Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise.
Challenges listed at the bottom.
Word Count: 2947
AN: Written because Cox's face when Carla says "JD's not coming" hurts my heart. Also, for the sake of this story, Perry and Jordan didn't get back together and this drifts quickly into AU territory. Some of the words here are taken directly from My Fallen Idol.
Meant To Be (Hand In Hand)
"I'm going to send somebody else over for you, OK? JD was supposed to come, but he, um...he - he's not coming."
Perry lowered the glass from the sip he was about to take and watched Carla walk out of the door.
He'd known, hadn't he? He'd let JD down, disappointed him. And yet he'd still been waiting for his Newbie to show up, to take his turn on the "Cox Watch" that was really a suicide watch that nobody would name as such.
He'd been waiting for JD to come and tell him that he wasn't a failure.
Perry didn't blame him.
...
They were silent for a moment. Perry could feel the heat coming from Newbie, despite the blanket he kept wrapped around himself.
For the slightest second, Perry thought JD wouldn't speak. Until he did.
"You're probably wondering why I didn't show up before, huh? I know you wanted me to, even though you'd never admit it."
And when did the kid start to know him so well? Perry had always prided himself on being unreadable, and yet, here JD was, knowing exactly what Perry had wanted.
"Normally I would kill to get into this apartment. And you try and keep me out. I say try, because at your Superbowl party, which I was not invited to, I was lucky enough to be able to watch the second half from right over there. I was the bearded Domino's employee you invited in because I said I was a fan of Jerome Bettis, whoever the hell that is."
The tangent was almost enough to make Perry smile, but really, one day he's going to have to educate the kid because dear lord above, he was so clueless about sport.
"Anyway, I tried to convince myself the reason I didn't come earlier was because of you coming into work drunk. But that's not it."
Perry wouldn't have blamed him if it was honestly. He didn't often regret his actions but that…
"I was scared. I guess after all this time, I still think of you as like this superhero that will help me out of any situation I'm in. I needed that. But, that's my problem, you know? And I'll deal with that."
God but he wished he could be that guy for Newbie. He really did, but he was human and he fucked up. He didn't know how to say that though, and honestly, he didn't think words were necessary. JD certainly didn't, since he carried on talking.
"I guess I came over here to tell you how proud of you I am. Not because you did the best you could for those patients. But because after twenty years of being a doctor, when things go badly, you still take it this hard. And I gotta tell you, man, I mean, that's the kind of doctor I want to be."
Perry swallowed hard.
To be told that he was still worth emulating, that JD still respected him, that he wanted to follow in his footsteps…
Perry didn't know what to do with that. He watched as JD poured a scotch and took a drink from the glass and said the only thing he could think of.
"You don't drink scotch."
Newbie spat the drink back into the glass and grimaced. "Ohh, that's awful."
...
Surrounded by the people who knew him—as well as he let anyone know him anyway—Perry felt more at peace than he had since he'd left the hospital.
And yet something was still missing.
He glanced over his shoulder at the bar, where JD still sat alone. While Perry had thanked him, their interaction didn't feel complete.
Then again, it never really did between them.
Perry squeezed Jordan's shoulder and moved back over to the bar, perching on the empty stool beside JD.
"Hey, Newbie."
JD glanced his way, his lips tilting up at the nickname that had, overtime, gathered so much affection that Perry couldn't use it without his fondness leaking into it.
"Why are you sitting over here on your own?" Perry asked, gesturing to the bartender for another bottle.
He'd decided to give the hard liquor a break; at least for now.
"Tired," JD admitted. "It's been a long few days."
He didn't say it to make Perry feel guilty, of course, but he really did look exhausted, and Perry knew that was because he was taking up the slack that Perry's absence was causing.
"You should take a holiday," Perry replied. "Go home and see your mum and Dan."
JD frowned. "I thought you didn't hate me anymore. Why would you want to torture me like that?"
Perry chuckled. "Point made, my apologies. I've never met your mum but Dan is, uh, something."
"Oh yeah."
"You should go home and get some rest, Newbie."
JD nodded. "You're right."
He didn't move. Perry sighed.
"Let me give you a lift?" Perry offered.
Surprisingly, Newbie shook his head. "You should stay here. I think they all need to see you're okay as much as you needed them to make you okay, you know?"
He finally got up off his stool, putting a few notes on the bar. "I'll see you soon, Dr Cox."
Perry watched him walk out of the bar and twisted his lips.
"You were the only one I needed, Newbie," he whispered to nobody.
...
Going back to work made his stomach squirm but he pushed the feeling aside as quickly as he could and made himself as unapproachable as he'd always been. Barbie, bless her heart, tried to help him, and he mocked her as he was wont to do.
Surprisingly, JD left him alone. In fact, now that he thought about it, he hadn't seen him since he'd first arrived that morning. Frowning to himself, he approached the nurses station.
"Where's Newbie today?" he asked Carla, leaning on the desk.
She sighed. "He's having a hard time at the minute. He's spent more time here than anyone has any right too in the last few weeks, so it's possible he's grabbing a nap in the on-call room."
