AN: Hey! Hope you enjoy! This is crossposted on AO3. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this! :)
:Drunk Kaminari tells not drunk Katsuki about Kacchako, and it is not the second worst idea in the history of the world:
"What the fuck is a Kakachu?"
Really Sparky probably should stop drinking. Clearly two shots is too much.
"Not Kakachu, Bro, Kacchako! And it's not a what; it's a who; and that who is you. " Pikachu's annoying ass smile widens into an even more irritatingly dopey one. He points both his pointer fingers with truly unnecessary and aggravating flamboyance at Katsuki's person. " And Uraraka-chan."
"Huh?" What the fuck does that mean? He and Uraraka aren't… a portmanteau.
The fucker had the audacity to smirk at him like he knew anything, despite clearly being on the wrong side of sober. "There are people, more than a few, who want you guys to bone."
"Huh?" What the fuck does that mean? He and Uraraka… don't bone.
The brain dead moron just downs more idiot elixir before patting Katsuki's shoulder. Showing a stupid amount of disregard over whether said hand continued to exist.
Pikachu always did have balls.
"You should check it out! It might only be the second worst idea in the history of the world."
"Huh!?"
How dare he imply that dating Katsuki could be anything less than a fucking great idea!
But Katsuki will wait until he is a little more drunk to exact revenge. Sparky is particularly loose-lipped when drunk. Katsuki will have blackmail fodder for months.
(Besides he doesn't want to get banned from this bar; the stuffed chili peppers are good.)
:Katsuki discovers ship fic, and is reluctantly into it:
The next morning he types Kacchako into a Google search.
Huh. 832,000 results. Maybe people did want them to bang.
There's art. Long detailed speculations about them are all over on discussion boards, and littered in comment sections. And something called fanfiction featuring them.
Lots of it.
Some of it is even good.
Maybe not the most realistic. He isn't obsessed over Uraraka, but still, not completely shitty.
If looked at in a hypothetical, speculative, fictional sense.
Huh.
:Katsuki discovers smut fic, and is reluctantly turned on:
He doesn't mean to start reading fanfiction about him Uraraka, but it's oddly entrancing.
Maybe The Hag is right. Maybe he is self-obsessed.
Although, maybe it's something else. He isn't into reading fic featuring him and Ei or Icy Hot or Deku of all people.
How does that make one shit of sense?
Sure they'd known each their whole lives. And they are actually pretty good friends: now. And maybe his first wet dream had-
But whatever. They aren't like that.
Of course, neither are him and Uraraka.
So again what is it about reading these 'Kacchako' stories is speaking to him.
Meh. Whatever. He's not really feeling like self-reflection.
He's kind of amazed by all the different ways people out in the world had imagined them getting together. He definitely wouldn't have thought up most of the things people seemed to think he'd do if he were… wooing her or some shit, but they aren't terrible ideas.
Just… he's not particularly romantically inclined. Which does seem to be the consensus.
Huh. He supposes that wouldn't be impossible to infer by his general demeanor.
But he's a little startled when he runs into what is apparently called smut.
People are thinking and writing about him and Uraraka having sex.
He isn't even thinking about him and Uraraka having sex.
(Shit; now he is thinking about him and Uraraka having sex.)
It's… not unpleasant.
He doesn't mean to keep running into smut stories about them either, but it seems there is no longer any denying it:
Some amount of people want him and Uraraka to bone.
Huh.
:Katsuki leaves a comment, or two, or a lot:
He ends up creating an account at the fanfiction site so he can leave his take on the stories he's been reading.
Some are well crafted.
[BetterThanYou]
Really like your action scene. Villains can be a bitch to take down. Also Uravity is fierce with that thigh hold.
Bringing her mochi seems like a really good idea.
Some are in dire need of… constructive criticism.
[BetterThanYou]
What the actual fuck?! He would not say that shit!
Do better research asshole!
:And so does moredessertplease:
He even starts having interactions with other readers.
One in particular, moredessertplease, seems to be reading the same fics as him. And sometimes seems compelled to comment on his comments. Weirdo.
