"What do you say, Meili? Once everything's over, will you become my daughter?" ~Subaru Natsuki, Arc 6 Chapter 82
Alternate title: In Which Emilia is Basically a Stepmother Who's Trying to Connect with her Husband's Angsty Teenage Kids
Special thanks to my fiancé for editing this fic and for being my best friend. I couldn't do this without you.
Re:Start EX – The Letter
Meili glared down at the blank piece of paper as if it were responsible for all her problems. She had been hoping, dreaming about this moment for months, convincing herself that it was okay, that maybe, just maybe, she deserved some happiness.
Then, she had sat down at the desk in her room, pen in hand, and remembered one crucial detail.
She didn't know how to read or write.
"This is so stuuupid," she whined, though no one was around to hear her. She tossed the pen on the desk, folding her arms and slamming her head into them, as she groaned in frustration.
Meili had grown up in the forest, raised by mabeasts. Even after Elsa took her out of it, she had no use for reading or writing. Her instructions were always given verbally, and her tasks required no literacy. After all, good girls didn't need to read; they only needed to listen to Mama.
She shivered and reached for her Subaru doll, clutching it close to her chest and burying her face in it. She wished she could hug Subaru right now, even if it would be imposing on him. He always made everything better.
'Mama is gone,' she reminded herself. 'Subaru killed her. I'm safe now.'
In the comfort of her room, she could almost believe that.
A sharp tapping sound startled her, and she leaped out of her seat, adopting a fighting stance. Once she noticed that it was merely a knock on the door, she relaxed. She quickly wiped her tears on her shirt, thankful that the dark spots would be hard to see at this time of night. "Wh-who is iiit?" she called out, cursing her wavering voice.
A voice like a silver bell floated through the door. "It's me. Can I come in?"
Meili relaxed slightly. It was only Emilia. She stood up, still carrying her Subaru doll, and opened the door.
She stared up at the half-elf, feeling a mix of fondness and aggravation. She cared for Emilia, she really did, but she felt so… jealous. Emilia was endlessly kind and trusting, whereas Meili was wary of everyone but Subaru.
Emilia gazed at Meili with unveiled concern. "Ram told me you skipped dinner," she said softly. "Are you all right?"
"I'm useless!" Meili wanted to shout. "I'm stupid! I'm a burden! I can't do anything right!"
"I'm fiiine," she said dismissively. "Just waaasn't hungry."
Emilia frowned and placed the back of her hand on Meili's forehead, quickly pulling back as the younger girl stiffened. "You don't feel warm," she muttered. "Have you been coughing? Does your stomach hurt? Have you been sleeping all right?"
Meili's smile widened. "Nope, I'm doooing great!" she said happily, wanting nothing more than to be left alone. She didn't want to burden anyone with her insignificant problems. "Thanks for checking in!"
With that, she tried to shut the door, but Emilia would have none of that. With impossible speed and grace, the half-elf slipped inside.
A hint of annoyance flashed in Meili's eyes, but she shoved it down. "I'm fine," she insisted.
Ignoring the young girl's protest, Emilia kneeled so they were at eye-level with each other. She reached out to put her hands on Meili's shoulders but quickly retracted them. "Do you remember what I told you?" she asked, her amethyst eyes piercing Meili's olive-green.
Meili looked away as a hint of shame filled her. She hated the effect Emilia had on her. "That I dooon't have to hold everything in," she grumbled.
Emilia smiled encouragingly. "And?"
Meili's clenched and unclenched her fists. Her jaw clenched from the exertion, but she managed to force out, "That Subaru is here for me."
Hurt flitted across Emilia's gaze. "That we're all here for you," she corrected. "I'm right here, Meili. Please, let me in. Let me help you."
She didn't want help. She'd just feel bad.
But… she'd feel even worse if she made Emilia sad.
Like the weakling she was, Meili relented and guided Emilia over to the desk. Filled with shame, she admitted, "I need to write a letter, but I can't read or write."
"Wow, just how stupid are you?" Emilia would ask. "I've never met a girl your age who can't read!"
However, much to Meili's surprise, Emilia said, "Oh, that's fine. Aside from the upper class, most people are illiterate. I only learned because my father figure was taught by someone reeaally important."
Meili furrowed her eyebrows. She hadn't known that. Mama had always said that she was stupid, and there was no point in learning how to read.
Then, Emilia shocked her to the core.
"Um… wh-why don't we teach you?" the half-elf asked. "Beatrice and myself, that is."
Teach. They wanted to teach Meili, to spend more time with her than absolutely necessary. She didn't know how she'd be able to repay them, but she still asked, "What do you waaant in return?"
Emilia blinked. "In return?" she echoed. "Um, I guess spending time together? I don't really want anything more than that."
Spend time with Meili… What a ridiculous notion. Only Subaru wanted to do that.
…That must be it. They were doing it for Subaru. They wanted to make him happy.
Then again, she wanted to make him happy, too.
She plastered a wide smile on her face. "Okay!" she chirped. "When do we start?"
Emilia beamed. "Tonight. We need to get you some food, first, missy! You must be starving!"
Meili was fine; she had once gone four months without a proper meal. However, she knew as well as anyone that once Emilia got her mind on something, there was no convincing her otherwise.
After a quick bite to eat, they walked to the nearest door. Emilia knocked in a specific pattern and opened the door, leading them to the Forbidden Library. Inside, they found Subaru and Beatrice cuddling on a chair and reading a book.
Well, Beatrice was reading. Subaru was busy playing with her hair.
A bit of life came into Meili's eyes when she saw them. This was the man who had saved her, who had brought joy to her life. His spirit, his partner, helped him achieve that.
Though she might prefer one over the other, she was forever indebted to both of them.
Beatrice didn't look up from her book, but Subaru grinned when he saw them approach. "Hey, EMT." He lowered his gaze and noticed Meili. "Oh, hey, Meili. I was about to go grab a late dinner, wanna come?"
Beatrice's head shot up at the name. She cast a critical glance at Meili, nodding to herself as if deducing that the younger girl had indeed been eating enough.
Meili gave a small smile, widening it as she remembered that others were nearby. "I already ate, don't wooorry!" she said excitedly. "Just here because I waaanted Beatrice's help with something, you know?"
Beatrice huffed, but she didn't seem too bothered. "Betty highly doubts that this task is more important than her book, but –"
Subaru ruffled her hair. "Your tsundere is showing, Beako."
"For the last time, that is not a real word, in fact!"
Meili's face fell. Of course, Beatrice wouldn't want to help a waste of space. She would only –
"H-hold on, I suppose!"
Beatrice stood in front of Meili, panicking like crazy.
"D-don't look so sad, I suppose!" the spirit pleaded. "B-Betty doesn't like that, in fact!"
Confusion emanated from the purple-haired girl. Why was Beatrice acting this way? Why was she so afraid of Meili's sorrow?
Suddenly, Beatrice froze. She then quickly looked back at Subaru and amended her previous statement, speaking quickly. "Th-that is to say that it would make Subaru sad! Yes, Betty's hopeless contractor is a crybaby, in fact!" She then looked panicked and added, "Not that there's anything wrong with that, in fact! Crying is fine, but Betty's Subaru is… is…"
She deflated at the look in Meili's eyes, mumbling, "Betty did it again, didn't she, I wonder?" She averted her gaze. "Betty would like to help, in fact. Please, just don't look so sad, I suppose."
Confused and overwhelmed, Meili could do nothing but smile and nod.
Beatrice bit her lip and asked, "How can Betty be of assistance, I wonder?"
Meili didn't want help. She wanted to be left alone. She didn't want to be pitied.
…But her task was important to her, and she couldn't do it alone.
"C-come to myyy room," she said with a carefree sway. "We have a secret project to do!"
Beatrice exhaled deeply and gave a relieved smile. Then, before Meili could back away, Beatrice grabbed her hand, teleporting both her and Emilia to her room.
