Not Alone.

A/N: I wrote this a while back, before I had an FF account. When I started working on A Little Pretty (which will have more chapters), I realized that this actually works well as a prologue. But it doesn't have to be. It can also be just a little one shot that portrays Olivia and Amanda's beautiful friendship.

Hope you like it!

Olivia sat on the edge of her bed in silence as the morning sun filled the room. Her hair was damp from her shower, and tiny goosebumps covered her skin as a breeze from the window made her shiver slightly.

She wiped away the single tear that had managed to escape her eye before she took a deep but trembling breath. When she finally lifted her head, her eyes fell on the uniform that covered most of her bedroom door where she had put it up on a hanger the night before. Looking at it normally filled her with pride, today it overwhelmed her with sadness.

More time, Ed. I just wanted more time.

Olivia flinched as she was pulled out of her thoughts when her phone suddenly vibrated loudly against her bedside table. Her arms felt heavy in her lap but she managed to reach for the phone, unlock it and read the message.

"How you holding up?"

She looked at the text and then at Amanda's name as the screen in front of her turned blurry when tears filled her tired eyes yet again.

"I'm fine." She typed quickly and automatically.

I'm fine. She repeated it over and over again in her head as she slowly got up, clinging to the towel while she walked over to her uniform. She laid it down on her bed and looked at it once more before she opened her dresser to pick out her underwear.

Her hand mindlessly reached for the comfortable set of matching black cotton bra and panties, but she stopped when her eyes glanced over the set next to it. Memories flooded her brain and when she closed her eyes she wasn't in her bedroom anymore.

"What's that in your hand?" Olivia eyed Ed as he moved across the floor, carrying a small and delicate paper bag.

"Just, something for tonight." He gave her a small smile as he handed her the bag.

Olivia returned the smile before she looked down and opened it. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't stop the blush that quickly spread from her chest and up to her cheeks.

"Ed..."

"Yes?"

"I think I'm a little too old for this."

"Are you kidding me?"

He walked behind her then and lowered his head to kiss her neck. "You're beautiful."

She leaned into him and smiled. How he made it so easy for her to let go of her insecurities, she would never understand.

"Ok, I'll wear it." She whispered as his hands came around her waist and pulled her closer.

"How long do we have before Noah wakes up?" Ed said with a low voice against her ear.

"Maybe half an hour."

"I can work with that."

Olivia let her hand linger over the white lace and sighed. We'll always have Paris.

Putting on the uniform was routine and something she had done so many times. In her early days as a cop there was an excitement attached to the formal outfit, but over the years she found herself dreading the heavy material more and more.

It reminded her of death and grief, and of her heart pounding in her chest as she broadcasted her ordeal with Lewis in front of the nation. She hadn't felt any pride that day.

As soon as the last button was done, she moved to her bathroom and grabbed the uniform hat that sat on her dresser.

The make up she had applied with a shaking hand earlier that morning was already smudged because of her tears and she let out a frustrated puff of air when she looked at herself in the mirror.

She angrily reached for a Kleenex and tried her best to remove the mascara that had gathered under her eyes without smudging it anymore than it already was.

When her face was finally free of any evidence of crying, she reached for her brush and started to work through her messy brown hair. She mechanically combed it over and over again as she willed herself to dissociate from everything this day represented.

Over the years, she had mastered the art of pushing her feelings aside when the job required her to act unaffected, stoic and calm. It went against everything Dr. Lindstrom had lectured her on, but if she had to choose between listening to her own emotions, or being able to do the job she loved, she would always, without any hesitation, choose the job.

That's why she was unpleasantly surprised when frustration got the best of her and a strangled sob left her lips when her third try at setting her hair up failed. She tossed the brush aside before her hands covered her face, too caught up in her own emotional distress to hear the apartment door being unlocked and her name being called out.

When Olivia finally recognized Amanda's voice it was too late to cover up her breakdown as the blonde detective was already standing by her open bathroom door.

"You're not fine."

Olivia couldn't answer, she was having a hard enough time getting control of her strangled cries and seeing Amanda only made it worse. Her only response was a small shake of the head. No, I'm not fine.

"Oh, Liv."

Amanda rushed over to her and pulled her in, ignoring how the brunette tensed in her arms. "It's ok, Liv. You don't have to be fine."

Olivia wanted Amanda to leave her alone, and she wanted to stay in her arms forever. She wanted to yell at the other woman for using her 'emergencies only' key and she wanted to thank her for being exactly what she needed. As her internal war continued, she felt her body relax against Amanda's, and for the first time since she could remember, she let go.

"It's ok. I'm here." Amanda said with a gentle voice as her hand ran through Olivia's hair. "Let it out."

They stood like that for what could've been a couple of minutes or several hours. Olivia felt utterly exhausted and she let herself rest in Amanda's strong and comforting embrace.

When Olivia's sobs eventually turned into tiny sniffles, Amanda grabbed her by the shoulders and created enough space between them to look at her. "Wanna talk?"

"No."

"Ok, what do you need?"

"I just... I just need to get my damn hair up." Olivia half chuckled and half cried as she wiped her chins with the back of her hand.

"That we can definitely do." Amanda smiled softly and turned Olivia around to face the mirror before she picked up the brush from the floor.

With a questioning look written all over her face, Olivia watched as Amanda carefully started to brush through her hair. No one had brushed her hair since she was maybe five years old and her mother had tried to make it look presentable before a fancy dinner party. The smell of alcohol filled Olivia's nostrils as the short memory played out in the back of her mind.

She blinked a few times, forcing herself to return to the present and to the safety that was Amanda. There was no smell of alcohol, no mean words about standing still, just gentle hands and a warm smile behind her.

"Thank you." Olivia whispered as Amanda collected all of Olivia's hair and magically turned it into a bun that sat perfectly on her head.

"No problem." Amanda smiled as she patted the area around the bun, making sure there were no loose strands of hair. "Where's Noah?"

"Lucy picked him up early, I just... Needed to be alone."

"I didn't mean to just barge in." Amanda said before biting her lip, suddenly aware of her invading behavior.

Olivia reached for another Kleenex and sighed as she realized her hope of not having to reapply her makeup was lost. "I'm glad you're here."

"Just give me a couple of minutes to freshen up and I'll be out. Drive together?"

Amanda nodded and gave Olivia another smile before she walked out and into the living room.

When they arrived forty five minutes later, Olivia suddenly stopped outside the big church and looked up at it. "I can't believe he's actually gone." She whispered, more to herself than to Amanda.

She looked down as she felt Amanda's hand grip her own. "I'm here, if you need me."

They exchanged a look that didn't last more than a few seconds, but in that short moment it gave Olivia everything she needed. Amanda's eyes telling her that she wasn't alone.