I love writing about Lisbon and Jane finding themselves "in love."
In this fic here Jane engages a thing with Kim and finds Lisbon dating Pike.
It's another idea of how they surrender to feeling.
And also a narrative exercise in various points of view. Fly!
JANE
Two years living on an island and I ended up being hooked by the oldest trick in the world : A woman. Actually, Kim Fischer. I came back to Austin cheated. The demands I wrote on a Abbott napkin simply ignored, and since I didn't give in either, he ended up locking me in a federal cell.
And that's been two years. At this time, not even my letters to Lisbon Could I send. The only people I could see in this whole timewas Abbott himself and Kim Fischer. And federal prison became my home. I tried very hard to get in touch with Lisbon during this time, but given my refusal to help solve cases, Denis Abbott and Kim Fischer did not allow it. I asked them at least to let her know I was okay. Which I imagine was done, because they both didn't seem to lie when they confirmed me. But they didn't hear from her, what she was doing. Four years without seeing Lisbon, I missed her so much. I think motivated by this longing I started thinking about leaving this place. Being locked up wasn't my initial idea, I know I should do time for killing Red John, I was never wrong that this would happen in any way. But that penalty was enough.
Two years isolated on an island and almost two in a cell is enough time to think about life and know that it is necessary to move on.
So I came up with a plan. Andu'm not silly, I know that since Kim met me on that island, interest hasn't been entirely faked. So I started, on the visits she was making with Abbott to my cell, trying to seduce her. I think she thought the same, maybe with the intention of making me cooperate.
But the game worked and she started visiting me alone. And I got my flirtation up and it worked, because some time later Denis Abbott gave in and I was able to get out of my federal cell to a special apartment, a bigger, more private place, but equally guarded.
Still dissatisfied I decided to give up a portion and agreed to work at the FBI with a requirement met. Work directly with Teresa Lisbon. And I couldn't wait to see Teresa again after all this time. Almost four years, I missed her so much, more than I can admit to myself that i would be suitable for someone I called a friend. But I missed Teresa like the air Ibreathe. Withouther presence, it would not be complete. As for Kim and our involvement, I know i should have stop when she admitted interest. But I also get needy. And even without being aware of how lack leads us to misguided decisions, and Kim and I ended up acquiring a colorful friendship.
We had nothing but a few fleeting encounters, more on her own initiative than mine. Kim was an attractive woman, I won't deny it. Besides being good to feel desired,I won the battle of flirting. And I hate losing.
I ended up enjoying the fact that I was in a woman's bed after so long,but I neverimagined it would become something more serious. I thought we'd go out a few times and then each one would move on with his life. Only against my predictions, Kim was really excited to be with me. I realized, when I had sex with her, that there was more to her as I was there yielding to physical desire. There was something I couldn't repay. Being with her was satisfying, but I didn't surrender, I was still able to control every speech, every moment of ours.
In the way, I haven't fallen in love, nor do I know if I'm able to fall in love again. Perhaps I was, nowadays, able to relate to a woman again in this physical and superficial way. For Kim it didn't seem to be the case and I thought the sooner this was over, the less damage it would do. Especially now that someone very important was coming back to my life.
LISBON
Four years. Almost four years without seeing Jane. When the FBI called me today, I hardly believed it. They told me they picked him up a while ago, when Abbott and then a woman, Agent Fischer, came to my county to "visit" me and asked a lot of questions. That day they wanted me to give them all the tips about a prisoner of theirs, to make him collaborate,how to control him. With a lot of cost confirmaram being Jane and I said that ifI didn't talk to him, I wouldn't cooperate.
They wouldn't let me see him, talk to him, or send a letter. So I didn't cooperate Since then I've prayed that everything would be fine with Jane and of course, I thought I'd get information from a reliable source I had at the time. Actually, I had this source almost two years ago. When Jane's letters were gone I felt very bad and somewhat needy too. In the meantime, during an operation in Washington, not the capital, the simple little town where I'm sheriff, went through a route of art thefts I met Marcus Pike. He came tome, asking permission to set up an operation in an art gallery, something so prosaic in this town that I found myself involved in that operation as if it were something of life and death.
They managed to catch the antique thief and at the end of it All I got some prestige and an invitation to a date. I figured going out with Marcus Pike could give me information about Jane, but Ididn't have the guts. Nthe truth he was so only interested in me, had never heard anything ofthis "fugitive" and asked me if I was a woman waiting for the beloved man.
I denied it, but I told Jane's life story, which impressed him. And it didn't stop him from asking me out again and again and again. And despite a certain distance between Austin and my little town, Marcus Pike and I got romantically involved.
We dated and what can I say? that he is a wonderful man who is understanding, fun and very handsome. Everything would be perfect if I loved him as much as he loves me. He says openly that he loves me and I keep wondering if I'm capable of someone loving this intense way in life, because to this day, in none of my previous relationships, or with Marcus, I've managed to surrender. It's always great to be with him, but I'm still myself, I can think, I can decide. We've never had a fight, and this week, even though I'm away because I know I can see Jane again, Marcus understood. In that time he well wanted me to do a test for the FBl, but I always refused, because I would join the federal government only interested in information about Patrick Jane. And it wouldn't be right, so since I swore I'd never ask him to look for Jane, I also swore I wouldn't join the FBl to find him.
JANE Reviewing Lisbon was possibly one of the greatest joys of my life. From my new life, the one I had to rebuild after losing my wife and daughter, seeing Teresa is my greatest joy. I knew I missed her, I wrote her, even in the cell where I knew the FBI wouldn't deliver my letters, I wrote her a lot. The presence of Teresa in my life was synonymous with balance and now I found, of happiness. I was a happy man if I saw Teresa every day. When I went into that room and i could hug her it was a mixture of feelings for me. I felt complete, in the right place, willing and with a happiness that I thought I would never be able to feel again. Even though i was reticent about the terms and thinking i was being called to be some kind of nanny of mine, Lisbon relented and agreed to come work at the FBl, along with me.
