"…..Ahhh…."

The darkened girl in front of me gasped in surprise, her body stilling in place almost as if time itself stopped. Wide eyes and parted lips betrayed her surprise. There was no doubt that she did not fully comprehend her actions, that the realization of her death had not fully set in yet. Slowly, mechanically, her neck craned downwards, lowering her gaze to her chest. Her black dress is drenched in crimson, her blood almost masking the red hilt protruding out from her heart. Unseen from either of us was the jagged blade of the weapon, though she undoubtedly felt it piercing her heart.

Rule Breaker, the weapon of the Witch of Colchis, Medea.

Her eyes robotically moved up the dagger to the handle. Wrapped around the handle was a hand. Large and calloused, it was the hand of a warrior, of a weapon, of a murderer.

It was my hand.

Around my hand were two smaller ones, hands befit of a woman's. A moment ago, their grip had been like steel, its owner having summoned the last of her resolve for one final push. Now, they were slowly loosening, their strength fading away along with the girl's life.

Some part of my mind, one indifferent to the scene before me, noted that this scene was not particularly surprising. In fact, it was a fitting result for someone such as myself.

Every step forward a mistake.

Every action a regret.

The tragic tale one can call my life can end only in more angst. From start to end, my life can be described as a failure and disappointment.

I failed Rider when she had to protect me at the expense of herself in our battle against Saber.

I failed Saber when my weakness as a master forced her to take on True Assassin and the Shadow alone.

I failed Rin when my hesitance to end Saber prolonged the battle and stopped me from aiding her.

And now….

"Sakura…. why?"

She looked up at me, eyes slowly closing as her final moments approach. She opened her lips slightly, and a small sound managed to escape before she choked on her own blood.

It wasn't supposed to be this way.

Rule Breaker itself was a mediocre weapon due to its unorthodox blade. It was not supposed to be a lethal weapon. With little chance of killing her and being able to terminate the connection between Sakura and the Holy Grail, Rule Breaker was the perfect tool for this final battle, my trump card.

And yet, those facts completely contradicted this result.

Rule Breaker had only been used to lightly pierce Sakura in order for the anti-Sorcery properties to actualize. I had made sure to not kill Sakura with it, or else everything we had done up to his point would have been for naught. I made a choice in that damned church, to protect her with all I had, even if the very world scorned her very existence, even if everyone else wished for her death.

My gaze focused on the two dainty appendages wrapped around mine.

But if she herself was the one that desired her death….

"Sakura…. why?" I repeated.

A pregnant pause filled the cavern, the silence only disrupted by the girl's quiet rasps. Then slowly, those bloodstained hands rise, undoing themselves from my own and continuing their ascent until slender fingers were caressing my cheeks as Sakura's eyes reach mine, repentant violet meeting regretful amber in a silent clash of wills.

"Senpai…." Crimson lips curl into a grim smile, and pale fingers gently stroke my cheekbones, trying to commit my flesh to her memory before the end. Her eyes, once a brilliant shade of violet, had dimmed to a deathly purple. Nevertheless, their luster is still unmatched, shining like distant stars in the midnight sky. I open my mouth to respond, but I could only manage vague rasps as my words catch in my throat. "It's…. better this way…." Her eyes fell downwards, eyeing the black-haired magus at her feet.

It was a strange sight. It was difficult to reconcile my image of the passionate and fiery Tohsaka, with energy – more often than not – directed towards berating me with the deathly still corpse. Those aqua eyes so often brimming with mirth and amusement were closed, and blood-caked lips were curled upwards in a small, subtle smile. A smile, so small one could barely see it but nevertheless, it shone with the brilliance of a thousand suns.

I had seen that smile only once before, on a man in his death throes as he entrusted his dream of justice to me. It was not a smile of a girl with regrets, unable to reach her goal at the end, letting victory slip from her grasp. No, for Rin Tohsaka, the outcome of this battle was preferable.

"So this is your decision, huh…." My voice was deadpan, devoid of emotion. Neither approving nor objecting.

