The Balcony

Lucy Chen smiled widely as she took in all the happy activity of the room around her; the large chardonnay in her hand half gone, her lilac dress was incredible. At Angela Lopez and Wesley Evans wedding reception, she was seeing new sides to her numerous coworkers. Some were drinking and laughing raucously, others were dancing; albeit badly, but everyone was having a good time.

Everyone, it appeared, except for her ex T.O., Tim Bradford.

Tim was towards the back of the room, a beer in his hand talking to Lopez, a smile on his face but not reaching his eyes. Lucy could tell that he was not quite right; perhaps had drank too much, as his expressions and mannerisms were telling her that he was unhappy and unsteady but no one else seemed to notice. Lopez was beautiful in her wedding gown and swollen belly, her smile was the most sincere Lucy had ever seen it. She was so happy for her but concerned with Tim.

Lucy got up from her chair, excusing herself from Jackson West and John Nolan's presence in which they were discussing in-length their commanding officer Wade Grey's dance moves as they watched him and his wife on the dance floor.

She made her way to the back of the room, neither Tim nor Lopez noticed her approaching until she was just in front of them, a glazed, hazy expression over his eyes; the obvious stamp of alcohol.

They both smiled at her. Tim looked tired and worn out close up while Lopez seemed to burst with joy, even throwing her arms around Lucy and thanking her for coming to the wedding.

"You're welcome. This is beautiful. You look beautiful," Lucy responded sincerely.

"Thanks!" Lopez said. "I'm gonna go find my husband. I've been trying to get this guy to dance with me but he keeps turning me down. Rude. See if you have more luck. By the way you look beautiful too!" she said as she flashed Tim a fake dirty look and smiled at Lucy as she sauntered away, half walking, half dancing.

Tim put his head down in feigned shame and then turned and sheepishly smiled at Lucy. He took a swig of his beer. Lucy stared at him smiling, expectantly.

"It's not happening, Boot," he said as he took another swig of beer.

Lucy cocked her head to the side and said smilingly, " I don't think you can call me that anymore. I'm officially no longer your rookie."

Tim nodded, almost somberly. "Old habit."

"Are you okay? You seem kinda…..down," Lucy asked carefully.

Tim nodded again. "Yeah, I'm good." He avoided eye contact and continued to swig his beer, a slight sway to his stance.

"Yeah, I know you better than that."

He said nothing, continuing to watch the activity on the dance floor.

"Tim, talk to me. Whatever it is, I'm here for you," she said earnestly.

"It's nothing. Well, nothing worth talking about. Really, I'm fine, go and have a good time with your friends," he waved his beer towards the table, indicating Jackson and Nolan.

"Nah, I'm good," she said, leaning her back against the wall beside him and taking a long sip of her drink. He smiled at her, a real smile this time and she responded in kind.

"You're a pain in my ass," he said quietly, still half smiling.

"Takes one to know one," she said jokingly in return.

They stayed that way for a while, cracking jokes at their coworkers expense, continuing to drink. Lucy noticed that his demeanor seemed to change, a lightness coming over whatever was troubling him.

After a bit, a large screech came over the microphone and all eyes turned towards the DJ table. Wesley was taking the microphone to make a drunken speech. Everyone was cheering and laughing as he swayed comically while trying to untangle himself from the wire. The DJ got him straightened out and he started speaking.

"This is a speech about finding love. I never thought this would happen to me. I never thought I would be this happy. I didn't know anyone could BE this happy. This is real. This is really a thing. I'm so lucky to have found Angela. Did you guys know she's having my baby?" ( to which the crowd cheered and laughed) "She's amazing. She's an amazing cop, she's an amazing partner, and she's going to be an amazing mother. And I just want you all to know that I wish for you this kind of happiness. I found love where I wasn't expecting to and it changed my life, it changed me." His drunken eyes found Angela in the crowd and he exclaimed," I love you Angela!"

Lopez laughed and screamed out," I love you too! Now get down here and dance with me!"

Lucy looked at Tim and his reaction was notable. He looked truly moved by Wesley's speech but also….sad.

He noticed Lucy's gaze and cleared his throat, putting his beer down on a nearby table. "Excuse me, I need some air," he said as he headed out the back door.

Lucy hesitated for a moment, then put her own drink down and scurried through the door to follow him.

The hallway was empty and quiet, the echoey music sounding slightly through the closed door behind her. "Tim?" she asked out loud.

Nothing.

She looked left and right and decided to go right, towards large glass doors that led to a grand balcony. She pushed one of the doors open and looked around, finding Tim in the corner, staring out into the night sky.

"There you are," she said making her way over to him. He looked almost annoyed that she had followed him. It was a look she was all too familiar with.

"I'm good Boot, just needed some air," he said deflectively.

"It seemed like Wesley's speech affected you," she said cautiously.

"It's just…...well everything got me thinking about things….I mean, Isabel, our wedding was magical….looked how that turned out…..I'm happy for them, of course I am…..but I can't help but feel….," he struggled to find the words.

Lucy finished his sentence for him, asking," Sad?"

He nodded. "Sure, sad's good enough."

Lucy immediately responded. "You have every right to be sad. You had something great, something truly important and then you didn't. That feeling of loss doesn't just go away overnight. You'll probably always feel that grief, somewhere inside. And you shouldn't feel bad about it. It's part of who you are. But that's all it is; just a part."

Tim looked at her, his eyes grateful. "You always say the right thing. That's….infuriating ya know."

Lucy smiled. "I'm sure it is. You'll be fine, you'll find love again, maybe even better than before. I have faith."

Tim looked out at the sky again and took a deep breath before looking Lucy directly in the eye, his words heavy with meaning. "How certain are you?"

Lucy stared at him, weighing his meaning in her mind. What was he asking her?

"I…..," she struggled to respond.

He shook his head. "Never mind. I'm drunk. Let's go back in." He started to move past her towards the doors.

"Wait," she said, forcefully grabbing his arm as he neared her; her brain still trying to decipher these last few moments.

He looked down at her small hand on his arm and stopped, looking at her to speak.

"What are you asking me?" she said not meeting his eyes.

"You know what I'm asking," he said softly.

She forced her eyes to look up and meet his gaze.

The balcony doors swooshed open and Jackson and Nolan stumbled out, laughing.

Lucy dropped her hand from Tim's arm and they were swept into a very confusing conversation about Sergeant Grey's dance ability and eventually as a group, all headed back into the wedding.