AU :Luka deserved better. I didn't want to cry, now I'm back to writing out of pain. I have brought angst for everyone!
She stumbles into his room like a gale crashing into a lighthouse. Ripping the salty water that crashes onto a rocky shore, as discordant as it is beautiful. She stumbles into his life, like a song not meant to be sung by him and in that moment he knows he cannot hold onto to her even if he tried.
For a second, the mountain feels that he can catch the wind. But the wind is a laughing and dancing maiden, a slippery sprite. And when he gazes at her, when he looks into her heart, he knows she's not meant to be his.
Still, he deludes himself into thinking there's a chance. A chance this melody could be his. He laughs at her clumsiness, an uncharacteristic thing for him, he knows better than to laugh at someone's weakness he rather prefers silence in unfamiliarity. She gets flustered, and her cheeks go so pink he thinks she's shy. She's not shy, she's hurt. Her heart tells him so.
He apologises, something he rarely does, because Luka Couffaine does not make mistakes. He hurts when he wants to hurt and heals when he wants to heal. He's in control at all times except when his music is stolen, his love is stolen. So he apologises and plays her a song. It's her song.
Her song is lovely, like many songs but there's nothing specifically great about it. It's a little confused but mostly calm. It's sweet and kind and he knows she's a good person. Another good person in a sea of bad ones. Her melody is nice, comforting and he allows himself to relax as she relaxes. He tells himself he's done well. She smiles at him and his heart beats with attraction. She's not someone he loves, but he can admit, she's someone he likes.
When he finds out that someone else has her heart, he's alright. He's fine because he doesn't love her, not yet. He doesn't feel anything except this feeling of closeness. Like two chords that just seem to click together. The both of them are a melody, but this melody holds no depth. It's hardly a stream, it could never be the rain that he believes love is.
So when she manages to free the both of them from his mother's bonds and flags down Ladybug at record speed, he's more than a little impressed. Impressed that she manages to maintain such a cool head even when she's such a clumsy thing, that she can be so brave when many should be afraid. On the first day he meets her, Luka Couffaine adds another element to Marinette Dupain Cheng's melody. He adds the fact that she is brave.
She's distraught. He can sense her distress as she walks over to the deck of his mother's ship. She does her usual routine, the one where she talks to herself in a frenzy. He calms her down again, he's doing that a lot. Calming people down, calming her down. He's talked to her quite a bit over text and met up with her many times. His affection for her only grows, and before he can stop himself, he realises he's slowly falling for her, falling for a girl who has already fallen for someone else. Trying to catch the gaze of a girl who gazes at someone who will not gaze back.
He's a mess when he realises. He's hurting when he remembers the way she looked at the boy with golden hair. Can he even compete? Should he compete? Isn't her heart taken?
He smiles at her like everything is normal, like he's just humouring her. He thinks these feelings are temporary and he can forget if he tries. That if he lets her go, he'll be able to. As long as she doesn't need him, they can keep this distance, and he can forget. But they cannot keep the distance he wishes to keep, because she needs him. She needs him like he needed someone back when he was young and naïve and stupid.
So when she invited him to the ice-skating ring to help her with her crush and his date, he hides his irony induced laugh, politely smiles and tells her he'll be there. How bad could it get? How much could his feelings grow from one event?
He should have known better. The more pitiful she behaves, the more she's sad, the more she reminds him of his younger self. And he's helpless against it. His feelings of affection turn and now he's trying to make her smile, to make her forget. As he lets himself court her, his feelings grow. The ache in his chest disappears for one second as she gazes at him and him alone.
He'll admit he likes the physical contact, he enjoys the feel of another person, the warmth of their body. If it's with her the he likes it even more. So while they twirl and dance, he cannot stop himself from wanting to be closer to her. For a moment, everything feels amazing. Like he's finally completed a song, like he's managed to overcome his greatest weakness.
And then it's not. Because she's stuck again and he cannot make her choose him. He cannot force to make a decision that she might regret forever, He tells himself he will not be like the ones that hurt him, that tried to make him choose something he didn't want to choose. But it hurts him, and the pain in his chest is back, and it's more painful, because he's allowed himself to have a taste of the forbidden fruit and now without it he's aware of just how much he truly wants it.
When they're done, she still wishes to chase after someone who will not chase after her too. It's painful to let go, but he closes his heart for one second and lets her go. He tells her to go, he makes a decision for her, something he hates to do. As he watches her leave he adds to her melody. That they're the same love-sick children. The same children hopelessly in love…. And oh how much it will hurt them.
She's back to him again, and he cannot find it in him to push her away. He cannot tell her that he hates her melody, because he's starting to love it. Because he's cherishing it, and he wishes to cherish it forever.