I thought at this point that Kim would give up on me, since my fondness for Teresa, professionally speaking, was open. Personally, too, because I asked that my couch be placed just behind Lisbon's desk. I know she questioned Lisbon about our closer relationship. Kim herself told me when she showed up at the trailer where I now lived, unannounced. And even if I showed displeasure from these apparitions and said I didn't want to be controlled, Kim would come to see me from time to time. Teresa, if you suspected anything, you never asked me. We maintained the same relationship of camaraderie and privacy that we always had. Being around Teresa is enough because it puts my life in place and I feel complete having her close to me. And so life would go on, I'd have Lisbon there next to me and until Kim understood, every now and then she'd come to me and we'd live a few moments. In my innocence I just didn't imagine what happened in my absence, Teresa got a boyfriend, Marcus Pike. When I congratulated her, in a feigned irony, about dating, Teresa let slip that she knew about me and Kim and to my surprise, that Kim herself had told her. And that she also wished me the same happiness I dreamed of for her. If it was irony, I didn't realize, on the contrary, what I realized was that we both semed pretending that dating was the most normal in our lives. I couldn't hit Lisbon back at the time, say no me and Kim had nothing. I think my pride hurt that Lisbon didn't hide with her romance made me say nothing and I let her understand that there was something more than there really was between me and Kim.
But fate does not facilitate and in the face of this consolidated arrangement, that is, Lisbon and Pike assumedvery, even both in the FBI, and I Kim, in an almost relationship, almost known and assumed by her, made me enter a situation that I did not want.
Agent Fischer, simply in a calculated move, invited us to dinner, a date as if we were two couples friends going out to celebrate. I felt like a cornered rat, first because I didn't consider myself a couple with Kim Fischer, and second because I didn't want to be participating in Lisbon and Pike's life as a couple. It was a relationship that caused me to be jealous until then unknown. They've been together for over a year and I've been living with this arrangement for only a few months, but I can't be normal about it. It's okay that I never considered having another woman, officially in mylife, after Angela. I didn't feel able enough to maintain a stable relationship, to love as big again as my marriage was and how my daughter was. I ended up assuming that fortuitous women in my bed would be my reality and emotionally I would be safe as long as Tereza was by my side. I believed lisbon also kept this arrangement in her life, because I know that some men went through her bed, but none strong enough to overcome the barrier of feelings of my friend and partner. Even this Agent Pike. And now I'm weird about not being able to circumvent the jealousy of seeing my friend on an official courtship, open and known to everyone. And I had nothing to talk about Marcus Pike's evil. He was polite, kind, understanding and sounded very, very passionate. And in the face of this realization that Teresa was able to awaken such a feeling in another man, and even correspond to this, in a childish moment on my part, I agreed to participate in this proposed meeting. I don't know what I thought, if you wanted to make Lisbon jealous like she was doing to me. But what I could see at first was that Teresa was a little disappointed with this commitment. And instead of feeling happy, my heart felt a tip of sadness. It's always been hard to manage what Teresa causes in me on a more personal level. I never know how to act, because I always think none of my tricks work with her. Every attempt to keep her out of my life was thwarted, she was always there, I always wanted her to be. I've always trusted her and i barely realized I can't live without her presence. And since Lisbon and Pike rub their romance over my nose I've been thinking about how to live with this reality, where I'm in this relationship. I know that phrase sounds ridiculous, her relationship with Pike is loving and with me is brotherly. But nothing inside me conforms to this arrangement. Your head is far away, Patrick. Kim's voice called me as she parked in the restaurant. I didn't drive, that was another woman who thought I was too fast at the wheel. But unlike Teresa, where I played and she ended up yielding, she had no conciliation with Kim. - I don't like double dates. I answered stoically.
- Oh, but Lisbon and Pike were so excited. And I almost laughed at Kim right now. Pike was suspicious, because what he felt about my friendship with Teresa was this, distrust. And Lisbon looked at the ceiling, just like me, wanting to get rid of that commitment. I didn't answer that at all, because I knew Fischer didn't misread people. She was pushing the bar, making it look like this arrangement could work. That the four of us could become couples who were friends and maybe even traveled together. The problem is, I was more and more certain that I didn't want to be friends with Teresa if she had a boyfriend. That reality hit me hard every time I saw Pike pick up Lisbon from the FBl. The other day we went down the elevator together and they held hands, cuddles, cuddles caused me an unknown malaise. I really don't like this reality where Teresa is not mine and even though I say I won't have a serious relationship again, I admit I don't want to lose Teresa Lisbon to Marcus Pike.
CHAPTER 2 LISBON I confess that I am very, very bothered by this arrangement tonight. I'm sitting at the restaurant table thinking about when Jane and Kim are coming. Strange is little to describe my feeling. Returning to work with Jane has done me a lot of good, professionally speaking. I had to explain to Marcus why I accepted Jane's request and not his so I could join the FBl. Jane and I had a professional history and I knew thatthe balancethatgave Jane was her professional success.
My boyfriend didn't like my explanation atall, I felt, and since Jane and I went back to work together, I went to live in Austin, I felt that Marcus became more "territorial" about me. I was able to understand his jealousy for the guy his girlfriend was talking about and cared beyond what was expected.
What I didn't understand at the time was my jealousy of seeing Jane and Kim in a relationship. I'm sure it doesn't seem like a serious relationship like pike and me, but still, Kim seemed pretty involved with Jane. And I couldn't be natural when I thought about Jane with her. When they approached, at the FBI and I felt that there might be a affection between them, a romantic affection, I ended up leaving the room. I was telling myself that I was leaving you both at ease, but in reality I was running away from witnessing some affection between them. And worst of all, I ran away from the feeling that I'd like this affection to come with me. Even if I had a boyfriend, that I liked my boyfriend, I couldn't not think of Jane man since I found him again. I can't help but understand how he behaves and what he likes. What if Kim was his kind of woman. Agent Fischer often seems bossy and spoiled, something far removed from Jane's preferences. And watching them I realize that Jane dodges Kim and that just like me, he also avoids being present when there are affections from our peers involved. Like me, Jane also gets away from me when Pike arrives to pick me up. And Jane also looks at me long, like she wants to tell me something and couldn't. Pike, unlike me, seemed extremely relaxed on this date. He chose the table, the wine and is looking so calm that it contrasts with the jealousy already reported by him earlier. God forbid he's planning any surprises for tonight. Marcus Pike is a really nice guy, but when I think about Jane, and I hardly compare them, I can't deny how much my body lights up if I think it's Jane, not Pike, who presses me in the shower in the morning, or sleeps in the face of me at night.
