[Note: This story contains non-graphic descriptions of SH.]
Two-Bit was an observant person. Always had been, but there were times he almost wished he wasn't. Like today.
It wasn't unusual for a greaser to have scars. Heck, Two-Bit himself had quite a few nasty ones. He was quite proud of them. They told the story of jumpings and rumbles that made him feel proud of who he was. Most hoods he knew were proud of their scars. From Tim Sheppard always showing off the angry red slash that went across his chest to Pony bragging about his mark that was actually just from him busting his head open on the piano, injury stories were something everyone liked to tell. Which is why Two-Bit was confused as to why Steve seemed so insistent on keeping his mouth shut about the scars covering himself.
These scars were different than anything Two-Bit had ever seen. Tiny white lines that were only visible when Steve's pants rolled up a bit. They couldn't be from a rumble. They were too neat. Too precise. At first Two-Bit thought they may have been from a jumping, but that didn't make sense. Socs were fast and reckless with their blades, these cuts had been made carefully with time. They sat in little rows that made it impossible to believe they were accidental. Which in turn left Two-Bit stumped on where they could have come from. So, he decided to do the obvious and just ask him.
"Where'd you get those cuts from anyhow?" He asked. It was just them. Everyone else was at school or work, but Steve and Two-Bit had decided to skip and head to the lot together.
Steve jumped a bit. "What?"
"The cuts all over your legs," Two-Bit replied, gesturing with his cigarette. "I've noticed them for a good bit now and it's got me curious. They're real precise. Looks like a soc got too much time on his hands." He noticed how all the color drained from Steve's face almost immediately.
Steve stood still for a bit, not quite sure how to answer. He quietly mumbled, "It ain't important," and started to walk away. "It may not be important, but I wanna know." Steve turned back around. Two-Bit paused, horror crossing his face. "It wasn't yer dad, was it? 'Cause I didn't think he'd ever do nothin' like that-" Steve quickly cut him off.
"It wasn't my dad." "Than who?" Steve went quiet again. "What's the big secret?" Two-Bit said laughing. "Me," Steve whispered, finally deciding to let his secret spill. "It was me.'
Two-Bit stopped laughing, a sense of confusion mixed with dread coming over him. It was silent for a minute before he spoke. Swallowing hard, he said, "Ya did that to yourself?"
Steve nodded slowly. "Why?"
Two-Bit had heard of it once before. He overheard his mom talking about seeing some girl doing it. But it seemed so out there. Why would anyone hurt themselves on purpose? He had no answer. And he wanted to know.
Steve looked down. "I don't know man, I needed to try it, I mean- I was running out of options. I felt like I needed somethin' or I was bouts to be done." Two-Bit felt dizzy. "Done? Ya mean…?" Steve nodded again. He stood up suddenly. "Glory…" He whispered, feeling ill. The thought of losing someone in his gang sent waves of panic through him. "Why- I mean, what pushed you to that point, Steve? You know we need ya. You know we love ya. So, why?"
"Everything." Steve said his voice cracking a bit. "My ma leaving, the Curtis' dying, just...everything. Life ain't ever been fair for me, but I can't even talk about it cause everyone else has it so much worse. I can't even tell Soda because he's already got too much to worry about. Darry, losing his parents, the stupid kid-" Two-Bit ignored that last comment and slung an arm around Steve. "So why didn't you go to anyone else?" He asked. "Surely you knew one of us would listen." "No...you wouldn't have. You wouldn't have known what to say, Dallas would have told me to suck it up, Darry ain't about to worry about anyone who ain't his brothers, I already told you about Soda, Johnny would listen, but he's got too much to worry about, and Pony's too young. He wouldn't get it."
"I'm listening right now, if you had told Dallas you were bout ready to off yourself he would have at least gotten one of us, I know for a fact Darry considers you one of his brothers, Soda's your best bud and would do anything for you, Johnny wouldn't care that he has other stuff to deal with, and even Pony would have sat with you and let you talked. He might not have understood, and ya'll might not get along great, but he would have listened! He would have told you not to!" Two-Bit retorted. "'Cause he cares about ya. We all do!" Two-Bit felt himself getting angry. "It's selfish, Steve. To hurt yourself when you know there are people out there who would be crushed to know that you're doing it."
Steve's head snapped up. His eyes were slightly watery as his face changed from sadness and hurt to anger. "This is why I never told you." He said before grabbing his jacket and marching off. Two-Bit followed.