The moment they got there, Meili subtly detached their hands, feeling distinctly uncomfortable. Shaking her head to clear it, she brought Beatrice over to her desk and explained, "I don't know hooow to read. Can… can you please help me?"
Beatrice gave Meili a strange look, and the latter berated herself for saying anything. Beatrice was a librarian; of course, she'd look down upon a dumb, illiterate child.
...Right?
"I would like that, I suppose," Beatrice said quietly as her eyes lost their focus. "I wonder if that would make her happy."
Meili didn't know who she was talking about, but at least Beatrice wasn't angry.
Emilia, who had been silently watching the exchange up until that point, interjected, "Why don't we start with some I-glyphs? They're great for beginners."
She was right; it turned out that even a stupid girl like Meili could learn them. The young girl was given the glyphs and was told to copy them down as many times as possible. Every time she wrote one, she would say its name and the sound it made.
That night, she was able to memorize two of the twenty I-glyphs.
She looked down at the piece of paper, marveling at how full it was. She felt the strangest feeling in her belly as she went over what she had learned.
Was this… pride?
Subaru often said that he was proud of her and Beatrice. Purely by definition, she knew what that meant, of course, but she wasn't sure what it felt like… until now.
Meili had learned a skill that she could use to help people instead of hurting them.
She looked up at the expectant faces of Emilia and Beatrice. After a moment's consideration, she gave a bright smile, one that wasn't quite as wide as before.
"Thank you," she said sincerely. She hoped that she'd be able to pay them back somehow.
And so, their lessons continued every night. Some days, she learned one glyph, and others two.
However, on the fifth night, she couldn't learn anything. She held her pen over the paper with trembling fingers, but her mind was elsewhere.
"All a good girl needs to know is how to follow this lovely lady's orders."
"My, oh, my, why would you want to read? I can just tell you what the contract says, no?"
Reading was a luxury that she didn't deserve. She was just wasting everyone's time.
Beatrice and Emilia were in their usual positions, sitting in chairs on either side of her. "Something's wrong, in fact," Beatrice noted, not bothering to ask if it was true; she knew that Meili would simply deny it. "How can we help, I wonder?"
Meili gave a wide smile. "Don't wooorry about it," she said airily. "Thanks for all your help, but I'm good. I'm happy with whaaat I know."
Emilia looked confused. "But we've only gotten through six I-glyphs," she pointed out. "Why should we stop now?"
'Because it's selfish and pointless. Because nothing good will come of it. Because you'll hate me even more than you already do. Because Subaru will just say no.'
"Just don't feeeel like it, you know?"
Beatrice narrowed her eyes, suspicious. After a moment of contemplation, she asked, "Why do you want to write, I wonder?"
Meili's knuckles turned white as her grip tightened. Her mask was slipping, and she hated it.
She could only trust Subaru. Subaru was the only one who cared for her.
But… Beatrice and Emilia had saved her, too. They didn't hurt her, or punish her, or violate her, or yell at her.
Taking a leap of faith, Meili said, "It's a letter for Subaru."
Emilia lit up. "I bet that'll make him reeaally happy!"
Meili felt joy simmer beneath the surface before she squashed it down. "But… it's a selfish letter."
At her right side, Beatrice huffed. "Meili is as hopeless as Betty's Subaru," she grumbled. "You might even be as bad as Emilia, in fact."
Meili blinked as confusion overtook her other emotions. Seeing this, Beatrice crossed her arms and said, "You're working hard to learn a language just to give a letter to Subaru, I suppose. He'll say that it's the best gift ever, in fact."
"Mhm. My betrothed will be sooo happy," Emilia agreed.
"Honestly, no one says 'betrothed' anymore, in fact."
Meili regained her smile; it wasn't quite as large as before but it was a bit more genuine. She still couldn't help but think that she was wasting everyone's time, but if Beatrice and Emilia said that he would like it, then at least she wouldn't be thrown out. After all, the worst he could do was say "no," right?
…She didn't think she'd be able to handle the rejection, even if it was the most likely outcome.
Nonetheless, her grip on the pen relaxed, and she got to work with newfound determination.
She memorized three glyphs that night.
The next day was fairly normal, all things considered. She helped the maids with their chores, even though she wasn't obligated to. She had to give back somehow; she didn't want to be even more of a waste of space than she already was.
The pink-haired maid seemed to have a soft spot for Meili, likely because of the latter's fondness of her steamed potatoes. She wasn't polite by any stretch of the word, but she directed her usual insults elsewhere… usually at "Barusu" and his "perverted tendencies."
If it were anyone else, Meili would have jumped to Subaru's defense, but she knew that this was the pink-haired maid's way of showing affection.
So, Meili smiled widely and began washing dishes exactly like Ram did. Pick up a plate, dunk it underwater, put soap in it, use a sponge to rub it clockwise, rinse, and repeat. She even made sure to mutter to herself while doing it, though she didn't always agree with what she said.
After finishing a few more chores, Meili walked outside, breathing in the fresh air. The smell of the stables, on the other hand, wasn't great, but at least its occupants were wonderful.
"You're such a cuuutie, Patrasche," she cooed, rubbing the ground dragon's long, brown neck.
Patrasche brayed at the attention bestowed upon her as if to say, "Damn right, I'm cute!"
Perhaps the merchant would be able to act as a translator. Apparently, he had a Divine Protection, just like Meili did, except he could use it to talk to animals.
She instantly pushed the thought away, for she wasn't fond of merchants. They often sold little girls to Mama.
If she were being honest, Meili didn't know how she had survived this long; Mama usually disposed of her toys once they reached their tenth birthday, unless they had some special ability. Elsa, for example, had been a virtually immortal curse doll.
What could Meili do? Call a few puppies? She was useless. No wonder Mama wanted to get rid of her.
She was pulled out of her thoughts as the door to the stables opened. She whipped around and prepared to call a mabeast, but relaxed when she saw who it was.
A small, genuine smile bloomed on her face. "Hi, Subaru," she said quietly.
The dark-haired man, standing in the open doorway, grinned at her. "Well, if it isn't two of my favorite girls!"
Patrasche brayed enviously, but Meili couldn't bring herself to care. Without an ounce of hesitation, the young girl walked forward and wrapped her arms around Subaru, burying her face in his chest.
"I missed you," she murmured, though it was muffled by his shirt.
He laughed, but it wasn't mocking. "Didn't I just see you at breakfast?"
She nodded into his torso, not wanting to back away just yet.
"Well, I'm always around," he reminded her. "You know how much I enjoy seeing you."
She knew he did. She wasn't a bother to Subaru. Subaru cared for her. Subaru always made time for her. She knew not to be a burden and take advantage of that kindness, but the option and its availability brought warmth to her heart.
…But would he like her letter?
She wasn't sure, but she had to try. She cared so much for him, and she wanted to prove it.
And… she wanted her dream to come true.
She memorized four glyphs that night. Only seven remained.
A thunderstorm struck the next day, but Meili didn't mind that. She walked to the window, holding her Subaru doll close to her face, and sat on the edge. Turning to the side, she pressed her ear against the cold glass and closed her eyes.
The rain pitter-pattered against her ear, lightly vibrating the glass with each gentle tap. A soft smile spread across her lips as she let relief flow through her.
She had always liked storms. She and Elsa would be forced to take shelter, and they'd wait out the night in an abandoned shack, or something like that. Elsa would be restless, anxiously awaiting the warmth from her next kill, but Meili was always grateful for the reprieve.
She vividly recalled being seven years old, sitting exactly as she was now, begging the storm to keep going.
The morning after that, the tempest had stalled. As Elsa dragged her along to complete their next contract, she had wondered if the rain clouds had moved into her eyes.
She knew that thoughts like that weren't okay. Only bad, naughty girls would avoid killing people. She was supposed to be a good girl and listen to Mama.
"Be a good girl and stay still for this lovely lady."
Thunder rumbled through the sky and she shivered, hiding her face in the soft fabric of her Subaru doll. 'Mama is gone,' she reminded herself as the symphony of the storm washed over her. 'Subaru killed her. I'm safe now.'
