My heart beats boom, boom, boom
It was perhaps the strangest thing about his ability. Sonic the Hedgehog could break the sound barrier, outlast nuclear powered droids and impact against objects at Mach speeds without turning his bones to powder.
But for all that, he couldn't outrun being roped into one of Amy's impulsive, fairy-tail-idealised schemes.
"Come on, Sonic!" the pink quilled hedgehog said bossily as she dragged at Sonic's paw. "How can you be so slow at a time like this?"
"Unwilling, not slow. Big difference between the two," Sonic drawled flippantly as he dug a red sneaker into Bygone Island's sand.
Amy shook her head disparagingly, the thick bunches of prickles that hung like hair locks swinging with the movement, but she continued to tow her reluctant blue companion.
"How can you be so shallow? This is the most beautiful thing that's ever happened, and you'd rather lie around playing video games and eating week old pizza than share in such a magical moment."
"There's nothing magical about Tails and Zooey going out on a date. They go out all the time," Sonic grumbled. He found his best friend's budding relationship irritating enough as it was, with Tails staring dreamily into space at random intervals and gushing about each date the following day as if Sonic should be amazed, without being forced to gate-crash one. Amy had of course been starstruck with the adorableness, and this wasn't the first time she'd spied on the pair, but why she now thought she had to make Sonic tag along was beyond him.
"This is different, Sonic. It isn't an ordinary date. It's a romantic moonlight picnic on the beach. It's so wonderful to see Tails do something so thoughtful."
Sonic made a 'Pfff' noise, causing Amy to frown deeply at him.
"Maybe you should pay more attention to the way Tails treats his girlfriend. You might learn something, Mister I-don't-have-a-romantic-bone-in-my-body."
"I don't need to learn about women from Tails," Sonic snapped, more angrily than he intended. "If he wants to fall over himself to impress Zooey then he can go ahead, but I'm not the kind of guy who's gonna turn into a desperate loser every time there's a girl nearby."
Amy's eyes widened for a moment, but quickly softened into a sympathetic look.
"Sonic, it's perfectly natural to feel jealous when a close friend starts spending more time with a partner than with you. Your anger is an expression of your fear of losing your friend, but understanding your friend's feelings for their partner can help you cope with your jealously and see that you can still maintain your friendship. Seeing Tails and Zooey interacting while on a date is just what you need to help you get over this emotional hurdle."
"Amy…" Sonic attempted, but gave up. There would clearly be no stopping the girl now that she was onto talking about feelings and offering life-coach style advice. So, he allowed himself to be dragged through the palm grove, tuning out his friend's psychoanalysis hooey. Because- he told himself fervently- there was absolutely no truth whatsoever in her theory of him feeling jealous of the amount of time his best friend was now spending with someone else.
At the same time, Amy told herself with equal fervour that she was taking Sonic along to help him come to terms with the changed nature of his friendship with Tails, and wasn't at all hoping he would indeed learn something about being romantic from the experience.
The two figures made their way along the treeline to the secluded stretch of the beach where Tails and Zooey had planned their date. They were far from town and there were no lights, but the full moon cast an ethereal glow from where it hung in the cloudless sky.
"Can you see them?" Amy looked around.
"I can barely see you," griped Sonic as he hoisted himself up onto a wide log to sit down. "It's dark- you do realise that most normal people go to bed at this time?"
"And you do realise you're a hedgehog, so you're supposed to be nocturnal- oh look!" Amy suddenly exclaimed as she climbed up next to Sonic. "It's their picnic basket!"
Turning his head, Sonic noticed on the other side of the log a wicker basket and the remains of a small meal resting on a blanket.
"There they are!" Amy squeaked and pointed. At the waters edge, two people stood together, staring out into the ocean. Even at a distance, Tails could easily be identified by his twin orange coloured, white tipped tails. The darkness turned Zooey's red dress almost black, but her yellow fur seemed to shine brightly from the way it contrasted against her partner's. Both foxes held each other in a close embrace, looking out at the spectacle of the waves shattering the moons reflection into hundreds of rolling silver streaks.