I know this is wrong in so many ways, thinking of another man next to a nice guy like Pike, but my brain can't bar the image of my hands in my partner's blond hair while we make wild, carefree love. From adistance I saw Kim and Jane come in. And my heart missed the beat by looking at my professional partner in a beautiful, seemingly new suit, albeit over the ugly flowery shirts he now wore. And the most surreal thing about all this, never, in all the time I've been with Marcus, I've had a broken heart when I meet him. Jane also gives me a long look and I realize, belatedly, that I got ready for tonight thinking about what he would think. I wanted to impress him, I wanted to look as sexy as Kim naturally looks. I realize Kim Fischer came "dressed to kill." Her fair jaguar dress coupled with her behavior, everything in her says she is a beautiful and safe woman. But the look of the man next to her is for me. And it's scary how much I repay you.
JANE By the time we got to lisbon and pike restaurant they were already on the table and the first problem of the night hit me. Teresa was beautiful. The dress was dark pink, loose, knee-length. Her brushed hair was glowing, she had long earrings on her ears and a soft eyeshadow that highlighted the most beautiful green eyes I've ever seen in my life. I can't let go of my look from her, and I can't help but notice she reciprocates. For God's sake, what are we doing here? My date, Kim, was also a beautiful woman, I didn't deny it. She wore an ounce dress that I thought would fit her right. And life would be beautiful if I was involved with Kim, but my long look at Teresa shows that my heart doesn't want to be away from her. I want to believe that Lisbon also has feelings for me. That this retribution to my gaze and all your concern for me meant not just a fraternal friendship. No, I know Teresa also feels that something exists between us. Only I, dumbly, let her understand that I wanted nothing to do with her but friendship. And I'm the one who's going to have to reverse that before it's too late.
- Jane, Fischer, it's going to be a pleasure to have dinner with you tonight. Pike spoke with a happiness that seemed really genuine and I was wondering if he was so silly as to think this was a satisfying arrangement. Lisbon smiled in a restrained fashion and I also did the best I could. - I'm sure it's going to be very special. Kim Fischer spoke and I felt a chill. I rarely let a person who's keeping a secret, but looking at Pike I felt like something big would happen here tonight. And I really felt scared. -
The waiter made us uncomfortable and the initial discomfort of me and Lisbon gave way to a camaraderie that our peers only saw from afar at work, but that in the informal moment we lived became admirable. Our provocations were not serious and our empathy was true. I don't know what Kim and Marcus thought, but I think lisbon and I did very well to amuse this audience with our most different cases. But you didn't have to be a mentalist to figure out what was going on at this table tonight. Lisbon and I were in tune, whether it was the chat, the body, the feeling. Every story told gave me at least the certainty that having this woman by my side made me well, whole, happy and balanced for years. I know I gave her a lot of headaches, but she remembers the cases with such affection and humor that it's hard to think I was a bad influence at some point.
For years I was very afraid for Teresa. I'm afraid Red John would use it to get to me. I'm not sure why this never happened, but I appreciate it. I couldn't lose Teresa after everything I've been through, I can't live without her. Funny that admitting that used to terrify me to the point of paralyzing me. Today it no longer paralyzes, although the fear is still great. I think Kim and Marcus were a little surprised by our partnership. They must have also begun to understand what we meant to each other. If they were like me, a profound connoisseur of human nature, they would have realized there was no competition. Except for personal fears, mine and Lisbon, nothing, no one, exists between us. The waiter came to write down our orders and something that only meant to me and to Lisbon happened. We made an inverted choice of dishes. One of our last lunches at the CBI was to celebrate the wedding of Rigsby and Van Pelt. They made a point of going to the best restaurant in Sacramento and that day I played guesswork and of course, I knew Lisbon would order duck rice. It was one of her favorite dishes, it was no big deal. And I, to disagree with everyone, ordered a traditional paeja, since everyone accompanied Lisbon on her plate. Before flowers' menu I found myself in front of duck rice, it was my request, to remind me of a happy moment that we lived. And Lisbon, to show me that he also remembered, asked for the traditional paeja, although Marcus Pike was surprised to imagine that she would follow him in the noodles the carbonara.
No one noticed, but to us this choice sounded a bit like revenge for being put by our peers in this situation that simulated a quadruple empathy that did not exist. And it couldn't even exist, in my opinion. - The milk flan of this place is wonderful, Teresa, I'm sure you'll love it. Pike stepped forward in making flan's request and at his insistence with all of us I couldn't say no, I was forced to follow them. Just me who love ice cream, Lisbon knows, for me there is no better dessert. And here on the menu there was the option Ice Cream House with flavors of strawberry cream, which I know Lisbon loves. Besides chocolate, coconut and pistachios, my favorite. Actually the flan was very tasty and I was already thanking you for everything that went well during the night, when I realized that instead of asking for the bill, Marcus Pike ordered a champagne for the great celebration of the night. I ran out of action and looked at Lisbon, trying to see if she knew what it was about. But her face was as amazing as mine. I didn't even look to see what Kim thought of the moment.