Sakura gave me a bitter smile. "I'm sorry, Senpai." She flashes me another smile, one reminiscent of those she would give me in the mornings after finding me sleeping in the shed or before we parted ways on our walks home together – back to simpler days.

She struggled slightly, and I moved instinctively, wrapping both arms around her waist. Slowly, she rose, placing herself on the tips of her toes until her face was directly in front of mine. The last I saw was another gentle smile before my vision was consumed by white hair, and a familiar warmth touched my lips. My eyes widened in surprise before I realized what she was doing and leaned into her kiss, savoring the moment for all it was worth. The kiss was fleeting, and far sooner than I would have liked, Sakura separated from me. Hints of tears were present in her eyes, the dam holding them back barely enduring.

"I love you, Senpai."

Abruptly, like a marionette with its strings cut, she collapsed. I fell to my knees before she hit the ground, catching her in my arms. Her eyes were closed, and a small smile was present on her face. Even in death, she looked just as beautiful as she had in life. I gently placed an arm underneath her waist and hooked the other around her legs before lifting her up. She was light, much lighter than I expected, yet she was far stronger than she had any right to be. All of the abuse she had suffered throughout the years, the constant expectations as the Makiri heir bearing down on her, the clear difference between the unwanted daughter and the perfect Tohsaka heir – the thought of all that pressure bearing down on such frail shoulders made me sick, and it was only the knowledge that she was in a better place now that gave me an iota of solace.

I brought her over to Rin, lowering Sakura to her rightful place at her sister's side. Standing back up, I looked at the pair of siblings.

It was a cruel irony. In life, they had been separated, unknowingly distancing themselves from each other over their own assumptions. They had nothing more than to be together but were afraid of the wrath of the other, yet little did they know that the feeling was mutual. It was only in death that they could finally be reunited.

"How unfair, leaving me alone to finish the job," I smiled jokingly at the pair. A single hand rose to my face, where a lone tear drop made its way down my cheek. "Now look what you've made me do, making me cry like that." How long has it been since I cried? Kiritsugu's death? No, maybe even further, back to that fiery hell where Shirou Emiya was born.

I was no stranger to death. I had been born in the aftermath of the Fourth Holy Grail War, condemning everyone else to their death just to save myself. I had walked in the hell, uncaring for their cries of help as I persevered forwards. And yet, seeing these two girls dead had made my heart ache in ways I had long thought to have hardened to steel.

Shirou, I love you.

I love you, Senpai.

"Take some responsibility, damn it."

Heart of glass indeed.

I peered into the darkness further into the cavern. Somewhere in there, the Holy Grail laid intact, continuously fueling this hellish nightmare. I cast one final longing look at the sisters and into the black void that I came from where Saber and Rider had fallen. A hand rose up to wipe away the expected tear, but I could only look blankly when it returned dry.

Somehow, that hurt even more.

With an exhale, I spun on my heel and prepared myself to descend further into the darkness.

There was no longer time to grieve.

I could not – would not – turn around and look back again.

There was no longer any doubt within me.

I had discarded all hope and pain to reach this point.

My back was straight, and my shoulders were square. No doubt that anyone looking at me from behind would have believed my figure to be heroic and powerful.

It was very bit the image a hero should be.

And yet….

Was this what you meant, Archer?

One foot stepped forwards, encroaching closer to the end of this nightmare.

The other followed, signaling the resolution of this war.

Two steps became three, then four, and before my brain could process everything – before any doubt could resurface – I was walking forward. There was no hesitation. Each step was perfect, every movement as precise as a machine. The lack of muscles in my legs did not hamper me in the slightest. The organic matter had long since been replaced with unyielding steel.

A deep rumble resonated throughout the cavern, no doubt emanating from the blackened catalyst in front of me.

The Holy Grail must have sensed my presence and in response, the shaking of the cavern intensified.

It knew that its end was nigh.

Unpleasantness and anger filled my stomach.

