AN: Written as a practice entry for the QLFC since the Ballycastle Bats are sitting out Round 3.
Round 3: Isn't it Gothic
Position: Chaser 1
Prompt: Write about someone whose beauty is only skin-deep.
Optional prompts used:
5. (word) greed
6. (setting) nighttime
15. (dialogue) "You're better than this."
Word Count: 1,965
Heartless by The Weeknd
It was over quickly. I was too bloody exhausted to deal with anyone besides the Marauders today after having to flirt my way into her knickers. At this point, I didn't care if she'd had a good time or not. Wasn't enough of a good time to be shagged by me? I thought so.
"Sirius, where are you going?" she whispered from her bed.
"Leaving, Jones." I didn't even know her first name.
"Won't you stay?"
"No," I said, letting the petulant edge creep into my voice.
"But—"
"I'm going. Got a problem with that, love?" My belt buckle jingled ominously in the still darkness of her dormitory.
"Why?" she whined.
My derisive laugh echoed in the silence as I slipped on my shoes. "Because I can. I don't need to give more of an answer than that."
"Sirius—"
My answer to her nasally whine was the slamming of the door behind me. I bounded down the stairs and back into the Common Room, running a hand through my hair.
"Oh, Merlin."
I looked up and smiled. "Moony. Prongs. Wormtail," I said in greeting to each, flouncing over and throwing myself down to lie on the couch, displacing Peter in the process.
Remus gave me a withering look, his face lit by the light of the half-moon coming in through the window. I ignored it; I knew what he wanted to say, and frankly, I didn't want to bother getting him to talk if he was going to be so passive-aggressive about it.
"How'd it go, Padfoot?" James grinned, lounging in the lumpy armchair across from my sofa.
Remus made an odd sound in the back of his throat.
"It was quick," I said in answer to James's question.
He leaned out of his armchair to high five me, the sound cracking like thunder. "Nice, mate."
Peter's watery eyes darted from me to James. "Er, yeah! Nice, Padfoot," he squeaked.
Smirking, I rested my hands behind my head. "Thanks, Wormtail, Prongs."
Remus muttered something under his breath but didn't raise his eyes from his Advanced Charms textbook.
"Hmm? Sorry, I didn't catch that, Moony," I drawled.
Remus looked up and didn't say anything for a tense minute. With a fleeting glance to James, who merely shrugged and grinned, he turned back to me. "Nothing. Nevermind."
"Nevermind?" I said, crossing my legs at the ankle. I knew what he was getting at, but I wanted him to admit it first. I was feeling very confrontational tonight.
"Yes, nevermind."
"Why 'nevermind,' Moony? Come off it, we're all friends. I thought we could talk about this sort of thing?"
Remus snapped his book closed, his face hard. He opened his mouth to speak, but just as quickly closed it and leaned back in his armchair, determined not to rise to the occasion.
"Well?" I asked, blowing a breath out between my lips, ones that had just been parted with my panting as I'd greedily shagged that bird until she'd—
"You're a heartless arsehole. You know that, Black?"
We all turned to look at the sixth-year girl standing, arms crossed, to the left of Remus's chair. She was clearly a friend of the girl I'd just shagged, since she was standing in front of Jones protectively. James rolled his eyes and pushed his glasses up, while Peter glared daggers at her. I plunked my feet down in his lap, pointedly ignoring her.
"You've got nothing to say for yourself?" she snapped. Jones sniffled in the shadow of her friend.
I finally acknowledged her with a lazy smile. "Oh, I do. Just not what either of you'd want to hear."
"You bloody—"
I made a shooing motion with my hand. "Go on, then. Get lost, will you?"
"Padfoot!" Remus hissed, sitting up in his chair.
"What, Moony?" I drawled.
Remus glared at me. Seeing that they would be getting nowhere while there was mutiny amongst the Marauders, they took their sniffling selves and left, though with a last nasty look directed at me.
"Padfoot, why in the hell do you have to do that sort of thing?" he said softly, though with a dangerous edge to his voice.
"Come off it, Moony. Padfoot's entitled to do what he wants," James said, yawning and ruffling his hair so that it stuck up in the back.
"Why in the hell do the both of you have to be such arseholes sometimes?" Remus shot back.
"That's all relative," I responded casually.
"Relative?"
"Yeah. I don't think I'm being an arsehole, it's just what you think is happening here."
Remus pinched the bridge of his nose, before he said quietly, "You're better than this, Sirius."
I laughed derisively. "Well, maybe I don't want to be 'better than this,' Moony."
"See, that's your problem. Just because you can, doesn't mean you have to be a git."
"Tell that to Snivellus," James said, making all of us but Remus snort with laughter.
Remus tilted his head up to rest it on the back of the armchair, the candlelight catching his Prefect's badge. But he said nothing.
"Do you think I'm being a greedy arsehole, shagging my way through girls and breaking their hearts?" I said petulantly.
"Don't put words in my mouth," he muttered.
"What am I supposed to do if you don't speak? Don't give me your 'disappointed mum' voice if you won't tell me whatever it is you've taken issue with."
