A/N;; Hello all, this story has been formulating and dancing around in my head for a little bit now, and I thought I would finally throw this baby together. ( I am also posting this work on my ao3 account, with the same author name: justakay ) A little bit slower, maybe more vague to start, but don't worry!
I promise gaps will be filled, questions will be answered - it's all in the anticipation!
Let me know how we're feeling, what we're thinking.
Thanks for being here! Hope you enjoy!
{ This story will follow along started in book 5, Order of the Phoenix; both book and movie references will be a part of it }
CHAPTER 1: August Slipped Away
A loud clap of thunder rattled the wide estate windows and I suppressed a shiver. I had never been very fond of thunderstorms, since childhood. I knew they couldn't really hurt me, but I supposed it was the startling loudness that made me uncomfortable more than anything. It was a bit distracting, however, and I could do with distraction.
Mother was fussing about the seamstress who was fussing about me where I stood on a small circular platform in the center of my mother's ridiculously large walk-in closet.
We were getting ready for the anticipated Xavier family end of summer ball. The final weekend of August each year, our home became a glittering spectacle of poise and status.
My mother had taken a page from Narcissa Malfoy's book, following suit in hosting flashy events at our expensive home. All of the other pureblood families were invited to the ball, of course, and they all always came. It was a night for celebrating the end of summer, a night for celebrating the beginning of a Hogwarts term, and a night for showing just how much each and every one of the people present had to offer.
A perfect party for the perfect society.
It was my mother's real pride and joy.
Given the events of the end of last school year, one might argue that it wasn't quite right to still have such an event. Many of the adults around me, however, had found even more to celebrate following the Triwizard Tournament. I supposed that was why my mother was quite so particular this year - we were celebrating the dark lord's return, after all.
Or, they were, at least.
"Talia, honestly," My mother clicked her tongue with a flutter of her hand. "Stand up tall."
I wasn't sure exactly what she meant, given I was a whopping five foot three without the ridiculous heels she had set aside for me to eventually wear with my dress. I shifted my shoulders back further just the same. It was never wise to argue with her, especially not while she was event planning.
"Have you heard back from the Greengrass girls yet?"
I nodded. "Daph said they'll be here early."
Which was fortunate for me, because it meant I wouldn't have to endure the start of the party alone, feeling like I stood out. I hated these stupid parties. If I was entirely honest, I hated when all the families got together at all. The air was thick with a pretentious negativity. It came with the territory, I understood. I had grown up in it, after all. That didn't mean I enjoyed it.
Daphne Greengrass and I had been friends for most of our lives. She, much like myself, didn't always know what to make of this darker society we grew up in. Her parents were a lot more indecisive than my own. Where the allegiance of my parents had never once been hard to question, the Greengrass family, while pureblood, was consistently on the outside of things. They bravely picked and chose when to be involved with the tasks of the dark lord.
When we were younger, Daphne and I used to pretend that there was a world without all the darkness. A world where we could be free of a pristine expectation weighing on our shoulders. Since getting older, however, Daphne had grown more into the role, more accepting of appearances and turning her nose up to others more regularly.
She wasn't the only one of my old friends who had grown into that.
"Are the Malfoys still coming this year?" I asked curiously.
A ridiculous question, I knew, and the scoff my mother replied with further indicated as such. The Malfoys hadn't missed an event we hosted in all my life, just as we had never missed one of theirs.
"I received their confirmation from Narcissa weeks ago." Her voice was clipped, as if her having to answer my question at all taxed her in some way.
I kept my mouth shut unless I was spoken to after that. Things tended to run smoother that way. I looked a little dazedly at my reflection instead. Another distraction.
The dress my mother had chosen to be created for me was better than I expected. Typically what I was made to wear were pieces outside of a style I would call my own. There was always more frill than I enjoyed.
This dress, however, had very little in the way of all that. It was black, a rather form fitting piece - which was slightly unexpected, but I felt it best not to question it.
The bodice itself was low-cut, a deep v cutting down to nearly my belly button. There were black floral details intricately stitched along the main portion of the dress, and they were dusted meticulously with a shimmery gold that I wouldn't have been surprised to find was genuine gold broken down to powder. Mother always did go above and beyond. Down the sheer black sleeves, those black and gold-shimmering flowers wound around and around my arms on vines, as if growing down them. The skirt finally fanned out in a sheer black tulle right below knee level, and through the material the gold silk underskirt that clung close to my legs could be seen.
It was showy in a way that I wasn't entirely familiar with.
I recalled back to the ball that occurred right before first year, how different my dress had been then. Silver, almost rain cloud-like in the way the skirt puffed out around me from my waist. It was cute then.
