Tears streamed down my face as Benjamin closed his green eyes one last time and deep down in my heart, I wish he'd taken me with him. My mom, Carol, put a hand on my shoulder to comfort me but I just shrugged her off. No amount of comfort could take the pain away...not now that he was gone... Without a word, I ran out of the tiny house we shared, past Richard and Morgan and down the pathway. As my booted feet hit the cracked pavement of the road with loud thuds, my mind went to Benjamin. We'd become close when mom and I had decided to stay near the Kingdom.
I had missed my best friend and long-time crush, Carl, so much then. I didn't even know what had become of him - only bits and pieces I'd heard from Morgan. Apparently, everyone had been subjected to Negan's rule. I had been so scared for him, desperate to get back to Alexandria. Mom wouldn't have it though. She thought it was safer for us here.
Which I suppose, we were. We were far away from it all here. Negan and his men didn't even know about us. And mom wanted to keep it that way. She did allow me to go visit the Kingdom, although she never would. In those days, I'd make my way through the tiny town and ignored the glances sent my way by Benjamin. He was King Ezekiel's ward and I knew he had a crush on me.
I didn't care though. In my mind, he wasn't Carl so what point was there in pursuing that? He never stopped though. He brought me back things he had scavenged - paintings, Funko Pops, and even a bag of Warheads once. And with each passing day, we spent more and more time together. He told me about his family, what had happened to them, and what it was like being a substitute father to his kid brother.
In turn, I told him about my older sister Sophia who had turned, the group we'd been living with for so long until now, and of course, about my mom. I never knew I could open up to someone that wasn't Carl. It was...different. But nice. After about two months, Benjamin finally worked up the courage to kiss me. He was sweet and gentle, his lips so soft and delicious.
I melted into him, relishing the warmth and security he brought me. I became his girlfriend soon afterward and it was perfect. He was perfect. Don't get me wrong, I never forgot Carl and how much he meant to me...still meant to me. But I had to forget him. I probably wouldn't ever see him again, much less date him.
Besides, Benjamin started to mean so much to me as well...maybe as much as Carl did. He'd even started to take me along for the drop-offs after I begged and begged him to take me along. I knew it wasn't safe but what was safe in this world anymore? And anyway, I liked being with him. I smiled more when I was around him. On that fateful day, I remember snuggling into his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around me while I played with one of the curls in his sandy-brown hair absentmindedly.
His emerald-green eyes found mine and I smiled right before he leaned down to brush his lips against mine. I sighed once he pulled away, just as the truck stopped. Everything was a blur after that, I remember the feel of his hand in mine, soft skin against my own and then the loud ring of a gun shot... Benjamin went down then, the bullet lodged in his leg. Blood poured from the wound profusely and in my heart, I knew it was the end. Fingers stained with red gripped onto mine and brushed away the small curls from his forehead.
"I...love you...you knew that, right?" he asked me, his voice weak as he gazed up at me.
I nodded, tears coursing down my cheeks.
"I know...I always knew..." I told him, almost choking on the words, "I love you, too, Benjamin..."
He smiled then and with one last glance towards me, he closed his eyes. I ran faster and faster then, the memories of us coming to me in flashes...painful flashes... And finally, I ended up at the gate of Alexandria.
"LET ME IN! LET ME IN! LET ME IN!" I screamed, shaking the rusty gate with all my might.
After a few seconds, the gate rolled to the side, pushed by one of the Alexandrians. I ran in without hesitation and made my way to Rick's house. Taking the steps two at a time, I pounded on the door. Only a second later, it swung open to reveal Carl and my knees gave out. From seeing him again after so long or just the emotional exhaustion from just losing Ben, I don't know. But he caught me deftly in his arms and I sobbed into his chest wordlessly.
Carl didn't ask, didn't question me at all - just led me over to the porch swing and held me in his arms as I cried. His fingers threaded through my hair gently, soothing me. After a while, the tears finally subsided and I blinked up at him through the excess tears as he brushed them away with his thumbs.
"Benjamin...he...he's gone, Carl..." I said, trying to hold in the tears this time.
He bit his lip in thought, remembering the boy he'd briefly met on his trip to the Kingdom.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." he told me gently and I nodded before he gathered me to his chest again.
I squeezed my eyes shut and familiar emerald-green orbs haunted me. Benjamin was gone... He was gone...