Perry nodded, grimacing as he looked down at a patient chart. While he was grateful that JD had been picking up the slack, there were enough doctors that he shouldn't have had to work too many shifts in Perry's absence.
"If you see him, just… take it easy on him, okay?" Carla requested, drawing his attention. "We don't know exactly what's going on with him, but whatever it is, he's having a hard time."
Nodding, Perry made his way over to Mrs Greenburgs cubicle and tried to push Newbie from his mind.
Not that it worked. The little brat had taken up residence there and seemed to have no plans on vacating.
A little while later, Perry walked through the corridors to the on-call room. He had to check, right?
Sure enough, Newbie was sprawled across one of the terribly uncomfortable single beds, his eyes closed, clearly sleeping. Except he didn't look peaceful the way he had the few times Perry had come across him sleeping over the years.
He was frowning a little, his lips downturned, his hands clenching against the white sheets.
Perry frowned, taking a few steps closer.
JD whimpered in his sleep, tossing his head back and forth on the pillow.
Perry perched on the edge of the bed and shook him gently. Newbie woke with a gasp, disoriented for a moment before the sleep cleared from his eyes and he seemed to realise where he was.
He stared at Perry for a long moment before he did something that surprised the hell out of Perry.
He burst into tears.
…
Perry sat on the bed in shock. After bursting into tears, JD had hightailed it from the room, shrugging Perry's hand off him as he went.
What in the whole fuck was going on?
Pushing himself to move, Perry left the room and headed for the roof. It was the only place he could imagine JD going, unless he'd left the hospital completely.
Sure enough, when he opened the door, he found himself looking at the back of the younger man, his head bowed, his shoulders subtly shaking.
"Newbie?"
JD tensed, stilling suddenly as though he was frozen. Perry walked forward until they were side by side.
"Wanna tell me what that was all about, Ethel?"
"Really don't," Newbie replied flatly. "Really, really don't."
"Tough, tell me anyway."
"Bad dream."
"Uh huh. Tell me."
Newbie snorted, wiping at his face. "It's nothing. I'm just stressed, overworked, haven't been sleeping well. Pick an excuse, they're all true."
Perry sighed. "JD—"
They were interrupted as their pagers went off simultaneously. Newbie seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, but Perry put paid to it quickly.
"Wait for me outside after your shift, Newbie. If you don't, I'll hunt you down like a dog."
"Can we not just pretend it didn't happen?"
"I don't think we can, Newbie."
Perry turned for the door, not saying that since Newbie had been there for him, Perry would be there in return.
He also didn't say that he'd always be there for JD. That would continue to go unsaid.
…
He wouldn't have been surprised to find that JD hadn't waited for him, and yet, he'd known that he'd find him by the car regardless.
"We really don't need to do… whatever this is," JD muttered, when Perry opened the car doors.
"Just get in, Mildred."
…
"Is this because I said I'd kill to be allowed in here?" JD asked, gingerly sitting down on the sofa in Perry's living room.
Perry snorted, rolling his eyes. "No, Newbie. This is because your friends are worried about you and you burst into tears at me earlier and I want to know what's going on with you."
"It's nothing."
"Liar, liar, pants on fire."
JD let out a weak chuckle, running a hand through his hair.
Perry handed over a bottle of beer and sat down on the sofa beside him.
"So, come on, out with it."
"I, uh. I'm thinking about leaving the hospital," JD said eventually, voice little more than a whisper. "I think I need a change, you know?"
Perry stared at the wall for a long moment. He was leaving? "Why?"
"Sacred Heart is great but I think I need to try something new."
"You're wrong."
Perry hadn't meant to say it, but the words had slipped out. He just couldn't imagine his life without JD in it. He couldn't imagine the days passing by without his mischievous smile and his sparkling eyes and his caring, and his daydreaming and his…
He couldn't imagine his days without JD.
"You think I'm wrong, but I know I'm right," Newbie replied softly. "I can't keep… being there. Not right now. It's too hard."
"I'm trying really hard to understand here, Newb, but—"
"I can't be around you, okay?" JD exploded suddenly. "I can't keep coming into work every goddamn day and being around you, and watching you be awesome and hot, and barely giving me the time of day. I can't… and I know you probably think I'm pathetic, or being a girl, or whatever but—"
"Newbie… I don't understand."
There was a look of fear in JD's eyes now, and Perry thought that maybe he knew what was going on but he couldn't let himself hope for it. It would only hurt more when he was proven wrong.
He watched as JD shifted on the sofa, leaning forward so his hands were covering his face.
"When I said that I didn't come and see you because I was scared… I wasn't lying. But… I wasn't completely honest about the reason. What happened made me realise that… that…"
He trailed off. Perry opened his mouth and closed it, deciding that patience might work better in this moment.
"I do think of you as a superhero," JD said eventually. "But I think I was also scared at the thought that you wouldn't come back. And that made me realise that I, that I love you, and that scared me even more because I'm not supposed to love you, right? You don't want that, and I… so I've been trying to push it away but I don't know how."
Perry bit his lip. "And this afternoon? You wanna tell me what happened when you woke up?"