Someone had told me that I looked like a princess out of an old Muggle story for children he had heard about once. His father had heard the comment, however, and he never mentioned it or the story again.
I wondered for just a short moment how that old friend was faring this summer. I imagined his father was busy.
I hoped that Draco hadn't been the same.
.
The couple of days leading up to the ball I mostly kept to myself. It wasn't hard to do while at home. Father was busy fielding questions from the Ministry, making sure everything was going according to plan. Mother was fluttering about for her finishing touches for Saturday's event.
I made my school shopping list, as well as answered a couple letters finally. Though, as soon as my tawny owl, Winston, had taken off with the couple of letters to my friends I realized it was a little silly. I would be seeing most of them in just a day now.
Lucy would appreciate it, though. She was only half-blood, and her magical mother didn't too much care for the politics of blood status. I couldn't say I blamed her much. I lived in it and didn't care much for it. Not that I spoke that fact out loud frequently.
Her status, as it were, didn't merit an invitation to the end of summer ball, however. Unfortunately being friends from the moment we met on the Hogwarts Express first year didn't much matter when it came to affairs of pureblood society. Lucy's being in Slytherin house didn't automatically make her worthy in the eyes of this crowd.
No, it would be Daphne I relied on for peace at the ball. Perhaps Blaise, we got on nicely enough. He fancied me in third year and when he had plucked up the courage to tell me as such I'd initially laughed, thinking it was a joke.
It was a hurdle we had worked passed.
The morning of the ball, I was woken up with the abrupt brightness of my dark violet drapes being yanked open. I groaned immediately, tossing an arm lazily over my eyes.
"Zixby, it's much too early." I complained.
I heard the shuffling of our house elf as she moved to my other window to do the same with the drapes there.
"Miss Talia is due for breakfast. Missus Valencia insists."
I groaned once again. "What time is it, Zixby?"
"Seven-thirty, my miss." The elf answered meekly.
Tossing my arm off my face, I glared up at the sheer black canopy that hung over my bed. Seven-thirty, honestly. The ball didn't start until four in the afternoon, and I was being woken at seven-thirty.
"Master Isaac says it requires the most haste, my miss." Zixby added.
I sat up then, a confused expression on my features. "Father's at breakfast?"
Zixby nodded. She always spoke differently around me, only slightly. I was never quite as harsh on our family house elf as my parents tended to be. I liked to think she felt more comfortable around me. Even if she did still do her job.
"Master Isaac and Master Malfoy have business to attend to before the party, my miss."
"Mister Malfoy is here?" I tried to hide the excitement that threatened to escape in my tone as I shuffled out of bed finally, moving to my laid out day clothes.
Zixby nodded once again.
"Is—" I paused as I lifted my pair of tights to begin pulling them on beneath my nightgown. I thought over my question for a moment. "Is mister Malfoy here alone?"
The house elf nodded for a third time. "Beggin' your pardon, my miss, but Zixby was only sent to fetch miss Talia for breakfast. Zixby should not say more."
I let out a deflated sigh and nodded at her myself. I thanked her as she headed toward the door before finishing getting dressed.
It seemed like a bit of a waste of time, getting a skirt, blouse, and shoes on all to just have breakfast. Merlin knew my mother would have me getting primed and proper for the ball all of the rest of the day.
I used a forest green ribbon to loosely tie up my wavy dark brown hair and glanced at my reflection hurriedly if only to ensure my ponytail wasn't lopsided. Then I took a quick breath and headed downstairs.
I had exactly one foot down in the dining room before my mother noticed my presence.
"Ah, finally."
"Morning, mother." I greeted. My face fell as I realized my father was already no longer at the table. "Where's father?"
I didn't want to get Zixby into trouble for mentioning more to me than she was meant to - even if it hadn't been much - so it felt like the better question to ask.
"Busy." My mother replied shortly, gesturing for me to sit with her at the table.
Such a pointed woman, my mother, in every sense of the word. In all my nearly sixteen years of life, I don't think she had once been soft with me in any sort of way.
Aside from her often cold and entitled demeanor, even her appearance never gave many promising signals.
She had hard, sharp features - a notable squared off jawline, green eyes that always seemed like they could pierce directly through someone, a thin mouth and a small, nearly-pointed nose. I didn't look much like my mother at all. Perhaps in the jaw a little bit, and in our similar hair color. Otherwise I had the softer, rounder features and dark eyes of my father.
Where my mother looked dangerous, however, my father carried it on the inside. The explosive temper was one thing I was glad to not have inherited from him. Among several others.