While the waiter served us, I saw Marcus Pike prepare the speech. I froze, praying to saints that I didn't even believe I wasn't a witness to this man asking Teresa Lisbon to marry him. - Well, I just found out this afternoon and I'd like to share some wonderful news with you. I relaxed in the chair, no one gets a marriage proposal like this. The Washington office was in a selection process to be director of the capital's arts department. It's going to be the best career opportunity of mylife. He didn't have to go on, we all understood that soon Marcus Pike would leave Austin. And we all congratulated Marcus Pike and my heart filled with happiness. It was a professional opportunity, the best of his life. So Agent Pike would leave, maybe Lisbon would get upset for a while, but then I'd be here. And I'd try to be available. - I know we are among friends and that's why I feel comfortable enough to say, to ask,Teresa, that you accompany me to the capital. I have a friend who's in need of an agent in his department.
And here my life fell. First, because I didn't think Pike could be a notion of that size when he asked a girlfriend for a decision of this magnitude in front of strange people. Kim and I weren't exactly strangers, but you know what I mean. Then because I figured Teresa would say no, a not firm and sonorous, as I've heard her say to thousands of my ideas. But Lisbon was silent, maybe blown up like me and just told Pike that it was wonderful and that she would think very fondly of the proposal. Maybe Teresa was relieved she wasn't asked to marry me, but I wasn't, I was scared enough that this man was trying to take my wife away. And the internal resolution that Lisbon was my wife struck me like lightning in the center of my chest. I glued a smile on my face that I imagine only Lisbon knew to be fake and we finished the champagne before we left the restaurant. Pike and Kim went out to pick up the cars and Lisbon and I stood at the entrance. Kim won't let youdrive? Lisbon made a light joke, but his gaze was distant. And my head was swarming. This man, this Marcus Pike, wanted to take Teresa away from me. I couldn't let her go without knowing what's between us. - No, she thinks I run too much. I meant what I said. You run too much. Lisbon smiled and I didn't reciprocate. I was annoyed and Teresa too, because she didn't shut her mouth when saying: Strange night.
I agreed, gaining courage that I didn't know where it came from. - Do you think it's all wrong, too? I asked Lisbon, looking deep into her eyes. What do you mean, you don't know? She repaid me, not knowing what she was talking about.
- I'm the one who should be going home with you, Lisbon.
- Jane...
And Teresa didn't finish the sentence. She kept looking at me with very open eyes, perhaps expecting some more word from me. What strangely came, not as she expected, I thought. Tell Fischer I'm gone. The night is beautiful and the path through Roosevelt Square is very pleasant. Butplease don't tell Kim that part, she'snot the company I hope to find during my ice cream stop.
I looked at Lisbon, wanting her to get the message, and I left when I saw marcus pike was coming.
CHAPTER 3 LISBON - Lisbon? I hear Kim Fischer call me and I look at the woman. Of us she was probably the happiest, after all a woman who would be a threat was asked to leave town by her boyfriend. Suddenly I wondered if she was as beautiful a woman as Kim Fischer. Have you seen Jane? Her question took me out of the daydream of comparing us. I wasn't like her and that wasn't demerit for neither of us, it was just finding. - He said he preferred to walk away. I answered, pretending not to notice the disappointment in Fischer's face. I didn't say anything about Roosevelt Square, saving the information for myself and thinking about what I'm going to do with it. I know it's a little selfish of me, after all, am I going to stay with both guys? But the truth is, I wanted to talk to Jane about tonight, too. Tonight, tonight!
It wasn't enough for Pike to tell him about the promotion and ask me to go with him to Washington, it ends with Jane asking me to meet him! Jane, who besides the veiled jealousy of my relationship never made any move to approach me as a man, tonight, at Pike's request, had a reaction.
I knew it was different between us now than it was at the CBl. In Sacramento there was Red John, revenge, I was chief. Not here, here I am another one on the team. With a little experience, but the younger agents. I don't have decision-making power, I don't run anyone, and I don't have to solve Jane's antics. Abbott trusts me to give Jane the balance, but the reprimands, the explanations, tidy up the mess, that really stays with him. And while I should be grateful that this part of my life is quiet enough that I could have more availability for my relationship with Pike, I was jealous of Jane with Fischer. Every time it was her, not me, who went to the country with him, my heart squealed. I was thinking if they'd stay in the same room, if they'd run off in the middle of the afternoon for a little girlfriend. In these days when they were out I'd get angl, as if waiting for Jane's time to come back and be by my side.
I saw Kim close the car window and leave and I apologized mentally for my jealousy. One I knew I couldn't feel, though it was impossible to deny. When Marcus called me and we proceeded to my house an absolute silence inside the car reigned all the way. I think Pike wanted a more effusive reaction on my part to his promotion, a clear and affirmative answer that I'd be with him wherever he was. All he had from me was a protocol response that he would think about but was happy and flattered. I was really, happy and flattered, by his best career opportunity, I was excited about everything he would do, I knew he was a very skilled agent and really wanted this promotion. I just didn't like the way I was communicated, there at a table with Kim and Jane present. I wanted him to tell me just the two of us. Only at the door of my house did I dare to look at Pike. And before I opened my mouth, he was the one who spoke. - Teresa, I didn't mean to scare you today. It's just that it's such a good opportunity, we were among friends. I didn't think you'd be so embarrassed. Oh my God, I didn't think Pike was going to realize my real feeling at that moment. I tried to smile, I tried to be excited, but I really wanted to get out of Jane's presence in front of that proposal. And although I know I shouldn't put Jane in the middle of it, it was too late. - It's not that, it was just a big surprise. I need to think about it,I arrived so recently in Austin. And I've enjoyed it so much here.
- And you still have Jane, don't you? - We're friends, you know. Other than that, Jane has Kim, Marcus. I said not looking at him, thinking how much these words adore and how much I couldn't handle it. - I'm not the expert on the subject, but Kim and Jane don't seem to have the same degree of involvement. And I don't know how much that involves you, Teresa. - Marcus, please, if I had anything to do with Jane, I wouldn't have a relationship with you. - I know, I didn't mean it, I just meant that your presence, one in each other's lives, is very strong. - yes, I never hid it from you. - But I've never witnessed it. - Is that why you want to leave Austin? - No, please don't. Although I can't deny that I'd like to have you whole with me. I don't want to pressure you. This is the best opportunity of my career and we've been together a long time. I want to be more and more with you, I'm sure of myfeelings. I just don't know if you're right aboutyour.
