This is an unrelated side story belonging to the same Blind Traveller AU. Please don't take this seriously.
In the world of Teyvat, the land of freedom sits beside the land of contracts. Some find that hilarious, others find it ironic. To Zhu Jiao, the Millelith who works at the border checkpoint, Mondstadt has the weirdest people.
Ah, the stories he could tell.
Some of the more amusing stories include the one time a bard tried to cross the border by serenading the border guards and singing drunkenly to them. Others were sad like a couple who tried to plead to the border guards to let them pass to visit their dying relative but had lost their passports after having been robbed by bandits along the way to the checkpoint.
The Traveller and his companions however, have to be the most infuriating group of people Zhu Jiao has ever met. Admittedly, the horror stories he could tell from handling them would put all the others to shame and it would also let him win the annual storytelling contest the Liyue Qixing hosted but Zhu Jiao sincerely wished that someone else could handle the Traveller and his party because he is beyond done.
Zhu Jiao could remember the first time he met the Traveller and he wished he could forget but no matter how much blunt force trauma he applied to his head, he could not forget.
It was a beautiful day with clear blue skies. Zhu Jiao woke up to burnt pork buns and a scalded tongue from drinking his boiling hot tea too quickly. It was also how he knew that today would be a terrible day. He had wanted to make an excuse and skip work but he had already used the 'my grandmother is dying' excuse last month (his grandmother had been dying but it turns out she was dying of boredom) and he was sure that his immediate supervisor would be highly displeased if he skipped out on work again. So with the foreboding sense of impending doom, Zhu Jiao clocked in at the border checkpoint that sits at the line dividing Mondstadt and Liyue and sat behind the counter waiting for travellers to come.
And come they did.
So far, he had to deal with a few elderlies rambling about how he should do his job when he scrutinised their passports and some things about 'when I was your age', several couples talking to him about visiting Liyue for their honeymoons, and families chatting about where the best sights of Liyue are. Zhu Jiao nodded accordingly, their words going in one ear and out the other. He stamped their passports, bid them a welcome to Liyue and let them pass the checkpoint. All of these were on par to his many years of experience working as a border guard and he still had the feeling that something terrible was going to happen.
It was almost time for his shift to end and so far, everything seems to be going well. That was until they appeared.
The Traveller had been unassuming despite the exotic clothes that he wore (his floating companion, on the other hand, drew many looks). He walked up to the counter with his hooded companion hugging one of his arms, the very picture of a cute couple. The scene would have looked adorable if it was not for the fact that the hooded companion was glaring and growling at anyone that got close to the Traveller. Unfortunately for Zhu Jiao, that includes people whom the Traveller approaches.
"Passport please."
"Passport? What do you mean by 'passport'?"
"You need a passport to cross the borders between Liyue and Mondstadt. Everyone knows that."
"Paimon, shouldn't you have known?"
"Ehe…D-Don't worry! Paimon can get us past this! Let Paimon think first!"
(Zhu Jiao wonders if he should interrupt them at this point to let them know that he could hear everything about their illegal border crossing plan.)
The floating fairy turned around to face him, finally acknowledging his existence a half an hour later.
"Do you know who this is? This is the 'Hero of Mondstadt'!" Paimon gestured to the golden-haired boy.
There was an audible slap of skin as the 'Hero of Mondstadt' did a facepalm in disbelief at his floating companion. His hooded companion looked worriedly at him but turned his head back to glare at the border guard.
Zhu Jiao wonders if he is paid enough to deal with this and sighed deeply when he realised that yes, he is indeed paid enough to deal with this.
"Right," Zhu Jiao drawled. "If you do not have a passport, please leave before I call the rest of the guards."
"But he is 'The Traveller'!"
"Everyone crossing the border is a traveller!"
Paimon huffed in anger before proceeding to shout at him, "Paimon demands to see your manager!"
Thankfully, before Zhu Jiao could formulate a reply, the Traveller grabbed Paimon and covered her mouth to stop her from saying anything that could possibly get them arrested (as if attempting illegal border crossing was not an arrestable crime but Zhu Jiao was not going to deal with that, especially if it was almost time to clock out). "No we don't!" he quickly said as he shoved her behind him.
The Traveller cleared his throat and stood up straight, it seems that it was his turn to argue this time. Zhu Jiao wonders if he could dump this interaction on some other unfortunate soul. Maybe Feng, he still owed him a favour for that time Zhu Jiao had to cover his shift so he could go on a date with his girlfriend.
"Do we all need a passport? What about uh...pets?"
