Y'all we are two days away from 8x11 and I just cannot wait. So, in honor of this exciting episode, here is a little (or not so little) 8x11 speculation fic. Ya girl got real vulnerable with this one, but I must say, it's one of my favorite one-shots to date. Can't wait to see how these scenes actually play out on screen!
Title from "Steady Love" by Evergreen
Trigger Warning: Mentions of Domestic Violence and Abuse
Hailey has never been a morning person, not by a long shot. She likes staying up late and sleeping in, but something about these last few months has started to help her see the appeal of mornings. Or, perhaps not something, but someone.
And when she feels that someone starts to stir beside her in the bed, gently placing his hand on her upper arm, she can't help but smile. She keeps her eyes closed as he presses a kiss to the spot between her cheek and neck, humming softly at the feeling.
Mornings like this have become her favorite. The gentle way he kisses her awake, the stolen quiet moments they get before the chaos that is their lives. It's something she has never quite experienced, but definitely something she could get used to.
"Good morning," He whispers, voice still thick with sleep, the scruff of his beard tickling her neck.
"Hmm," She murmurs, pressing back against him, eyes still shut as she searches for a little more warmth.
"I know you're awake," He teases and she tries to hide it, but her smile grows wider, a dead give away that he is correct.
His hand comes to settle on her waist and she sighs lightly, rolling herself over, his hand guiding her slightly until she is face to face with him. When her eyes open, there is already a sweet, slightly dopey smile on his face.
"Just because you wake up the minute the sun comes up doesn't mean we all do," She tries to sound serious, but the words just come off as playful in the morning light.
"Seems like I'll just have to make it up to you then," He leans forward to give her a feather-light kiss before whispering, "Good morning."
She hums, the smile on her face only growing, "Good morning I guess."
He chuckles at her words, his hand instinctively finding its way to her back to hold her close to him in the bed, his thumb rubbing little patterns against her bare back. He just watches her for a moment, intently studying her eyes and her face, and she waits for him to say something, but he stays quiet.
"You've got that thinking face on," She teases lightly. "And it's way too early to be doing any thinking."
"Oh yeah?" He hums softly. "What am I thinking?"
She pretends to ponder for a moment, letting a wild grin grow on her face. "You're thinking about how much you would love to get me a cup of coffee."
He lets out a breathy laugh at her comment and pulls her just a little bit closer, his face returning to a gentle gaze. She has always prided herself on being able to read him, but right now, she can't get a good grasp on what is going on in his head. He just watches her, eyes transfixed on her movements, a small smile on his face.
"I love you," He drops those three little words so casually, his voice gruff with sleep, and it almost sounds like he has said it to her a million times.
It's so simple, so natural, so very them. His words send a warmth through her body she did not even know was possible and make her heart flutter in a brand new way.
Yet somehow, despite the warmth and the fluttering, she feels nervousness bubbling up in her chest at the very drop of the words.
"Um…" She smiles up largely at him, looking over her shoulder quickly before returning her gaze to him. He still has that same gentle, patient look on his face and it kills her that any part of her is currently overthinking this.
Because she loves Jay. She knows in her heart that she does and she has for a long time. She loved him that night in the bar and she probably even loved him that night in the hospital where she was going to tell him how she actually felt. And she knows she loves him now but actually saying those words? That makes it real.
And the real was the part she was not good at.
He moves his hand from her back to her face, brushing a strand of hair out of the way before cupping her cheek. "I'm not expecting you to say anything. I just really needed you to know."
He's never been one to express his feelings verbally. He is a man of action, she has known that much since well before they took this new step into a relationship. He has shown her time and time again just how strongly he feels for her through his actions and nonverbals, but with words, it has been a little harder.
So the fact that he is saying this, unprompted, with no expectation of a response, it shows just how serious he is.
Despite her fear, there is still a warm feeling in her belly at the idea that he loves her. The way he treats her, the way he looks at her, it has been so unlike anyone else in her life. Some part of her always knew how Jay felt, but it feels nice to actually know.
It makes it real.
Real.
Things are real for him and she wants things to be real for her but she has so many fears and no clue how to do this.