I don't know how to answer that, I thought. But I didn't. - I need to think about this, Marcus.
- And you need to decide on Jane, Teresa. This guy's always in your life. Two years ago, when I met you, even absent, he permeated your decisions. It'spossible for me, or Kim, not to notice what you are to each other.
I wanted to deny, I meant that Marcus was wrong, that my friendship with Jane didn't affect my relationship with him, or Jane's with Kim. But I couldn't tell that lie, I'm not that kind of person, I don't pretend. I really understood what Marcus was doing and didn't blame him. To have a stable relationship with him was to be away from Jane in many ways. Even physically. And I really needed to think about it, decide on that. And I imagined myself staying at home this and other nights leaning over my pillow, weighing the possibilities, but my body didn't obey me, so Marcus left I put on more comfortable clothes and headed towards Roosevelt Square.
JANE - ROOSEVELT SQUARE - The view of the Colorado River impressed, the weather was pleasant and really Joy's ice cream contained the real taste of a pistachio nut. Only my anxiety about the bait thrown at Lisbon tormented me.
My cell phone had several calls from Kim that I just ignored. I'd talk to her later, sort ing our situation out. Not that I expected teresa to play out to talk to her, leaving her as the second choice, far from it. Teresa staying with me or not, I didn't want to get involved with Kim anymore. Walking all the way out here did me good to assimilate tonight's events. Dining with Lisbon and Pike wasn't a good idea from many angles. It made me understand that I shouldn't be with Kim, not even sporadically. And it made me admit that I wanted Lisbon to be with me, not with someone else. As for Lisbon, I knew it was as direct as the moment allowed, but she's not a woman of adventure. She'd have to have a very good reason to come to me tonight, the night her boyfriend practically proposed to her. And right in front of me. The only reason she came to me would be for her not to want to accept the request, at least not immediately. And the cause of the refusal is me and the feeling she has for me. Time passed, so much so that I barely realized that the square was less crowded and that Lisbon was approaching. - Jane. Her voice was practically a whisper and as I turned around I saw that she was tense, worried. And I was surprised because the whole teresa lisbon was yielding to the instinct to do something that sounded wrong. - Lisbon. - I'm not sure why I came. Lisbon still said shy. - It doesn't matter, you're here. I made a sign for her to give me her hand, which she did though she was reticent. I played her hand and put together mine, an innocent act, to offer comfort, because I didn't quite know how to conduct our conversation from now on either. I offered her strawberry cream ice cream, which I know is her favorite, and I waited for her to relax and just like me, tell her what was bothering her right now. It took a while and our silence was not uncomfortable. On the contrary, it gave us the impression that we were in the right place. - I wanted to talk to you, think about what Pike said. Lisbon spoke after a while. - He wants to take you away from me.
- He doesn't understand your size in my life. Lisbon didn't deny it and I was really surprised at how sincere she admitted it. - How could he understand? How to explain to him that I wouldn't have lasted a month out of the mental hospital if it wasn't for you, Lisbon. I don't believe pike, or anyone other than you, understands what you are, what you mean to me. I answered her in all sincerity that I could get at the time. If Lisbon hadn't taken me into the CBl, I really wouldn't have made it through. She agreed, without saying anything about it. She knew the size of what it meant. It was a while later, she was finishing her ice cream when she continued. - And I feel really honored that he wants me to go com him, but I feel like a woman of the 50s, making a choice for the sake of the man. ... Lisbon said sad. - Lisbon, you don't have anything from Martha Stwart. I can't believe Pike doesn't see that. - I don't think he really sees. Lisbon looked at me without believing. You seemsurprised.
- You've been together for a while, you know each other. And I know he's a nice guy, Lisbon. And he loves you. And you, ... , you seem to like it. - I like him. I just don't give up being myself deciding my life, especially the professional one, you know? - Completely.
- However, Pike is a great person. And I don't want to throw on it a decision that is mine and that involves many factors.
- I'm one of those factors. - Yes, I'm sorry. But you have Kim now. You're together, aren't you? Lisbon stared at me fixedly and suddenly I felt that my whole life depended on how I would give the following answer. Because if I told her everything was okay with me and Fischer, she'd be free to live with Marcus Pike. And for the first time in a long time in my life, I wanted to be honest with one person. - When Kim showed up on that island, I was a very lonely man, really, Lisbon. Almost two years without speaking decent English to anyone, I didn't want to protect myself. And she was kind on the island, genuinely kind. However, I was quite angry when I found out she was fbl and you know my vengeful side. Seducing her was a way out of that cell, and also of proving that I was right, that deep down Kim wasn't the woman of the American government, but the girl on the island. . - The girl you were interested in?
- The first girl in two years. I needed to know if I was still able to have a relationship, if I was able to move on. So I went back to the States, I was in that cell. I didn't like being fooled. So I let her approach me, with the intention of unmassing her, of getting revenge, of winning. I've done what I always do in my life, Teresa. I played.
- That's awful, Jane. Even for you, who have done very doubtable things.
- I know and I'm not proud of anything.
- She's in love with you. Lisbon told me the obvious that I didn't want to see, but she, being a woman, clearly understood.
- It's possible. And life would have been beautiful if I too had fallenin love withher.
- And you're not? - I've never been. Are you in love with Pike? - I like Marcus. It's very.
- That's not what I'm asking you. - I know, I know. I... I think I love him yes.
- I don't want to sound arrogant right now, but I can't help but ask: are you here with me when he practically proposed to you because, Teresa?
And here we were, at the center of the matter. She came to meet me, so the certainty of a love was not great for her either. And I'm here, admitting that I don't love the woman she believes to be my companion. I looked at Teresa and realized that she was looking back at me, confused. I continued our conversation because I couldn't go back and she couldn't answer my question. - Marcus is in love with you, Kim's in love with me. But what about us,Teresa?