[BetterThanYou]
Everyone is out of character! Not one of them acts like you wrote!
[moredessertplease]
Like chill a little Mr. Ego. 😑 How about you turn down your flames a bit, sheesh. 😒
Although, Author-san I would direct you to IHDb. It contains bios for all public heroes past and present and links to their public social media, interviews and fan pages. I think these give fairly accurate depictions of ProHeroes.👍
I think the story has potential.💗💓💓 But it is important for characters to be in character. You can do it! 💪😊
See? Weird. And what did they call him?
[BetterThanYou]
That's basically what I said!
It's rude for them to mischaracterize real people, Sweet Freak.
Who does this bitch even think they are? He doesn't even like Mr. Stiff that much, but this author made him seem one step removed from a rock who had inherited less personality than the rest of its siblings.
[moredessertplease]
Geez. 😒 You act like you actually know them. 😂😂😂
Maybe write some fic yourself instead of flaming everyone! 😜
Although you probably can't do that.😆
The fuck? He does know them! He isn't 'flaming.' And of course he can write about himself better than some random fucker on the internet.
He'll show them!
:Katsuki writes a fic, 'cause he is better:
Several days later he's one breath away from blowing up his computer, his apartment building, and everyone who lives in it.
Writing is fucking hard.
One, he doesn't even know what to write about. It's just his life. Most of it is kinda boring and there is no running narration to make things more cinematic.
Two, actually writing something is harder than he'd thought.
But fuck it. He can do it. If fucking Deku can obsessively fill up notebooks. He can write some amount of words about himself and Uraraka interacting.
It would help if they actually interacted more, but, whatever, he has a fucking awesome imagination.
(Except he doesn't actually. He has an exceptionally bad imagination in his experience.)
Thankfully he and Uraraka cross paths on patrol and end up taking down a villain together.
He'll just write up that. He just has to pretend it's a report, but, less accurate, because those are not available to the public.
It was a routine patrol. A civilian assisted here, a villain subdued there. Mostly just surveillance and being one hundred percent ready.
But then he almost literally runs into Uravity. The state of her uniform seems to suggest she too is wrapping up her shift.
She beams at him and waves because she is an idiot.
"Hey, DynaMight! How's patrol going?"
"Like it always fucking goes Uravity." He hates small talk.
But she just laughs. Her round cheeks pink with mirth. They look freakishly squishy like the mochi she likes to eat.
"Okay! Well I guess I should-"
And then they turn in unison as the sound of an explosion reaches them. Across the street smoke is belching out the front window of a jewelry store. From the smoke emerges a villain.
"Stop right there!" Uravity has already picked up a nearby trash can to use as a projectile and is holding it carefully in one hand.
He glares at the people standing around gawping. "Oi, fuckers! Get out of here!" Geez, civilains sure could be brainless.
At least they listened to reason and were quick to move to a safer distance.
The villain starts cackling. "I'm not afraid of two rookie heroes." Then he spat a gob of spit at the ground where it exploded.
One, gross. Two, the fucker can spit farther than seems normal.
Not that it helps him any. His dodging skills are shit and Uravity is able to knock him out with her garbage can.
He's a little disappointed that the villain has already been subdued, but since he didn't use his quirk it means less paperwork.
Yay. Sometimes being a prohero is boring as shit.
"Nice job, Uravity."
"Thanks, DynaMight," she chirped with her usual bubbly energy even as she slapped quirk suppressing cuffs on the would-be jewel thief. The shop owner is there to reclaim his stolen goods.
So yeah. It was a routine patrol. A civilian assisted here, a villain subdued there.
And Uravity flipping off the physical laws of the universe with her cheeks looking soft enough to bite.
There! A story about him and Uraraka that is actually accurate to how they interact.
Sure the robbery they'd responded to hadn't involved explosions or a jewelry store, but he figures that adds a little spice.
Besides he can't write actual events.
He's not one hundred percent sure about the cheek thing. He hadn't actually realized he'd felt that way.