It must be clear to him as he watches her how her brain is going into overdrive. He runs his hand across her face again, never losing that gentle look, that look she now knows is one of love, silently letting her know he is there, that he is not going anywhere.
"Jay-" She starts, but somehow, the words get lost on her tongue.
"It's okay," He says gently. "I just needed you to know."
He does not even appear the smallest bit disappointed. He is so sure about this, so sure about her, that he does not need her to say it back right away. That in itself is overwhelming because it speaks to the depth of how strong his feelings are for her.
"Jay," She starts again, softer this time. Before she can say anything more, both of their phones go off and send a jolt through her body. She lets out a sigh, knowing that if only one of their phones went off, they could ignore it and continue this conversation, but two phones clearly meant it was work.
They let the phones ring for far too long by the time Jay reluctantly pulls away, keeping one hand on Hailey's waist and he stretches out awkwardly, reaching out for his phone on the nightstand.
As he turns back to her and unlocks the phone, she is unsure if she is thankful for the simple out of this conversation or if she is frustrated that they have been interrupted in the middle of something so important. If she is honest, she has no clue where she was going to go with her statement just a few seconds ago, but she knows he deserves to hear something from her, even if it's just an "okay" or "thank you."
He deserves someone who loves him and who is going to be able to show him that. She wants to do that for him, every fiber in her being wants that, but she has no clue how to do it.
"Hailey, we gotta go-" He finally removes his hand from her waist and taps a short message on his phone before sitting up.
"What is it?" She sits up quickly, his change in demeanor a clear indication that something is not right.
"Voight doesn't really know," He is up and moving around now, heading towards the dresser and grabbing one of the many shirts he keeps at her place and throwing it on. "Patrol did a wellness check and it looks like there could have been a kidnapping, but the scene is a mess."
She is out of bed and getting dressed the minute he says kidnapping, mentally preparing herself for the intense forty-eight hours or so they are about to endure. She makes her way over to her closet and grabs the first sweater she sees, slipping it over her head and glancing over at him, who is now dressed in an olive long sleeve and jeans.
"I'm gonna make coffee to go," He announces.
She nods, stepping to the side so he can get to the kitchen. As he moves past her, she lets her hand reach out to his, tugging him back for a moment.
He looks at her in confusion and she lets out a long, low breath. "About this morning-"
"Hailey, it's okay. Really."
"I know, it's just-" She pauses, biting her lip as she cocks her head up at him. "We'll talk later, okay?"
She needs him to know this isn't her pulling away. She isn't trying to push him out and she wants to talk about those three little words and all they mean, she just needs a moment.
He seems to understand, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to her forehead. "Whenever you're ready," He whispers, giving their still intertwined hands a squeeze before he lets go and slips away to the kitchen.
Hailey sighs, quickly trying to find a clean pair of jeans before making an attempt to tame her hair. It's one of those moments where she wishes they were not cops, that they had normal jobs with normal hours and she could anticipate when they would be able to finish the conversation that is already weighing heavily on her brain. But, the only guarantee they have is that this case is going to be long and difficult, both physically and emotionally, and it might be a while before they have another real moment alone.
As she finishes getting ready and goes out into the kitchen to find him pouring their coffee in two to-go cups, she finds herself praying that they solve this case quickly. Both for the sake of the victims, but also for theirs.
She wishes that the only thing rattling through her brain that day was his declaration of love that morning, but that simply is not the case. To say the crime scene is a mess is putting it lightly. Furniture is turned over and there is broken glass everywhere and traces of blood on the floor. The house belongs to a Terrance and Melissa Jennings who lived there with their eleven-year-old daughter, Lainee.
But when Intelligence got there, there was no sign of Terrance, Melissa, or young Lainee.
The more they dig into the case, the worse it gets. An initial background search on Terrance reveals that he recently lost his job and when they go through his phone, they find evidence of a couple too many bad business deals that could have landed him in hot water with a local gang.
So, they run with that angle, that this is a gang retaliation hit, but something does not sit right with Hailey.
She asks Trudy to run the 911 phone records to their address and see if she can find Melissa or Lainee's name in any system. It is written all over Trudy's face as she hands the file to Hailey in the bullpen. It's everything Hailey suspected and then some.