She took a deep breath. She was okay. She was bundled up with lots of warm clothes. She was alone. The rain would stop Elsa from bringing her along. Mama didn't mind the rain, but Mama was gone. If Meili needed Subaru, she could –
"What are you doing, I wonder?"
With a yelp of surprise, Meili shot up and aimed a kick at her assailant's head. Not expecting her attacker to be even shorter than her, her vicious strike was met by thin air, and the momentum knocked her to the floor.
She groaned in pain as her temple collided with the wooden floor; it would leave a nasty bruise, that was for sure.
"C-careful, I suppose!" the same voice demanded, and she groggily realized that it was Beatrice. "S-stay still, and let me heal you, I suppose!"
The blonde spirit had done nothing wrong. She had probably come in to say it was lunchtime, or something like that, only to be assaulted.
Meili might as well leave before they kick her out. She couldn't bear to see the disappointment in Subaru's eyes. She wouldn't be able to handle Beatrice's hatred.
As her thoughts spiraled further, she noticed that the pain in her temple was rapidly fading.
"That's better, I suppose," Beatrice muttered. "Now, you should… should…"
She trailed off and looked at Meili's olive-green eyes. She reached for the young girl's hand, but thought better of it and pulled back. Quietly, she said, "Betty is sorry for startling you, in fact. I… don't like seeing Subaru's Meili look sad or scared, I suppose."
Meili was too bewildered to put up a smile. Too much had just happened.
She had assaulted Beatrice, yet the spirit apologized to her.
Beatrice had pulled back her hand, but it was out of respect instead of fear or revulsion.
Meili wasn't being kicked out.
And, most importantly:
"I'm Subaru's Meili," she whispered in awe. She had previously said it as a joke, yes, but for it to be acknowledged as a legitimate title?
She didn't know why Elsa had needed bowels when it was possible to feel this warm from words alone.
Beatrice cleared her throat. "R-regardless, Betty has decided it is time for you to practice your I-glyphs, in fact."
Meili cocked her head to the side and asked, "Don't we usually do that after dinner?"
Beatrice blushed and grumbled, "M-must Betty repeat herself? Betty is a kind and generous great spirit, so you should accept her offer with gratitude."
Meili nodded furiously; she had no idea why she would deny such a request.
Besides, spending more time with Beatrice… it sounded nice. She had never thought she'd get the chance.
They made their way to the desk, and Meili took out her paper and pen. She put it in front of the spirit, anxiously awaiting her next lesson.
Nothing happened.
Meili frowned. Normally, Beatrice or Emilia would copy down the letter, explain it, and have Meili copy it. Now, however, Beatrice merely sat there, clearly nervous and chewing on her lip – a habit picked up from Emilia, most likely.
Idly, Meili tried it, but… it didn't feel right. Surreptitiously, she reached up and rubbed the back of her neck, just like Subaru did.
There. That felt right.
She brought her attention back to reality to find Beatrice still staring off into space. She was about to say something when the spirit broke the silence.
"H-how is your arm?" Beatrice asked, looking anywhere but Meili.
The young girl blinked. "My arm?" she asked, confused. "It's fiiine, I guess."
She stretched and twisted it, proving her point. She recovered quite a while ago.
Beatrice would have known that, for she had overseen the healing process.
The spirit took a deep breath, as if the last question had taken a lot of her energy. That made sense; nobody would enjoy talking with a murderer. "Th-that's good, I suppose. Betty is a talented healer, so it's only natural that you would feel great, in fact."
Meili could do nothing but smile and nod.
They sat there in silence. Neither moved to touch the paper or pen.
Beatrice gulped. "What about your leg, I wonder? Are you…"
She stopped and shook her head, already knowing the answer. She clenched her fists, and, with all of her being, asked, "H-how are you doing, I wonder?"
Meili's smile faltered as she was caught off-guard. She didn't think Beatrice would ask her that. Sure, Subaru would, but that was Subaru. Emilia would, but she asked everyone that; she didn't care about Meili as an individual. Petra was sweet and cared about anything that moved, so Meili was nothing special. Elsa had never asked such a mundane question, choosing instead to focus on her next kill.
But Beatrice… the spirit had saved Meili and wouldn't hurt her.
Did Beatrice… care about her?
Meili liked Beatrice a lot but had never considered that it could be mutual.
Meili didn't give a wide smile, but it wasn't small, either. It was meek, unsure, involuntary; she didn't know how to handle this situation. It was easy for her to brush off questions about her physical health, but her mental state?
'What would I do with Subaru?' she asked herself. 'Just answer the question, right?'
Why was it so hard to do that?
Steeling her resolve, she smiled at Beatrice and said, "I'm doing fiiine, thank you."
There. She had done it.
If Beatrice visibly relaxing was any indication, then she must have not failed too badly.
"That's good, I suppose," the spirit said. "Betty was worried you were lonely, in fact."
"Lonely?" Meili echoed, bemused. What a strange question.
"I'm not lonely," she said with a soft smile. Her voice was quiet, sincere. "I get to see you every night, don't I?"
Dead silence.
A bit of sweat beaded on Meili's neck. She shouldn't have said that, shouldn't have misread the situation. Beatrice was merely asking those questions as a healer, and not as –
"Gyah! Too cute, I suppose!"
Beatrice, covering her face with a massive blush, had given a high-pitched squeal.
"Betty's Subaru was right, I suppose! Everything Subaru's Meili says is adorable, in fact!"
Then, she realized where she was, and became completely still. With the utmost embarrassment, she muttered, "That did not just happen, in fact. Forget what you heard, I suppose."
Meili, perfectly impersonating a tomato, mumbled back, "Y-yeah, it didn't, I su- yeah, didn't happen."
They were quiet for some time. Meili had expected Beatrice to start teaching another glyph, but the spirit just sat there, collecting herself. Eventually, Beatrice's face had returned to its normal color, and she looked around the room. Her gaze settled on the other end of the room and the dolls that lined the shelves.
"Why do you like dolls so much, I wonder?"
It was not phrased rudely, nor was she accusing Meili of anything. It was merely a question.
"My s-sister used to maaake them," Meili said with her trademark smile. Every day, it became more and more difficult to refer to Elsa as her sister, but she didn't want to say that name. She didn't want to be kicked out.
"They'll still care for you," Subaru had assured her, but he was mistaken. They'd hate her more than they already did.
Yet, the way Beatrice had been acting…
Meili shoved the traitorous thoughts out of her mind. They would just get her killed someday.
Widening her smile, she held up the Subaru doll that she kept on her at all times. "Subaru makes them beeetter," she admitted, showing off the intricate details. "Sewing is a hidden skill of his."
Beatrice frowned further, and Meili cursed herself. She didn't want Beatrice to look so sad.
But Beatrice wasn't sad because of Meili.
"Betty's Subaru gets stressed, I suppose," she said with a far-off gaze. "He'd often disappear to this room in the middle of the night after a nightmare, in fact. The bumbling fool would never wake Betty up for help; he handled everything alone, and wouldn't tell us anything, in fact."
Meili wasn't sure what to say. She knew Subaru was sometimes sad – she had seen him break down when they had met – but she hadn't realized it was a persistent thing.
She felt horrible. She always took from him but never gave back.
"He was sewing, in fact," Beatrice continued, oblivious to Meili's inner turmoil. "It must have eased his anxiety to know that he'd give you a good home."
Meili's bottom lip warbled at those words before resolve filled her gaze. "We should do something for him," she declared.
Beatrice frowned. "Betty has tried to give back to him, but he wants nothing material."
'Nothing material.'
Her letter was material. She would just burden him further.
Beatrice saw the look on Meili's face and said, "Betty is referring to conventional gifts, I suppose. He likes items with a personal touch, in fact."
Meili glanced down at the piece of paper and the glyphs that filled it.
"I want him to like it," she whispered. "I want him to see it and smile. I want him to know how much I appreciate him. I want to give back to him after everything he's done for me. More than anything, I want to make him happy."