It was a disgusting thing, a well-intentioned wish twisted into a grotesque shadow. A poor boy forced to carry the burden of all the evils of this world. Had it not been the cause of this hell, I might have had an iota of sympathy for it.

Rider.

Saber.

Sakura.

Rin.

All the lives of those close to me had been cruelly taken away by it. If I left it here, many more would join that list.

How ironic. It craved life despite its sole purpose being to extinguish it. One could not help but laugh at the ridiculous situation.

It wished to be born into this world, to break free of its vessel and rampage upon the Earth.

I would not let it.

A cough escaped from my mouth, and the pain sent me down to my knees. From the taste of copper on my lips, I knew that I did not have much longer to live.

Countless blades were skewering me at any given moment.

My magic circuits had long since been burnt out, the power I had forced through them overpowering their meager capacity to channel energy after years of neglect.

Tohsaka had once again that to be a magus was to walk with death. Magic beyond my limits would destroy me, she had once reminded. It was a miracle in the first place that I had made it this far.

Nevertheless, I pushed forward.

I was already dead. I had already accepted that fact. My fate was long since decided when I vowed to fight against Sakura and the Shadow without killing her at the church.

When pitted against such an immense power, what could a third-rate magus such as Emiya Shirou hope to accomplish?

Still, I moved onward.

If my destiny had already been written, then there was no longer any need to hold back. I would destroy the grail with every once of power remaining in my body.

100 meters.

A vast expanse separated the Holy Grail and I.

An intimidating distance to many, but not to me.

Her sword would be more than capable to reaching my enemy.

I held out my right palm.

"Trace, on."

It was an unnecessary action. That aria was merely a mental tool to prepare myself for magecraft. What I was about to do was not customary tracing, but something far more basic.

I wished, and it responded.

From the depths of my soul, it came.

It was not tracing. There was no magecraft, nothing except for the last wishes of humanity's greatest ruler being granted by the world.

Golden light shimmered above my hand, like fireflies dancing in the night. The sight brought me the faintest of smiles. How could it not? It was the light that proudly decorated the chosen weapon of the King of Knights.

Saber, the greatest of all kings.

My partner, and my love.

After a moment, the light coalesced into a familiar sight.

Excalibur, the Sword of Promised Victory.

It was the crystallization of humanity's hope, a prayer from all those on the battlefield as their deaths approached. She had burdened herself with carrying out their will, carrying this sword as a symbol of her ideals and kingship. Only those deemed worthy by the fae were given such a legendary weapon.

I was not worthy of it. Unlike the greatest king, too many failures encapsulated my existence for me to wield it with the pride and honor it deserved, yet with a sad smile, her bloodied hands had pushed it onto me anyways.

"Only you would believe that, Shirou."

I could not do it justice. The only thing I could do was grant it peace by avenging its master.

As if eager to exact vengeance, the sword began to greedily drink in the last vestiges of my ode.

The energy requirements to use Excalibur were immense. Even Saber with her large magical reserves could only use the sword once before tiring. With all my remaining energy, enough that I would surely pass away after the attack, I could only fill the sword to a fifth at best.

No matter – I was going to die anyway, and Excalibur, even with the mediocre supply being provided to it, would surely be enough to destroy the Holy Grail.

I raised the sword, and Excalibur shone in response.

This was the end.

"EXCALIB—"

"Put that silly thing down, Shirou."

Time froze.

Mechanically, arms still poised to strike, and my feet firmly entrenched into the ground, I twisted my torso to peer behind me.

"….Illya?"

She was a fairy. It might have seemed like an exaggeration, but no other words could describe the sight. Her small stature was only highlighted by the snow white dress she had donned. In the light of Angra Mainyu behind me, she seemed to glow, looking every bit as ethereal as the mysterious little girl I first met in that park playground. The aura of mystique she emanated served as a beacon for me to clutch onto in the overwhelming sense of dread behind me.

It was an impossibility, a glitch in the world.

Illyasviel should not – could not – be here.

"Illya….what are you doing here?"

She should at home, safe. Away from this chaos and destruction. She needed to serve as the one last thing I could protect, to not call myself a complete failure.