Lisbon stood up and stood in front of mureta, where Rio passed before us. She wouldn't look me in the eye. But I felt the tension she was carrying. I turned her facing me, so sure of my feelings that I seemed like a different man. It was the time for the truth. If I wasn't sincere now, at this point, the woman I wanted for me would leave with a man who was good, but it wasn't right for her. - I love you, Lisbon. Against all my dread that someone will approach me and you know very well why. Against all the games I play and you know them well, because I've never hidden them from you. Andu really love you and want to be by your side.
And so, I declared myself, feeling light enough to tell this woman how much I have to feel for her. And I watched her, knowing that she was ordering her emotions, weighing it analyteally, but the pulse of her vein in her neck said a lot. She said she was impacted by my courage and that God would help her have the same momentum as me. - And if it's too late, Jane. That's what Teresa told me, her voice snare, failing. But approaching me, when, if she wanted to say no to me, she should be leaving.
- It can't be too late if you're here, Lisbon. I approached her. - There are two other nice, sincere people in their feelings involved in this. It's not just you and me.
I got closer to Teresa, showing her the nonsense she just said. I ran my hands around her waist and pulled her against me. Never in years have I known Teresa, i've made a move that indicated interest in her like this now. I had Lisbon near me and I wouldn't let her go, even though I knew she might feel wrong to be here with me. - There's nothing between us but our own fear of involvement. And I kissed her, because that's what I should have done since she came to meet me at FBI headquarters.
As I was a fool to get involved in a personal game instead of simply telling Teresa that I myself with all the fear, I loved her, I wanted her. I kissed her with all the affection in the world, trying to show her how much I loved her. And instead of insisting on the idea that it was too late for us, Lisbon responded. I felt her walking her hands through my hair and deepening our kiss. So I can't speak for her, but I surrendered. Right there in that square, with Lisbon in my arms, I was sure to be the happiest man in the world and allowed another kiss to start as soon as one was over. It was onlywhen the women were getting moreserious, my hands came down from their backs to her buttocks and I pressed her in front of my excitement, was that I felt that Lisbon walked away.
LISBON
- I can't do that, Jane. We can't do this, not like this. I told him i was coming out of Jane's arms after he kissed me. I don't know how I was able to say anything after that moment. My heart feels like it's going to jump through my mouth and I can tell you, I've never felt so many emotions in a kiss. I felt fear, desire, love, courage and yet another range of feelings that I don't remember, in the years with Pike, having ever felt. I should have been paralyzed looking at a Jane as paralyzed as I am, but my body seemed to have a life of its own and even though I knew it was wrong, at the moment, I ran back into his arms, for a much deeper kiss this time. A wet kiss and a kiss full of promise. Years of denying to myself that I didn't want this with Jane, that I didn't want it, but it only takes a kiss to make everything look like the right place. And all I want is to spend the rest of the night kissing Patrick Jane in Roosevelt Square. All I want is to feel his hands pressing me against his body. - I know, I know. He looked at me with an almost irritating calm when we stopped that second kiss. He didn't walk away from me, but he knew I could run away at any moment. - I need to go, I need to think, I need to think about what I'm going to do, how I'm going to do it. I spoke with my eyes closed, joining forces to leave. - I understand, but I want you to know I'm totally yours. When you want me, I'll be waiting for you.
And I didn't have to answer that. I just smiled at him, knowing that the invitation he made to me was too big to ignore. Jane wanted to be with me, really be with me. It's too big to conceive, at the moment, what that statement means.
And we just gave in to desire and kissed once more, a dozen more times before I finally left for my house and left a smiling Jane.
JANE And I watched Lisbon leave the square and then follow my walk. I had a smile on my face and I walked down the street feeling like the happiest man in the world. When I arrived in my trailer it was late at night, the dark street where I parked was silent, but the sky today made the road clearer.
My trailer was my home, I lived for years in a trailer when I was in the circus, it was a return to the past. A make peace with who I was. It was an airstream-equipped model, which I find very comfortable, even though the FBI team has given the ugly nickname of Silver Bucket. I was thinking about myself and Lisbon and how I'd be assing myself from now on with her, how we'd lead a relationship, because everything in me knew she wouldn't be with Marcus Pike. It's not arrogance, it's just the good feeling of finding someone you want to be with. It's knowing it's right. All I'd like now is from my bed and a good night's sleep, but not everything is so simple. Outside my trailer, with an unfriended face, was Kim Fischer. I should have thought she'd come to me, but I didn't think it would be tonight. My desire to talk to her today was zero, but the sooner I cleared things up, the better.
I asked Fischer if she hadn't received my message to start a conversation, but she was really angry. Possibly to hide the hurt. She replied that she had received it but that she was tired of being left out, that she had finally understood that I wanted nothing to do with her, as She preferred to leave her alone after a date.
I didn't answer anything about it. I let her talk and let go of all the critters she had trapped, but when I felt it could culminate in some awkward moment, I finally told Kim that we would no longer see each other. That the time we spent together was good, but it wasn't what I wanted out of life. And even though I knew it might hurt her, I was honest, I said I didn't love her. She'd be mad at me right now, but then she'd understand, she's not in the heart. Kim didn't let himself down, said she didn't feel anything too serious for me either, but that she needed a definition and also thanked her for the time we spent together. He didn't come near me, he got in the car and left. And I was wondering if Lisbon would have some kind of pike-like conversation or if he would rather go away with him and all the stability he offered her.
CHAPTER 4
LISBON
Jane didn't work in the next few days and I ended up thanking her for that. Abbott asked me what was going on and I managed to be convincing enough to say I didn't know. But as my boss knew about Pike's request to his Washington boss, Abbott wondered if I'd really leave. When I replied that I still did not know he gave me a smile aside, but we were interrupted by Kim Fischer who arrived in the room. I noticed Kim had a downcast air. She was trying to cover it up, but I noticed the dark circles.
Abbott informed us about the progress of the case we were working on and left the room because he was called by someone. I was going to go after him when Kim called me.
