Author's note: 8x11 was an amazing episode and I was very much in an Upstead mindset after it, so I ended up writing my take on what could happen next. There might be a part 2 if I get enough time, but if not this should work as a one-shot. Hope you all enjoy and just wanted to say a special thanks to one-cpd for beta reading it for me.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, just borrowing the characters for my own entertainment.
I never really learnt how to do it properly. Every time I hear I love you, I'm waiting for the punch. I don't know how to do this, but I want to. I want to be better. I love you. So much.
Snippets of their conversation echoed around Jay's mind as he kept Hailey in a tight embrace in the middle of her apartment. He had seen her struggle in the past, he had seen her cry, but he had never felt it before. Every other time they had done their thing, he had provided comfort with words, or on a few occasions a squeeze of the shoulder, but this time it was different. This time he could feel the tears that escaped her eyes, he could feel her erratic breathing, and he could feel how she clung onto him as she tried to calm herself down.
He wished he could somehow take it all away and allow her to be happy like she had been this morning, but he knew she needed to work through it. So he stayed exactly where he was, planning to do so for as long as she needed, while he analyzed the events of the day. He had always known her childhood wasn't great, but what she had told him tonight made him realize how little he really knew about it. He hadn't once considered that saying 'I love you' would be a trigger for her, though in hindsight he should have seen the possibility. Instead he'd been blindsided by his own past, working up the nerve to say it out loud due to his own fear of rejection. And while she had run away like he worried she would, her reasons were different, and he got that.
The truth was, they both had baggage, and they both had things to work on, but they really were willing to do so. The fact that Hailey had told him she wanted to be better and she wanted to do it with him was all he needed to know that they would make this work. The "I love you" from her had been an incredible bonus as he was fully prepared to wait on that front or even find an alternative because after her explanation, he got it. He understood her fears, her reactions, and all he wanted was to be there for her, to listen to her, to help in any way he could, because he really did love her.
"Um," Hailey started when she finally pulled back and wiped her eyes. "Can we?"
She tilted her head in the direction of the bedroom to finish her question.
"Yeah." He removed his arms from around her and pulled off his coat, dumping it on the back of the couch.
Part of him was tempted to suggest dinner as neither of them had eaten in a while, but then he realized he was better off following her lead. She knew what she needed right now, better than he did, so he just followed her into the bedroom. He wasn't sure if he should speak or if he was better off letting her have some space, but he wanted to make sure she knew he was still with her and he really wasn't going anywhere.
In the end he compromised and placed a quick kiss to the top of her head before taking a seat on the edge of the bed and pulling off his shoes. He thought he saw the hint of a smile on her face after the move, but he didn't say anything. He didn't want to rush her or push her anymore because he knew how hard it was for her to open up to him earlier. So his new plan was simple, continue to show her how much he loved her in any way that he could.
They got changed quickly, him stripping down to his boxers and Hailey into a tank top and sleeping shorts, before brushing their teeth. It was all done in silence, but Jay noticed the way Hailey kept looking at him as if confirming he was still there. He let it play out, offering her reassuring looks when he caught her, before following her back to bed. Hailey immediately got into her usual sleeping position, on her side and faced away from him. He didn't mind it, she liked her space while they slept sometimes, but he also wanted to be close to her tonight.
So after turning off the light, he climbed in and shuffled over to her until her back was pressed against his chest and he had managed to wrap both his arms around her, much like he had this morning. He waited quietly for a few minutes in case she wanted to talk about things any more, but she stayed silent. He had no plans to disturb her if she was already asleep but he could tell from the rise and fall of her body that she was still awake, so he placed a gentle kiss to the back of her neck before speaking.
"You're kind of incredible, you know that? I mean I can't even begin to imagine what you went through as a kid or how hard it was seeing Becca today, but I just wanted to thank you for explaining it to me. I know it's not easy, but any time you want to talk about it or anything else, I will always be here to listen." He paused for a moment, he wanted to tell her he loved her, but they probably needed to work on the connotations of the phrase, so he went with something else. "You really are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You call me out on my crap, you make me laugh, you-"
But he paused as he felt her moving in his arms. A second later she had rolled over so she was facing him. She rested her head against his chest as she wrapped her arm around his waist and her fingertips grazed his back. Clearly she didn't want to talk, but there was one last thing he needed to say. "You're it for me, Hailey. You really are."
There was no verbal response, but Jay felt her tighten her grip around him, and that was more than enough for now. He kept his eyes open for a while longer, watching the top of her head as he gently ran one hand up and down her back, until he heard her breathing even out and felt her hold on him loosen. It was only then, once he was certain she had fallen asleep, that he allowed himself to drift off too.
When Jay awoke the next morning, there was something strangely familiar yet different about the position he found himself in. He was lying on his back, the light was shining through the blinds, yet instead of Hailey being curled up on the side of the bed, her head was resting on his chest and her arm was still draped around his waist. He couldn't help but smile slightly as he looked down at the tangled mess of blonde hair splayed out on his chest. He really could get used to waking up like this.