"You won't want to hear what I have to say either way," he got out between his teeth grinding.
"Oh, really?" I said, baiting him. "And why's that, Moony? How am I supposed to know if you never tell me?"
James looked from me to Remus, his eyebrows drawn low. "Padfoot, why don't we—"
I waved my hand dismissively. "S'alright, Prongs. I want to hear what criticism Moony is about to foist on me."
Remus jolted into an upright position in his chair, fingers digging into the arms. "You know what, Padfoot? Since you're so eager to hear what I think of your behaviour, I'll just come right out and say it."
"Please do," I drawled, laying a hand on my chest.
"Don't ruin someone else's night just because you're feeling like shit inside," he snapped. "You do this all the time. You take your pain out on others, and I think you're better than this. No—" he pinched the bridge of his nose again — "I know you're better than this. Just because you're feeling grouchy and pissy for whatever reason, doesn't mean you have to shag your way through all the girls in our year because they throw themselves at you, because you like being greedy to distract yourself."
I stared at him. Even James was speechless, which was a testament to the true feat that Remus had accomplished.
"Why don't you just talk to us about whatever is bothering you, Padfoot? It doesn't have to be like this," he said, waving his hand to where the two girls had just been standing. He leaned forward, a determined look in his eyes, lowering his voice to not be overheard. "You're not a greedy monster, you simply enjoy acting like one to hide your true feelings. I would know, since I'm one of your best mates and apparently the only one of us who has their head screwed on straight all the time." He leaned back in his chair, the tiniest triumphant smile shaping his lips.
I opened and closed my mouth several times, but could not find the words.
"Bloody hell, Moony," James said. "You sound like you had that speech tucked away for a while now."
Remus shrugged and smiled at me. "It's not hard to be an expert on your best mates' behaviour, both the good and the bad."
I finally grinned and chuckled. "Moony, you truly are a saint."
He shrugged modestly.
"What do you mean, Padfoot?" Peter asked, gnawing at his fingernails.
"Moony, you really are the only one of us with his head screwed on straight," I said, sitting up on the couch to look at him. "And I do appreciate it, I swear. Dunno if I've ever said this, but I reckon I'd be much more of a heartless, greedy arsehole without you— and the Marauders— to help me pull my head out of my arse at times like these."
"Don't be too hard on yourself, mate," James said. "We can all be a bunch of idiots sometimes."
"Yeah, I agree with Prongs," Peter was quick to pipe up.
"It's hard to be honest with yourself about your own habits, Padfoot. Everyone's got a hard time doing that. So, yes, like Prongs said, don't be too hard on yourself." Remus smiled to reassure me. "You know I'm like Moony with my words."
I cocked my head. "What do you mean?"
"All bark and no bite," he said and all four of us laughed.
"Wait, hold on, Moony!" James said over the laughter. "You're all howl and no bite. Padfoot's all bark and no bite."
"Oh, why, yes, Prongs. Merlin forbid I conflate our furry alter egos," Remus joked, making us descend into laughter again.
"What're you, Prongs? All antlers and no…?" Peter asked.
"No vegetation?" I teased, throwing a pillow from the couch at James.
He caught it easily, laughing. "Just because I'm not a carnivore like you two," he said, gesturing a finger in between me and Moony, "doesn't mean I'm not scary. And anyway, I'm much scarier than Wormtail."
Peter giggled nervously and squirmed. He should be used to being the butt of our jokes by now.
"When's the next furry time, Moony? A fortnight?" I asked, nudging Peter at the other end of the couch with a toe.
"Merlin's beard, don't call it 'furry time,'" James got out between peals of laughter. "Evans is going to overhear us and get suspicious."
I laughed and directed snogging noises at him. He threw the pillow back at me, hitting me in the leg.
"Anyway, Padfoot. This is all to say that I see through your arseholery and bullshit," Remus said with a smile.
"I know, Moony," I replied in earnest. "And I'm glad. That's what best mates are supposed to do for each other, and I need the Marauders to rein me in when I'm being a greedy git. Not that it's often," I added with a cheeky smirk, "because I'm nearly perfect."
"Oh, sod off, you idiot," Remus said, joining James in his laughter.
"Don't expect me to be doing the 'frustrated mum' scolding. That's why we need you, Moony," James added, taking off his glasses to wipe the tears of laughter away.
"Is that all I'm worth, Prongs?" Remus said, smiling widely and shaking his head in mock-frustration.
"You said it, not me."
I laughed along with the others, but my insatiable, confrontational feelings lingered inside me. It was hard to shake these moods I got sometimes, especially after I'd run away from "home" this past summer. Every time my head was filled with these monstrous thoughts and greedy desires, I was unable to stop them from spilling out of me in my actions and words, infecting those around me who knew me best. That must be one of the worst parts of me; sometimes I couldn't help but lash out at those around me. Sure, I could list off all of my terrible traits (of which there were quite a few) to Remus, James and Peter one by one, but what scared me most was that deep inside me, a beastly part of me liked taking my emotions out on others. Why? Because it made me feel better. I delighted in running away from my feelings and making myself feel better, and I didn't intend to reform my ways.