"Do you still do it?" He asked angrily. Steve didn't say anything, he just continued walking. "You're not gonna do it now, are ya?" No answer. "I'm gettin' the gang!" He yelled, thinking that would stop Steve. It didn't. "Do that then!" He yelled as he walked. "Tell them how selfish I'm being." Sarcasm dripping from his words. "In fact, I'm so selfish that I would rather resort to slicing up my own skin than bothering them! And even if I had told them, I would have been selfish then too, wouldn't I? For even thinking about it. Tell them what an awful person I am. Go ahead, tell them. I don't care!" And with that, he ran off.
Darry rubbed his temples. His head hurt after a long day of work and he was eager to lay down. But any hopes of doing so were crushed as Sodapop walked in looking completely and utterly terrified.
"What's up, little buddy?" He asked, moving into concerned big brother mode. Pony looked over from his spot on the couch. It was then Darry noticed that Two-Bit had come in behind Soda. "Little buddy?"
"Have you seen Steve at all?" Soda asked. "No...did something happen?" Soda nodded. "What?" Darry asked, almost scared to know the answer. "We think Steve's about to hurt himself." Two-Bit spoke up. "What?!" Darry stood there shocked. Pony stood up quickly and made his way over to the group. "What's going on with Steve?" He asked. Two-Bit filled them in on what had gone down earlier in the lot. "I went and got Soda after to see if we could track him down, but we ain't seen him." Two-Bit lowered his head. "I know I shouldn't have yelled at him, I know he was hurtin', I just don't understand how he could do that to himself when he's got all of us." Darry nodded. "I know you didn't mean to, but right now we have to look. If he still does it and he's really upset..." Soda choked back a few tears and Pony looked scared.
"Two-Bit, see if you can track down the others. Pony, stay here in case Steve comes back. Soda, you and I can go look around town. Let's go." They all moved out, each one hoping they weren't too late.
Dallas wiped his brow, frustrated about his current situation. When Two-Bit had come knocking on his door that night, he had been about ready to clobber him. But something on the older greaser's face held him back. When he had gotten wind that Steve was about to do something stupid, he was out the door in record time, swearing all the way.
So here he was, walking around in the woods at 10:00 at night looking for his lost friend. He was about to give up when he heard the sound of something metal hitting the ground. Picking up the switchblade, he looked up and realized that it had fallen out of the pocket of someone sitting up in the tree above him. Upon close inspection, he realized that it was the same boy who they had been looking for all night. Dallas let out a low growl.
"You better get down here now Randle, or I'm fixin to climb up there myself and throw you off." He heard a small sniffle. He mumbled to himself before making his way up the tree. He sat on the branch next to Steve. It was quiet for a moment.
Dally didn't have much experience with comforting others. He never felt the need to, but now, hearing the near-silent cries of his buddy and an unpleasant iron-like scent filling his nose, he knew he had to say something.
"You Two-Bit scared half to death I think, I ain't ever seen him so guilty." Steve was silent. "I mean, they all were worried, but I think Two was 'bout ready to explode." He gave Steve an affectionate punch in the arm. Steve finally looked up at him. "He ain't sorry. And they ain't worried. One less gang member to worry about." "What are you going on about? You drunk or something?" Dallas asked, annoyed. "No, just being realistic. They ain't ever cared about me, why would they start n-" That did it. He didn't get to finish before Dally smacked him upside the head, and hard.
A beat of silence, then tears that Dallas knew wasn't from the pain of being hit.
"C'mon," Dally said slowly. "Let's go home." Maybe the others can help him. Dallas thought to himself. Grabbing Steve's arm, he pulled him down. And together they walked back to the Curtis house.
By the time they got there, everyone else had already returned too. Steve was still tearful, and Dallas still wanted to kill someone. Of course, the second they walked in everyone was all over Steve.
Soda ran up and hugged him, Two-Bit let out a huge sigh of relief, Johnny was quiet, but the thankfulness was evident in his eyes, Darry wasn't far behind Soda, and Pony gave a sad smile.
Two-Bit locked eyes with Steve for a minute. Then his eyes traveled down to the blood-stained cuffs on his jeans and he broke down.
"I'm sorry Steve, I'm so sorry." He whispered. "I didn't mean what I said, I was just- I don't know man, it just hurt to know that you, that you were…" Steve wiped his eyes. "I know. You were right though. I should have said something." Soda clasped a hand on his shoulder. "Yes, next time, please do." Johnny nodded in agreement.
"I'm real sorry guys," Steve said. "Don't be." Pony replied. "We're just glad you're okay." He paused. "You are gonna be okay now, right?" Steve looked around the room. Everyone was looking at him. "Yeah, I'll be okay." He said. I think. He added mentally.
*Apologies for any mistakes, English is not my first language