There are reports of yelling and disturbances and suspicions that Terrance was abusing his wife and his daughter. There are several pages of notes from different social workers and doctors saying how neither Melissa nor Lainee would confirm anything, but there are a few too many hospital visits and a few too many bruises on both women for all of it to be a coincidence.
Hailey has worked on abuse cases before. It's nothing new to her as a cop and as much as it can get to her at times, it is a part of the job and she has learned to separate her own personal traumas from the traumas of the case.
But, when she sees a picture of young Lainee in the case file, it all changes.
She's all strawberry blonde hair and big blue eyes with a face full of freckles. Hailey imagines that maybe, in some other picture, she might be smiling and she would have one of those smiles that just lights up the room. But, in this picture, her lips are pursed together in a tight line as the doctor takes pictures of the bruising on the right side of her face.
According to the file, Social Services was aware of the reports, but without confirmation from Melissa or Lainee and with little physical evidence, they were unable to arrest Terrance or remove Lainee from the home. It's a fine line the social workers have to walk, making sure they are protecting the child while also making sure they have enough evidence so they are not making a false assumption and taking the child out when it's not necessary. Now, working in public service, Hailey has seen time and time again how broken the system is. The social workers are overworked and underpaid and have far too many clients on their caseload and ultimately, families like the Jennings are the ones who suffer.
"Sarge," Hailey interrupts after she scans the file, knowing in her gut that this is not a gang retaliation case. "I think there's another angle we gotta look into."
Voight eyes her suspiciously, giving a silent head nod to the whiteboard, signaling her to speak.
"Terrance was abusing his wife and daughter." Hailey starts. "It's possible he thought his wife was going to leave him and he got angry. He confronts her, they have an altercation at the house and he takes them somewhere."
"You see this before?" Voight questions, scanning the reactions of the other officers in the room to gauge their perspective on Hailey's theory.
"It's a common occurrence in domestic cases," Hailey explains simply. "Abuser figures out the person is trying to leave and it turns dangerous."
Every stat she has read and every case she has worked reiterated the same truth: it's always the most dangerous for victims of domestic abuse in the hours after they try to leave their abuser. Hailey is terrified that this is what happened with Melissa and Lainee.
"Alright," Voight concedes. "It's a plausible theory, we gotta look into it. Jay, Hailey, go interview friends of Melissa and the women's center. See if there was any indication she was going to leave. The rest of you, keep running with the gang theory."
The walk out to the truck is silent and Hailey does not dare look at Jay, because she knows what must be going through his head. She can't blame him. When the roles were reversed and a case was hitting a little too close to home for him, she knows how overwhelming the anxiety was, how she tried to get into his head, and how she was scared that he might spiral. She remembers, during the case with Latrell in particular, how she tried to get him to open up, to lean on her, and how difficult it was for both of them.
He let her in though. After the case wrapped, he told her all about his own relationship with his father. But still, Hailey can't quite find the words to tell him what is going through her own mind right now, so she decides to stay quiet.
"Hailey-" He starts, about two minutes into their drive when the silence becomes deafening.
"It's just a case, Jay." She breathes out, staring out the window of the truck.
"Hailey," He says again, gentler this time. "I just want to make sure you are okay,"
She can hear the worry in his voice, how much it is hurting him to see her like this, and she sighs, turning her head on the headrest, watching him as he drives.
"I hate cases like these," She eventually says in a small voice. "It just gets to be a lot."
It's a vague explanation of the thousands of thoughts that are spiraling in her head, but she knows he somehow gets it.
'I know it's hard," He tells her, eyes glancing between her and the road as they drive to the women's resource center. "But you know, I'm here, right? Anything you need."
"I know," She looks over at him and studies his body language: the worry in his eye, the way his hands tightly grip the steering wheel, the way his jaw is tense. It's such a sharp contrast from that gentle look of love she was met with this morning.
It feels like that small bombshell was years ago, not just a few hours ago. What she would not give to go back to that moment and have the shock of his words be the only thing weighing on her mind. Now, her thoughts are so muggy, so complicated, that she cannot even see straight.
"We'll talk about it later," She tells him and it's not much, but it's something. She knows he understands what she is really saying, that she cannot talk about it now, that it's still all too raw, but she doesn't want him thinking that she is pushing him away.