"What did I tell you?" Amy clutched her hands together against her face. "Beautiful!"
Sonic grunted.
"Someone approaching the sea fully clothed in the middle of the night? That's something you usually call the police about."
Amy ignored the jab, beside herself with glee as she watched the couple. It was better than any romantic movie she'd ever watched. They stood in utter silence, with no need for moving words to enjoy each other's presence, each of them wrapping an arm firmly round the other's waist, nestling their heads together. The tender simplicity of it had the pink hedgehog struggling to hold back tears.
"They're just so perfect together," the girl warbled lightly. "How can you not find this display of true love amazing?"
"Hmm, they're a cute couple I guess," Sonic admitted grudgingly. He was happy for his friend, of course, but the speedster couldn't help but feel a sense of melancholy as he watched the pair. Not because of Amy's theory of being jealous of sharing Tails with someone else (he told himself) but more because Tails was moving on with his life, and that made Sonic think about his own life. Times were changing, and he didn't change with them he'd end up getting left behind.
'Wasn't so long ago that smashing robots and eating chilidogs was good enough for everyone.'
"Look out- they're coming back!" Amy exclaimed. Sonic looked, and sure enough, the fox couple were returning.
"Right, time to go."
"Sonic, we've only been here a few seconds! We're not leaving yet!"
The blue hedgehog considered taking off anyway, but knew the scorn that would follow the next day wasn't worth it. With a huff, he grabbed Amy and pulled her back down to the opposite side of the log where they'd be out of sight.
"Next chance we get, we're going," he insisted. The girl at his side just shook her head despairingly.
The crunch of footsteps in the sand made both hedgehogs still.
"Well, here we are," the voice of Tails wafted from the far side of the log. His bright enthusiasm that Sonic was so used to was gone, replaced with a low baritone that put a purr in the back of his throat.
"Yes, here we are," mimicked Zooey. Her voice, higher than Tails', was in an airy, sultry tone that was no doubt supposed to be seductive. Sonic rolled his eyes. Were these two serious?
A sucking sound like a sinkful of water being emptied down a plug indicated the two foxes were kissing. Amy looked to Sonic with a meek smile and a blush.
"They're not shy with each other," the girl leaned closer to whisper. "To think Tails couldn't even talk to her at first."
"Yeah, amazing," Sonic drawled quietly.
The two hedgehogs waited in the shadow of the log as the two foxes on the other side continued to kiss. Small moans of pleasure filled the night air, getting louder and more insistent as seconds turned into a minute. Sonic's impassive face creased into a frown as things went on, slowly twisting into a full-blown grimace at the two minute mark came and neither fox gave sign of stopping.
"Wow. Those two are pretty… comfortable with each other," Amy commented as the kissing and groaning passed into its third minute.
"That's because they don't know we're listening in," Sonic braced his head in his hands "Jeez, when are they going to stop? Don't they need to breath?"
Finally, there was a lull in the sucking noises. Sonic breathed a sigh of relief, only to tense up as someone on the other side of the log let out a long, loud sniff. What were they doing? Surely the foxes couldn't pick up his scent?
"Mmm," Tails murmured. "You smell good."
Sonic's face crumpled in disgust.
"Eww," he mouthed. What did Tails think he was doing? Did he think Zooey would think it was cute that he was smelling her?
"That was… weird," Amy ventured.
"Uber weird," Sonic agreed, though at least it was something that might make Amy wake up to the reality that other people's relationships weren't all that magical after all.
"Guess Tails isn't such a great romantic after all. More sweet talk like that and Zooey's gonna puke, if I don't first. We should get out of here before this gets ugly."
"We can't just leave," Amy hissed back. "If Tails upsets Zooey, they could have a huge argument and split up. We need to do something."
"We're not letting them know we're spying on them!"
"You're more worried about yourself than your best friend's relationship being in peril?!"
"You really want them to know we've been watching them on their date?!"
"This isn't about us, it's about them! We can't just go when things might start going bad between them!"