Zhu Jiao does not like where this conversation is going.
"Pets do not need a passport." ('Please don't say what I think you are going to say because I don't know if I can take it anymore.' was what Zhu Jiao wanted to add but refrained from doing so.)
"They're...my pets. Paimon is my seeing-eye fairy and Razor is my pet dog."
"Not dog. Razor is wolf!"
"Razor is my pet wolf."
"...In what way are they pets…" Zhu Jiao whispered to himself. Unfortunately, the Traveller must have had keen hearing because he heard that and began explaining how in what universe is a fairy and a human considered a 'pet' just so they could cross the border with only one passport. Where on Teyvat did the Traveller pull out a board with diagrams as his 'pet' fairy began helpfully pointing at the pictures while the hooded companion held the board up. Zhu Jiao listened patiently, his face full of boredom. Internally, he wished to ask the Geo Archon if perhaps he had done something wrong in his life (past and present) that warranted this.
(Somewhere in Liyue Harbour, Zhongli felt the sudden need to send an apology basket filled with fruits and alcohol to the Millelith guarding the borders. Maybe he can ask Childe to pay for it.)
"Do you even have a passport amongst the three of you," Zhu Jiao asked, interrupting the Traveller who was explaining the difference between a pet dog and a pet wolf.
(Zhu Jiao offhandedly wondered if he was being pranked again.)
The Traveller stopped talking and looked dumbfounded, as if he had never thought of it in the first place.
"Please leave," Zhu Jiao begged as he pinched the bridge of his nose to ward away the impending headache. Thankfully, the Traveller and his companions left and Zhu Jiao was left alone to blissfully scream internally behind his counter.
The next day, after throwing away a carton of sour milk, Zhu Jiao got the feeling that today was not going to be a good day either. When the Traveller showed up in front of his counter again, this time with a green-clothed bard singing away, Zhu Jiao immediately slammed his head against the table. And it was only the second time they had met!
"It takes a week for a passport to be issued, why are you here, where is your 'pet dog' or whatever," Zhu Jiao asked, not lifting his head from the table.
"Razor is a wolf, he's very touchy on that. As for why he's not here today, he had to go back to Wolvendom to help his pack hunt."
"Okay...so why is there a bard with you now."
"This is Venti," the Traveller introduced the bard while the bard bowed with a flourish.
The Traveller's floating companion popped out of nowhere (Zhu Jiao jumped in surprise at that) and flew towards him until they were face to face. She looked around, ensuring that no one was paying attention before she spoke to him, "Tone-deaf bard is the Anemo Archon!"
Zhu Jiao lifted his head to look at the bard, the bard was grinning at him now. Really? Of all the lies they could use, they use this? The bard looked nothing like one would expect of an Archon!
"Yeah right, and I'm the Geo Archon," Zhu Jiao answered, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
(Somewhere in Liyue Harbour, Zhongli sneezed and spit out an entire cup's worth of scalding hot tea onto Childe's face.)
"Truly? You old coot, to think that this is the form you took. Such a bland taste, I surely remember you had such a refined face!"
(Somewhere in Liyue Harbour, as Zhongli was helping to clean Childe's clothes, he felt a sudden urge to stab Barbatos with his spear.)
Zhu Jiao had the distinct feeling that he was being insulted but is far too polite to say it out loud. There were many things he wanted to point out to poke at the holes in the lie, like 'Why would the Anemo Archon even need to cross borders?' or 'Last I checked, the Anemo Archon hasn't been seen in hundreds of years.' or even 'Why would you know the Anemo Archon personally?'.
"At least come up with a believable lie," was what Zhu Jiao finally settled on.
After some back and forth arguments between Zhu Jiao and the Traveller's party, the Traveller and his party finally backed off and left and Zhu Jiao was considering taking up drinking again.
The next day, after a breakfast of congee with far too much salt to be edible, Zhu Jiao wonders if the Traveller is responsible for the sudden onslaught of cursed breakfast or if perhaps he would be cursed until the Traveller has crossed the border (legally, he hopes). Perhaps he should take a leave of absence and visit Hu Tao at the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor to cleanse him of this curse (and maybe order a coffin for the day his breakfast does kill him, he could even transcribe 'the Traveller killed me' at the side).
However, as the day went by and the Traveller had yet to show up, Zhu Jiao began to feel anxious. Where is the Traveller and his entourage? When a red-haired man with a Pyro Vision stepped forward to the counter, the travel documents in his hand, Zhu Jiao placed his anxiousness aside for now. There is a time for work and there is a time for worrying about a group of people who might be attempting to cross the border in the most dumbest way possible.
