Wait – What the What?

Chapter 1

Eugene Barkley looked at his oldest brother with a sarcastic "you're kidding" in his eye. Jarrod was older than he was by nearly sixteen years. He was more like a father than a brother when Eugene was growing up, and it was Jarrod he was always emulating. Like Jarrod, he loved reading and he loved education and now he was in California Wesleyan College in San Jose. Over this school break, Jarrod had invited him to come to San Francisco where the case he was trying was going to last at least a week. It was a grinding business lawsuit, nothing fancy or dramatic. Jarrod wanted Eugene to see it so he could get the feel for how hard, how drudging, how boring such a case could be. Eugene agreed, but had a lot of doubts.

He was bored to tears by the time the court took a lunch break. Jarrod knew he would be and let himself laugh about it. "Hang in there for a few more hours, Gene, and I'll give you a reward at the end of the day."

"What reward?" Eugene asked.

"I have a favorite bar I go to after work, the Green Man – named for the color of the patrons faces when they leave, I suppose," Jarrod said. "Not a lot of lawyers there, just businessmen. It's a good break for me. You're of the age you can get a drink now. We can relax together, and I'll introduce you to a fun little racket they have going there."

"Racket?"

"Don't worry, it's legal. It's just a little game one of the barmaids there started up. You'll like her. She's not much older than you are, and she's pretty darned bright. Her name is – well, that's a bit of a game too."

XXXXXXX

"Cordelia," she said as she came to the table Jarrod had taken Eugene to. "Today, my name is Cordelia."

"Today?" Eugene asked. Then, thinking he was being cute, he asked, "What was it yesterday?"

Jarrod chuckled as she said, "Regan. The day before that it was Goneril. But today, it's Cordelia. What'll you have, gentlemen?"

Jarrod ordered scotch while Eugene opted for a whiskey. As Cordelia went off to the bar, Eugene gave Jarrod a cynical look. "She changes her name every day?"

"That's not all she changes," Jarrod said. "She started something a few months ago. You'll catch on pretty quick, but the racket is that if you're the first one who can figure out what she's doing, you're drinking free for the night up to the bar's limit. Take a look around. It gets customers."

Eugene did look around. He had already noticed the place was packed, and every man there had his eyes on Cordelia. Everyone wanted Cordelia for his barmaid. Two other women serving didn't look like they minded, though.

Jarrod said, "Cordelia runs the game but Miriam and Jenny pick up their share of customers too. They all serve all the tables so that nobody feels left out of Cordelia's game and everybody's tips have gone up."

"Does this game of hers have anything to do with her changing her name?" Eugene asked.

"No, not exactly," Jarrod said.

Eugene eyed Cordelia, waiting at the bar to pick up their drinks from the bartender. The rear view was very appealing, and when she turned and started back to them – when he got a better look than he had gotten before – he liked what he saw from the front, too. Cordelia was dark-haired and dark-eyed but with skin like white milk. She gave Eugene a smile as she set his drink down before him.

"Who's your friend, Mr. Barkley?" Cordelia asked.

"This is my youngest brother, Eugene," Jarrod said.

"Ah, the one going to school in San Jose."

"He's the one. I brought him up here to see how hard I work."

"Wait – " Cordelia said. "What the last train to Barstow are you talking about? You lawyers have it made."

Jarrod laughed out loud. "The last train to Barstow, huh? Let me guess. Uh – things that don't exist?"

"No, but you're getting warm," Cordelia said and moved on to another table.

"What the - ?" Eugene said. "Is that the game?"

"That's the game," Jarrod explained. "She had a tendency to use that phrase a lot – 'what the devil?' The story goes is that one of the patrons wondered if she just couldn't come up with another expression, so she's pulled out a string of them. She starts at five o'clock with a new batch of 'what the's' every day – sometimes as many as five or six – but they have something in common. If you're the first to guess what they have in common, your drinks for the night are on the house."

"That's a game she could rig for her favorite customers," Eugene said.

"Ah, you're too mistrusting," Jarrod said. "The bartender – Sandy is his name, and that's always his name. She comes up with the game and tells him what the correct answer is. He writes it down and has it in his pocket. When somebody gets it right, he'll pull it out and prove it by waving it around for anybody to see if they want, and he rings this bell he has behind the bar. It's a clever little game. Gets the customers in."

Eugene smiled as Cordelia walked away to yet another table. "I'd think she'd get men in all by herself."

"Well, she is just about your age but watch yourself, little brother," Jarrod said. "She's a nice girl, not a working girl, if you know what I mean. She's here because Sandy's her uncle. He's quite protective."

"How did you find that out?" Eugene asked. "The hard way?"

"Nevermind," Jarrod said.

Eugene gave a laugh, picked up his whiskey and sipped. "'The last train to Barstow,' huh? But the answer isn't 'things that don't exist.'"

Jarrod could see the wheels turning in his brother's head. "You're gonna be around for a couple more days," Jarrod said. "You have time to figure a few out, and this place opens at eleven in the morning. Get to know Sandy and maybe you'll get to know Cordelia."

"Do you know what her real name is?"

"Yes, I came in here before she started that game," Jarrod said, and he eyed Cordelia too. "She's not only attractive and a nice girl – she's a pretty smart girl too."

"Obviously – her last three names are King Lear's daughters," Eugene said. "Your average barmaid probably doesn't know that."

"And here's something else. I never told her I had a brother going to school in San Jose."

Eugene didn't really hear that. Jarrod smiled, admiring the look Eugene was giving Cordelia. Eugene had once had a girlfriend in Stockton, before he went away to school, but she moved on pretty quickly when he did and she was already engaged to marry someone else. Jarrod could tell the look of "smitten" was in Eugene's eyes.

Cordelia came by again. "You fellas just let me know when you need another drink," she said. "Or wave to Miriam or Jenny."

A little on the shy side and not yet loosened up by the whiskey, Eugene could only smile. Jarrod said, "I think my brother here would rather be waving at you."

She gave him a smile. "In college, are you?"

"Yes, I am," Eugene said, still not catching on that somehow she knew when Jarrod had never told her.

Deciding to play a bit of Cupid, Jarrod said, "He'll be around for a couple days."

"Wait, what the Queen Victoria at the Embarcadero are you suggesting?" She had a twinkle in her eye. She was used to heading off passes from the patrons but not antagonizing the ones she didn't mistrust, and she had talked to Jarrod enough, and read enough about him, to know she could trust him, at least out here in public. And she was still playing the game.

"Ah, I think I have it," Jarrod said, catching on, and he winked at her. "Let me guess again – things that aren't going to happen tonight."

Cordelia grinned and winked at Eugene. "But who knows about someday? Your big brother is getting too good at this game. I'm gonna have to work harder or he's never going to pay for a drink in this place again. And by the way, Eugene – my name is really Donna."

"It's nice to meet you, Donna," Eugene said. "Maybe you'll see me around here again."

"You're welcome anytime," Cordelia said, and she waved to Sandy at the bar, then when Sandy looked up, she pointed down at Jarrod.

Sandy waved a piece of paper in the air and rang the bell.