She should not be here of all places.

"What does it look like? I'm here to save you," she said. Her nonchalant reply only serves to open the pit in my stomach even further.

Letting Excalibur dissipate, I fully turn around, and much like a parent about to explain something to their child, I slowly walk over to her. Kneeling down until brilliant crimson and dull amber were level, I place both my hands on her shoulders.

"Illya," I started, squeezing her petite frame for emphasis.

"Shirou," she fired back. Normally, that smile of hers would have put butterflies in my stomach, but right now was not the time.

"Illya," I tried again, "I love you."

I meant it too, with all that I had.

"I love you, Illya, so much, more than you could possibly imagine. You've done so much for me, you know. When I began to know you, I never felt so real."

She had saved me. She, along with a few others, had turned an empty husk of a human into someone alive. We might not have been related by blood, but the bond between us was no weaker as a result. In the beginning, we were enemies, but time and circumstances had brought us together. We were Kiritsugu's last living legacies, the only memories left of a kind man who had only wanted to be a hero. It was the end for me, but she still had so much left to live for.

"Your smiles, your laughter, I love everything about you. The way you skip around when you're excited. How you always tease Saber and Sakura. Your inability to hide your embarrassment. I love it all. So, please…." By now, I was holding her face, peering at her with tear-filled eyes, desperate to get her to see reason. "Please let me do this, Illya. I'm already dead, but you still have so much left to live for."

A life of freedom outside of those cold castle walls away from other people. She was a homunculus created solely for the Holy Grail War. With its coming to an end, she would be free to do whatever she wanted no one to refuse her.

"Don't do this to me, Illya. Don't throw your life away from a dead man. Without you, I'm…..I'm nothing but a failure," I finished, unable to continue further. Sobs wracked my body, forcing me to look away from the one sight I wanted to see the most.

It was a selfish request, I knew. It was hypocritical, I realized. But I would ask it of her anyways.

Another rumble, far sharper than the rest, shook the cavern. Rocks the size of basketballs fell down from the ceiling. I turned back towards the grail. The feeling of absolute evil in the air was far more intense now. No doubt that Angra Mainyu was reminding us that it still existed, and its resurrection would soon be complete.

I look back towards the Illya only to see that she didn't even notice the incoming apocalypse. She was looking to the side, her face bright red in a giant blush. After what seemed like an eternity, she closed her eyes, slowly exhaling and then bringing her face back towards mine.

When she opened her eyes, all doubt had left her, leaving behind only determination.

"You're unfair, saying all those things now. How you're still dense even now is beyond me," she admonished. Defiant crimson drilled into me, reminding me that underneath her cute exterior was a hardened magus who was no stranger to death and violence. "And as for everything else you said," – suddenly, her newfound resolve wavered, and she reverted back to meekly looking to the side – "don't you want to live, Shirou?"

"Not without you. Not without…."

Everyone else.

The words were left unspoken, yet both of us knew them all the same.

"Even after all this time, you still haven't learned, have you? Then again, I suppose that we're all equally at fault here. We were supposed to help you, after all." Her arms were crossed behind her, and she was idly looking down at her feet as if she was confessing her poor grades to her parents. "A pity, I had this speech planned out and everything."

Her light-hearted tone did not suit the quickly deteriorating situation we were in, and her stubbornness and willingness to throw her life away for a dead man was grating on my nerves.

"What are you saying, idiot? You'll die! Doesn't that mean anything to you?!" I yelled.

She raised an eyebrow, clearly not impressed by my outburst. A lethargic sigh left her, and she deflated even further.

"The Einzberns started this mess. It's only right that I fix it. Besides, I'm going to die anyway. I might as well do something good for a change," she revealed.

Wait, what –

"What do you mean?"

She smiled sadly, not quite looking into my eyes.

"This body will expire in about a year or two from now. Modifications to my body in order to allow me to function as the grail and maximize my capabilities as a master have rendered my lifespan to approximately a year at most from now." Concise. Clear. Clinical. She confessed her terminal status with no more energy than a grocery list, as if she were reciting the definition of a word in a textbook.