She just does not quite know how to let him in.
When they talk with a counselor at the local women's center, Hailey's suspicions are confirmed. Melissa was planning on leaving Terrance and the center was aiding her in that transition. With this newfound information and the dead-end that the rest of the team meets on the gang lead, the team begins treating this as a familial kidnapping and puts all of their focus on locating Terrance.
It's well past two in the morning by the time the unit goes home for the day. They have enough leads that they think they will be able to locate Jennings' family early the next day and while none of them want to leave until the case is solved, they are dead on their feet and Voight says they need to be ready for the day they have ahead of them. Patrol will canvas a few potential areas where Terrance might have gone, but in the meantime, the Intelligence Unit needs at least three hours of sleep.
Jay and Hailey retreat back to her apartment and she thinks about how it's one of those nights she wishes she lived alone. Technically, she does live alone, because they most certainly have not had the talk about moving in together at this stage in their relationship, but they spend almost every night together. At the end of each day, there is an unspoken assumption that they are going home together, the only question is who's place they are crashing at that night.
Hailey knows she could ask him to stay at his place tonight and he would be more than respectful about it. But, if she's honest, she just does not have the energy to have that conversation. She knows it would make him more worried than he already is and he probably would not get any sleep.
And even if she does not particularly want to admit it, she needs him with her right now so she does not spiral. She wants him here, even if she is not ready to talk.
The minute they are back in the apartment, Hailey plops down on the couch, feeling the exhaustion overtake her system. She is not even sure she will have enough energy to get up off of this couch now that she has sat down, but the bed was too far and after the day she has had, her weary bones need a rest.
"Hailey," Jay calls out softly from the kitchen.
"Not tonight," She replies, not even turning around.
She knows he is worried, but she does not have the energy or the words to get into any of it right now.
"I know," His voice grows louder and when she looks up, he is making his way to sit on the other side of the couch, a plate in hand. "But you need to eat something. You haven't eaten anything all day."
'None of us did," She mutters.
"We all tried to eat when we had a few free minutes," Jay corrects her gently. "But I know for a fact you haven't eaten. Please, Hailey?"
He pushes a plate with dry toast and an apple in front of her and she sighs. Of course, he noticed that she has not eaten and of course he knows that she does not have the stomach to eat anything more than this. He knows so much about her, so many intimate details that no one else knows.
It's because he loves her. His gestures have her head racing back to their conversation less than twenty-four hours ago. It's not the time to finish that conversation. They are both far too emotionally drained to do anything but sleep, but just watching him during this case, the way he cares for her, the way he is attentive to when she needs support versus when she needs space, it makes her want to have that conversation sooner than later. He deserves that much.
There are some images throughout her career that Hailey does not think she will ever be able to shake from her head, no matter how many times she tries. She still remembers Cameron's face before he died and she still remembers Booth's bloody rage as she arrested him during the Intelligence case.
But, the look of fear written all over Lainee's face as the Intelligence unit storms into where Terrance has taken them, it's a whole new image that Hailey does not think she will ever forget.
It's not because the look is new, it's because it's familiar. She knows that look of fear all too well.
It's all she can see on the car drive home and it's all she can see as she and Jay slip into her apartment after the long day. It's a closed case: Terrance is going to jail and Melissa and Lainee are going to Georgia to stay with some family Melissa has out there. By every definition, it should be considered a successful case, but Hailey just can't seem to see it that way.
Throughout the whole day, she was quiet. The look of worry Jay had yesterday was only amplified today, but he did not say anything. He knew she was not ready to talk and even if she was, it is not a conversation she would like to have at work.
As they walk into her apartment though, he does not take off his jacket, which surprises her. It's such a normal routine they have down. They walk in, take off their jackets, badges, and guns, eat dinner together, and go to sleep. It's a well-rehearsed dance, but tonight, he changes the steps.
"What?" She questions softly as she hangs up her own jacket.
He stands in the middle of the room, a look of hesitation written all over his face. "Are you okay with me staying here tonight?"
"Why wouldn't I be okay with it?" There is a bit more bite in her voice than she originally intended. She comes to lean against the kitchen island, watching him stand firmly in place.