"I don't care if the world's coming to an end- no one is knowing about this!"
"How could y-"
Their hushed argument came to an end as something lashed down between them. Amy let out an 'Eep!' and Sonic recoiled, fearing they'd been discovered. Thankfully, it seemed that Tails or Zooey had just thrown something that was now draped over the log. Sonic thought it was the picnic blanket at first, but its dimensions were wrong. Both hedgehogs looked at the shroud curiously until, at the same time, they both realised what it was.
Zooey's dress.
There was no reaction other than equally stunned expressions. All Sonic and Amy could do was gawp at the discarded dress, trying to comprehend what it meant.
No-freaking-way! This couldn't be! Surely they weren't-
All doubt was removed as a long, low moan echoed from behind the log.
Amy 'Eeped!' again and lurched over to huddle at Sonic's side, her face a mask of horror. The blue hedgehog was just shocked. They couldn't be doing this, could they? They were just kids.
Then again, Sonic considered, they weren't actually kids at all. Tails' short stature and immature voice could throw people off, but he was well into his teens. I mean for crying out loud, he owned his own house and a plane- even the incompetent mayoral office of Hedgehog Village didn't give flying licenses to children. Zooey must also be older than her appearance suggested- perhaps it was a fox thing- but they couldn't be old enough for doing things like… this!
"M-maybe," Sonic stuttered weakly "they're not… going… all the way?"
"Oh yes, Zooey!" the voice of Tails had both hedgehogs flinching. "You're so good at this."
"Slow down, foxy," Zooey responded in a breathless, teasing voice. "You need to learn some self-control. Do I need to use the enerbeam on you again?"
Sonic only just managed to hold back a yell of shock. Again?! This wasn't even their first time?! How long had this been going on?!
"What would they use the enerbeam for?" Amy boggled. Sonic shuddered and shook his head, trying not to think about it. Preferable he'd rather not think about anything to do with Tails and Zooey right now, but that was proving to be difficult as they began getting more vocal about their business- gasps and moans began drifting from the far side of the log, growing steadily louder. Not being able to see what was happening seemed to make it even worse, as Sonic's imagination started adding graphic images to match the sounds he was hearing.
"We've got to get out of here." he said.
"We can't!" Amy squeaked. "What if they see us? We can't let them know we're here!
Oh great, so now she cared about not getting caught spying on someone else's date? Shame she hadn't thought of that earlier- like, when they were at home!
Sonic frowned deeply. He wasn't going to put up with any more unintentional voyeurism. He grabbed Amy's hand and braced himself to make a run for it.
"Sonic, no!" Amy somehow managed to shriek and whisper at the same time. "They'll hear our footsteps in the sand!"
"I doubt they'd notice anything right now," Sonic grunted back.
Amy whined in fear, but Sonic ignored her. He bunched his legs beneath him, ready to break into a dash. If they could get to the cover of the trees before either fox looked up, they'd be alright. He sucked in a breath, tensed his muscles-
- then slammed back into the log, heart pounding as a throaty growl filled his ears. What the hell was that?! Was there an animal around here?!
"Oh Zooeeey!" Tails exclaimed, followed by an even more guttural growl than the first. Sonic and Amy looked at each other in shock. Since when could Tails growl?
If Zooey was bothered by the growling, she certainly didn't show it. In fact, her response was to start letting out submissive little yips, and both hedgehogs jumped with each sharp noise from Zooey's lips. Sonic didn't realise he was still holding Amy's hand until he started squeezing it tightly. He felt the prickles on the back of his neck standing on end.
"This is freaking me out!" he near squealed. Amy looked him in the eye with sympathy, but had nothing to say. The two of them continued to cower in the shadow of the log, utterly incapable of shutting out the sound of their friend's coupling or the things they cried out. Sonic began to wilt, not from any loss of tension but from despairing of any relief. He knew he'd never be able to look at Tails the same way again. He would never be able to unhear tonight's events.
The blue hedgehog was broken out of his reverie by a sudden grasp to his arm from Amy that nearly made him scream.