"You were there," JD pointed out simply. "For a split second, you were the first thing I saw when I woke up and when I realised that it wasn't what I've been wanting… I guess everything just… burst out."
Perry nodded, despite JD not being able to see him given the way he still had his hands covering his face. God but Perry needed a stronger drink than the bottle of beer he had.
But no. He wasn't going to do that. Not right now.
"And the solution you've come up with is to leave all together?" he asked softly.
JD shrugged and sat up, looking at Perry. "What else can I do?"
"This seems to be going okay," Perry pointed out.
Chuckling, Newbie nodded. "You're, uh, taking it better than I thought."
"You thought I'd be mad?"
"Oh, I thought you'd take my head off."
Perry snorted. Reaching a hand out, he brushed the hair from Newbie's forehead. "You're an idiot, Cheryl."
…
They ordered pizza, and Perry put the TV on. JD seemed a little lost, but also happy to go along with Perry ignoring the situation at hand for the time being. Perry changed into comfortable clothes, and threw sweats and a Red Wings shirt at JD.
They drowned him and it was completely adorable.
Not that Perry would ever admit to having such a thought.
He tried to focus on the screen, but when they were finished eating, Perry was very aware of the body beside him. JD was leaning closer and closer, and a glance in his way proved to Perry that the poor guy was exhausted.
"So… think we can stop this talk of you leaving, Newbie?" he asked quietly.
JD looked up at him. "I don't know. I don't think it's just going to… go away."
"What if I don't want it too?" Perry asked, reaching out to cup JD's cheek. "What if I like that you want to wake up to me in the morning."
JD frowned. "Perry?"
"When I was here, feeling sorry for myself—"
"It was a little worse than that," JD interrupted, frowning."
"Yes, well, I was here, and everyone was coming in and yet… I only wanted to see you. When Carla told me that you weren't coming, that hit me harder than anything else, because disappointing you was something I'd never wanted to do. And then when you did come, you were the first person to make me believe that I was going to be okay."
Newbie's eyes widened slightly, and Perry felt him lean into the hand still resting against his face.
"You're the one I get up in the morning for, Newbie. That's the long and short of it. So how about we stop talking about you leaving, and you just stay right here, hmm?"
Newbie nodded. "I can do that."
Perry smiled. "Good."
…
Perry woke up slowly and smiled at the ceiling when he realised that he couldn't move because JD was pressed along his side, his head on Perry's chest.
They'd fallen asleep on the sofa, but Perry had woken at three and dragged the sleepy resident to bed with him, pausing only long enough to wrap him up in his arms before they were both asleep again.
It had been wonderful.
The alarm sounded, startling him, and JD stirred beside him, blinking his eyes open. He looked up at Perry, and after a moment, his lips spread in a smile.
"Morning."
"Good morning," Perry corrected, pressing a kiss to his temple. If felt so natural that he didn't even question it until he realised that Newbie was staring at him with wide eyes.
"You just kissed me."
"I did."
"You kissed me," Newbie repeated. "Oh my god."
"I intend to kiss you as often as the opportunity presents itself," Perry said, grinning when Newbie smiled widely at him.
"Yeah?"
"Oh yeah."
Perry checked the time on the clock and wrinkled his nose. "We should get up. We've got an hour before work."
JD nodded and rolled off Perry, stretching luxuriously on the bed for a moment before he got up. "Have we got time to run by my flat so I can get changed?"
Perry nodded. "If we hurry up."
"Cool."
…
Perry sat playing on his phone in the car as he waited for Newbie. He'd only been gone a few minutes, but they still had time. Tucking his phone in his pocket, Perry rapped his fingers on the window and considered the hospital.
He hadn't asked Newbie if he wanted to keep them secret, but he really hoped he didn't. Perry did so love having a reason to gloat, and honestly, he was proud that Newbie was his.
The passenger door opened and JD slid in, his cheeks pink.
"You okay?"
JD nodded. "Yeah. I uh. Might have told Turk. And Carla. Is that, uh, okay?"
Perry smiled as he put the car into drive. "It's fine."
He listened to Newbie prattle on until they were climbing out of the car and then he held his hand out when they were side by side.
Newbie slipped his hand into it, their fingers entwining, and they walked into the hospital together.
Just as they were meant to be.
Written for:
Record Collection: 1. Sexual Healing, Marvin Gaye: Write about needing something.
Written In The Stars: 19. (dialogue) "You think I'm wrong, but I know I'm right."
Book Club: Janine: Gloat / Romance / Red
Elizabeth's Empire: 11. Rewrite the Stars - Zac Efron & Zendaya / (genre) romance
Angel's Archive: 3. Holding their hand(s) in public
Scamander's Case: 24. Fear
Milkshake: Chocolate: Aero - Trope: Mutual Pining
Urban Safari: 23. Secretary Bird - (trope) coworkers
Rainbow: Purple: Phone
Tree Planting: Dogwood: Mischievous
Birdhouse Building: Step 5: Hurt/Comfort
Petting Zoo: Rabbits: White
Leaving On A Jet Plane: 11. New York: (Emotion) Surprised
365: 9. Whisper