I sat where my mother indicated for me to do so and waited as a plate carefully darted in from the kitchen to set in front of me. A piece of wheat toast with a fried egg on top sat in front of me, a sliced banana beside it. A glass of water followed a moment later.
I could not wait to get to Hogwarts and eat as I pleased.
"Narcissa and Draco should be along within the hour." My mother announced, simply, as one might state the time.
My chewing slowed to a stop and I blinked at her. She wasn't looking at me, busy reading over the day's issue of the Daily Prophet. I swallowed with difficulty and then cleared my throat.
"I didn't know they were coming so early today." I noted.
"I told you yesterday."
She hadn't. I definitely would have remembered that warning. I didn't say so, however. She didn't seem to notice my pause and my setting my toast back down as a cause for concern.
She never really did, though.
"Mira will be here straight after lunch later. She'll be getting you all ready for this evening." She stated.
Mira was essentially an assistant to my mother. A witch just a couple years out of Hogwarts, the poor girl had intention to become a 'public figure.' Whatever sort of aspiration that was. I still remained convinced my mother was manipulating her, using her for convenience and calling it teaching. Mira wasn't bright enough to notice, evidently.
"I think I'll spend a bit of time outside this morning. It's rather nice, with the storms passed now. Think it's worth enjoying." I punctuated my sentence by eating a piece of banana.
The woman looked down at the plate in front of me as I reached to take a large gulp of my water. Three bites of my egg and toast and two pieces of a full banana were about all I had eaten. It was enough to merit a nod of dismissal from her.
I excused myself with a muttered thank you and stepped away from the table just as my dish of unfinished food floated back off to the kitchen.
It wasn't a problem. We would never call it that, not under our roof. Isaac and Valencia Xavier's daughter could never be in a circumstance any less than ideal, lest they look bad. Policing my food intake was mostly my mother's doing, anyway, not the both of them. Kept me trim, she would say. Desirable.
Not entirely sure who that was meant to be for.
There was a small cherry blossom bonsai tree in our greenhouse. Typically this space was used for various herbs and plants used in either cooking or potions - had to be careful which. We had staff to tend to them most often, but the cherry blossom bonsai was my own. I had specifically asked for no one to take care of it, as I wanted to do it myself.
It was a nice distraction, I appreciated those. I didn't have many of them during the summer, between terms. Summers consisted of being toted around by my mother, wondering what my father was up to or if I would see him for longer than ten minutes at any point. More recently they were a bit more chaotic.
My bonsai gave me a reason to exit the house, to do something less in line with allegiances and plotting, or appearances and showing off. Tending to it gave me a small cluster of moments of peace, nurturing something pretty.
After watering and a small bit of pruning, my pleasant distraction was already completed. It never took long, I was familiar with what the plant needed at this point. Still, I didn't want to go back inside, so I walked through the garden.
The roses were in bloom at the moment, and a small smile remained on my face as I looked at the differing colors. Mother had purchased some charmed rose buds in the spring, meant to grow dark purple roses, as well as midnight blue. They served a beautiful contrast between the bright whites and yellows and reds.
I settled in the grass in the yard afterward. There were perfectly good iron chairs on the stone patio, which my mother would have certainly pointed out to me if she were there, but I was comfortable where I was. I sat cross-legged despite the skirt I wore and picked up a browning leaf that had fallen through the breeze and landed beside me.
I liked to be outside, it made me feel a little less high strung. Being in my house was always a sort of tense environment. I knew it wasn't perfect for everyone - many of my friends had complex home lives, as well. I couldn't help feeling sometimes that my relief when it was time to go back to school was entirely different from their own.
Just a few more days now, and I would be away from here.
That thought in mind, I sighed wistfully and gently tossed the leaf I held back into the passing breeze. I laid back in the grass and closed my eyes, breathing the fresh air in deeply through my nose. I had to take it all in before the rest of the night I was stuck in all of the stifling social climate of the ball.
The sun was warm but the breeze was cool, and the grass was lush in a comfortable way. It certainly wouldn't be difficult to drift off to sleep. I nearly started to after a short while of simply breathing, listening, relaxing.
"You wouldn't happen to be hiding, would you?"
Draco.
His voice was a short distance away still and as I opened my eyes I realized it was because he was still in the process of walking toward me. I tilted my head upward, getting an upside-down look at him as he approached. He wore a black turtleneck and tan slacks, shiny shoes I suspected by the look of them were the same dragon hide dress shoes his father often wore.
He'd never really liked them before.
"Why?" I quirked a brow. "Care to join me?"