- I wanted to talk to you. And I thought at this point to say no, but Agent Fischer's gaze indicated that the conversation was necessary. - Of course. I answered politely. Abbott's office was a private place and I think Kim was determined to pick me up here in this place, so no one would hear us.
- Jane and I broke up. She did. For a moment I thought she'd say something else, but she didn't go on. I don't know if without courage, or else wanting to be well resolved. - Me, me... don't know what tosay. I told you what came into my head. I couldn't say, I'm sorry, or that I could talk to him if she wanted to.
- There's nothing to say. I'm asking for my transfer to Seatle, my mom has a health problem and I want to be with her at this time. Anyway, between me and him, it wouldn't work. Kim spoke and didn't leave the room, kept standing there looking at me and I didn't know what to do at this point.
- Why are you telling me? That's what I asked in the face of her almostintimidation. - Because you're going to do an interview to change the industry and your decision will mess with this whole division,Teresa. And because both love you. She didn't have to make it explicit, but Kim smiled when she realized pike was outside,listening to ourconversation.
I was embarrassed, mute,understanding that it was not a pull of ears that she gave me. It was a jolt for me to solve my life right away. And from the face of a few of Marcus Pike s friends, I think he expected the same.
Since this day Kim has preferred to be only professional with me. I knew at the time, we wouldn't be friends. Maybe in the future, when everything cleared up and the feelings were all in their proper sizes.
Pike, on the contrary, last week, even saying he didn't want to pressure me, he always ended up and every time he could, touching on the subject. As for Jane, I didn't call him. Although the memory of our moments didn't come out of my head. I wasn't undecided, everything in me was screaming that I wanted to be with Jane. What I wanted was to make this transition in a smooth way to Pike, but I don t know if I could.
Today would be the interview with the board of the capital, while we waited for the connection to settle and Pike arrive, since he wanted to be present, Abbott told me he spoke to Jane on the phone.
I opened my eyes in surprise and was about to say something, but Denis interrupted me by saying that he was fine, thinking about life. That strawberry cream ice cream was your best company every night.
I knew my boss didn't understand anything about the phrase, but he thought it was for me. I ended up doing the interview with the Director of Washington just at Pike's insistence and I wasn't inelegant when I said that at the time, it wasn't my intention to leave Austin. I couldn't help but notice the smile Abbott gave me. And the disappointed look of my boyfriend.
Pike was quite upset by my denial of Washington, but as he tried to figure out what made me stay on the Austin team, I was thinking about how to say no to his other proposal. Finally, I chose to be honest. Totally honest. I didn't pour my feelings into it, but said what we had was very important to me, but I couldn't go on. And when he asked if I'd stay with Jane, I said I hoped so. Which I thought was the right time to find out. I waited for him to explode, tell me horrible things, but he didn't do any of that. He thanked him for his time together and said he loved me. Who expected me to behappy.
I was sure i'd be happy, I thought. But I didn't tell him.
JANE ROOSEVELT SQUARE - Days later. I came to Roosevelt Square every day hoping lisbon would show up some night since I sent abbott that indirect one. I was sure he would talk to Lisbon about our conversation and I would really like to talk to her, but it was also necessary that she had time for her own decisions. In the square I stayed until a certain time, walked and then went home. But i wouldn't give up, even if it was to tell me no, she'd show up someday. It didn't take long, one night I was really distracted watching a father's prank with his daughter. It was nice to see them running around the square, her skating and he protecting her. It didn't hurt me to see these scenes anymore, I think revenge has calmed my fury. Now I saw these moments and wondered if I could live them again someday. - You said it was strawberry cream ice cream. I heard Lisbon before I sawher, my cone with the green ice cream on top left no doubt that it was pistachio.
I smiled warmly at her, but my heart began to gallop. - You know I like to vary. My smile was supposed to be the size of the galaxy, because I saw Teresa open one of the biggest smiles for me back. - Were you waiting for me? Teresa was charming.
- Every day. I reciprocated. - Self-confident.
- Hopeful. There was no message from you saying goodbye.
- I could have left without saying goodbye. She bluffed. - And I would have gone after you in Washington, Teresa. But something about me knew you'd stay. I opened my arms and waited for her to come to me, into them. What she did without blinking.
How nice to feel Lisbon nearby, very close to me. - Abbott told you, didn't he? She deduced it.
- As soon as you said no to the big shot in the capital. And my pistachio cone was completely forgotten within the kiss we gave.
The whole square lit up and me and Lisbon lost within the wonderful feeling of being together, trying a new configuration of life. - Me, me, me, I couldn't leave, I couldn't. Andyou really want to be with you, Jane. I heard an emotional and very brave Teresa Lisbon tell me this, knowing that deeper statements on her part would take time. She was like that, reserved, but I know it was love.
It was almost the weekend and I had with me the woman I wanted. At that moment, my only wish was to have some very pleasurable moments with her, far from everything. - Do you have to work tomorrow? I asked you that this woman could have a long weekend with me.
- No, Abbott gave me until Monday to rest.
- It has a rustic resort in the mountains east of Austin, are only 10 secluded chalets, total privacy and very, very comfort. - Do you want to go now? Teresa asked and I did yes with the head.
- Just the time to confirm the reservation. - Jane? Lisbon smiled at me completely in doubt, but accepted my offer.
- LISBON
EAST TEXAS AUSTIN - CHAL S The place was stunning,I don't know how Jane discovered that pearl. It was isolated from everything and would allow us days of full rest. Wewere greeted by a kind receptionist who explained to us how everything worked and that if we needed anything, she would be in the order.
He seemed relaxed and as soon as the door was opened, I was blown apart.
- Oh, my God, Jane, what a beautiful place. And it was. Our room was large, a well decorated ante room with a sofa so comfortable i could live in it. Atthe back of the sofa was a bed, big enough for about four people, lots of pillows and a bathroom with a bathtub.
Jane didn't answer me, he calmed our things carefully in the room and now he was looking at me, standing still in front of the room.
