Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise.

Challenges listed at the bottom.

Word Count: 2762

make me happy (just be you)

The kid was avoiding him.

Perry didn't like it. He didn't really notice at first, but then it had been a week without Newbie popping up with some asinine one liner or a topic of conversation that Perry had zero interest in, and… he didn't like it.

"Has Newbie been off work?" He asked Carla, as he flipped through Mr Engles chart. Kidney failure. Fun.

Carla frowned at him. "No. He was here a few minutes ago."

Perry scowled down at the chart. Yeah, the kid was definitely avoiding him.

Perry was going to find out why.

Except he didn't, because he couldn't find JD anywhere.

He knew he was somewhere, of course. Not only had Carla told him as much, but his patients were being seen by someone, and unless the kid had died and was managing as a ghost, there was no way should he be so… not there.

Eventually giving in, Perry paged him.

And then paged him again.

And again.

And the kid never came.

…

He banged heavily against the door, cursing himself for even being there but unable to let it rest. He paused to see if he could hear anything inside, and sure enough, after a moment, he could hear someone stumbling inside.

He opened his mouth to shout, and then thought against it, because if JD heard his voice, there was every chance the kid would continue to be a ghost and just not open the door.

Finally, the lock on the door clicked and the wood moved to show JD swaying in the doorway, clearly inebriated.

"Oh, great," the kid muttered, looking up to the ceiling before he stepped back and waved Perry inside.

Perry pushed past him roughly, walking down the hall until he found himself in a mostly tidy sitting room. On the coffee table, a bottle of Vodka, half empty, was open though Perry couldn't see a glass anywhere.

He wrinkled his nose. From his—admittedly somewhat limited—knowledge of JD's habits, drinking hard liquor alone at night wasn't one of his regular activities.

JD followed him in, flopping down on the sofa. "What do you want?"

"You're avoiding me."

"Was that a question?" JD asked, wrinkling his nose as he swiped the bottle from the table.

"Why are you avoiding me, Newbie?"

Shaking his head, JD took a long swig from the bottle and then met Perry's eyes. "This is a me thing, okay? I figure you get to enjoy a break from my incessant ramblings, so it's win-win."

"That answered literally nothing," Perry said, rolling his eyes as he sat down on the sofa.

JD shrugged like he had no trouble dealing with the scowl on Perry's face.

"Look, Newbie, if… if I've gone too far, if I hurt you, I'm sorry, okay?"

JD blinked at him. "You hurt me all the time, Dr Cox. Nothing especially new about that, you know. I told you, this is a me thing."

Perry was at a loss. Whatever was going on with JD had to be serious; he'd never had a problem before with spouting out his problems to Perry. In fact, he did it far more often than Perry would like, honestly.

"Well, your you thing, is bothering me, in that everytime I turn around, you're not there and it's bugging me, Newbie, so sort it out, hmm?"

JD snorted. "I'll get right on that. You can see yourself out, right?"

He closed his eyes, shoving the still open bottle in the gap between the sofa back and his hip. Perry stared at him for a long moment.

He considered leaving, letting Newb get over whatever it was that was ailing him on his own, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He needed whatever it was to go away.

He just… he just needed his Newbie back.

…

Determined, Perry snatched the bottle away and put it on the table out of JD's reach. He glared at the kid until he finally opened his eyes, but the look in the usually happy eyes was enough to make Perry freeze.

He looked like he was in so much pain.

Shifting closer on the sofa, Perry grabbed his hand. "Tell me what the problem is, Newbie. Maybe I can help."

"You can't." The words were choked out on an almost hysterical chuckle. "Unless you can change everything about yourself and also make me not be in love with you, you really can't help with this. I just need to… not be around you."

Perry stared.

And then stared some more because what in the whole hell had just come out of the kid's mouth.

JD smiled at him humorlessly and shook his head, pulling his hand away. "Go home, Perry. There's nothing you can do about this."

Perry blinked, and then he stood and he walked out because what was he supposed to do.

The kid deserved so much better than him, and anyway, Perry wasn't gay. He didn't love the kid.

Right?

…

The days blended into weeks, and slowly, life seemed to get into the swing of a new normal. Newbie became a little bit more visible in the day to day again, though never to the extent he'd been before.

In fact, he was different with everyone. More distant, more… mature. Less himself.

Perry didn't like it, but given the last real conversation the two had had in JD's flat, he didn't say anything.

He might be cruel, but he wouldn't rub Newbie's feelings in his face. Even he wasn't that much of a demon.

The transition wasn't an easy one to deal with though. Part of what maybe Newbie such a capable doctor had been his warmth, and now he was… well, he was competent, but in a way that matched most of the other doctors at Sacred Heart.

