A/N: So, not sure how many of you saw the news about the boat that got stuck in the Suez Canal…for me working in the shipping industry it's caused a fair amount of problems in an already difficult time for the industry – so I decided to blow off steam about it in this fic. Hope you enjoy my silly bit of stress relief!
Thranduil glared balefully at the page that had interrupted his breakfast. It was far too early for anyone to be bothering him with anything as far as he was concerned. Yet when the page did not miraculously vanish into thin air at the intensity of his gaze the Elven King gave in and motioned for the young ellon to rise and speak.
"I am sorry Aran-nin to disturb you this early, however there are some edain here to see you and they say it is of the utmost urgency."
Thranduil's deep frown did not soften. "And what do you think singyll? Have you deemed their cause to be as urgent as they say? Or to even need my particular assistance at all?"
It was the page's turn to frown, "They would not speak of it to me Aran-nin, they said it was a matter for you and you only."
Thranduil resisted the urge to sigh deeply - of course they had insisted such.
"Very well singyll, you may show them to the throne room - I will be there momentarily."
The page gave a nod of his curly silver head, bowed deeply and scampered off to do as he'd been bid. Thranduil looked after him for a long moment before he ruefully looked at the breakfast spread that had been set before him. Fried ham, scrambled eggs and a lovely cream pastry with his favourite strawberry jam. This time the Elven King did sigh. The ham and eggs would be a lost cause but he refused to give up on his pastry and chomped it down in three large, quick bites before he washed it down with his still too hot tea.
Irritated at the loss of his breakfast and at scalding his mouth Thranduil made his sullen way towards the throne room. He hoped for the sake of those edain that they really and truly did have an emergency and need of him.
~o~
Thranduil studied the men before him; he was outwardly stony-faced but internally he was utterly dumbfounded. He had had the men repeat their story twice now and still, for the life of him could not figure out how they had managed to get themselves into such a predicament.
The regal blonde placed his chin in his upturned palm, "So...you are telling me the barge is stuck?"
"Yes Sire, that is the long and short of it and unfortunately we have not been able to get it unstuck by ourselves. So, as Alma here said we were rather hoping that you and your elves might have some idea or perhaps even some magic that could help us out of this situation."
Thranduil resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the man's superstitious mention of elven magic and still at a loss as to why his particular intervention was necessary, but unwilling to have his lost breakfast be for naught, he rose to his feet. "Very well, lead the way and show me what you have done."
~o~
Thranduil had summoned his Crown Commander (and best friend) Aglardaer alongside his Regent Lord Arahaelon to the riverside to view the men's mishap with the full intention of dropping said problem into their laps. However, it was with a sinking feeling that Thranduil begun to see why the men felt it necessary to involve him.
"What is the cargo?" Arahaelon snapped at the man closest to him but Thranduil did not need the adan to provide an answer.
He already knew and announced it grimly. "It is the wine and champagne I have had ordered from Dorwinion for Rithel's 2000th birthday. Is it not adan?"
The man trembled at the quiet fury he could hear in the Elven King's voice but bravely answered regardless. "Y-yes Sire it is that…that large shipment of w-wine and champagne you requested."
Thranduil's earlier glare was back with tenfold intensity. "And pray tell adan why on Arda did you think you would manage to get a barge that size down here? Are you blind? Did not a simple glance tell you it was not a good idea to proceed any further? You and your men have done this route countless times before and never had an issue...you have always come on the smaller barges. Why now with my most important shipment did you decide to bring this huge...," Thranduil flapped a hand in disgust at the old, oversized boat, "thing instead of what you usually use?"
"I am s-sorry Elven King b-but the harbourmaster wanted us to do the tr-trip in one go and so we used this l-larger vessel instead."
"Yes," Arahaelon chimed in, "that I understand. What I do not understand is why when you arrived at this section of the river you decided to carry on rather than call for the river elves to offload you onto their smaller rafts. As the King has said, you have done this route before and furthermore do not have eyes?"
Thranduil for his part was too busy studying the stuck boat. It would not do to have it remain there for long - Rithel's 2000th birthday celebrations were going to be spectacular and as such Thranduil had a great many more shipments to come. This boat needed to get unstuck and quickly.
"We waste time," Thranduil declared irritably as he interrupted the discussion, which had begun to get rather heated on the part of his Regent.
He then turned toward Aglardaer who had remained silent this whole time yet looked quietly amused by the entire thing.
Thranduil grit his teeth, "Do not just stand there grinning Commander! Summon a troop and get them to work on this thing."
"Of course Aran-nin." Aglardaer, though he bowed deeply still looked far too amused and it took a considerable amount of Thranduil's self-will not to kick his friend in the shins.
~o~
The troop that Aglardaer had summoned had been hard at work for the past two hours with very little to show for it - the oversized barge remained firmly stuck. Thranduil did his best to keep his frustration from showing on his face; he did not want his warriors to be discouraged and after all this was hardly their fault. Still, they were getting nowhere fast and the Elven King had decided it was time to summon more help in the form of the river elves.