"You are...Diluc Ragnvindr? Everything seems to be in order," Zhu Jiao said as he scanned through the documents that the red-haired man had handed to him. "May I know your reason for entering Liyue?"
"I have a delivery of Dandelion Wine for Wangshu Inn, here is the receipt," Diluc answered as he pulled a piece of paper from his pockets.
Zhu Jiao nodded his head after he verified the receipt and returned the slip of paper to Diluc. He then informed him that he has to inspect the cargo as per protocol. It was finally nice to have something normal compared to the past few days.
Of course, nice things never last forever.
When Diluc pried open the first crate, Zhu Jiao came face to face with the Traveller and his floating companion curled up inside. There was an audible sound coming from Diluc as he slapped his palm against his forehead and honestly, Zhu Jiao was tempted to do the same. Unfortunately, he was still on the job and that requires some professionalism.
"Master Diluc, do you know these people?" Zhu Jiao sighed. He needed to remain professional, which means he could not grab those two and throw them out. Not yet anyway.
"Hi Diluc!" the floating companion greeted and waved her hands but made no motion of leaving the crate.
"Diluc, I swear, it was Paimon's idea."
"Hey!"
"I have never seen them before in my life," Diluc lied with a straight face.
It took the combined efforts of Diluc and Zhu Jiao to haul the two of them out of the crate and throw them to the ground. Zhu Jiao dusted his hands off while Diluc left with stamped travel documents and his cargo, ignoring the shrieks of betrayal from Paimon. Thankfully, the Traveller left with his still shrieking companion without any further confrontation.
The next morning, Zhu Jiao woke up to a crash as his bed broke beneath him. He wonders, as he looked up at the dusty ceiling from the broken remnants of his bed, if his curse had moved beyond breakfast. When the Traveller showed up at his counter with his floating companion looking like everything was normal, he could almost pretend the giant azure dragon sitting behind them did not exist.
"You didn't believe us about the Anemo Archon so Paimon decided to ask Stormterror to help us!"
Zhu Jiao sighed deeply, maybe he should take the entire week off. "You can be the Anemo Archon or even the Geo Archon, you still need a passport to cross the border!"
(Somewhere in Liyue Harbour, Zhongli sneezed and spilled the entire bowl of steaming hot Slow-Cooked Bamboo Shoot Soup onto Childe. Meanwhile, somewhere in Windrise, Venti sneezed, rolled over and continued sleeping.)
"Let me know if you require my assistance again," Dvalin had said to the Traveller and his companion before departing. Zhu Jiao hopes that he will never return ever again.
The following day, Zhu Jiao had expected his morning to be ruined again, only to find that his favourite stall was selling his favourite pork buns that always seem to be out of stock in the mornings, he received a letter from his grandfather asking of his well-being, he even won the lottery on his way to work! Zhu Jiao was suspicious, everything was going far too well today. Could it be that the curse has finally come to an end?
When the Traveller showed up again in front of his counter, Zhu Jiao wanted to break down into tears. But he had clocked in for work and thus, must maintain some resemblance of professionalism.
(He is going to cry over alcohol after work though.)
This time however, the Traveller and his floating companion was led by a tall blonde woman who looks strangely similar to the Acting Grand Master of the Knights of Favonius.
"I am Jean Gunnhildr, Acting Grand Master of the Knights of Favonius, and I have come to ensure safe passage to the Honorary Knight...I have also come to apologise. I was not aware of what they have done. Please accept this token of apology and kindly do not arrest the Honorary Knight and his companions," Jean had said as she handed over a bottle of dandelion wine to him. "You may find the necessary documents for a temporary travel permit here."
Zhu Jiao accepted the bottle of wine and the documents, all while wondering how in Teyvat does the Traveller personally know the Acting Grand Master of the Knights of Favonius. Does that mean that Venti really is the Anemo Archon? Zhu Jiao hoped that the Anemo Archon would forgive his rudeness and he made a silent reminder to himself to make an offering to the Archon so as to appease him. He set aside the bottle of wine and looked through the documents. Everything seemed to be in order and he laid the papers down onto the counter to stamp it.
"Why didn't you just do this from the start?"
"We uh...didn't know until Jean overheard us talking about asking Venti to launch us over the border and she immediately tried to stop us."
Zhu Jiao was very thankful that Mondstadt has someone who is very responsible and competent. After handing the stamped travel document to the Traveller, the Traveller and his companion were finally able to cross the border and make their way to Liyue.
"We'll come visit!"
"Please never come back."