"I know it's been a hard case," He explains gently. "I didn't know if you wanted some space-"
They have to talk. She knows it, he knows it. They need to talk about this case and they probably should talk about yesterday morning, but she honestly has no clue how she gets that ball rolling. Talking about things, exposing herself emotionally, it's not exactly second nature for her.
"Everyone's acting like everything is all good because we arrested Terrance," She says with a dry, sardonic laugh. "Like it's all some happy ending."
"What do you mean?" He questions softly.
"Melissa and Lainee have been through a lot," She says simply. "All that pain doesn't just stop because Terrance is gone."
He's a good detective and she knows he can read between the lines of what she is saying. His gaze softens at her words and she can see it in his eyes that he wants to take a step closer, but he stays firmly planted a few feet away from her.
"This case got to you?" He phrases it as a question, even though they both already know the answer. Of course, it got to her. How could it not?
When she looked at that picture of Lainee yesterday, she saw herself. A young girl, terrified of the man who was supposed to protect her. A child who was scared in her own home, the one place where she was supposed to be safe.
Hailey knows that fear. She knows it all too well.
"That little girl has seen so much hate and anger and-" Hailey breathes out and she can feel the tears forming in her eyes and the lump swelling in her throat. "All of that, it gets to you eventually-"
Her words are lost in the air and he just watches her, intently, a soft, caring gaze trained on her face. The way he looks at her, so intently with such love, it is unlike the way anyone has ever looked at her, so unlike the picture of love she has always known.
"I don't think I ever really learned relationships," She finally continues. "I never anything resembling a normal relationship growing up."
She saw chaos, she saw hatred, she saw anger, but she most certainly never saw healthy. Not by a long shot.
"It pisses me off, you know?" The tears are free-flowing now, streaming down her face and her words come out a watery mess. "That even now, all these years later, my father and his crap still gets to me. It still messes up my life. It affects me at work and it affects my relationships and-"
"Hailey," He says gently as if to ground her.
"You said I love you, Jay. I should have said it back. I wanted to say it back." She explains through the tears. "And instead I freaked out because the only thing I know about love is that you get hurt."
Every story she knew of love was laced with pain. Her father said he loved them, but he loved the alcohol more. She was better acquainted with his fighting side than his loving side. It took her years to fully understand that was not love, but she was not quite sure she ever learned what love actually was.
And then this wonderful man standing in front of her walked into her life and hit her like a hurricane. She was not looking for anything when they met and she knows for a fact neither was he. But, life was funny like that and somehow they found their way to each other. Throughout the past four years, he showed her more trust, more care, and more respect than anyone else in her life and it's honestly overwhelming because she thinks that maybe that is what love is supposed to look like, but she is not even sure anymore.
"You deserve to be happy," She bites out through the tears. "You have worked so hard and you really do deserve someone who is going to be able to say it back to you and-"
"Stop," He cuts her off, voice firmer than it has been the entire time they have been talking.
"Jay,-"
"Come here," His voice is gentle again and he just stands in place, waiting for her. She balls her hands in the cuffs of her sleeves, wiping away a few tears that now streak her face, before tentatively coming to stand in front of him.
He lets his hands come to rest on her forearms, steadying her as he looks at her intently, but ever so gently. "Whatever you were going to say, don't. You can't honestly believe that I think I deserve anything besides you. That I want anything besides you."
"Jay, I don't even know how to have a healthy relationship," She reasons.
"You think I do?" He whispers, a fire in his voice. "You by far have been the most stable thing in my life. I would not be where I am if it were not for you. So, now let me be that for you."
She bites her lip, hard, but the pain is not enough to distract her from the way the tears well in her eyes yet again. She can't even look him straight in the eye, instead letting her eyes dance across his face and behind him.
"I'm not going anywhere, Hailey. I want to be with you."
Her eyes immediately focus on his with the seriousness of his words. He has told her he would follow her, he has told her he loved her, but for some reason, this simple phrase is the one that hits her like a ton of bricks. He wants her, he is not going anywhere. He sees the pain, he sees the fear in her eyes, he sees it all, yet, somehow, he is still choosing her.
He is choosing her when so many others would leave. When so many others have already left.
