Those who haven't caught up to manga, PLEASE DON'T READ THIS! PRESS THE BACK BUTTON AT ONCE!

Last thing I would want, is to spoil it for you.

Chapter 01
The way she loved him

Mikasa was never the one to read books. That was Armin's hobby, not hers. Still she found herself pulling out a page from a debris while her other arm was being mended by a nurse. She didn't sustain any major injuries while fighting with Annie, but Armin insisted that she should get herself checked.

Carts carrying aid and medical supply stood in a single file. Because the hospitals were heavily occupied all thanks to havoc caused by the fight of Annie and Eren in their titan form, emergency tents were being propped up so that the burden could be distributed.

"Sorry, but you would have to sit on the mat" The nurse apologized as soon Mikasa entered the tent.

"We didn't have enough stretchers to wheel out at the moment"
Mikasa shrugged "It's alright. I don't mind"

As the nurse begin her examination, Mikasa wandered her gaze around. There wasn't much to begin with. It roamed around the gloomy green color of the tent. It passed at the rickety table where the supplies were kept before finally landing on the damaged floor of Stohess district. The fine paved road was wrecked, leaving uneven patterns of stones and dirt in its wake.

Small piles of sizeable rocks were collected in each corner. The nurse must have swept them in order to clear space, Mikasa noted.
A piece of paper was sticking out from the heap closest to her. Curious, Mikasa pulled it out and blew on it.

But before she could read it, the nurse announced that she was fit as a fiddle and can go now.

Mikasa didn't read that paper, until late in night when she was undressing. Before throwing the clothes in a wash, she patted the pockets of her pants and jacket as was her habit, in case she missed anything. Feeling the crumpled mass, she paused. Pawing her fingers in, her palm returned with a paper ball.

Mikasa carefully smoothed the paper and brought it under a lamplight. It seemed like a page from a book of quotes because there weren't any passages in it. Just lines.

'Some Undeniable truths about Love' was the title. This seems interesting, Mikasa thought amusedly.

Most of it sounded hokey and dreamlike as the youngest Ackerman read it. It was heavily clichéd as well.
But when Mikasa reached the last point, the first part of it was incomplete. The bottom right of the page was missing.

'Mostly love is about… .And that's okay too'

Love is about what?! Mikasa cursed herself for being this clumsy.

Oh well, nothing can be done about it. It's not like she can go back to the site and search for it. Besides the scout regiment were already clearing up the mess. By morning, everything would be back to normal.

Mikasa folded the page and kept it a drawer. She could have thrown it away, but it didn't occur to her.

Despite the page contents being old-fashioned, Mikasa couldn't help but recall some of it. Or rather it came reeling back to her. Each line different for each time. Unexpectedly and spontaneously.

'Love is about caring'

Mikasa lit two bundles of incense sticks, one for her parents and one for her foster parents. Soon the entire area was bloomed with the scent of it.

Clasping her hands together, Mikasa prayed for their peace. Even though both parents met an early end, and a terrible one too, but at least their married life was a blissful one.

Mikasa still remembers fondly how her father would sing songs for her mother in that beautiful voice of his in bright spring mornings. Or how her mother would dedicate her time and patience when it came to making dinner for her father. And when greatly fatigued, her father would gently massage the soft soles of his tired wife, even though he was exhausted as well.

Or how Uncle Grisha never forgot to say thank you, whenever Aunt Carla put the plate in front of him, be it a dinner, lunch or breakfast. Or how Aunt Carla would affectionately bid Uncle Grisha goodbye when he was about to leave home for work.

Her parents certainly did take care of each other.

Did Eren cared about her?

Mikasa pondered for a moment. The immediate answer 'No' came in her mind. After all, she was the one who was beating the bullies up whenever Eren collided with them.

But then she suddenly remembered that he punched the titans for her when her vertical maneuvering equipment stopped working.

He forbade her from joining the survey corps. Never mind he banged his forehead against her to make his point, but the gesture leaked concern.

And how can she forget the famous red scarf which Eren wrapped around her when they met for the first time and was now tied securely around her neck all the times.

Mikasa blushed. Eren cared, but through his unconventional ways.

'Love is about chasing'

Mikasa was chasing alright. Except she wasn't alone. An entire fleet of scoutmen regiment from all the sectors was with her.

Sure they were chasing after Eren because he was humanity only hope. Mikasa was too. Just add one more reason; she wanted to be near him and nothing else.

It wasn't going to be easy. But whoever said it was going to be at the first place?
She was forced to utter harsh words to Historia. Her ribcage got cracked in the process. She saw Hannes eaten right in front of her eyes.

But the pain was worth it. It was worth it when Eren made his promise.

"I will wrap that scarf around you as many times as you want. Now and forever"

'Love is about little things'

"They call it ice-cream" Eren said.
"What?" Mikasa asked, still immersed in licking the cream. It was so delicious!
"Ice-cream…I saw it in my old man memories"
"Oh"

Eren turned away, probably to hide his sadness. But his vision got obscured by colorful swirls balanced perfectly on a biscuit-y cone. He looked up and saw Mikasa holding out her ice-cream.

"But Its' yours" Mikasa only bought the cone near.

Eren took it and slowly bit into it. The miserable expression adorning his face a moment ago siphoned off quickly like dust from the table and was now replaced with delight.

Oh yes, love doesn't have to be grand all the time. Sometimes it was about standing with your beloved under the forget-me-not-blue skies and sharing strawberry flavored ice-cream amidst the din of the bazaar and the salty sea breeze.