Deciding he didn't want to disturb her, especially since they didn't have anywhere to be, he stayed exactly where he was, just appreciating the situation and thinking about what the day could bring since it was officially their day off again. Part of him was tempted to turn their phones off so there was no chance of any interruptions, but he couldn't take that risk. What he could do however, was to attempt to carry out their plans from yesterday.
"Hey," Hailey mumbled a few minutes later as she stretched herself against him.
"Morning," he said as she pushed back her hair and looked up to him. "How'd you sleep?"
There was a small smile playing on her lips. "Surprisingly well. You make a good pillow."
Jay let out a soft laugh as he squeezed her against him. "Good to know I have my uses."
"Yep, how about you?"
"Good." He saw a flicker of panic cross her face as she continued to watch him. He had a feeling she was reliving some of the events of yesterday, so he decided to kick off his plan. "So I was thinking we make this our day off take two. Basically we just do everything we were gonna do yesterday, plus I take you out for dinner."
"Really?"
"Unless you have a better offer?"
"Well." There was a mischievous grin on her face that let Jay know whatever was going to come next was not serious. "Voight was-"
"Uh no. The bedroom is a Voight free zone."
She laughed before leaning up to kiss him. "Well in that case I like your idea, especially since it means we're getting waffles."
"Yeah, let me guess, you'll have anything as long as it's covered in chocolate."
"You say that as if it's a bad thing. Chocolate is the best," she said as Jay shook his head gently. "You can enjoy your boring cinnamon ones while-"
"They're not boring. Plus, I might even add a banana this time. Good for potassium."
"Well, I'm going to add ice cream, great for happiness."
Jay couldn't help but laugh as he tugged her up towards him until she was lying on top of him and he could kiss her properly.
"I lo-uh…I really like you."
"Good," Hailey said as she leaned in for another kiss before looking him in the eye. "Because I really like you too."
They held each other's gaze for a few moments before Jay decided he should get going with the plan before the hunger from yesterday caught up to them. "Okay, so coffee."
He rolled them to the side, but as he tried to untangle himself from Hailey, he felt her holding onto him, causing him to raise an eyebrow at her.
"Fairly sure I said I wanted you first yesterday. Then coffee."
Jay bit his bottom lip as he held her gaze. "You know we don't have to."
"I know," she said, reaching her hand up to touch his cheek. "But I want to. If you do."
Instead of saying another word, Jay leaned in and captured her lips. He could have said more on the matter, but it was easier for him to show her because the truth was, he always wanted to be with her, in any way she would let him. And yes, things had been strained between them yesterday, but he really did love her, and he had every intention of showing her just how much.
"We should start every morning like this," Hailey said as she drew a lazy pattern across his chest.
"Yeah," he breathed as he felt his heartbeat returning to normal. "We can just set the alarm an hour earlier."
"Okay." She started to roll away towards the bedside table, but Jay caught her and pulled her back to him.
"Just stay a minute before you get all active," he said as he pressed his body against hers and closed his eyes.
There was something about having her in his arms, especially after what they had just done, that he couldn't get enough of. So while he knew she was probably hungry and would be making a plea for waffles soon, he just wanted to enjoy lying with her for a little longer.
"So-" But he didn't let her finish as he placed a finger to her lips and shushed her. "Jay."
He peaked one of his eyes open to see her looking somewhat amused by his actions. Part of him expected her to move away still because once she was up and wanted something there was usually no stopping her, but instead she curled back up next to him and placed a kiss to his chest. Then a moment later she was threading her fingers through his and resting their hands on his stomach.
It was just what Jay wanted, but after a few minutes, just as he predicted, Hailey started fidgeting next to him. "How do you feel about getting those waffles?"
"Thought it was coffee first," he said.
"Yeah, so we order waffles now and we make coffee while we wait."
He opened his eyes properly at that point to find her looking at him. His original plan had been to surprise her with coffee and waffles in bed but then he had become distracted, though it could still be done without it being a surprise. "Or I can make some."
"I don't have the ingredients, and I don't know about you, but I don't feel like going to the store yet."
"Okay." He gave her one more kiss before sitting up. "I'll do the coffee, you order us some waffles."
The grin on Hailey's face was enough for Jay to match her expression as he climbed out of bed. He grabbed his boxers and pulled them on as Hailey reached for her phone and started tapping at the screen. Just as he was about to head out, he spotted his shirt on the floor and picked it up. He considered pulling it on for a moment before chucking it at Hailey instead. It landed on her head, covering her and the phone, and he couldn't help but chuckle slightly as she lifted it up and looked at him for an explanation.
"In case you miss me," he told her.
"Go make the coffee."
With a smile still fixed on his face, Jay headed out and over to the coffee machine. It felt like a far cry from yesterday morning when he had been confused and slightly concerned about how Hailey had run away from him. But it was completely different this morning. Sure, they had stuff to work through in general, but they were good, and so far their second attempt at a day off was going significantly better than the first.