Beatrice, of course, blushed and squealed.
Later that evening, Emilia came in to find the two girls laughing at nothing. She lit up at the sight and said, "Sounds like you two are getting along reeaally well."
Beatrice put on a haughty look and said, "Betty has been putting all of her recent skill points into interpersonal relationships, in fact. It's only natural that Meili would think that Betty is the greatest, I suppose."
Emilia giggled and pointed out, "You used another Subaruism."
"...Drat, I suppose."
"Ooh, can you teach me some?" Meili asked. "I want to be like Subaru, too!"
For a moment, Emilia merely stared at Meili. Then, her face melted into an absolutely glowing smile as she said, "He's sooo lucky to have you in his life."
Meili wasn't sure how to respond to that. She merely took a step back, not used to being so close to Emilia.
But… Meili was happy. She was lucky, too.
That night, as Meili went to bed, she looked down at her Subaru doll with a contemplative expression. She slept with it every night, of course, and that wasn't about to change, but still…
"Betty was worried you were lonely, in fact."
A small smile spread across her lips. She went to the shelf with all her other dolls, and picked out one with blonde hair and pink, butterfly-shaped pupils. For the first time, she fell asleep cuddling two dolls at once.
She was never lonely, now that she had Subaru and Beatrice.
The rest of the glyphs came fairly easy for her. She wasn't ready to write the letter – she still needed to learn how to string the glyphs into words, and, eventually, sentences – but she was almost there.
She just wished Emilia wasn't sitting so close.
It wasn't an intentional thing, of course. The half-elf was leaning over, showing the proper way to write a glyph. Still, the way their shoulders brushed, and the skin touching hers…
'Please, hurry up,' Meili pleaded but refused to say aloud. She didn't want to be a burden.
She heard the pitter-patter of raindrops against the window, so she focused on that. Rain meant no killing. Rain meant a break.
...But the rain never stopped Mama.
Emilia backed away, and Meili finally breathed. "T-Thanks for shooowing me that," she said with a grin, looking somewhere past the half-elf. She quickly traced the glyph, copying it a few times. "That was the laaast one, right?"
Emilia beamed. "That's all of them! You've done sooo well, Meili."
Yeah… She did do well, didn't she? Subaru would –
"I think you deserve a reward for being such a good girl."
Good girl. Deserve a reward.
"That's a good girl. You won't defy this lovely lady again, will you?"
"Such a good girl… This lovely lady thinks you deserve a reward."
"Do you remember what this lovely lady does to little girls like you?!"
She didn't want to be a good girl she didn't want the dagger and birds and clothes and good girl and Mama and bad and vulnerable and bad girl and slicing her open and she didn't want to be touched and it hurt and why was Mama touching her but not Elsa and why wasn't Elsa helping and why was she alone and –
'I don't want to be a good girl!'
She darted to the window and jumped out of it, shattering the glass. It shredded her skin like daggers, but she didn't care. She just needed to get away, away, but she wasn't fast enough. She latched onto a tree, converting her excess momentum into a flip and landing on the ground on all fours. With what little concentration she had left, she called for a mabeasts… but none came.
She was alone, alone, the mabeasts were gone, killed, dead. Mama would get to her, and –
She ran. She couldn't let it happen again.
It was raining. Rain was safe. Rain meant no killing. Rain meant a break.
Then, lightning enveloped the night sky, and the resounding thunder threatened to bring her to her knees.
"The thunder is quite nice, is it not? This lovely lady thinks it's a nice cover for your typical racket."
Mama never minded the rain.
Meili tore through the trees and the thicket, losing herself under the cover of darkness. Wait, Mama could see through the dark, right? After all, owls were nocturnal, or maybe Mama would turn into a tiger and rip her throat out or she would turn into a vulture and eat her entrails or she would –
A great force pounced on her, tackling her to the ground. She squirmed, but the grip was too powerful. "G-get off me!" she cried. "I'll follow your orders next time, I promise!"
Mama said something, but it was lost within the fog of Meili's mind, and she took the opportunity to jab her elbow into Mama's nose, disentangling herself from those cursed appendages. It was pointless, futile, as idiotic as herself. A dozen Hands pulled her back to Mama, and as the tears fell, she heard:
"It's going to be okay. I'm right here, Meili."
She squirmed, but deep within her mind, she felt confusion. Why was Mama saying this? Why was her name being used?
"You're safe. Capella is dead. Beatrice and I took care of her. I won't let anyone harm you ever again."
That voice… Its owner wasn't dangerous.
Was Meili… safe? Was she allowed to be safe?
Her sobs turned to hiccups, but she was no longer hyperventilating. She was safe. She was okay.
Subaru was here.
His arms were wrapped around her drenched, shivering form, pulling her into his chest. He placed a gentle kiss in her hair, murmuring that everything would be okay. Slowly but surely, her heart rate slowed to beat in tandem with his.
She was safe.
With one arm, he stroked her hair. With the other, he pulled off his black-and-orange jacket, wrapping it around her shoulders. "There we go. Don't want you to catch a cold, you know?"
She almost laughed at the absurdity. She had jumped out of the window in a panic attack, tried to run away, and assaulted him, yet he was worried that she'd catch a cold?
"You're such a dunderhead, Subaru," she muttered, but there was no bite to her words.
He laughed. "Damn, I know you pick up habits easily, but now you're talking just like my Emilia-tan."
She stiffened at the name but didn't run away. She was right where she needed to be.
"Now, I don't know what happened," he admitted. "Even though my connection to the mansion boosts its capabilities, my SubaNav isn't equipped with sound. All I know is that, suddenly, your stress levels went through the roof." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Er, I guess 'through the window,' would be more accurate."
She had broken a window, damaging his property. She had destroyed his home after he had so selflessly sheltered a murderer inside it.
She wrapped his jacket tighter around her shoulders. "...Sorry about that."
He gave her a soft smile, easing her woes. "The window can be easily repaired. Knowing Rem, it's already done."
Rem. Meili didn't know Rem that well, but she liked the maid. Now, she was shoving more work upon someone who was already drastically overworked.
"I'm just glad you're not hurt too bad," he continued. She leaned into him, content to let him speak. "I mean, you got scraped up, but pretty much anyone in the mansion will be able to heal you ASAP."
He eyed the scratches warily. "Actually, they're pretty dirty… Might want to get them cleaned up so they don't get infected. Beako had to do that for me when I got tossed through a window."
Emotionally exhausted yet suddenly alert, Meili's eyes widened. "You were thrown through a window?!"
He raised an eyebrow. "Didn't I tell you this before?" She shook her head, so he sighed and asked, "Do you know where we are?"
Confused at the question, she looked around. They were at the precipice of a massive crater that extended deep into the ground; had he not grabbed her when he did, she would have likely fallen in and gotten seriously injured.
But this crater… she remembered it. After all, it was only a few months ago when he had first shown her this place.
"You killed Mama here," she whispered.
"Beako and I did," he corrected. "Don't forget Emilia, who decapitated Capella. She was important to our victory, too."
Emilia. She helped, too. She wasn't trying to hurt Meili.
Meili was pathetic. She didn't know how to trust the people who had helped her so much.
But… maybe she could if she knew a bit more?
At her timid request, Subaru told her everything about Capella's final day. He spared no detail, explaining every injury, recounting every spoken word. A lot of the details went over Meili's head, but something stuck out.
"For most of the fight, I kept thinking about how she had hurt you."
She had long ago learned to stop questioning how Subaru had known of her, but one thing was for certain.
Subaru fought for Meili. He cared for her. He protected her. He put her before himself.
He continued his explanation, finishing with his heartfelt moment with Beatrice on the rooftop. He closed his speech by reiterating, "I'm not super proud of feeling this way, but it felt good to have avenged you." He closed his eyes in pain. "I just wish I'd have looked for you sooner. It kills me to know that I left you to starve."
She bunched up his shirt in her fingers, hiding her face from the world. With a warbling voice, she asked, "Why do you care so much?"