But he thinks it's not hurting anything (and that the Kacchako shippers might like it.)
He's not sure. No one has written anything like that. But how would they know when he'd just figured it out?
So he figures he'll give himself a few days to edit it. No need to rush.
Fucking writing is fucking hard.
:Katsuki posts a fic, 'cause he is not a coward:
Katsuki isn't scared because that would be stupid.
(But for some reason he is nervous to post his story.)
He's not sure why. He knows it is realistic and in character. But.
Whatever! He's not a freaking coward.
He's going to post it! Fuck it!
A N: See this Sweet Freak! Writing. That's actually accurate. Not so smug now, are you?
Maybe the author's note is a little petty, but he doesn't like the implication that he doesn't know his friends and former classmates. Just cause they're annoying doesn't mean they don't deserve dignity when being written.
He might be an asshole, but that just doesn't sit right with him.
:Katsuki gets a comment, or two, or more, 'cause he is awesome:
He has three days of double shifts and forgets all about his foray into fanfiction until his day off when he discovers comment alerts in his personal email.
Huh.
"Maybe those fuckers appreciate some actual realistic Kacchako."
Then he frowns. That is the first time he'd spoken their ship name aloud and he feels a little silly. Him and Uraraka are… just peers.
But whatever. Time to see how much those fuckers liked it.
Except.
:Or because he's an asshole:
Apparently they didn't.
[gokugoku]
Kinda boring, don't you think? 😪 Maybe we should call you BetterThanWho?😂
The actual fuck? Also hero work is boring a vast majority of the time.
[almightyslime]
Yeah what GokuGoku said. You make hero work seem about as compelling as watching paint dry. Also they act like coworkers in a cubical hive. I think they'd have better banter than that.
No they fucking wouldn't! That's how they actually interact. He was there!
The actual fuck!
[class1Agroupie]
And what's with the cheek thing. 😑 Like DynaMight cares about her cheeks. 😂
[gokugoku]
Well not the ones on her face at least. 😏
One! He does actually care that her face is, like, perfectly round.
Two! How dare they imply he's only interested in Uraraka for sex! She is more than just a body to be objectified.
The actual fuck!
He holds his hands out and away from the computer because they are sparking too much to not end up damaging something.
How dare those extras mock him? It's not his fault that they'd created some weird alternate universe where he and Uraraka are lovey-dovey and hero work is always exciting.
He's just about calm enough to start typing them exactly the response they deserve when another comment appears.
[moredessertplease]
Huh. I guess you can write. 😏 At least a little. 😆
I find the more realistic take on hero work very refreshing. Maybe you actually do know some pros.
And don't let those other comments get you down. I think the cheek thing is kinda cute. Maybe I'm odd for a girl. 😊
Although you probably wouldn't have so many negative comments if you didn't go around flaming people. 😓 Kindness goes a long way Mr. Ego.
Huh. Sweet Freak might actually have a few points and she actually likes the cheek thing.
Which is weirdly important to him.
[BetterThanYou]
I will take that into consideration Sweetness. Thank you for commenting on my fic.
He bit his lip for a second before adding.
[BetterThanYou]
And you can just call me Ego. Mr. seems a little stuffy.
:Katsuki has a fan, of course:
He ends up writing a few more fics about responding to incidents with Uraraka. He doesn't get many comments, but Sweetness leaves kind words on all his submissions.
He may have been too hasty to judge her. She doesn't actually seem that bad.
And since he's tried to be a little more gentle with his much needed encouragement he is receiving less snarky comments as well.
She was right about that as well.
:Katsuki does some research, for education:
Eventually, he decides he wants to maybe write a different style of fic, but he has trouble conceiving writing outside of what he knows to be fact.
He decides he needs to do research. Luckily, he knows a lot of people who know Uraraka better than him. But he would have to be subtle.
He doesn't want anyone getting any weird ideas… about his research.
He asks Ei what movies she likes to watch: (Ei had actually gone to the movie nights in the dorms. He might have too if they hadn't been so fucking late at night.)