"So you were going to die anyway…." It seemed that even that small bit of consolation I could have had was taken away from me as well.

I remained silent, not sure on how to respond to this new information.

Sensing that I wouldn't interrupt, Illya continued. "No matter how you cut it, I should be the one to do this. I want you to live, Shirou. Even if I live after this, I don't want to. Our walks in the park. Our trips to the market. Our magecraft lessons," she reminisced fondly. "They made life so much for filling. If they're gone – "she looked at me straight in the eyes, fixing me in place" – I don't want to live anymore."

She continued peering at me, searching for a response. With a sigh, I met her eyes.

"Still, I can't let you do that."

She closed her eyes, letting the rumbling of the grail wash over her. The silence between us continued, contrasting with the harsh cacophony of destruction around us. Any moment now, Angra Mainyu would be born, and this conversation would be for naught, but neither of us were willing to back down.

It was a standoff. We had both said our arguments to no avail. I would not let her sacrifice herself, nor would she do the same to me.

Suddenly, she started walking forwards. I stood still, intent on not allowing her to move past me. Undeterred, she continued walking until she was directly in front of me.

I looked down at her, thinking of what she would do. Still, no amount of preparation could have prepared me for when she wrapped her arms around my waist.

I gawked at her, not able to reconcile the murderous magus I knew she was with the lovable, sweet little girl embracing me. She tightened her hug, putting every once of strength in her small frame into the gesture.

"You're the best onii-chan ever, Shirou," she said though her words were slightly muffled through my clothing as she continued nuzzling her face into my stomach.

A small smile made its way into my face, and I tentatively reciprocate her hug, placing one arm under her upper back and using the other to pat the back of her head, entangling my fingers in her long white hair.

"And you're the best little sister, Illya."

We stayed in that position for what felt like an eternity, embracing each other while uncaring that Angra Mainyu would soon begin his rampage upon the Earth, that the cavern would collapse and bury us alive, that this would be our last moments together.

I closed my eyes, praying that this moment would last forever. I let the world around me fade into nothingness, focusing purely on the girl in front of me. The scent of her hair – she must have used that strawberry shampoo we bought during our last market trip – washed over me, intoxicating me into a relaxing slumber. I felt the heat of her body slowly swallow me, covering me with an oh so delightful warmth that seduced me into a pliant paste.

There's nothing to worry about.

A voice whispered into my ear, its deep tone and soothing words so dangerously persuasive, yet I could not bring myself to resist.

Just let it go.

That's right. There was nothing to be concerned about.

You've done enough.

Give me your burdens, your worries.

Of course. I've continually thrown myself into the fray, trying to save everyone, regardless of consequences or my well-being. Surely, I can take a break, even just for a little while, right?

You have to live.

It was a foregone assumption. I had to live because I needed to pursue my dream of becoming a hero of justice. If I didn't live, what would have been the point of all the sacrifices to reach this point?

The conclusion was logical and straightforward, something my father would have agreed with without conclusion.

The words jogged through my mind, caressing me with just how correct they seemed. And yet, there was a little tug at the back of my mind, something that kept biting at me.

The words felt correct, but they didn't seem right.

You have to live.

The whisper gnawed at me, trying to lull me back into a false slumber, but the grating within me was too great to ignore now.

You have to live.

Live? What a joke. Of all the people that deserved to live, I would not be among them.

The greatest of all kings, forced to toss aside her humanity in order to lead her kingdom.

Two sisters, separated during their youth and only reunited in death.

A princess tossed into a life of unfairness and injustice, cursed by the jealous gods for her beauty.

A little girl, deprived of her parents, subjected to an expiring life of misery and pain for the whims of an old man.

I had failed all of them. My life was a borrowed one, taken from the victims of the fire all those years back. Compared to them, what right did I have to demand for my own continued existence?

You have to live.