The huff of a laugh that left him wasn't the laugh I knew. Most things about Draco now were like that, though. Colder. Sharper. Different.
"You're going to get grass in your hair." He observed as he continued to stand, casting a shadow over me.
I didn't miss that he had avoided my invitation. I couldn't say I was surprised.
I righted my head with a shrug of my shoulders. "I imagine Mira will fix that up just fine."
"What are you doing out here anyway?" He asked impatiently.
I watched him for a moment as he stuffed his hands in his pockets and glanced over toward the garden. Fidgety, then. That's where we were today. Probably uncomfortable. It was easy for me to read him still, even though we weren't at all as close.
Growing up together sort of facilitated that.
"Wanted some air." I replied shortly as I closed my eyes again.
There was a long pause, nothing but the gentle sweep of the breeze between us for several seconds. I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. It was something I wondered frequently. Once, I had known nearly everything Draco thought, how he felt about most things. It felt like such a long time had passed since that were the case. I still knew him, but I didn't at the same time.
"You could sit, you know." I pointed out, not looking up at him.
"And stain these pants? I don't think so." He huffed.
"Why are you sitting hard enough to get grass stains, is my question." I quipped.
My eyes fluttered open just in time to catch the ghost of an amused smirk on Draco's lips. It was dull compared to the way that I had once seen Draco smile. Those token smirks of his didn't shine in his eyes the way a true smile did.
"I imagine you're excited about tonight," I noted conversationally, looking passed him up at a moving cloud. "Pansy will be here."
Perhaps I was baiting him a little - he rarely wrote me much during the summers now, it had died off a bit after third year. I couldn't help but be a little curious about the things that were going on with him. Especially now.
Draco scoffed with a roll of his light eyes. "I promise you that Parkinson is more excited to see me than I am to see her."
"Mm, usually how that goes." I mumbled with a short nod.
Pansy had had eyes for Draco from the beginning of first year. Sometimes - when he was feeling charitable, evidently - he would give her the time of day, some of that attention she seemed to so desperately crave from him. It was odd for me, mostly. Pansy and I weren't friends, we were civil what with both being in Slytherin, but other than a passing hello, I could recall all of about three conversations with the girl that lasted longer than five minutes.
Granted, she and Draco weren't typically conversing a lot of the time, so I suppose that made his relationship with her a touch closer than mine.
"I've got better ways to spend my time this year." He replied.
I sighed and resisted the urge to roll my eyes at him. As if I didn't know him well enough to know better. "For now."
"For now?" There was confusion in Draco's tone and as I tilted my head upward to get a look at him again, I saw the furrow in his brow.
My jaw set tightly for a quick moment as I blinked at him slowly. "For now."
He looked back at me for another long, silent moment, his gray eyes narrowed subtly. I tried my best, as I usually did, to maintain a good neutral face. One thing living with the parents I did taught me was how to remain cold, closed off. Draco had learned it well, too, it was a big part of our problem now.
It was hard sometimes, not showing how this shift in our relationship affected me. I could never quite figure out how it affected him, either, or if it did at all.
Did he wonder about what I had been up to during the summer? Did he hope that I had stayed out of trouble, the way that I hoped that for him? Did he worry about what being at home, around my parents, in this new dawn of our lives was meaning for me? Did he ever find himself remembering the way that things used to be for us, and how starkly different they were now? Worst of all, did he care?
All questions I would probably never have the answers to.
After another moment of looking at each other as if challenging one another to say something first, he seemed to cave, looking away from me out at the garden again. He sniffed, rolled his shoulders back, and tilted his chin upward a bit. That air of superiority really did suit him in a way I had never expected it to. He reminded me of his father.
"I'm going to go back inside." He announced. "Whether you're coming or not."
I finally did roll my eyes now at the dramatics of it. Sitting up, I fully ignored the way that Draco took a small step toward me. I was pretty sure he made a move to hold his hand out to help me to my feet, but I ignored that, too. At first I stepped passed him, but that hand he'd started to reach for mine with circled around my wrist. I glared down at it for a quick moment before looking up at him again.
"Hold on a moment," He grumbled, though he took the wordless direction my eyes had given and let my wrist go. "You have grass in your hair."
He picked the few pieces out of my now lopsided ponytail with a calmness on his face, in his eyes. Something about those few seconds was gentle, reassuring. It was these rare and surprising moments that reminded me of how things used to be. They reminded me of the Draco I knew before. The Draco that I could share anything with, and who could make me laugh and laugh with me. The Draco who I missed dearly.
My best friend.
Sometimes I wished he would come back.