"Uh, like really, really raunchy comedies and gory as fuck horror movies. Although she thinks those are comedies too. Uraraka-chan is a little hardcore, Man. But why are you asking, Bro?"
He asks Sir-Shocks-Himself what her favorite flower is: (He knows she helped the fucker pick out flowers all the time for dates in high school.)
"Well, Uraraka-chan doesn't like fresh flowers because she thinks they're a waste and just end up dead. But she's really into the whole flower language thing because her mom is super into gardening. But I think she said her favorite was sunflowers. Don't worry. I won't tell anyone you asked. Just please keep not telling everyone about what really happened that time I was late for karaoke."
He asks Jirou what her favorite musical genre is: (Because he's pretty sure she would know.)
"Actually you two have pretty similar tastes in music. But I'm not sure why you care."
He asks Pinky what her favorite not sweet food is: (Since she goes on girls nights with her every week.)
"Really anything. Mostly she's about the quantity more than any particular type. What's with the sudden curiosity, Bakubro?"
He asks Daddy Issues what her favorite flavor of mochi is: (Because the fucker is almost as food obsessed as her.)
"Osaka style sakura mochi, but only if she has time to savor it. Strawberry is her everyday favorite. But I don't understand why you're asking me."
He even asks fucking Deku what her schedule is like: (Because Deku is freakishly obsessive about knowing where everyone is at all times.)
"Oh, well, Ochako has Tuesday and Saturday off the next two weeks. But why do you want to know, Kacchan?"
Okay. That's a good start. But if he's going to get the most accurate information he needs to ask Uraraka herself.
:Katsuki asks Ochako on a friend date, for research:
"Oi! Uraraka! Let's hang out! That new horror flick is out and there's this spicy mochi I've been meaning to try."
"Um, okay? We're going as friends?"
"Of course! Why are you acting like we're not friends?!"
"I didn't mean it like that Bakugou-kun!"
:Then he realizes mid-date he wants to ask her on a date-date, shit:
It is just like he suspected. Uraraka is a great source of information on herself. Especially when she's happy.
And after a two hour long massacre masquerading as a movie (during which she'd laughed gleefully as literally all the characters were slowly eviscerated), a meal that consisted of overly large servings of ramen followed by a generous helping of Osaka style sakura mochi (which she'd eaten with extreme zeal), and an hour of walking along a canal listening to their favorite death metal band (she sings pretty okay) Uraraka is in a great mood.
She is as bubbly as a bottle of champagne with the silk sunflower barrett clipped in her hair. (His dad had been suspicious but not unhelpful in showing him how to make such a craft.)
And so yeah. He learned a lot about her.
But he also learned he actually wants to date-date her.
Huh.
He's become a Kacchako shipper.
Well, fuck.
:Katsuki gets a beta reader, for feedback:
Despite realizing that his feelings for Uraraka go beyond highly esteemed peer, not much else changed.
It's not 'cause he's too scared to make a move.
They're both very busy.
(Deku says her latest schedule actually allowed for no freetime outside of sleeping.)
He funnels the odd jittery feeling (the new Uraraka feelings inspired in him) into writing.
He writes about their friend date with more accuracy than he did with the reports, but also with a little embellishment.
But he had thought about kissing her at the end. (He'd thought about it really, really hard.)
And in the spirit of improvement he asks if anyone would be interested in beta reading for him. He wants to expand his writing to AUs, but it would be nice to have another set of eyes to verify it ain't total shit.
It's not like he can ask anyone he knows in real life.
The next morning he has comments on his newest story:
[gokugoku]
Why'd you write Uravity like some psycho who likes watching people be dismembered?
They should have had a fancier first date. Geez, BetterThanWho, your lack of romance is showing.
He rolls his eyes. That fucker just couldn't get over Katsuki's very helpful advice that he'd given him. The petty fucker always had something snarky to say.
Katsuki carefully replies with his very mature:
[BetterThanYou]
Fuck you.
Also there is nothing wrong with Uraraka howling with laughter watching people become bloody lumps of ew.
