for me, and not for my money or my status. You taught me how inconsiderate I was when it came to the way I treated others. You taught me how to be good, even when everyone told me you were bad. That's what I want John. Someone who makes me want to be good and caring."
Claire looked into his eyes, staring straight into his soul.
"You were the first boy who made me feel loved, John. In fact sometimes you're the only person who makes me feel loved. So please, don't tell me that I'm throwing away my future because I'm choosing to stay here with you. I'm still going to become a teacher. I'm still going to be doing something that I love. Even if you wanted to run far away somewhere, I'd go with you. I can teach anywhere. I'm not leaving anything behind by going forward with you, John. I love you."
Tears were streaming down Claire's face now, afraid that her speech might not have changed John's mind and that he really was going to break up with her now.
"I love you too" John whispered, his lips coming to hers to give her a chaste kiss.
He was silent then. Thoughtful. Claire stood in anticipation, scared for the worst. He reached up and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear then.
"I am leaving" he said, his thumb coming back to rub against her cheek. "This time next month, I'm out of that house. Moving into a place in Chicago I saved up for."
"Are you not staying for graduation?" Claire asked tentatively.
"No, I will. Brian said I could stay with him while I finish up the last couple months of school. Might as well get that diploma since I spent so much time with Big Bri working on getting my grades up."
Claire wasn't surprised that John was actually a decent student. He was quite smart naturally, he just needed to apply himself.
"Are you going to be living on campus?" John asked. Claire's eyes shot to his, one eyebrow raised.
"No, I'm getting an apartment."
"So we'll both have places in Chicago. Maybe some nights you can come to my place and some nights I can come to yours" He smiled down at her.
"Or we could just-"
"No. I have to get my own place for a while. I need to prove that I can do this by myself."
Claire looked down at this, feeling slightly embarrassed for even bringing up the idea.
"Hey" John said as he tilted Claire's chin up so her eyes met his. "It's not forever. Just a year or two maybe. Then we can decide if we really think we can make it in the long run."
Claire leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, placing her head on his chest.
"I've made my decision. I love you John."
"I love you too, Claire."
He leaned down a little to kiss her, the chilled air blowing against their skin as their arms wrapped around each other. He would be safe, she knew. And one day they would be together, permanently. They would find their future together. She just knew it.