Why did he help her, even when she had made such a fool of herself?
"Why do you do so much for me? Why did you take me in? Why are you so patient with me?"
Why would someone care about a murderer like her?
He chuckled, as if she were the silly one. Then, he said something utterly insane; something so mind-bogglingly odd, she thought that she must have misheard.
"Because I love you, Meili."
Love. Subaru loved her.
For a moment, she was terrified as a ruby-encrusted dagger fell before her mind's eye.
"Your love belongs to Mama!"
Love meant punishment. Love meant pain. Love meant she was a bad girl who couldn't follow orders. Love meant she was a good girl who deserved a reward.
Love was scary, but… Subaru wouldn't hurt her. He cared about her.
Did… did "love" have another meaning?
"I know that I'm not allowed to feel that way," he said, blocking the rain with his body, "especially after her, but you're important to me. I never want you to forget that."
She let herself get enveloped in his warmth, but didn't respond. She didn't think she could have if she tried.
He sighed as if hoping she would respond but had expected nothing less. Then, he asked, "Do you want to tell me what happened?"
She was quiet for a moment, gathering her thoughts as he stroked her hair. "I messed up," she confessed. She tightened the jacket around her as if hoping it would protect her from the memories. "I didn't see Emilia. I thought… I thought Mama was back."
Carefully, he asked, "But you know that Mama's gone, right? And Emilia would never hurt you."
Emilia was kind. Emilia trusted people. Meili wanted to trust Emilia, but she didn't know how to take what the half-elf had said. "She called me a g-good girl, and said I deserve a reward."
Subaru looked down at her, puzzled. Then, unfathomable guilt took over his features. "Shit, that's… God, that's so… I don't even know what to say. I'm… Damn it, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. I should have told her about your past. I…" He hung his head. "I failed you, Meili. I'm sorry."
She reached out and grabbed his hand. "You saved me, Subaru. I don't know why you'd ever have to feel sorry."
The rain had stopped, but drops of water were still falling.
Eventually, the two made their way back to the mansion, hand-in-hand. "We're banning those words," Subaru decided as they approached the front door. "You're an incredible person, Meili, but there are other ways to say it."
If anything, that made her feel worse. Not only was she a burden, but now, she was taking away their freedom of speech. She tried to protest and say that it wasn't the right solution, but he didn't care. He put her first.
"You're my number one," he told her. "You, Beatrice, Emilia, and…"
A flash of overwhelming regret flitted across his eyes. "Well, there's no one higher than you guys." He squeezed her hand. "Not saying a couple of words is a small price to pay if it makes you more comfortable."
As he placed his hand on the doorknob, she whispered, "You're my number one, too, Subaru."
He smiled and activated Door Crossing, bringing her to her room. The moment he opened the door, however, he cried out in pain, having been struck in the head with elven strength.
"S-Subaru?!" Emilia cried out as she checked his injured head. "I-I was trying to do the special knock, and Beatrice couldn't find you two, and Meili –"
Then, she spotted Meili, and she almost collapsed in relief. "Oh, I'm so glad you're okay," she said, trying to hide her hurt when she saw Meili instinctively hiding behind Subaru's legs. "I don't understand what I did, but I'll do anything I can to make it up to you, I promise."
Meili averted her eyes. She had made Emilia suffer by running away. She should be the one making amends.
She tried to say something, but Subaru beat her to it. "Damn, you're strong," he muttered, rubbing his sore head. "Look, there was just… a misunderstanding. Those last words you said have… a different meaning where Meili is from."
Emilia looked confused, but decided, "Then I'll teach her what they mean here. After all, I want her to know that she's great, right?"
Seeing the bafflement on Meili's face, Emilia said, "I know this is scary and hard to understand, but I can't help you if you don't let me in." She fell to her knees so that they were at eye level. "Please, Meili. Let me in, just like you did for Subaru and Beatrice. Let me help you through whatever is bothering you."
Emilia trusted people. Emilia was kind.
...Meili wanted to be like Emilia.
With titanic effort, she forced herself to meet Emilia's eyes. "Tomorrow, can you show me how to put the letters together?" she asked softly, almost inaudibly. Then, she gulped and took a chance, a risk. "Just… just you and I… alone."
For a moment, Emilia looked like the sun.
That night, Meili went to her shelf and picked out her Subaru and Beatrice dolls, just as she had for the past week. For a moment, she reached for one with silver hair and a white dress, but hesitated. If she picked that up, would she get nightmares? Would she feel safe? Would she feel comfortable? She liked Emilia, and she wanted to feel comfortable, but would Emilia feel comfortable around her? Was Emilia just trying to get close to her out of an obligation to Subaru?
She sighed and retracted her hand, gently placing her two main dolls on the bed before heading to her closet. For the first time in a while, she pulled out a long black cloak made out of an unknown, thin fabric. She was not particularly sensitive to magic, but even a useless girl like her could feel the complex spells woven into the threads.
She didn't care about any of that.
Elsa was killed in this mansion. The people here orchestrated her death, even if it was out of self-defense.
Now, the person most responsible was the one Meili trusted above all else.
"Would you blame me, Elsa?"
Probably not, no. They were assassins, and they prioritized their own lives above all else. Elsa would never blame her for this, even if the older woman viewed it merely as taking shelter instead of finding a home.
"Did you care about me?"
Meili doubted it. Elsa only cared about finding warmth, and she wasn't capable of finding that in another person.
And yet… Elsa always took time to make sure Meili was okay. She took the younger girl under her wing, even though it was under Mama's orders.
Elsa might have cared, but Meili had no way of knowing for sure.
"If you cared, then… why did you let Mama hurt me?"
She shivered as she remembered being thrown into that tree, and the knife stabbing into her shoulder. She remembered the feeling of being dead, of being nothing more than a lump of flesh. She remembered –
Meili jerked her hands apart, making yet another tear in the cloak. After months, it was almost fully split in half.
Elsa didn't care about Meili.
She held her dolls close to her body, mentally apologizing to Subaru for soaking them with her tears yet again.
She didn't come out of her room the next day. It wasn't because she was embarrassed, or ashamed, or worthless, or fearful of causing even more trouble for the others. She just… wasn't hungry. Yeah.
She held her Beatrice doll over her abdomen as if trying to silence her grumbling stomach.
A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts, but she didn't have the energy to put on her mask. "Come in," she said flatly.
Subaru pushed the door open with one hand, carrying a picnic basket in the other. "I hear you ordered room service?"
Her mood brightened a bit, but it was drowned out by confusion. "But I didn't order anything?"
Subaru gave her a look of mock puzzlement and held up an imaginary piece of paper. "But… it says right here, 'My name is Meili, and I'm a very hungry child. Please, give me food!' I couldn't just ignore such a desperate plea for help."
She couldn't help but giggle at his words. "Thanks, but you didn't have to do this."
"Nah," he said, waving her off with a dismissive flick of his hand. "I got to have a cooking date with Emilia-tan, so you were doing me a favor, really."
Emilia helped make this, even though Meili had caused her so much grief.
'Just smile. That's all you have to do.'
She attempted a smile, but it was even more pathetically fake than usual. Subaru, of course, picked up on this. He placed the basket on the ground and sat down, indicating for her to join him. "Emilia's worried about you," he confessed as Meili curled up into his side. "She really, really cares about you."
A shadow fell over her eyes. "But all I do is cause her trouble."
He sighed and wrapped an arm around her. "That's what it means to be a kid."
A kid… Meili couldn't remember the last time she was referred to in such simple terms.
"It was all a misunderstanding, anyway," he continued. Then, he gently shook her shoulder and grinned down at her. "But hey, enough of that sad stuff. Do you wanna see the Submelia special? It even has Beako's favorite sweets for dessert!"
She managed a smile. They had worked so hard for her, so the least she could do was enjoy it. "With a sales pitch like that, how can I say no?"
"That's the spirit!" he cheered, and began passing out food.
It was the best meal she'd had in ages.