What had made Newbie such a special doctor was missing now.

Perry hated it.

…

"What did you do to him?"

Perry turned around to see Carla leaning on the nurses desk, a concerned look on her face as she watched JD walk from patient to patient. He wasn't lingering the way he always had before; only asking pertinent questions while he made notes on the charts before he moved onto the next patient.

"Nothing intentional," Perry replied honestly. And he hadn't. Not for one second had he ever thought that Newbie could love him. He'd have distanced himself immediately—even more than he did anyway—if he'd known, for JD's protection if nothing else.

Being in love with Perry wasn't good for anyone after all.

"I hate seeing him like this," Carla murmured, shaking her head. "Even Turk is worried about him."

"Not a big fan of it myself," Perry admitted.

"You should talk to him," Carla pushed. "He respects you. If he's going to listen to anyone, it'll be you."

Perry shook his head. "Poppycock."

Carla blinked, and Perry winced and walked away. His brain was clearly fried beyond all reason.

…

Knocking on the door for the second time was much harder. Perry waited for JD to open it, and brushed past him carefully when he did.

At least there were no open vodka bottles this time.

"What are you doing here?" JD asked, when he joined Perry in the living room.

Perry shrugged. "Guess I came to check on you."

JD arched his eyebrow. "Make home calls to all the staff, do you?"

"Newbie…

"Dr Cox—"

"You've been different for me since the moment you walked into that goddamn hospital and you know it. Don't try and pretend you don't," Perry said eventually, shaking his head.

JD sighed. "Yeah, I know. But I'm not avoiding you now. I mean, I'm not even—"

"Rambling at me, or asking me things that you really don't need too, or trying to have lunch with me or…" Perry cut himself off. "Yeah, Newbie, I've noticed. So have your friends. Why are you distancing yourself from them too?"

He slumped onto the sofa, and put his head in his hands. Perry sat down beside him, hesitating slightly before he let his hand rest on JD's back.

"What's going on with you, kid? You're not… being you."

"I just… people are always looking at me like I'm a joke, you know? So I thought if… if I tried to be more serious, if I distanced myself a little and just did my job… maybe people would start taking me seriously. And hey, it had the added bonus of not trying to be close to you, so I thought that might… help."

Perry winced slightly. He didn't like the mention of the kid not staying close, but he let that pass. Instead, he thought about the insecure words that preceded it.

"Aw, hell, Newbie. We miss you. I miss you. I understand that you can't be as near me as you were and I respect that, but hell. Be you, okay. You can get over me while you're being you, kid."

JD sat up and smiled tiredly. "I guess so. I'll… try, okay?"

"Good." Perry smiled. "And hey kid?"

"Hmm?"

"You deserve so much more than me, okay. When you find that person, they'll be one lucky bastard to have you. Hear me?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I hear you."

…

Perry hoped things would go back to normal after that, and in some ways, they did. He often saw Newbie lingering by the nurses desk, talking to Carla and Laverne. He saw him in the cafeteria with Ghandi, the pair of them being idiots like they always were.

Perry always had to bite back a smile when he saw it.

Maybe Carla was correct after all about him being the only one that Newbie would listen too.

Not that it really helped him in the long run, since he was still missing the kid, but that was his own thing to deal with.

At least JD was smiling again.

…

"You're a real idiot, you know?"

Perry groaned and moved the arm that had been resting over his eyes. He was in the on call room, trying to get an hour's rest, but of course that wasn't going to be allowed.

"What are you doing here, Jordan?"

"I came to talk to you about something, but then I spent a rather fruitful half an hour with Carla and you're an idiot."

"Jordan—"

"You love the kid, Perry, and you're pushing him away the same way you did with me, the same way you do with everyone who has even the remotest chance of learning that there is in fact a heart somewhere lodged in your chest, small as it may be."

"You always say the sweetest things."

"Look, you've had a crush on him since he started here, but now… Perry, he adores you. Carla said it, but I've known it since I met him. He's sweetness and light, and all things revolting, but hey, you married someone just like you and look how that turned out. Have you ever thought that maybe he's exactly what you need?"

"He deserves better."

"But he wants you. And if you don't snatch him up… you're a bloody idiot. Okay?"

"Sure. Why were you looking for me in the first place?"

Jordan wrinkled her nose. "Doesn't matter. I'll see you later. And Perry?"

"Hmm?"

"If you're not wrapped around that doctor by the end of the week, I'm going to come and find you and castrate you for real. What's the point in having balls if you're too much of a coward to use them?"