"Sonic," she said urgently. "Do you think they're using protection?"
Sonic gaped at her.
"What?!"
"What if they haven't thought of it? They might have…" she squirmed in embarrassment "… gotten too carried away to remember."
"That's what you're thinking about right now?!" Sonic glared incredulously
"It could be a disaster for them. They're too young. Maybe we should say something."
Sonic thrashed his arms in outrage.
"Amy, if you give us away now, I swear-"
Sonic's threat died as a new wave of blissful cries came from the unseen foxes. Amy's intent to say something died instantly. She and her blue friend continued huddling together, cringing at Tails' long groan of "Zooey!"
Surely it would be over soon? From the way they were crying out it couldn't go on much longer.
"Oh, yes! Yes!" Zooey gasped.
Sonic and Amy closed their eyes in both dread and relief as their friends clearly approached the finale. There couldn't be much more to endure.
"Oh… Miles!"
Eyes snapped open- glanced to each other. She had not just called Tails by his real name!
"MILES! !"
Amy turned pale.
"Oh my God," she lamented. "I can't believe I just heard that."
Sonic didn't answer. He looked like he was going to be sick.
At last the beach fell into silence for the next few minutes, save for the soft panting of a tod and vixen. The two uninvited guests stayed scrunched in on themselves whilst the foxes got their breath back, too shaken to think of running away.
"Wow," said Tails (or Miles now, since Sonic and Amy would never be able to think of him as anything else). "How do you keep getting better at this?"
"I've had a very good study partner," Zooey cooed back, eliciting a laugh.
"Well, we definitely get an 'A'," Tails purred "but I bet we could make that into an 'A plus'. Maybe if I was to do… this."
An excited laugh erupted from Zooey. Sonic threw his head back with a look of horror, while Amy opened her mouth in a silent wail.
'Please, no more!'
"No, that's enough for now, Tails," Zooey said, almost making the hedgehogs cry with relief.
"We need to start heading home, and besides," the red dress was whipped from the log, startling the observers "I need to wash this sand out of my fur."
There was a shuffle of movement before Zooey asked in a very innocent voice "Can I use your shower?"
There was a dull thud as though Tails had just dropped the picnic basket he was packing up. After a second he replied with what was clearly forced calmness.
"Sure thing. Anything to help."
"Hmm, funny you should mention that," Zooey said suggestively. "I could do with someone to scrub my back."
Sonic balanced his arms on his knees so he could bury his head in them as the sound of kissing filled the air.
At last, Tails and Zooey packed up and began strolling their way back home. They walked as they had back from the sea's edge, arms round each other's waist, heads resting together, thoughts preoccupied with nothing except the fox at their side.
Tranquillity settled on the beach. There was no sound or movement save for incessant waves and the slightest breath of wind.
Not even from the two traumatised hedgehogs.
Sonic stared into nothingness. His brain had been completely fused by the experience, leaving him with a gormless, semi-conscious look on his face.
"I…" Amy ventured, then gave up.
Behind his half-lidded eyes, thoughts rolled from one end of Sonic's mind to the other, trying to make sense of what had happened. How could this be? How could the funny if dorky little-brother figure that Sonic had known for as long as he could remember have become some bold, debonair ladies fox before his very eyes (ears)?
'I," Sonic spoke haltingly "just listened… to my best friend… doing… IT,"
Amy winced, but said nothing. Sonic, needing to do something, climbed to his feet. His legs felt like jelly and his mind was dazed. His feet led him in their own direction whilst he looked around as though he expected to find himself in some unknown land- surely everything must have change after what had happened. No way could the world not have been affected by what just happened. Yet everything was still the same- the trees, the beach, the sea. Even as Sonic rounded the log, there was no sign that anything had taken place.
Then Sonic spotted slight damp patch in the sand.
And he collapsed.
"Sonic!" Amy was at his side in an instant. The blue hedgehog bleared up at her, only just keeping himself from fainting.
"Amy," he said. "In case I didn't make it clear, I'm never spying on Tails again."