As they polished off the last of their food, Subaru finally turned serious. "So, are you going to leave your room, or are you going to sulk all day?"
She looked away, guilty. They both knew her answer. "Just don't wanna cause any more trouble, you know?"
He hummed and leaned back on his elbows. "I used to feel the same way. Still do, sometimes." He gestured to the dolls lining the shelves. "Eventually, I formed a bit of a compromise with myself. If I had to hide away, I'd at least make myself useful to someone I love."
"I will make sure that you never forget where your love belongs."
"Because I love you, Meili."
Mama had talked about love a lot more than Subaru. However, as she cuddled into his side, it became even more clear that the two were talking about different things.
She didn't fear Subaru when he said it.
She took a deep breath. "I'll go outside in a bit," she said. "Maybe Beatrice will want to go on a walk with me." She eyed him warily. "That is, um, if she not… mad at me."
Subaru gave a mischievous grin and closed his eyes. A moment later, Meili found herself tackled by a blonde blur, crying into her shoulder.
"B-Betty was so worried, but Subaru said you needed some time alone, and you ran away, and it's Betty fault, and you were –"
Meili looked to Subaru with wide eyes, as if asking, "What do I do?!"
He snorted before covering his mouth, so as to prevent himself from laughing.
"– and Betty's Subaru ran outside the mansion without telling Betty, and Subaru's Meili is scratched up like Subaru, and Betty doesn't know what to do, and you looked so sad, and Betty just wants you to be happy, and –"
"It's, um, okay," Meili consoled as she awkwardly patted Beatrice's back. "Subaru's Mei- I mean, um, I'm fine, I suppose."
She may have been overwhelmed and completely out of her depth, but one thought still managed to worm its way through her head.
'Do you also love me, Beatrice?'
Her arms relaxed around the spirit. She really hoped so.
The rest of the day was nice, all things considered. Beatrice fussed over Meili's scratches and healed them; the attention would have normally made her feel like a burden, but the spirit seemed to enjoy having a doting persona, so it was fine. Subaru accompanied them for part of the day, and, when he left to spend time with Emilia, still managed to check in on them, even after he had left. Meili couldn't help but feel amused at how Beatrice would roll her eyes at seemingly random times, or how she would puff out her cheeks while mumbling about her "hopeless contractor."
"He's such a worrywart, I suppose," she grumbled. They were standing by a stream and skipping stones, though it was more like dunking pebbles in a puddle. "Betty is perfectly capable of taking care of Meili, in fact. My annoying contractor should have a bit more faith in me, I suppose."
Meili gave a soft smile and rolled the stone in her hand. "I think it's sweet," she said quietly. She threw the rock, watching it make a little splash before picking up another one. "He worries about you, too. Just wants to make sure you're happy, you know?
Beatrice gave her a strange look, but soon matched her smile. Meili wasn't sure what she did aside from being herself, but a smile was better than crying, so it was all right in her book.
Meili looked towards the horizon, and a ball of anxiety formed in the pit of her stomach. "It's almost dinnertime," she said, feigning aloofness. "Today's one of those days where we're all having it together, right?"
Beatrice tossed another stone, nodding to herself as it made a satisfying splash. "Subaru says it's an important team-building activity and will 'increase our friendship level.' However, Betty doesn't see how weekly steamed tatoes would endear anyone to the pink maid, I suppose."
Meili liked Ram's steamed tatoes, but that's beside the point. "So, it wouldn't be bad if we skipped it, right? Make a sandwich later on."
Beatrice gave her a long, critical look before firmly saying, "No, I suppose."
The ball of anxiety worsened. "Why not?"
Beatrice picked up another stone, marveling at how smooth it was. "You really are like my contractor," she said. "You're always running from your problems, in fact."
"But –"
She looked at the younger girl with a frown. "You know that Emilia isn't going to hurt you, so what are you afraid of, I wonder?"
Meili bristled slightly. "I'm not afraid," she insisted. That was a panic attack last night, not genuine fear of someone kind like Emilia. "I just… I don't want to waste her time."
'I don't want to betray the trust she's so selflessly given me.'
Beatrice scoffed. "Subaru's little girlfriend has been trying to get close to you since the day you came here, in fact. You could ask to stand within ten feet of her and she'd consider it a gift, I suppose."
Meili was quiet for a moment as she contemplated the spirit's words. "Her and Subaru are getting married," she said at length. "My letter will burden her, too, yet I can't even bring myself to tell her what it will say."
Beatrice moved a bit closer, hoping her presence would provide some measure of comfort. It did. "Can Betty do anything to help, I wonder?"
'I don't deserve your help. I haven't been able to tell you, either, even though you have every right to know.'
"Can we use the library tonight?" Meili asked, proving just how selfish she was. "It might be good for reference."
"Hmph. Betty is generous and kind, so it's only natural that I would agree to such a request… if you come to dinner with all of us, I suppose."
Meili narrowed her eyes but wasn't upset. Since when was Beatrice so sly?
'Maybe it won't be so bad,' she thought. After all, Emilia seemed excited to spend time with her, right? Meili wanted to see that smile again, but it was likely that the half-elf was regretting trying to get close to her.
"Meili, do you want more steamed tatoes? I know that they're reeaally ba- good, they taste great and I'm not sick of them, but you like them, right? Here, take some! Or, wait, do you not want them? I can make you something else, if you'd like. Subaru has been teaching me how to cook, and it's been sooo long since something's exploded. Ooh, maybe we could cook together, just you and I? Wait, you might not like that… Would you want Subaru and Beatrice to come? I know you won't want just me there, but you also wanted alone time tonight, and –"
Meili took it back. This was much worse than simple regret.
"I'm all gooood," she said with a wide smile. "Ram's steamed tatoes are super good."
Ram gave her trademark "hah" and flipped her hair back. "The child has good taste, unlike that idiot, Barusu."
"What did I even do this time?!"
Emilia gave Subaru a comforting pat on the back, even though he wasn't upset. She then turned to Meili, a lot calmer than before. "Is there anything I can do for you right now?"
Meili placed her hand on her chin, but couldn't think of anything. "You're already doing so much for me," she said quietly. "I couldn't ask for anything more."
Then, she stiffened a bit. "I mean, I'm sooo excited to learn more today!" she cheered with a smile. She turned away, so as not to see the disappointment on Emilia's face. "I'm dooone now, see? Let's go!"
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Subaru give Emilia's hand a comforting squeeze. Then, he pointed to the door on the right side of the dining hall. "Door Crossing is activated," he said. "That should lead you to the Forbidden Library."
Dread filled her for a moment. She was going to mess it up. Everyone would hate her. Emilia would try to convince Subaru to kick her out.
Actually, looking at Emilia… was it possible that they were feeling something similar? The half-elf worried that Meili would hate her, that they'd never become close, and that she'd disappoint Subaru.
Maybe they had more in common than Meili originally thought.
Her smile softened and she walked to the door, heading into the Forbidden Library. Beatrice had already set up a desk with a pen and paper. This time, however, there was a storybook; presumably to copy the actual words instead of just the glyphs.
She sat down and held the book in her hands, squinting at the title. She knew the glyphs, of course, but it was hard to sound it out. Emilia sat at her side and waited patiently, but Meili was getting frustrated.
Emilia picked up on it and gently instructed, "Start by saying what each of the glyphs are."
Meili frowned. Wasn't that what she was doing? Nonetheless, she obliged. "Shinta. Olard. Lem. Ulit."
"Good g- job," said Emilia with a smile. "Now, let's put them together."
Meili narrowed her eyes at the glyphs. "Sh… Show… Shaula." She looked up at Emilia. "Shaula? Who's that?"
Emilia's smile wavered. "A person very dear to Subaru, but one we don't talk about much." Then, her eyes brightened. "But I bet you two will reeaally get along!"
Meili cocked her head to the side. "Like me and Petra?"
Emilia's eyes twinkled, as if she knew something that Meili didn't. "More like you and Beatrice," she said enigmatically. That sounded nice to Meili. "Why don't you read the rest of the title, and then we'll go through the book?"