I could feel it. The words were a suggestion, a form of hypnosis, trying to keep me down. But why? What was the point of trying to keep me alive–

It hit me. The Holy Grail War. The summoning of Saber. The Shadow. My alliance with Rin. Our vow to save Sakura. Saber's corruption. Rider and Saber's final battle. Rin and Sakura's death. And the destruction of the gr—

"ILLYA!"

The words blitzed through my throat. I tore through the blanket the covered my mind. My eyes snapped open, and I looked around me.

The grail roared viciously in the cavern, emitting a nauseating miasma of evil that sent chills down my spine. I could feel Angra Mainyu battering against the fabric of existence, seeking for its birth into this world. In front of the grail, walking casually towards it without a care in the world, ignorant to the raging destruction of debris around her, was Illya. Her white dress fluttered in the shockwaves of the grail, but she continued forward unimpeded.

"ILLYA!"

This time, she turned around. A grimace appeared on her face, obviously unhappy at my intrusion.

"Shirou, you're making this far too difficult," she said. There was at least 80 meters in front of us, and the rumbling of the cavern had grown even more severe, yet her words reached me nonetheless.

"Don't do this Illya!"

I tried to get up, cautiously placing my weight down on both feet to try and balance myself with the earthquake going on around me. Almost immediately, I fell my down, and a bolt of pain quickly let me know that my previous inquiries were still present. In contrast, Illya had continued walking forward, the ominous light of the grail outlining her small silhouette.

"ILLYA NO!"

I reached out with a hand, uselessly trying to prevent what I knew was coming. She looked back once more, a final bittersweet smile gracing her lips.

"This world is cruel, making me do this."

The pit in my stomach widened as she cupped her hands, and a small orb of white light appeared.

"Do you believe in miracles, Shirou?"

The question was rhetorical because there was no way I could have answered her even if I wanted to.

"I do. Even with everything I've endured, all the misery I embraced, all the pain I shouldered, all of it was worth it because I met you Shirou."

Her words reached me somehow, yet I was unable to reply.

"I came to Japan to kill you, you know. And now, I'm leaving it to save you."

If my words could not reach her, then that left only one course of action remaining. I stood up once more, and just like last time, I was immediately sent tumbling back down.

It was useless. My legs had failed me long ago.

However, the rest of my body was still functional.

I reached one arm forwards, grasping at a rock embedded into the ground. With a herculean effort, I pulled my self forward, gaining a foot of distance. I could feel a wet sensation near my stomach, telling me that my torso had been shredded by the sharp debris littering the cavern floor.

No matter, the flesh would turn to steel anyway.

My other arm shot out, and my fingers buried themselves into the rocky ground. I pulled forward, ignoring the gnashing of blades within my body as I tore even more tendons and muscles.

Up ahead, the girl in white looked on sadly.

"In reality, it's unlikely you'll make it out of here alive. But even so – "the light in her hands expanded, sharpening its intensity until it was almost painful to gaze upon" – if there's even an iota of a possibility, the smallest of chances I can give you, then I have to take it."

I ignored her words and continued crawling. I had long stopped feeling the pain, numbing myself to remove any possible distractions from my goal.

Push and pull. Push and pull. It was mechanical, almost like a robot programmed to repeat an action over and over until it collapsed.

"The miracle you gave me, Shirou. The miracle Saber entrusted to you. Perhaps you can be saved as well." She looked away coyly, smiling sheepishly. "But the container's a bit cheap. I was hoping Rin and Sakura would be able to help with that, but…." she trailed off, her demeanor turning grim.

The distance between us wasn't so great now. 20 meters were between us. A sizeable amount, but compared to before, it was far more manageable. Still, I needed to get closer.

"Heaven's Feel deals with the materialization of the soul. You've already destroyed your body. Any more, and your soul would be irreparable as well," she explained. "You won't die, but if nothing happens, then the container will eventually degrade and release your soul. Still, it's better than nothing.

10 meters.

"I don't really want to die. I want to spend my time with you. I want to forget all the time I spent alone and replace those memories with time you, Shirou." She sighed mournfully.

5 meters.