(Just like there is nothing wrong with getting a boner as she does so.)
Most of the comments are actually positive including the latest from Sweetness.
[moredessertplease]
OMFG! 😍 Ego, this is so cute! That sounds like such a fun date! The sakura mochi must have tasted so divine.
You're getting so much better at including details. I felt like I was there. 😊
I'm sure if Uravity were to go on such a date she'd really enjoy it. Especially the kiss at the end. 😍 I know I wouldn't complain if DynaMight kissed me. 😆 😊
Also if you need a beta reader I would be interested. I have a hectic work schedule, but I could do so a few nights a week.
He flushes a little at the idea that his regular commenter would want to kiss him, but shakes it off. She doesn't know she's talking to him.
He also grins. He'd kinda been hoping she would volunteer. She'd been really encouraging.
[BetterThanYou]
Thanks Sweetness. DM me your email.
Luckily, he'd already created an email just for this. After all, he can't have his beta reader receive an email from Bakugou Katsuki.
She'd probably die.
Sweetness is all about his idea to have a fantasy adventure starring barbarian Dynamight and witch Uravity. (Finally listening to Deku's H&V nerd babble has paid off; it only took 11 years.)
Sweetness also has really good ideas:
Her ear for Uraraka's dialog is very good.
She's good at suggesting potential twists.
She even encouraged him to add a more… intimate scene in the story.
But after weeks of him writing, and her reading and suggesting. He finally feels ready to post it.
-Crown of Firethorn-
Summary: It is time for barbarian prince Katsuki to wed. And so a tournament is to be held. Whoever wins the tournament will be the next barbarian queen.
Too bad he's not much interested in marrying anyone.
A N: So tried something a little different this time. Blame my nerd friends for being too nerdy near me.
moredessertplease also was a huge help. She's a great beta reader.
:And the fic is a fucking success, of course:
The response to his previous fics had been very modest so he'd been unprepared for the sheer volume of feedback he received for Crown of Firethorn.
It actually took him close to an hour to read through the comments and respond.
[potatopeel]
Nice! Had me hooked until the end!
[moonshiny]
So awesome! 😁 The action was intense! 😮 But the sweet moments were so sweet!
And the spicy scene. Hot! 🔥
Good job! 👌
[moredessertplease]
Wow! 😍
Those final edits you did really brought it all together! 😊
I wish I could be a badass like witch Uravity and fight for the love she desires, but I'm going to try.
Huh. Sounded like Sweetness had some drama of her own.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
How was someone knocking? None of his neighbors bother him (he made it very clear he wanted nothing to do with them unless they were on fire or being robbed).
But it's not coming from his front door.
It's coming from his balcony.
:Also his beta reader knows where he lives, and will he let her in, she's cold and didn't wear a warm enough jacket:
Huh. Uraraka is on his balcony. And she looks cold as fuck.
He opens his balcony door and she all but runs him over to get in.
"Bakugou-kun, I'm sorry if this is weird, but I really, really want to tell you something."
He squints at her. If this were a fanfiction, she'd be about to confess.
But he doesn't live in a fanfiction.
"I really, really like you and I want to go on date-date with you."
Huh. His life is a fanfiction.
He writes fanfiction about himself and Uraraka.
His life has become a fanfiction. Huh.
(Is it fiction if it's happening? And can he actually be considered a fan?)
Huh.
He writes speculative future set memoirs.
Huh.
"Bakugou-kun, I really, really need you to say something. Even if it is: Get the fuck out Round face."
He should say something good.
Should say something good.
Say something good.
Something good.
Good.
"I love how soft your cheeks look; I just want to bite them."
Mission accomplished.
(He knows it is 'cause she laughs.)
"Geez, I really am an odd girl; that actually does it for me."
Huh. Isn't that what-
"Sweetness?"
"Of course, Mr Ego. You can call me that all night long, if you know I mean."
He does. And they do. Well into the morning.
:Katsuki gets a girlfriend, 'cause dating him is a fucking great idea, fuck you Pikachu, Kacchako is canon: