Adam sank into the couch, staring at the half drunk glass of whiskey in front of him. The bottle was right there, he could drink the rest of it if he wanted to. But he was in work in the morning and the last thing he wanted to do was turn up hungover. Nobody would blame him after the week he'd had, but he couldn't do that to his team.

The one thing he'd always held true for the eight years he'd known Kim Burgess was that she knew him. She knew him when he was dumb and engaged to Wendy - and God what a mistake that was. She knew him when he fell in love with her. She knew his heart, even through their break ups and watching her date other people and watching him date other people and when they were together and separate. She knew who he was.

But Kim didn't know who he was anymore. He saw her face when she came through that gate, when she thought he'd murdered a man. She thought that he'd actually gun someone down in cold blood. The woman he'd loved for eight fucking years thought he could do that. And no matter what she said to him, he'd seen her face and seen what she believed in her eyes.

And then to say she had believed in him? Had known him? Her "I did" cut him like a knife. It felt like when he'd been shot a couple of months back, except this time the bullet hit his heart. He loved her and she didn't even trust him.

Adam picked up the glass and bottle from his coffee table, pouring the contents down the drain. He'd seen the disease addiction was, and right now if he picked up that drink he didn't know if he could stop. Instead he went to bed, lying in his cold sheets, his fingers still itching to hold Kim beside him as she slept.

It was a sleepless night, and his shower didn't do much to help him wake up. He made more coffee than normal, drinking the full four cup pot before going to work. His team nodded at him, Kev checking in while they were in the locker room together. He passed himself off as being fine, but his best friend knew it was a lie.

He stared at his paperwork, trying to do his job as Kim arrived into the bullpen and sat at her desk. Adam couldn't resist stealing a glance at her, and the deep bags under her red rimmed eyes concerned him. He knew it was his fault he'd done that to her, and he hated himself even more for it. He'd hurt the woman he loved, and while he knew he had to get it out, he still hated himself for hurting Kim.

Adam walked into the break room, grabbing a mug of coffee for himself. Without thinking he poured a second, fixing it for Kim. She'd disappeared from her desk when he came out, so he left it for her without saying a word, turning back to his computer. His stack of paperwork was high, and it was shaping up to be a day to get rid of all of it.

His day passed slowly, and by noon the caffeine jitters were getting to him. "I'm heading out to get lunch, anyone want anything?" He asked, putting his coat on. Kevin stood and joined him, the two wandering out of the precinct and down to the nearest deli.

They'd ordered and were waiting for their sandwiches when Kevin finally spoke. "What happened with you and Kim last night?"

Adam turned, his hair flying behind him as he did. "We talked."

"Yeah. That's why she looks like she's been crying all night and you look like you haven't slept. So I'll ask again, what happened?" Their sandwiches were handed over and Adam paid for the two meals, snagging a packet of chips and a coke for himself. They were outside the deli before Adam spoke, holding the bag with his lunch.

"She thought I murdered a man in cold blood, Kev. I thought she knew me better than that. Out of everyone, she's the one person who I thought knew my heart, knew who I am. When she came into that garden the only thing she said was "What did you do?". She didn't ask if I was ok, she didn't ask if I'd been shot at. She asked what I did. And I told her what that did to me."

They walked in unison for two of the three blocks before Kevin spoke.

"She loves you, man. She hasn't been ok since she was in hospital, but she loves you. And the thing the two of you have is too good to be thrown away."

They'd almost reached the precinct steps, cops starting to mill around them. Adam opened his mouth, closed it again, and then decided to say it. "I'm not ready to get hurt again, Kev. I won't survive her hurting me again."

By the time he finished speaking they were at the steps, walking up and into the lobby. Adam waved at Platt, who returned it with what looked like an almost real smile. Once he walked into the bullpen he noticed Hailey and Kim were missing but he just sat with his turkey and Swiss sandwich and ate while filling in a report.

By the end of the day his heart didn't hurt as much when he saw Kim, it was more of an ache than a searing pain. If he could just stop loving her, it'd be easier, but she was The One for him. Finally Voight left his office, looking at the squad sitting at their desks and staring at the screens.

"Go home. Enjoy whatever of the weekend you have while we can relax. I'll see you Monday, or when we get a case."

The bullpen filled with "Thanks, Sarge," but Voight was already gone into his office. Adam watched as Jay and Hailey left, fooling none of them that they weren't already dating.

He put his last folder away, reports finished and filed when a small shadow came over his desk. Kim was standing there, her arms almost holding herself together.

"Are you gonna come over tomorrow afternoon? I want to know what to tell Makayla." Her voice wavered as she spoke, and it nearly broke Adam.

"I'll be there. If you want I can take her out of the apartment, we can go do something? I don't have to be there if you don't want—"

"Adam, it's fine. She loves you. I don't want you feeling like a secondary part of her life. We made it through work, we can make it through tomorrow." She turned to leave, but got halfway through her turn before going back to him. "Thanks for the coffee. I didn't sleep much last night."

"Neither did I." Shit. He didn't mean to tell her that.

"I fucked up, Adam. And you made me realise that, so thank you. I decided I'm gonna find a therapist, I think I need to talk to someone. I'll see you tomorrow."

Adam watched the woman he loved walk down the stairs, her admission shocking him. For as long as he'd known Kim she'd never believed in therapy, never believed in talking about problems. But hearing her mention it gave him a tiny spark of hope that maybe they could repair themselves enough individually to repair their relationship.