He approached carefully, perhaps realizing the nervousness I was trying to disguise. - We deserve it, Teresa. - Yes, we deserve it.
And I really believed that. Years beside this man, worried, praying, helping, charging and saving him many times from himself. And now we're here with the only intention of having fun. We deserve all this here, this quiet and this availability. - I took the liberty of ordering a wine and some foods for us, it's late and I don't want to leave this room anytime soon. Jane spoke softly as she unprinted the tray and I saw a dry red wine and cheeses and fruits arranged in a friendly and inviting way.
We settled on the couch, together, enjoying a proximity we never had. Jane was never a touch man, nor was I. We were practical and very focused people, I think that's why it was so valuable to be with him so now.
It was supposed to sound weird to have Jane's arms around me, but I felt a different pleasure with every kiss we exchanged. They tasted like wine and cheese and nothing seemed more delicious. And his arms tightening me only made the experience even better. Jane started a series of kisses on my neck as I leaned over so that he would have more access to my body. I couldn't resist going through your hair. For a long time I've been reluctant to acknowledge that I really wanted to know what texture of these beautiful blonde curls he has, and now that I have them between my fingers while I feel Jane's half-cut breath in my ear I can say I've never been in the most certain place in my life. - So long wanting you, Teresa. Jane said smiling at me, starting to unbutton my blouse, running her fingers through my skin. Testing the waters, because it was nota simple intimacy, one that we neverhad,and it was the recognition of the affection that existed between us.
I allowed him to take off my blouse, exposing the ordinary bra I wore. You should have thought about wearing something sexy and deadly, after all, it was our first night. But I think the rush, the expectation, didn't allow me to think about any of it. And I don't even know if it matters, now that Jane looks at me expressively and says very quietly that I'm beautiful.
Does he know what I'm thinking? - You're the one who's beautiful, Jane. I responded to him by also removing his jacket and unbuttoning his vest. This characteristic outfit of Jane pleases me deeply, I think he looks very beautiful in them, but to see his chest uncovered, his arms strong and that look fixed on me is very stimulating. - I'm glad you like it, I'm very, very happy. Jane gave me that bright smile of his and played with the strap of my bra, wanting to remove the piece and although I should feel ashamed at that moment, after all he has known me for years, all I feel is anticipation, i wish him to see me in full soon.
My bra is removed and my breasts are totally touching Jane's chest as we kiss deeper and deeper. Like me, Jane also walks her hands behind my back and in my hair, putting me so close to him that I think we're trying to merge. I open my pants myself and watch Jane do the same with his and once free he just pulls me into the giant bed we have at our disposal.
I don't know if anything else was said from here, because I completely surrendered to my partner. And he's me. Jane has always been a man very focused on everything she did, and suddenly, feeling that focus on me was a very good thing to be shared. We made love in that bed in an intense and true way. I felt complete when I felt Jane possessed myself and even with all initial care, in order to be docile and measure what pleased the other, I was not able to control myself. When I realized I was pulling Jane closer, closer in, as he corresponded and little controlled himself when he went deeper and stronger with me. I don't know if we got to the apex at the same time, but I felt my waves coming and I remember I asked Jane not to stop and when I came back to myself, with her breathing controlled, Jane was coming into me saying she loved me.
I've never made love like this before. I've had great dates, wonderful and creativepartners, but nothing that would take me away with this force. I couldn't get away from Jane after we made love, we couldn't stay apart and we stood there in that big bed well united as if we barely fell into the space we were occupying.
JANE The day had dawned at a time when I opened my eyes. Lisbon was already awake, she was wearing her hotel robe and getting our breakfast. The tray was large and I could distinguish fruits and juices in the middle of some beautiful flowers of garnish.
I heard her saying goodbye to the waiter and then turning to me.
The big smile contrasted with her blushing faces, which made her absurdly adorable. I should have completely messed up my hair because Teresa approached me and passed her hands by them, maybe hitting them, or maybe just feeling between her hands. Something she always wanted to do, but she never had the guts. I think my hair is a sexy spot for this woman in question. Maybe it's like her eyes to me, two green aphrodisiac stones. I thought about going to the bathroom, brushing my teeth, maybe taking a shower but Lisbon got in bed with our breakfast tray and all I could think about was how her kiss, mixed with orange juice, made me want to just lay her down on that bed and get lost in her again.
Our little morning mess was very welcome, my body had a different reaction to Lisbon's approach, maybe still trying to understand how we worked. Making love to her was different for many reasons, being the main one because we knew each other for many years, we had an intellectual intimacy. It was almost surprising that my body could not hold on to it and the permissive closeness we now shared. I made love to Lisbon in the morning light with the same detachment last night, i could barely formulate a few words as her body sucked me into a pleasurable depth that fused and sated us. We just finished breakfast much later.
The weekend was quiet. And I and Lisbon we had pleasant moments and made interesting discoveries about the relationship we were starting. The walks along the trails allowed us to talk about life, dreams and what we expected for the future.
It was with surprise that I heard Lisbon talking about his own family and found myself reporting the lack she made to me when I lived outside. And we had fun realizing that we both love to sleep in blankets, even in the heat and that our antisocial and reserved habits were understood as distancing by the majority of the people with whom we got involved. Sunday night came very fast in my opinion and I knew that tomorrow Teresa and I would be coming out of our bubble and we would face the FBI, our friends, boss and possibly even the old loves.
She wanted a privatecourtship, worried that Pike and Fischer, and I cared little if she put a banner on the FBI door declaring us, or didn't do anything to indicate that she was with me. We were together, that was the important thing.
I was calm and safe, happy,while keeping our things in the car for us to leave. Therefore,I asked the question without despair in the heart, only with the certainty that, despite the surprise, the woman before me would understand my proposal.
- Teresa, when it's our time, will you marry me?
I couldn't control my tears, it was supposed to be a simple question, but I noticed that Teresa didn't answer anything, tears also flowed from her face and her head shook affirmatively.
Andshe had a smile that lit up everything around her when she just moved her mouth to whisper : Yes !
F I M