He wastes no time in pulling her close to him, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close as his chin comes to rest in the crook of her neck. She lets her head rest on his shoulder, instinctively wrapping her own arms around him as well, one hand resting on his lower back and the other on his right shoulder, just inches from her head.
They have always had something of an unspoken language. After years of a partnership, they no longer needed words to communicate, so she hears loud and clear what he is trying to say. She is safe here with him, and he will stand by her, no matter what she has been through or how it continues to affect her. He wants it all, the good the bad, and the painful.
She does not know how long they stand there, wrapped up tightly in each other's embrace, her sobbing into his shoulder. She sobs for Lainee, a little girl who escaped unspeakable horrors, but who will have to continue to deal with the effects of the trauma. She cries for herself and the monster of a man her father was and all he put her through. She cries for Jay, for how much she loves him, even if she can't find the words. She cries for this relationship, because she wants nothing more than for this to work, for this to be the real thing.
She does not want her past affecting this future she so desperately wants. She never even envisioned a future like this, the one she could have with him until he walked right in and changed all of her plans. That type of happiness was never supposed to be in the cards for someone as broken as her, but now, it feels like maybe, it could be attainable. But, she is so scared of messing it up, of losing her one true thing forever.
"I want to make this work," She mumbles into his chest. "I just don't know how."
He presses a long kiss into her hair, his hand stroking her back. "That's okay. We'll figure it out together."
"What if I can't?"
She feels him pull away from her, his hands coming to rest on her upper arms, holding her steady in front of him yet again. "You can. You were saying I deserve to be happy? So do you. You have fought so hard and you have overcome so much. You are a good person, Hailey, and you deserve to be happy."
"I'm happy with you," She whispers, looking up at him through glassy eyes. "I want this to work. I really do. I have never felt this way about another person and I just don't...I don't want all the stuff from my past messing it up."
"It scares me too," He brushes away a tear, letting his hand cup her cheek. "I have all this crap from my past and it sometimes gets to me. And then I finally meet this person that makes me want to move past all of that. Who makes me happier than I have ever been. And I sometimes get scared that I'm too damaged or some of my stuff is going to come up and mess up this thing we've got going."
"Yeah?" She sniffles. Throughout this whole thing, he has been the one so sure, so confident, that she had no idea he had fears and insecurities of his own.
"Yeah," He confirms. "I'm scared because this is the first thing in my life that I don't want to lose."
"Me too,"
"It's okay to be scared," He continues softly. "It's okay to need to take this at your own pace. But, Hailey, I need you to hear me when I say you deserve to be loved. And I don't care how long it takes, I want to show you that love doesn't have to be this bad and painful thing."
She does not even know what she could say, how she could demonstrate to him how much she appreciates his understanding and his patience. So, instead, she lets herself fall into his embrace yet again, holding him as close as she possibly can. Her hands grip the bottom of his jacket and her head burrows itself in his chest, his cheek coming to lay on the top of her head. She feels his one hand rustle through her hair as the other softly rubs her lower back.
"Yesterday morning," She whispers as she slightly loosens her grip on him, tilting her head up to see him better. "I got scared because I thought saying it would make it real. And I was freaked out because I didn't know if I knew how to do something real... but, I think this is already real, whether we say it or not."
He raises his eyebrow, a silent, supportive gesture for her to continue.
"I have never seen anything real. I have seen a lot of things that were not love, but I don't think I have seen anything that actually was. But this-" Her breath hitches.
This. She knows what this is, this thing between them now, this thing that has been growing for longer than she can even remember. She has never seen real love before, but she has to believe that this is what love looks like. It is honesty and it is respect and it is putting someone else before you every single day. It is compassion and understanding and so many more things that he has shown her countless times.
But those actions have not just been from him. She has stood by him and she has supported him and she has chosen to see the best in him, even though she grew up having to believe the worst in people. She trusted him and she cared for him and she chose to put him before her every day.
After everything she has been through, the pain and the trauma, it is hard to believe that she is capable of love, that she is even deserving of it. But, Hailey is not what happened to her, she is not the product of her circumstances. Her father took so much from her, her childhood, her sense of safety, but he is not taking her future or her happiness.
She survived her childhood because she was strong. Plain and simple. She was strong enough to walk through the fire and come out the other side and put herself back together.