Thranduil hoped that with the combination of the river elves' knowledge of the waterways and the strength of his warriors they would get the barge unstuck and moving once more. He watched as the river elves joined the troop upon the bank to begin their part of the work and with one last grim look at the situation Thranduil left them all under Aglardaer's watchful eye and headed back towards the palace with his Regent.
This debacle had taken up quite enough of his morning; he had missed one council session, was late for another and hadn't even had his morning briefing from his secretary Bôr as yet. Thranduil could spare no more time on the situation and would simply have to trust that when he returned the eyesore of a boat would be gone.
~o~
The coolness of the early evening felt wonderful to Thranduil after his long hours spent indoors in tedious meetings and council sessions. His small pleasure at the refreshing breeze soon dissipated however as he made his way down to the river bank to see that though his elves had put in significant work in digging all around the bow of the barge the vessel still remained stubbornly stuck in place.
"We have made some small progress," Aglardaer reported as he approached, "however the bow of the vessel is rather firmly wedged into the bank. It is going to take a lot more digging before it will be freed."
Thranduil nodded as he studied the problematic scene before him. His eye caught upon the men who had caused the entire scenario; they had returned to the vessel and some were pacing the length of the deck whilst others sat about with a look of bored disinterest upon their faces. In contrast most of his elves were now shirtless and actually sweating, long hair tied up into messy buns, the look of creeping exhaustion clear upon them.
The sight was enough to kindle the Elven King's ire and he stalked slowly and silently down the riverbank and onto the ship deck. "Have you had a good day? Are you are quite comfortable?"
At the sound of his cold, sarcastic voice several of the men flinched and they all stood suddenly to attention.
"Ah Sire," the captain of the barge did a hurried bow. "We did not realise you had returned."
"Indeed," Thranduil drawled dangerously.
The captain nervously fidgeted with his hands, seemingly not knowing what to do with them as he stammered, "We... that is the elves...uh I mean..." The man stopped and took a breath before he continued, "A little progress has been made but I'm afraid I do not think your elves will have us free before nightfall. Is there a place we might stay...where we might turn in for the night? I know we have the barge but it's been a long journey downriver and my men would appreciate a proper bed."
Thranduil would have gaped at the man's audacity if it were not an utterly un-kingly thing to do and he felt his anger spike at the men's utter unhelpfulness and lack of concern.
"You will not be turning in anywhere," Thranduil all but snarled. "What you will be doing is what you should have been doing all along. You will get off this boat and help my elves correct the mistake you made. At least, that is what you will do should you hope to be paid for the shipment," he finished coldly.
"My Lord King you cannot be serious about withholding our payment now. The goods have been delivered as promised and we deserve our pay."
Thranduil's voice was calmly menacing, "I beg to differ. The goods have not arrived with me as yet but are stuck here. What is more you are blocking any further shipments from reaching me and even more than that you are now costing me in labour." The King gestured with a jerk of his hands toward his elves who still laboured away diligently. "As I see it you have not rendered me services promised but have given me a problem and a bill. A bill that I shall be subtracting from your payment should this barge of yours not be removed forthwith. So, the choice is yours. You may sit here and idly fret or you may get up and offer your aid in correcting your error."
With that Thranduil stalked down from the boat and seethed his way back to the Palace to see about supper for his hard-working elves.
~o~
The sun was high in the sky and the sounds of shovels scraping, wet mud squelching, water splashing and men grunting filled the air. Work on freeing the vessel had eventually been called off as darkness had set in the previous night; it had commenced again first thing this morning with an extra troop having now also been assigned to help the original troop, the river elves and the men. Yet for all the extra hands the boat hadn't moved so much as an inch as yet - a fact that the men who owned said boat were not shy in complaining bitterly about and at last Thranduil tired of hearing them.
"Perhaps if you put as much energy into freeing the boat as you do into your endless complaints some progress might actually be made. Now be silent and get on with it. Or leave and forfeit your payment. As I said yesterday the choice is yours."
In a flurry of anger and swirling robes the regal blonde stomped away to attend his own duties.
~o~
"Aran-nin?"
Thranduil looked up from his work to face his secretary and gestured for the other ellon to take a seat before his large mahogany desk. "What is it Bôr?"
"Two more shipments have arrived Aran-nin." Bôr looked down at the list in his hands, "The cheeses and the silks that you ordered for Riel Rithel's upcoming 2000th celebrations... however they are unable to come down to the docks to be unloaded - blocked as the river currently is."
Thranduil dragged a hand over his face and sighed deeply. "Has no headway be made whatsoever? It has been almost two full days now... I expected more progress than this."