"If that's how you feel, then don't go, idiot," I rasped.

She fully turned around, standing firmly upright as I was prone on the ground in front of her. The scene reminded me of that fateful night in my shed, when the call of the grail was answered, and Saber had rescued me. Illya's long white fair billowed in the wind, and crimson orbs looked down upon me, piercing me in place with their sharp gaze.

"If one of us has to die, I'd much rather it be me."

I rose, precariously kneeling to balance myself. I strained my neck upwards – why did she seem so tall? – and met her resolute red with golden steel.

"You know I can't let you do that. What kind of big brother would I be if I let my little sister sacrifice herself?"

It felt like we were going in circles, but I repeated it nonetheless. And I would say it a thousand more times if I needed it.

Illya's expression turned melancholic, and she turned away from me. She eyed the catalyst of destruction and chaos in front of her with a tired gaze. Then, with a prolonged breath of air followed by a sharp exhale, she seemed to rejuvenate herself. Her back straightened, and those small shoulders that seemed to sag underneath the weight of the world squared themselves.

"You've created so many miracles, Shirou. But this is one I can't let you have. After all, this is the one miracle we've all been waiting for."

The light in her hands expanded, become unbearable to look at and forcing me with shield by eyes with my hands. In between the gaps of my fingers, I could see it: the outline of a small girl engulfed in a blindly harsh light. Her silhouette seemed so much larger than the small frame she possessed.

"ILLYA!"

I cried out in protest. I pushed myself off my knee, standing up on two feet despite our close proximity to the source of the quakes. I reached out with one hand, intent on grabbing onto the long dress that trailed behind her. However, my arm only managed to shoot out barely half a foot forward before I collapsed again.

I had to stop her. The person in white would become the sacrifice, reminiscent of the first ritual to close the Holy Grail.

So why did the distance between us seem unsurmountable?

All I could see was painful white light, but I forced my eyes open anyways.

I couldn't hear anything, yet my throat was hoarse from my continued screams.

My arms couldn't reach her, but it was extended nonetheless in vain.

And there, amidst the light, I saw it: the flutter of her white hair as she looked over her shoulder for one final time, showing me the last smile of a girl free of regret.

"Shirou, you said you'd protect me because the older brother protects his younger sister. But I'm the older sister, so I have to protect my younger brother. Goodbye, Shirou."

And the light consumed the world.

"ILLYA!"

Previously closed eye lids snapped open, revealing the distressed amber orbs that laid beneath. I fought back a wince as the abrupt influx of light blinded my vision and looked around for the white-haired girl.

Correction: I tried to look around.

My head felt abnormally heavy, and my neck struggled to pivot the hefty weight. While my vision was still obscured, I could feel that I was on my back. I placed an arm on the ground, pushing myself upright, but my efforts were in vain. In a split second, my strength failed me, and I fell back down. I tried to swing my legs beneath me to spring myself upwards, but my body felt far too sluggish for such a maneuver. All I could manage was uselessly flailing my legs in the air.

It felt almost like paralysis. I couldn't really move except for minor movements of my extremities.

"Look! Paul, he's already talking!"

"He's quite a feisty one too. Not even crying. You can tell he's my son."

Voices pervaded the air, though they were slightly jumbled. I had to actively focus on the words in order to comprehend what they were saying. Was my mind affected by this paralysis as well, slowing down my thought process?

The light finally subsided, allowing me to determine the sources of the voices. Above me were two people. One was a well-built man with brown hair and green eyes. His hair was cut short, but a long ponytail was draped over his shoulders. He wore a white tunic that displayed a hint of the muscular chest underneath. He had an awkward yet gentle smile that showed his joy, but his physique and unmistakable glint in his eyes betrayed his character – he was a warrior, an experienced one at that.