And now she is strong enough to choose happiness. To choose that she deserves love, real love, not the sham she grew up knowing.
"This is the real thing, isn't it?"
"Yeah," He whispers, "It is."
The words she wants to say, they are lodged in her throat. She can see them and she can feel them, but she can't quite figure out a way to voice them to him. The longer they are stuck in her throat the more they rattle in her brain and she wants nothing more than to just say it to him, but she thinks that maybe she is not ready, not yet anyway.
"I don't know if I've ever really learned what love looks like," She whispers, letting her hand come to lay on his chest. "But, what I feel for you is real. I need you to know that,"
His thumb swipes across her cheek, his hands still holding her face so tenderly. "I know. And we're gonna figure this thing out together, okay? No matter how long it takes. I'm right here with you."
She can't help but push herself up on her toes to press her lips to his, silently showing him what she is not quite ready to say verbally. By the way, he kisses her back and the way he pulls her closer to him, she knows that he gets what she is saying.
"I'm gonna say it back one day," She whispers against his lips. He rests his forehead against hers, his blue eyes anchored on her green as she speaks. "I'm gonna say it and we are going to figure this relationship thing and out we are going to be happy. Because we both deserve it."
He kisses her cheek, gently, his lips brushing away the last of the salty tears on her face. "We're going to figure it out. Together."
She doesn't know much about love, but she thinks, no she knows, that this is what love is supposed to look like, what it's supposed to feel like, and just because she is not ready to say those three little words, it does not dampen the love she harbors for him or lessen this connection they share.
She has the ability to show love and she believes that she is deserving of receiving that love as well. It might take some time, and that's okay, but she knows he is not going anywhere. But neither is she because this thing between them is real.
She's never known much about real love, but standing here, wrapped up in the arms of someone who continues to choose her and to put her first, she knows she is more than ready to figure out what love actually looks like.
She does say it one day. She is not sure how many seconds, minutes, hours, or even days pass between when he says it and when she does, but she says it to him nonetheless. It's in one of those quiet moments, in the privacy of her apartment, where they are simply being them. Not detectives, not partners, but just Jay and Hailey.
It's quiet and it's simple and it's much like his own casual declaration of love.
It catches him off guard, as they are teasing each other in the kitchen one night, him making some joke about something that happened during the case that day and her being too caught up in her own head to fully process the humor in his words. Because it's in the simplicity of that moment she realizes that this is what she wants forever.
Someone who is patient with her, someone who makes her laugh, someone who sees her past and loves her still.
"I love you," She whispers. It takes him a second to register her words, an excited smile growing on his face as he slowly starts to understand what she said.
"Yeah?" He hums, hopefully, and she can't help but chuckle as he slowly moves to her, his hands coming to rest on her waist.
"Yeah," She smiles up at him. "I know it's been a while since-"
He doesn't even let her finish her sentence, silencing her words with his mouth, kissing her fervently. His hands move to snake around her waist, pulling her closer to him. Her one hand finds its way to the back of his neck, getting lost in the short hair at the nape of his neck while her other rests on his chest, over his heart.
"Sorry," He breathes out against her mouth after a few moments. He presses one more light kiss to her lips before leaning back, a wide smile on his face. "I just couldn't help myself."
"Yeah?" She questions, in too much of a daze to say anything more.
"Yeah," He murmurs. "Feels pretty good to hear you say it."
"Feels pretty good to say it to you,"
It's true. It might have taken her longer to say it back to him, but it feels good to have it out there. It feels good that she said this when she was ready, and it's just another sign that she is not what happened to her and she will get the happiness she deserves.
"I love you too," He whispers.
She feels the same warmth in her belly and flutters in her heart as the first time he said it, back in the morning light as they were wrapped up in bed, but this time, the nervousness is nowhere to be found.
She kisses him again and focuses on how it somehow feels different now, with all their feelings out in the open. He must feel it too, as evidenced by the sweet and loving way he kisses her, and it's almost like their entire worlds have shifted here in the quiet of her kitchen.
Love, real true and healthy love has been all too rare in her life. But this time around, she thinks she has got it right. This is what real love looks like, what real love feels like.
Real used to scare her, but now, she quite likes the idea of real love.
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