Meili grimaced at the thought of all those words, but this was for Subaru. She'd do anything for him. So, she steeled herself, and began to read.
Shaula, the Sage's Apprentice
She knew of the Sage. He was supposed to be some great hero, but she always felt the strangest sense of loss when she thought of him. It was odd; it was as if she missed him, and he was missing someone dear to him, as well.
She shook her head clear of the thoughts and opened the book.
It has been three days since Shaula was created. Her, _, and _ are truly the brightest stars in my life. I love them more than life itself. They…
It continued on in that vein for some time. It took her a while to piece together all the glyphs, but that was fine. The author – the Sage, presumably – seemed so… happy. The crossed-out names were strange, yes, but Meili could feel the positivity spilling out of every word.
The weirdest thing, however, was that this seemed to be the Sage's personal journal, or perhaps some kind of growth log, yet he was talking about Shaula being his apprentice. Perhaps history had mixed the names up, or perhaps Meili was simply too dumb to understand.
Shaula and I developed Hell's Snipe today. Such targeted precision… Such awe-inspiring power… I'm glad that she's such a good person. She's pure of heart, even if her actions aren't very pure. I mean, seriously, I'm basically her dad! What the heck is causing her to act like this?!
You know what? I blame _. It's all her fault.
Meili giggled when she read over that section, even though she didn't really understand it. Emilia grimaced but covered it up with a compliment. "You're learning reeaally fast, Meili. You're such a…"
She trailed off as Meili stiffened. Then, hesitantly, Emilia asked, "Can we talk for a second?"
Meili nodded but wasn't sure what to say.
"I don't know what you thought I meant last night, and you don't have to tell me, but I only meant good things." She bit her lip as her eyes became sad. "I just wanted you to know that I appreciate you, and I think you're great. I never meant to hurt you."
Meili hated that sad look. It didn't suit Emilia. "It's not your fault," she said quietly. "It's mine. All I do is hurt people."
Emilia shook her head vehemently. "That's not true," she insisted. Her amethyst eyes glistened, and Meili felt even worse. "You're a good girl, Meili. I care about you, and I want you to feel comfortable. You deserve better than… whatever horrible things happened to you."
Meili shivered, but did not run.
"Please, let me in," Emilia said desperately. "What we're doing right now is a big step, but I want to do more for you. I want to prove that I care about you. I want to help you, whether you're sad or just want to talk."
But Emilia was there for Meili. She was always doing her best to make Meili comfortable. She was proving how much she cares.
It's just that Meili was a pathetic mess who didn't know how to get close to people.
But… she got close to Beatrice and Subaru, right? Even right now, she was trying to get close to Emilia. Maybe she could try a little harder?
Without breaking her gaze, she whispered, "Tomorrow. Let's do this tomorrow, too."
The next night and the night after, she found herself saying the same thing.
The mornings and afternoons held similar activities to before she started learning how to read, but she now spent much of her time with Beatrice, too. Right now, they were playing a game from Subaru's homeland – "chekurz," he had called it – and Beatrice was thoroughly destroying her.
"It's only natural that Betty would win, I suppose," she said with a haughty look. "Subaru's Betty is highly intelligent, of course, so –"
"King me."
Beatrice's eyes shot open and she glared down at the board incredulously. "What… How… I suppose…"
Meili giggled. "It's easy to win when your opponents aren't paying attention."
Beatrice narrowed her eyes. "The game isn't over yet, in fact," she said lowly. "Now, watch in awe as a great spirit shows her mental fortitude."
Meili lost within a few minutes, but she was just happy to have taken a few pieces.
She stood up and dusted off her dress, making sure to pick up her doll along the way. "You ready to go to dinner?" she asked. Then, knowing how much Beatrice hated them, she said, "I hear we have steamed tatoes…"
Beatrice didn't take the bait. Instead, her gaze zeroed in on the doll in Meili's arms. "What is that, I wonder?"
"My doll," she said drily. "It's the same one as… always?"
It didn't have dark hair and a tracksuit. It didn't have butterfly pupils and blonde curls.
The doll in Meili's arms had silver hair and amethyst eyes.
"I'm sorry," she said instinctively. "I guess I just grabbed it, and I didn't think about it? I meant, I still love your doll, and I –"
But she couldn't finish. Beatrice had tackled her in a hug, smiling like crazy. "You're letting her in, in fact," she said. "Betty is happy that Subaru's Meili is healing."
Healing…
Was someone like Meili capable of that? Did a bad girl like her deserve that?
"You're a good girl, Meili. I care about you, and I want you to feel comfortable."
Maybe… it was worth a shot.
A few evenings later, in the Forbidden Library, she breezed through the next passage of her storybook.
A week in, and Shaula has cemented herself as the most important member of our family. Why, she's even started to call _ "Other Mother." Adorable.
I can't really say it aloud lest she take it the wrong way, but I love my daughter. She means the world to me. I want to have her by my side, always.
She stopped suddenly, a contemplative look on her face. She glanced at Emilia, who was giving her a smile.
"You're learning reeaally fast," the half-elf said. "I'm proud of you, Meili."
The young girl blushed at the praise. "Thank you," she said softly. "I appreciate all the help you've given me."
Emilia beamed, but Meili was still nervous. She bit her lip and said, "I think… I'm ready to start on the letter. Can you make sure I'm doing it right?"
Emilia looked surprised. "You want me in here during it?"
Meili gave a meek nod and a quiet "of course." Both Beatrice and Emilia had helped her from the beginning, and she wanted them to see it through to the end, together. So, after they brought Beatrice into the library, she hovered her pen over the paper and began to write.
Dear Subaru,
Yoo
She crumpled the paper and tossed it to the side of the desk. Then, ignoring her companions' surprised looks, she grabbed a new piece and tried again.
She needed it to be perfect, even if it took her weeks.
By the third week, she was getting frustrated.
You mean the world to me, and I will always be grateful to you.
Too corny. He'd laugh at her.
Thank you for teaching me about trust.
It should be "how to trust others," not "about trust."
You gave mi ev
Spelling error.
Dozens of crumpled-up papers lined the desk, each representing a failed attempt from that day alone. Beatrice and Emilia had sat by her side the whole time, though it was clear they were getting bored.
"You don't have to do this," she had said a few days in. "I'll just show you when I finish."
In response, Beatrice had flicked her in the forehead and said she was being silly. "We're in this until the end, I suppose," she had said stubbornly. Emilia had wholeheartedly agreed.
Now, weeks later, they had not rescinded their statements, even though they were weary. As she crumpled up yet another piece of paper – she had rambled again – she turned to Beatrice and Emilia, giving a small smile. "Thank you for being here. It means a lot to me."
Beatrice yawned, but reached over and squeezed the younger girl's hand, regardless. The simple action filled her with warmth.
She would keep trying. Subaru was worth it.
Four days and over a hundred attempts later, Meili put her head in her hands. "He's going to hate it," she mumbled, staring at the letter in front of her.
"He won't hate it," Emilia soothed. "It came from you, so I bet he'll love it."
Meili bit her lip. "That's not the point," she insisted. "It… it needs to be perfect, or he won't accept the second letter."
Beatrice picked her head off the table, blearily blinking the sleep out of her eyes. "S-second letter?" she asked, stifling a yawn. "Wh-why not just... make one long letter... I wonder?"
She averted her eyes. "It's… a different kind of letter," she admitted. "It's really selfish. He'll just say no, anyway."
"You won't know until you try," Emilia pointed out. "Besides, something tells me it's not as selfish as you think."
It was selfish. It only benefited Meili. Subaru would laugh at her and think she was joking.
But… she couldn't go on without letting him know what she really wanted.
She sighed and took another piece of paper. "Maybe I've been approaching this wrong," she said. "Should I try something shorter?"
Beatrice yawned. "B-brevity… is the… soul of wit… I suppose."
With that, her head thunked to the table, and she fell asleep. Emilia smiled fondly and brushed her fingers across the spirit's forehead, moving the blonde locks into place.