…

Perry walked out of the hospital to find the sun still shining above. It didn't happen often. He walked over to his car to find JD leaning against the side of it, clearly waiting for him.

"What's up, Newb?"

"Thought we could maybe go get a late lunch," JD said, his lips tilted up slightly. "Baby steps, right?"

Perry tilted his head. "Baby steps towards what?"

JD shrugged. "I'm not sure yet."

Nodding his head, Perry put his sunglasses on as Jordan's words filtered through his mind, and unlocked the car. "Jump in. Let's go and get lunch."

…

JD seemed happy over lunch, and they talked about the hospital, about JD's friends and the new crop of interns. It was only when they lingered long after their plates had been taken away and there were only dregs left in their coffee cups.

"So, what was this, Newb? A lunch to see if you can be around me, or a date?"

JD blushed and looked down for a second. "It was the former, but… if you're telling me it can be the latter then… well. I guess that's your call."

Perry smiled despite himself and nodded. "I think we can do better than this for a date, don't you, Newb?"

JD blinked at him. "Are you fucking with me?"

"Really not," Perry promised. "Really, really not. It's been, ah, pointed out to me that I've been something of an idiot. The way that things have been lately have uh, driven the point home, I suppose."

"Can you… not talk in riddles?" JD asked. "Please, Perry. Just… can you be blunt, just with this. I can't try and work around what you mean."

Oddly, the request made Perry feel a spasm of pride for the kid.

"Okay. It had been pointed out to me that I'm being an idiot by avoiding my own feelings for you when you clearly feel the same way about me. I… have a known pattern of running away from anything that could make me… feel things."

Newbie tilted his head, curiosity clear in his eyes and Perry sighed.

"You make me happy, JD. That's the honest truth, and I… I tried to push you away because, well, because I'm an angry, miserable bastard and I avoid happiness like the plague, okay?"

Newbie chuckled. "And now?"

"And now, I have decided that missing you is worse than wanting you and not being able to have you. So if you'll still have me… if you'll still have me then I will… do my best to not be an asshole."

The chuckle sounded again, louder this time, and Newbie shook his head. "I don't want you to not be an asshole, Perry. I know you're an asshole. I fell in love with you, not a shadow of you, you know?"

Perry reached across the table and took Newbie's hand in his own. "Then maybe we'll be alright, hmm?"

JD nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I think we might be."

…

His shift was over, and Perry was exhausted. He walked over to the nurses desk and embraced his Newbie from behind, leaning his chin on JD's shoulder.

"You ready to go, Lillian?"

JD leant back against him, and nodded, turning to press a kiss against Perry's cheek. "Ready when you are."

They kept it strictly professional—or professional as they'd ever been at least—when they were both on shift but the moment he clocked out, Perry made sure to shift himself from professional to personal with Newbie.

It was a promise he'd made to himself and he was determined to succeed at it. If they were going to succeed as a couple, then he had to be able to split the two. At home, they were equals.

And going home with Newbie, even thought they'd been doing it for months now, still felt like a luxury. They walked out holding hands, automatically avoiding the hazards of the hospital corridors. Both of them sighed in relief when they made it to Perry's car without one or both of them being called back or paged.

While once upon a time Perry almost hoped that he'd be needed before he could leave, now there was nothing that irritated him more than his time with JD being interrupted.

"What are we doing tonight?" Newbie asked, as he pulled his seatbelt over himself, clipping it in.

"I thought we could cook together and watch TV?" Perry offered, too tired to think of anything more elaborate.

JD hummed happily and leant back in his seat. "Sounds perfect. There a game on tv tonight?"

Perry chuckled and nodded. "There is."

"Kay. I'll get in the shower when we get home then," JD said, and Perry nodded, because they had a deal.

Perry got to watch whatever games he wanted as long as he played with Newbie's hair while he was watching them.

It worked for them.

Though in all honesty, it all worked for them.

Perry had never been happier.

Written for:

Record Collection: 8. I Want Love, Elton John: Write about wanting something but not knowing how to get it.

Lizzy's Loft: 16. Trouble

Elizabeth's Empire: 6. Embracing

Stickers: 20. Having a crush

Scamander's Case: 13. Protection

Lyric Alley: 4. The way that things have been

TV Spree: 14. Determined

Forecast: 24th: Sunny: Hazard

EnTitled: 1. Transition

Gen's World Tour: 17. Vodka

Milkshake: Topping: Chocolate Flake - Poppycock

Rainbow: Black: Insecure

Teddy Bear's Picnic: Victoria Sponge cake - (weather) Sunshine

Birdhouse Building: Step 3: Pride

Leaving On A Jet Plane: 7. Tokyo: (Weather) Sunshine

365. 7. Luxury