My Demons
Mayday! Mayday! The ship is slowly sinking
They think I'm crazy but they don't know the feeling
They're all around me, Circling like vultures
They wanna break me and wash away my colors
Wash away my colors
CHAPTER 1
I can't see anything because the villagers are too cowardly to look us in the eyes. They blindfolded us when they took us from the shack we have been staying in. I can't see them, but I can hear the violent and hateful words they scream at us.
I can feel the heat of the fire from the villagers burning my skin. The rough stone is digging into my back as I hang against it for god knows how many hours now. My arms hurt so much from the ropes that are cutting into flesh. I'm bleeding and hurting from countless cuts and bruises all over my body.
Why are they doing this? Why are they so mad at us? We haven't done anything to any of them. I can hear them yelling about things they said we did, but it's NOT true!
I'm crying. Crying for so many things. For the things I lost. My home, my security, my status, my mother… MOTHER!
I can hear my baby brother crying and I want to reach out and save him so much, but I can't even save myself. I'm so tired of the pain. My stomach hurts from hunger, my body hurts from too many beatings to remember anymore, my heart hurts from missing my moth… I don't want to think of her anymore.
My head hurts from the emotions and thoughts that constantly swirl and tell me to do things. To get back at THEM. I was born better than the scum that is doing this to us. Do they not know their place? WE were born as GODS and they are mere humans! I HATE them! I HATE my father for doing this to us! HE is the one that brought us here. HE is the reason my moth… He is the reason SHE is NOT here and HE is!
I don't want to hurt anymore…
Suddenly I feel a burning sensation in my stomach, but it is not bad. It almost feels alive. The sound of the vermin is fading into the background as I can hear an electric humming in my ears and I concentrate on the sensation growing within me.
Then a sound breaks through. My brother screams as one of their arrows pierces him. I can no longer control myself and I begin to scream at the filthy garbage. I will KILL them ALL! I will paint the walls with their blood and dance on their graves! The feeling within my stomach consumes me and overflows.
I now understand it is POWER. I can feel it lash out at the villagers, and their angry shouts become screams of terror and pain. It feels so good and I LOVE IT! I delight in their horror. I begin to laugh while the night becomes filled with the smell of blood and sound of death.
The next thing I know I can see again, but where am I? Where's Rosi? Is he ok? Where are the villagers? I can't breathe! All of the pain is gone except for the pain in my chest. I keep gasping for air and just can't seem to calm myself. I look around and realize that I am in my study, and have been dreaming. I must have dozed off while reading again.
I am covered in sweat and still can't breathe. I rub my eyes with the palm of my hand and after a couple of seconds realize my glasses are gone! OH GOD! Where are they? No one can see me without them! They'll know if they see me!
I begin to frantically search for my sunglasses. I knock everything off of the desk and tip over the chair looking for them. No one can know! The thoughts continue to attack my mind until I finally find the glasses where they had fallen under the chase lounge I keep for guests.. I place them back on my face, and only then do I feel as though I can begin to breathe.
I feel my heart begin to slow back to a normal pace and the pain in my chest slowly eases. My head is still filled with the sounds from my dream and I can feel the rage building in my soul again. I realize that I am drowning in my own madness, but I don't know how to stop the descent.
There are days that I step into my role of god and king that I was born to be. I can close my eyes and remember Mariejois. I have heard the words of "family" members like Trebol and Vergo over the years. I was born better than everyone else. I am destined to be king and am divine.
Though, there are other times as I listen to them and I realize it's just a facade. I know that my family benefits from me, and I just adore having them close to me. It is these times I have to wonder who is truly pulling the strings among us?
I know that I have imperfections, and should a god be allowed to have any? When I was younger, I would ask Trebol about this and he would tell me not to worry. I know that if he saw my eyes, he would see that I am a monster. Would he still claim I'm divine? Or would he know, as I do, that they are proof of how ugly and imperfect I really am? They are part of why I was cast down from heaven.
The other reason I was thrown into the utter darkness with the vermin of earth is that man I once called my father. I still HATE him. Trebol gave me the power to claim vengeance for this betrayal, for the atrocities committed to Roci and me, for my moth…
I still cannot fully bring myself to think of her or say the word even in my own head…
Once I took my revenge, my beloved brother left me too. I could see the hatred for me in his eyes. Could he not see that I did it for our family? He left me because I killed that man for causing us so much pain. HE caused MY brother to get hurt and HE needed to DIE! Why couldn't Rosi understand? Why did Rosi love him more than me? Why didn't Rosi love ME?
I blinked a couple of times because I'm sure it's dust in my eyes making them burn.
It is days like today I think of this and the insanity threatens to swallow me whole. The voices scream in my head for blood and violence and death. However, I know that there are vultures circling and waiting for me to slip. To abandon my true self so they can pick at the carrion of my soul. They want me to lose my colors so they can crush me forever and finish the work the villagers started. I know in my heart, if I fully break and lose control, I will die or be killed.
I just want a family. I don't want to hurt anymore. I want the dreams to stop. I want to be safe, but there is no safety for a monster. I must be a monster, or else why would I be so alone? My "family" says I am divine, but I know the truth.
I pause at that thought, and look at my reflection in the window behind my desk.. Only the reflection of the sunglasses look back. Slowly the last of these troubling thoughts fade away until they are locked back into the darkness. I silently hope the dreams stay away so they can remain sealed forever.
A cruel smile finds its way onto my face as my mind falls into place. I can feel that POWER rolling in my core again and I turn from the window with my glasses in place. I take my COLORED feathered coat and place it on my ROYAL shoulders before heading out of the study to meet with the executives to discuss business for the day.
I am no longer a Celestial Dragon, nor a broken child. I am now a Heavenly Demon here to bring sweet destruction to the world. I will stand a top of everything and rule with an iron fist, as I was born to do. No one will EVER hurt me or those I love again. If they try, I promise to rain such torment and chaos that the world will be consumed in flames, and I will simply laugh in the pyre.
I am Donquixote Doflamingo, and I am god.