Author's note: I'm just saying, Lily also deserves to have close friends who love her to bits. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns the canon, world, and characters portrayed below and you can tell I'm not J.K. Rowling because #transrights
Hogwarts: Ravenclaw, Assignment #7, Mythology Task #4: Saci Pererê: Write about someone being forced or blackmailed into doing something
Content Warnings: Loss; grief; war
I'll Take Your Fight
She stuffed her hands deeper in her pockets and tried to shield herself from Lily, who would inevitably nag Marlene about how she should have brought mittens. Luckily, Lily was focused on watching the boys who'd run ahead—Remus in a well-loved corduroy jacket, Peter bundled up in an old Gryffindor scarf, Sirius in his leather jacket and combat boots, and James who had the baby sling strapped to his chest. They had run ahead and were plopping Harry down on various pumpkins like some adorable human Sorting Hat that might help them decide which pumpkin was worth lugging back to Godric's Hollow to carve out and sculpt for the baby's first Halloween. They were having some very serious debates at each pumpkin they plopped the baby on, before scooping him up and running to the next one. Marlene had no idea what the fuck they were on, but they were enjoying themselves immensely and their laughter had always been contagious and warm.
"Silly boys," Lily said next to her, apparently thinking the same. A smile tugged at her lips as she said it. It seemed especially bright in the autumn chill, and since Lily was so well bundled-up against the cold.
"You married into this," Marlene said.
"I sure did," Lily said, smiling even more fondly. "You know, Muggles trick-or-treat on Halloween. Children dress up and come to your house if you have a carved pumpkin with a candle in front of it, and then you have to give them candy."
"Really?" Marlene asked. "That's what they're up to?"
Lily nodded.
"We asked Bathilda about it, and she said that it's a popular tradition in Godric's Hollow. James and I were going to have candy at the house this year. Sirius found Harry a little Hippogriff costume, Remus and I made decorations, and James wants to find a television, so we can rent horror movies from the library and have a proper Muggle Halloween. The door's open if you want to join us."
Marlene chewed on her lip. She knew what this was about.
"You don't have to do this," Marlene said. "Babysit me on Halloween. I'll be alright."
"I know you'll be alright, you're always alright," Lily said. She slipped her mittened hand out of her pocket and reached for Marlene's absolutely frigid fingers. "But I'm your friend, so I like helping you out along the way."
Marlene nodded. She and Dorcas had first kissed on Halloween ages ago, when they'd been in fifth year, had had the dormitory to themselves because Lily was at Slughorn's Halloween party, and Dorcas had asked Marlene how she knew that she fancied girls. Dorcas had always liked empirical evidence, and tended to understand things if she watched them go for a while—and she'd always been direct. So she'd simply asked Marlene if they could give it a go. Marlene, of course, was usually in a kissing mood and said yes—and that had been that for years. But when they'd started getting closer later on, when they'd started clinging to each other as the war went on, Halloween had always seemed a nicer anniversary to celebrate than the collection of random dates spread across the calendar on which they'd said I love you, taken each other out, and hit any other number of milestones. Marlene had been coping with the thought of spending a Halloween without her the same way she was dealing with knowing she'd spent the rest of her life without Dorcas: complete and utter emotional constipation, avoidance, Korean take-out, and total dedication and abandon to the femme fatale routine she'd so cleverly perfected for the Order. Was it sustainable? No. Was it healthy? Also no. But was Marlene currently more-or-less recently showered, dressed, fed, vertical, and at least somewhat social? Yes. So as far as she was concerned, this was fine. And Lily made it more fine by holding her hand and being so damn soft and sweet.
"We don't deserve you, Lily," Marlene said finally. "Me, those idiots putting your baby on pumpkins, the world."
"Don't say that," Lily said, her blushing distinct from the rosiness she'd gotten from the cold.
"That won't make it not true," Marlene said.
"But seriously, it'll be fun," Lily said. "We're going to make it fun before…"
She stopped and chewed on her lip.