'Love is about waiting as well'

That's what Mikasa told herself as she watched Eren drinking cup after cup of sake, provided generously by their hosts living in the nearby refugee tents.

"Come on Mikasa! Drink up!" Sasha ordered, pushing the tiny glass in her hand, excitement welling off from her in waves "It's so good!"
"Yeah" Connie sang as well.

Mikasa nodded before slurping the warm liquid, it greatly quenching her parched throat.

She wouldn't be talking with her fellow comrades if she had answered Eren's question truthfully. She wouldn't be sitting here, getting heavily drunk and fuzzy, if she had answered Eren's question honestly.

In fact, she would have been running, her hand laced with Eren's, his warmth and strength seeping in her.

Mikasa was about to say yes to Eren's question, the words 'I love you' resting on the edge of her lips dangerously.

But those words never got to escape. For Mikasa suddenly remembered that this is real world, and not some fairytale where you could walk out anytime. There would be serious repercussions if they were to flee just like that. Everyone would be so hurt, especially Armin who was always thinking at the back of his mind that he wasn't worth saving.

Mikasa would never be able to forgive herself if she disappeared off just like that. She also knows that guilt will constantly cling to her, if she were to flee.

The other option was then to wait.

Mikasa would wait. It was only a matter of few months. Sooner or later, this nightmare will get over soon.

"I've always hated you, Mikasa"

It's been hours since Eren spat those words at her and yet they were replaying in Mikasa's mind like a broken tape recorder. And each time, that sentence jabbed at her heart like a rusty knife, slowly and tortuously sinking in, inch by inch.

Mikasa sniffed. She knew she was possessive about Eren. Eren's shadow wouldn't follow him as much as the way Mikasa did. People even teased them about it.
But Mikasa didn't care. They didn't understand. Eren was her lifeline!

But was he really…..now that he said those harsh words?
Mikasa didn't know. Though she was sure of this thing; that if she doesn't shut her mind soon from the thoughts plaguing her, she was going to go mad.

'I hated you Mikasa….' The kettle whistled loudly.

'I hated you Mikasa…..' Jean and Connie thanked Niccolo for tea.

'I hated you Mikasa…' Someone, probably Sasha's father kept the mug on the wooden table.

Someone…..please make it stop…please….

Someone did. Mikasa felt a pressure in her hand. Looking down, she saw that Armin had clasped it in his grasp. He wasn't looking at her. He was staring at the bars.

Mikasa sniffed once more. She was bruised, but so was Armin.

She pressed her hand back, wrapping her pinkie around the blond thumb; an attempt to save him from insanity as well.

'Love was about hurting as well' Eren was practically a prodigy in it.

'Love was about not giving up'

Eren may have submitted to darkness, but Mikasa wasn't ready to accept it. At least not without a fight.

Slash, Slash, Slash.
Left, right she and Hanji sliced the familiar faces of their colleagues to bits and pieces.

The past Mikasa was flinching right now. It was demanding her attention.

'Why are you doing this?! They are your comrades! Doesn't it sadden you when you slit their throats as if they are nothing but dead goats lying on a butcher board?!' The little girl questioned.

Sadden? Her heart was beyond repair. She can't feel nothing, the present Mikasa answered back.

The little girl didn't ask any further questions.

An excerpt. But from another book.

"What comes after Ecstasy?"
"Pain"
"What comes after Pain?"
"Nothingness"
"What comes after that?"
"Destiny"

Eren's destiny was to be killed. Mikasa's destiny was to kill him.

But by now, Mikasa was beyond feeling anything, except for one emotion; amity

The current setting was anything but calm. Columbus Smoke was rising from the ground in hazy cloud shaped twisters. On one side, Reiner, Annie and Pieck were trying to pierce the glowing demon centipede, the one who raised hell on earth, all the while fighting the rain of titans who a minute ago were humans.

And on another side, Armin and Eren were fighting in their colossal titan form. Their punches bringing doomsday on earth in waves. Their roars resounding hopelessness and fear everywhere.

Best friends out for each other blood; Final Judgement was already here.

Armin's voice echoed in her ears, as Mikasa flew towards the monster mouth.

"MIKASA!"

Armin and Levi were still in doubt. Mikasa was not. She knew she can do it.

She was absolute. She was calm.

Landing on the base, she raced ahead, blades out, eyes brimming with unshed tears but a smile playing on her lips.

'You will suffer no more' she conveyed with her expression.

'Your hell will end, here and now' She promised, gazing at Eren' once full of fire and now blank eyes.

'See you later Eren…'

RIP!

It was okay that Mikasa never came across the missing piece of that page. Cause she already what was in it. What the last quote entailed.

But mostly love is about letting go. And that's okay too.

"And that's okay too" Mikasa whispered softly, as she lovingly kissed Eren's lips.

If she wasn't overwhelmed with emotions, Mikasa surely would have felt the press; that despite being decapitated, Eren was kissing her back.

Faint it was, but he returned the kiss nevertheless.

The End.

I wanted them to be canon...but not like this. Not like this T_T

I am hurt. I am very much hurt. I have this dull ache in my heart after reading chapter 138.

Writing this somehow made it feel better. Sorry for mistakes. I wrote it in rush.

Still my stupid tiny heart is hoping for a miracle.

I dedicate this to Sora aka Sharingan Blossoms. If you are reading this Sora dear...then yes, you were right. My heart did got ripped to pieces T_T