However, I was far more interested in the figure next to him. She was a young woman, and her beauty was obvious at even the slightest of glances. Rich blonde hair framed her angelic face, complete with a bun, and deep blue eyes made sure any man kept their gazes firmly on her. Like the man next to her, she wore an old-fashioned top – a red tunic beneath a white corset that left her bountiful chest free from further restriction. However, her beauty was not the reason I was so focused on her. The resemblance was only in passing – any somewhat close inspection bellied the truth, especially the eye color – yet with her blonde hair, bun, and ahoge, she looked just similar enough to Saber that I had to look once again.

Saber.

Yet another reminder of my failures.

"Paul, he talked again! Oh, my baby boy is so smart!" Strange, did I accidentally say that aloud. In sharp contrast with my angsty thoughts, the woman was particularly enthused by my words.

Wait, baby?

This time, I made sure keep those words firmly in my mind. Curious about her words, I examined myself. I brought my hands to my face, and two small pudgy hands connected to equally chubby arms greeted me. I tried to crane my head downward to see my legs, but like before, it would not obey me. If I was truly a baby, then it made sense – my neck should be too weak to be able to support the movement of my head. Thinking a bit deeper, I could tell I was in the woman's arms, and my head was being supported by what felt like her hand, so I couldn't even try to see to my side.

"He's already so curious. I think that's a sign that he's going to be a smart boy, I heard."

The woman hummed in approval and started to gently rock me. Normally, the motion would be enough lull me to sleep, but no amount of rocking could possibly quell the sheer number of thoughts going through my mind.

I took a deep breath, and I could notice my heartbeat steadying as my panic died down.

Rin always said I needed to use my head more.

I had to approach this situation carefully. Like a machine, I would need to logically analyze my unique circumstances .

First, it seemed that I was reborn. Specifically, I was a baby. Aside from the woman's words, who I assumed to be my f judging from the way she held and talked to me, my poor motor control and mental capacity could be attributed to my undeveloped body and mind. Even analyzing the facts in this manner took far more concentration and effort than it should have.

My second conclusion is far more far-fetched: I either traveled back in time or was in another world. The man and woman's clothing were old, more befitting of medieval Europe than modern-day Japan. In addition, the mana in the air was thick, far more plentiful than Fuyuki. Either we were in a time period such as the Age of the Gods, or we were in another world where magic had not deteriorated significantly.

My head already hurt from thinking so much, but I persevered. If either of those two ideas were true, then I had left Fuyuki behind.

More specifically, I had left Illya behind.

The memories were still fresh in my mind.

Her long lustrous white hair billowing in the wind. Her determined march towards the grail. Her admittance of being my older sister. Her final warm smile as the light of the grail swallowed us both.

What had happened? Was Illya dead? Had she managed to seal the Greater Grail before our deaths?

The lack of answered brought a bitter taste to my mouth. I was utterly useless in the final day when I was needed to most. Rider and Saber had both looked towards me with rueful smiles as they faded away in their final clash. Rin and Sakura died in each other's arms when I did not reach them in time. And Illya, the one person I was certain would at least be saved, and sacrificed herself to try and seal the grail, taking away my one possible chance at redemption and my duty as her brother.

Even now, thinking about her almost brought tears in my eyes. What was the point of saving me? There was nothing left for Emiya Shirou, while her life had only just begun. Pondering on her sacrifice left me with equal parts of frustration and sorrow.

I closed my eyes, tuning out the happy cries of my parents, and retreated to the deepest recesses of my mind.

My family and friends were dead. My very world has, quite literally, been turned upside down. I had no allies, no convenient friendly magi or heroic spirits to save me. I was very much alone here.

All I had left was a dream. I thought I had forsaken it, in exchange for one with a better ending for me surrounded by those who had sworn to help me, but it seemed fate would have it no other way.

It's fine. I had carried this ideal with me for 17 years, only dropping it for a mere possibility offered by some extraordinary people. I suppose there was no running from destiny.

One way or another, in this life or the next, Emiya Shirou would become a sword.

A/N: Haven't completely Mushoku Tensei yet (LNs are only up to Vol. 10) but I needed to satisfy my itch for this series. Please don't spoil the series for me.

I'll probably end up re-writing the prologue as well as this story depending on how the series progresses.