"Before what?" Marlene asked, turning to her friend with a frown. "Lily Evans, if you're pregnant again—"
"No!" Lily said. "No, no, nothing like that—Merlin, no."
"Good," Marlene said. "I'm not opposed to more godchildren, but you just cranked one out a few months ago."
The boys let out a peal of laughter and they looked up to them. They'd found Harry a miniature pumpkin, which the baby was admirably trying to chew through as he sat in Remus's arms. James took the pumpkin from Harry and booped a fingertip against his nose before turning to Sirius. He said something that made the other man laugh, and Sirius dropped down into his dog shape—shamelessly and right in the open. James tossed the pumpkin with a Chaser's arm, and Sirius went running after it. This time, it was the baby who laughed.
"It is… it is a little bit about Harry," Lily said. She chewed on her lip. "Dumbledore got a report that he… Harry might be a target for the Death Eaters. For Voldemort."
"Harry?" Marlene asked, stiffening. "Harry James Potter? Your literal baby?"
"Dumbledore says he's still gathering intelligence, getting a clearer picture but there was a prophecy that was spoken by an apparently reputable Seer," Lily said. "It's… it's increasingly looking like it might be about Harry."
"About Harry doing what?" Marlene asked, anger bubbling in her chest. "Having the excellent timing to pee on Sirius in-between diaper changes? Looking very handsome in the outfits his beautiful Aunt Marlene picks out for him? Holding his head upright?"
Lily chewed on her lip and her face showed the very first warning signs that she might start crying if Marlene kept pushing—so Marlene pulled back. She could ask again later, she supposed. Or maybe she could rally Sirius to the cause and they could ambush Dumbledore to get some answers about their godchild.
"So what did Dumbledore say?" Marlene said. "I mean, about what you should do?"
"Nothing's sure yet, not until we get more information," Lily said. "He's meeting with a source close to Voldemort who will have more information. But if it confirms the things that Dumbledore is saying, we'll go into hiding."
"Right," Marlene said. Obviously. Lily and James had only been parents for a few months, but it was already clear as day that they were good at it, genuinely good at it. And they loved Harry to bits and pieces, and then they loved those bits and pieces. They would do much worse and much more difficult things for that little boy, no questions asked. "And I'm guessing Dumbledore is meeting this source on Halloween, after which…"
"After which we'll know for sure if we'll be forced to go into hiding or not," Lily said.
"Right," Marlene said. "Hence the party."
Lily nodded.
"Hence the party," she repeated quietly.
"Where will you go?" Marlene asked, her stomach twisting at the thought of her friend going where she might not be able to follow. Like Dorcas.
"We have a few places we could go," Lily said. "And some ideas that don't really involve us leaving the house, actually—some old magic I've been reading about… but like I said, we'll see. It might… it might be fine. I so, so hope it's fine."
"I hope so too," Marlene said, even if the thought rang hollow. Hoping for things to be fine, hoping that they would all magically work themselves out, hadn't worked in the war effort so far. And if Voldemort personally going after Dorcas showed them anything, it was that the Dark Side was only getting more aggressive as the Order bled more and more. Killing a baby seemed particularly low, but Marlene wouldn't be particularly surprised. Just particularly disgusted.
Lily looked like she wanted to say more, but she didn't. She just wound her hands together some more and swallowed her piece. That was the worst part about the war; they were all on the same side, they were all so deeply connected and tied to each other… but there were still secrets and things that were better left unsaid. If it hadn't been the case, Marlene wondered how far she and Dorcas would have fallen in love if they'd let themselves lean into the current that had swept them up. Their timing had been bad, Marlene had always known that and she'd have to live with the fact that that's all it would ever be. Bad timing. Just like this prophecy's goddamned timing on her best friend's happiness.
Marlene just squeezed her hand.
"You'll do it, obviously," Marlene said. "Whatever it is you have to do."
"For Harry, of course," Lily said. "I'd do anything."
As far as Marlene was concerned Lily, having squeezed that baby out of her own body, already had. But Lily swallowed hard, like she was trying not to cry again.
"What is it, Lily?" Marlene asked. "What else is bothering you?"