"She acts all grown up, but she's just a child," Emilia whispered as a small smile danced upon her lips. "Give me a few minutes to tuck her in. She's a good girl who deserves a full night's sleep."
Meili smiled back but didn't say anything; she didn't want to wake Beatrice up, after all.
As Emilia left, Meili looked down thoughtfully at the blank piece of paper. This entire time, she had thought only about Subaru… but the purpose of her letter was about more than just him, wasn't it? It was about all of them.
It was about Emilia and her gentle, accepting nature.
It was about Beatrice and the bond they shared.
It was about Subaru giving her a home.
It was about Meili and learning to trust.
It was about loving others and learning to be loved.
At long last, she wrote something that she was proud of.
She had wasted over a thousand pieces of paper, but she finally held the letter in her hands. It was not very long, but it contained everything she wanted… no, needed to say.
She knew that Subaru would appreciate it.
Now, it was time for the second – and most important – letter. This one took a few attempts, but it was purely because of spelling errors and not word choice. She had already picked out the exact wording before she had even learned her first glyph.
There. Two months of work had finally come to fruition, and a huge part of that was because of the incredible woman standing in the doorway.
"Someone looks happy," Emilia teased, having come back from putting Beatrice to bed. "I take it you made some progress?"
In lieu of responding verbally, Meili held up the two pieces of paper.
"You finished them?" Emilia asked, excited. At Meili's nod, she said, "Oh, I'm so happy for you! You've worked reeaally hard on them!"
Yeah… Yeah, she did work hard on them. She did really well, didn't she? She was a good girl, and she had made Emilia proud.
Then, she eyed the letters thoughtfully. It was now or never, wasn't it? With a bit of hesitation, she held out the second letter to Emilia. "Can you please read it?" she asked.
Emilia looked flabbergasted. "I don't understand. This is something really personal; why do you want me to see it?"
Meili averted her gaze. "This letter is really selfish," she reminded Emilia. "And… you're marrying Subaru. I want it to be okay with both of you."
Not fully understanding but seeing that it was important, Emilia gingerly took the paper. Her eyes scanned the blocky letters, widening as they read every word. She then turned to Meili, letting hot tears fall down her face.
"Is this what you truly want?" she breathed.
Meili met Emilia's eyes, trying to convey her sincerity. "More than anything else in the world."
Emilia took a shuddering breath, and, with a trembling voice, asked, "C-can I hug you?"
Meili's smile widened, but it wasn't forced in the slightest. She lost herself in Emilia's warm embrace, burrowing herself in the half-elf's shoulder.
"You're going to make my Subaru sooo happy," Emilia choked out. "A-and me, as well. I-I just… You deserve all this and more, Meili. I love you."
Meili gripped Emilia's shoulders even tighter. Through the lump in her throat, she managed to say, "Y-you too."
She was the luckiest girl in the world.
Finally, the long-awaited day had come. She stood outside of Subaru's study, trying to keep her breathing under control. Her nerves were driving her crazy; part of her wanted to get it over with, but the rest of her needed to make sure that she did everything perfectly. She had prepared for months, and she wasn't about to mess it up.
At her side, Beatrice squeezed her hand. "Are you ready, I wonder?"
'No. Nope. Not a chance. There's no way I'm ready.'
"Not at all."
Beatrice raised her eyebrows but was not disappointed. "It's understandable, in fact," she conceded. "As Betty's Subaru would say, 'Feelsy stuff is hard, I suppose.'"
Meili cracked a smile. "I doubt he'd add 'I suppose.'"
"Quiet, you."
At Meili's other side, Emilia giggled at their byplay. Ruffling the young girl's hair, she said, "Mhm. It's tough, but I believe in you. You've worked sooo hard for this."
She had worked harder than she ever had before.
Nervous but filled with encouragement, she strode forward and knocked on the door.
"Come in," Subaru called.
With one last look at Beatrice and Emilia, Meili walked through the door, shutting it behind her with a soft click. Judging by the mounds of tomes and notes surrounding Subaru, it was obvious that he was quite busy. Still, he looked up and flashed a smile, standing up and coming around the desk to greet her.
"Well, this is a nice surprise," he said with a grin. "I suppose my notes can wait a bit."
Subaru always made time for her.
"Hey, Subaru." She fiddled with the envelopes in her hands. "So, you know how I've been learning to read and write?"
"I do," he said. "It's a rare skill in worlds like this, so it should give you a leg up."
"Um, sorry, but I'm not exactly sure what you're saying."
He seemed exceptionally amused at that, for some reason.
She gulped. She was never usually this nervous around him. This was Subaru; she had made a complete fool of herself, and he still said he loved her.
Unbidden, a smile came forth from the memory. Both Subaru and Emilia had said they loved her, and she had given a "you too" to Emilia, but she had been saving those precious three words for this moment.
She rocked back on her heels and clasped her hands behind her back. Looking anywhere except at him, she said, "I appreciate you, Subaru. I never knew how to properly thank you for everything you've done for me –"
"I haven't done nearly enough," he interjected, but was promptly ignored.
"– so I wanted to say it all in a letter." She held out the first envelope – marked appropriately, so that she wouldn't mix them up – and told him to open it.
He took it with shaky hands. "Wait, you learned how to read and write… for me?"
She gave a blinding smile. How else could she give him these?
"B-but I don't deserve this!" he protested as guilt filled his eyes. "Not after everything I've done!"
"Of course, I know," she said softly. "You saved me and gave me a home. You taught me what love is. You deserve all this and more."
He shook his head furiously, but she kept insisting. She would teach him how great he was, even if she had to write a million more letters.
She placed her hand on his. "You're a good person," she said. "I care about you, and I want you to know how much I appreciate you."
She gently pushed the letter into his hands, doing everything she could to convey her sincerity. "Please. Open it."
He sighed and gave in, breaking the seal on the envelope with practiced ease. He read it slowly, savoring every word. "Meili, this…"
"It's how I feel."
Dear Subaru,
I have written over a thousand letters trying to express my thoughts towards you, but I now realize that's impossible. You, Emilia, and Beatrice have given me a new life and taught me what it means to love. Words alone can't show my thanks, so I want to spend the rest of my life proving it with my actions.
Please, open the second letter. You don't have to accept it, because it's pretty selfish. Just being able to tell you how I feel is enough.
With love,
Meili
"I love you, Subaru. I'll tell you that every day, if you'll let me."
He collapsed into a chair, overwhelmed. "I don't deserve this," he whispered. "After she looked at me with those eyes, I can't… I don't deserve you, Meili. Not after what I did to you."
She grabbed his hand and squeezed it, the same way Beatrice did when either of them needed comfort. "You deserve the best," she said, handing him the second letter. "I don't know what happened in your past, but your present self is the best person I know."
He reached for his arm but instead chose to take the letter. "I don't know how I got so lucky," he said before shaking his head to clear it. "This is…"
"The reason I wanted to learn how to write."
He unfolded the paper, and Meili stood there, trying to hide her nervousness. This was it. It was all out in the open. Everything she felt, everything she wanted, all in one sentence.
She had tried to convince herself that she'd be okay if he said no. After all, he'd still love her, right? And Emilia said he'd be fine with it… but it was still nerve-wracking.
Subaru stared at the piece of paper, his expression unchanging. At least the response wasn't outright negative; he'd probably just console her when he said no.
...But he didn't say no. He burst into tears and wrapped her in the most loving hug she'd ever been giving.
"Absolutely, you a hundred percent can. I'll make you the happiest kid alive, I promise. I don't deserve this, but… Shit, Meili. I love you so much."
Warmth flowed through her as she embraced him tightly.
'Thank you, Subaru, for giving me such a great life. Thank you, Beatrice, for being my best friend. Thank you, Emilia, for never giving up on me.'
She burrowed into him further, letting her actions speak for themselves. Through the tears in her eyes, she spotted the paper in his hand and the single sentence written upon it.
Can I be your daughter?