The King stood and began to pace; he had several more shipments to come - all for his daughter's grand birthday ball - a feast that had been months in the planning and he now began to worry that all his meticulous preparations might be for naught. In a daze Thranduil reached for a flagon of wine, poured himself a healthy glass and gulped it down in one. He had to think of something, anything - he could not let something as ridiculous as this spoil his daughter's big day. Though elves led immortal lives and as such did not celebrate all of their birthdays, a millennial birthday was something else entirely and he could not have Rithel's spoilt for any reason.
Another glass of wine downed neatly in one did nothing to calm him and it was with something approaching panic that Thranduil turned to face his secretary. "Summon Aglardaer, tell him I need a status report now. And fetch me a map of the waterways - perhaps that might provide some fresh insight into our problem."
"Of course Aran-nin," Bôr stood, bowed deeply then left to do as he'd been asked.
Thranduil, alone in his study once more gulped down another glass of wine.
~o~
Thranduil scowled irritably. Two more boats - carrying both food and gifts for Rithel's ball - had arrived overnight. They were stuck behind the two that had arrived the previous day further down the river and none of the captains of said boats were best pleased about the situation and delay to their schedules.
Their displeasure however was nothing in comparison to the Elven King's. He was tired, having spent most of the previous night poring over maps of the estuary system near the palace and brainstorming with his Regent - Lord Arahaelon and his Crown Commander -Aglardaer in the hopes that it might inspire them to find a course of action that might free the stricken vessel. Alas for them inspiration had not come and so Thranduil had simply ordered down another three troops to assist those already working on the barge. It was a huge task force, one that Thranduil now watched struggle seemingly in vain as the offending boat remain stubbornly wedged and utterly unmovable.
To make matters worse, at least for Thranduil personally, he was hungover - having drank all the wine in the flagon in his office followed by a further two bottles up in his rooms once he'd given up on the maps in providing them any aid.
The entire situation was wholly unsatisfactory and time was slipping away. Rithel was currently on patrol but was due back at the week's end - a mere three days away with her birthday only a week after that. Thranduil had planned things so that all his shipments would arrive before his too smart daughter did - he wanted to surprise her. And yes, of course Rithel would expect him to throw her a feast but Thranduil did not want her to have so much as an inkling as to just how spectacular a ball he had planned in her honour nor did he want her to catch a glimpse of any of the treats and gifts he had in store for her. If this boat situation was not resolved sharpish there was a very real possibility that all his hard planned surprises would be surprises no longer should his daughter return and catch sight of them all sitting idly upon their barges in the river.
His patience with the entire thing was growing exceptionally thin and just as Thranduil was about to make someone pay - namely the man who had been stupid enough to steer the over-large vessel down the narrow waterway - there was an odd creaking noise followed by an almighty splash. Suddenly, just like that, after days of seemingly pointless effort the stuck barge was free.
Thranduil watched on as the river elves began to carefully guide the boat back up to a wider part of the river to dock - almost not daring to believe that the nightmare was at last over.
And yet it was. Barely fifteen minutes later and the large boat was docked and being swiftly unloaded whilst the smaller barges that had been held up further down river at last came through to dock and make their own deliveries. As simply as that - after all the worry, stress and effort - his docks were once again running as they should, the river elves back in calm control of the area.
With a huge smile of relief upon his face Thranduil retreated back indoors so that he might suffer out the remainder of his hangover in the cool of his darkened bedroom.
~o~
Thranduil watched as the men who manned the problem boat filed into his throne room one by one to stand before him. They all looked exceptionally nervous. As well they should, he thought irritably; they and their stupid oversized barge had caused nothing but issues. He stared down at them for one very long moment more - purely for his own amusement at their increasing discomfort before he at last spoke.
"Your payment," Thranduil intoned solemnly as he gave a jerk of his hand in gesture for Bôr to hand the men the money in question.
"Luckily for you I'm feeling generous and have decided not to deduct anything from the prior agreed amount. It is all there, worry not. However," Thranduil leaned forward on his staff to leer menacingly above the men, "be warned and never bring that monstrosity of a barge anywhere near my kingdom ever again. I have given word to all my border scouts that should that vessel ever be seen approaching again all on-board are to be shot on sight. I hope I make myself perfectly clear."
"Perfectly Sire," the men stammered and bowed as one.
Thranduil nodded in satisfaction. Of course he had no intention of shooting anyone for anything so trivial but he had a reputation to maintain as the stone cold Elf King (he knew what they said of him) and he really and truly did not want a repeat of the past three days. Said idle threat would ensure that these men never again returned on that hated barge.
Thranduil straightened himself to once more drape regally in his throne and dismissed the men. He watched their retreating backs with a slight smile upturning his lips.
His party planning was back on track and all was well in the world once more.
END.
Ellon – Male elf
Aran-nin - My King
Edain – (Plural of Adan) Men
Singyll – Page / Herald
Adan – Man
Riel – Princess
A/N: Drop me a one liner and let me know what you think :)