"I just… I've wanted to fight this war even more since Harry's been born," Lily said. "Making a safe world has always been more important when there's going to be people you love in it, and I love Harry more than anything else. It just… I don't want to stop fighting. I know it would be to keep him safe, but I don't want to. And I…"
Now there were actual tears prickling in Lily's eyes, brightening their usual jewel tones.
"I think about Dorcas, and I think about how she would never stop fighting, about how she never did, and I feel guilty," Lily said quietly. "Because she can't, she just can't… I'm sorry, Mar, for just springing this on you—"
"Don't be sorry," Marlene said quietly. "She was your friend too, and she really loved being your friend."
Oh great, now the tears were spilling. Lily rubbed at her eyes.
"I'm sorry," she said. She tried to blink the tears away. "I'm sorry, today was supposed to be fun. We said that today was going to be a good day."
"You even did your make-up," Marlene said. "Keep it in for the sake of that eyeliner, Evans."
Lily laughed at that and wiped at her face. She smiled again when her eyes drifted over to where the boys were stacking pumpkins into a pyramid—presumably to orchestrate some sort of Harry-centric photoshoot, since James had his camera out.
"It's hard, to always try and push through the darkest days of your life to have the best days of your life," Lily said quietly. "I want to be hopeful, I want to be joyful, I want to be strong. But things bother me."
"Yeah," Marlene said. "I know. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to forgive the world for making me fit an entire relationship into a war. But that doesn't really change anything."
"No, not really," Lily said, squeezing Marlene's hand. "Even if you're right that that wasn't fair."
Their attention was snatched for a moment by Harry, laughing because Peter was making faces at him.
"You know, Harry was a surprise but his timing was perfect," Marlene said. "He's a good reminder that it's not all bad. That there are good, real, reasons for putting up the fight other than getting blackmailed by grief. If there was ever a reason to be hopeful about the world, to put pants on and go outside and do things, it's him."
"Even if you didn't put mittens on," Lily said.
"It was silly of me to feel like I was going to get away with it," Marlene said.
Lily laughed and then they walked quietly for a bit, the boys' shenanigans loud in the distance.
"I mostly wish that keeping my son safe didn't stop me from fighting to change the world for him," Lily said.
"I'll fight twice as hard then," Marlene said. "I'll fight some for me, and some for you."
She was already fighting some for Dorcas too, that was a promise they'd made each other when they'd sunken even deeper into the war, so maybe this counted as fighting thrice as hard. It didn't matter; Marlene had it in her.
"But don't fight too hard. Don't get any trouble," Lily said. She sighed. "See? There's no winning, when you start thinking about everyone you want to keep safe."
"We're not trying to win against some philosophers, we're trying to win a war," Marlene said. "And we will."
She was about to say something along the lines of or we'll all die trying and it won't be our problem anyways! But of course that optimistic nihilism wasn't true for Lily. It only worked for Marlene because she was unconnected and largely, usually, alone and untethered.
Fake it 'til you make it, McKinnon, she told herself. You've convinced Death Eaters to spill their secrets and kiss poison off your lips, you can trick yourself into a little bit of hope.
It became much easier when the boys circled back, James balancing the baby on his hip and Remus levitating several sizable pumpkins behind them.
"Did you pick those out all by yourself?" Lily asked Harry, scooping him up from James' arms. Harry made several unrelated baby sounds, most of them just seemed to be happy reactions to seeing Lily. She kissed his forehead. "You did a good job, sweetheart."
"What about me?" James asked.
"You're doing the best job," Lily said. She went in to kiss his forehead too, but then James tilted her chin to kiss her for real.
"Disgusting," Marlene said, plucking her godson from Lily's arms. "I'm sorry you're going to grow up surrounded by such shameless PDA little man, come hang out with your aunt Marlene instead."
Harry gurgled happily as she held him against her chest. He immediately started chewing on the laces of her hoody. She let him go to town and rested her chin on the top of his little head.
He was worth twice the fight or thrice the fight or whatever needed to be done.
WC: 2391