He won't tell her: how much she means to him. He won't hurt her by scaring her into thinking she might hurt him. He plans to be her friend, to complete her song and let her go. With her as their designer, they're spending more time together. Time where he can pretend that they are friends. Except now she's angry for him. She's angry his music has been stolen. If he wasn't in awe of her bravery and sweetness he might have just been blown away by her determination and yearning for justice.
But there are people that wish to hurt her, just like they hurt him. He won't let that happen. He won't let her close herself off. His anger starts to take over and she pulls him back by reminding him they need justice. She doesn't even know when he gets angry and when this hatred subsides. It's calming and alarming at the same time.
When she's about to be hurt, his control slips and he's lost. He's braver, lacking inhibitions and he wants her to know his feelings, all things be damned.
When he's been pulled out of his rage, when his silence is no longer an option and he fears he's hurt her, he panics. He doesn't know what to say, he doesn't know what he's done. And his feelings are too painful to keep inside. He lets out the words in his heart, as poetic as hers is. And when she blushes so red, his blood sings with pride. But his heart falls as he learns he'll be her second choice. Still, he rewrites the broken ends of her melody. He rewrites those little bits and adds how lovely her heart sounds when she's in love, even if it is a love the size of a guitar pick.
She's a little inconsiderate. Luka will admit that Marinette Dupain Cheng is hurtful. She's obsessesive and hurtful and he's to blame, because he was the one that fell for her, he was letting himself get hurt. She doesn't even look at him, she doesn't know how she wounds him. He holds his mask of passivity like a lifeline. Young love is treacherous and all he has to keep himself together is the act that her betrayal doesn't affect him. That he doesn't care, that he is alright.
When an akuma is loose, he worries for her, her safety. He allows a small chink in his armor, to wonder whether she worries for him too. As Ladybug hands him a Miraculous, his first thought is her safety. But he's never been one to abuse his power, he was too cowardly as a child and too passive now, as a teen. So he helps in defeating another villain that could hurt so many innocents.
When he's done, he cannot help but feel that her inconsideration is rejection. So, he keeps that passive look on his face, he keeps his mask of indifference. Beneath it, his face cracks and his heart freezes in pain. But when he sees her face, when he hears her heart song, he cannot make himself give up on her. So he smiles at her again, and lets her play with his heart.
Luka Couffaine forgives, but he never forgets. Thus he changes her melody once more, adding a minor chord of the pain she gives him, a metaphor for the pain she often gives herself in her rashness.
He believes his feelings have been trampled over unknowingly. He believes Marinette Dupain Cheng is unaware of how her actions affect others: both good and bad. When she needs help, he's always there. He's grown tired of giving without getting anything back. He wishes to forget he ever felt anything. He wishes to forget that he finds her soul song do fascinating. He wishes it was like any other song to him, beautiful but not so close to his heart.
When she confesses to the other boy while he gives her his support, he feels his heart break, only held back by the fact that this kind of love was not a long term commitment. Only held together by the fact that he would heal and would eventually forget her.
He's a fool, she isn't someone you forget. But she's back by his side a few days later and once again, he's unable to let her go. His fingers move as he plays the bridge oh her song.
When he comforts her while she cries, his heart feels torn. Because he wishes to cry as well. But his heart cries while he plays the saddest melodies he can think off. Luka Couffaine hasn't cried tears ever since he learnt to cry through his guitar instead. He hasn't mourned like a human, ever since he could morn like a sad melody instead.
So he comforts her the best way he knows. He tells her he'll be there. That he'll listen; to her words or her silence.
When danger is eminent he's surprised by how much he has become a tool. Because he should be angry or remorseful. Whenever her heart cannot get what it wants, she comes to him instead. But she's just a girl. A lost and heartbroken girl. A girl who thinks she is in love, and he's the last person who would tell her that it isn't love that she feels. He would be the last person to tell her to give up. Because he's a coward and a fool. He wants to keep her close, so he doesn't scare her away. He wants distance but won't hold her at arm's length when she comes his way.
He's tired and pathetic, and all he has to show for it is a heart tempered by distrust and love. A soul grown so wise he doesn't know how he left his childhood behind. But under his youthful skin, beats a heart of a child, one which screams for love it shall not get and a hand that has long past stopped holding his.
So he pulls her closer and allows himself to take her pain, if only this once. Because he needs it, and he's sure she needs it too. Maybe he should have warned himself to walk away, that is, if he would listen. He's turned deaf to his own heart. And all he can do to hear it again is finish her song.
She wants to hear her song, he wants her to hear it too. Maybe it will give her some clarity. Maybe hearing her song is what she needs so that she can move on from the sunshine boy that holds her heart. Except she's never going to get her clarity. Maybe that is what the problem is. Not that she won't choose or that she can't choose. It's that choosing is not an option not for her.
The next year is like a storm, she comes to him and then backs away. This happens more times than he can count. He's gotten used to it. Her tide-like behaviour, how she takes comfort from him and gives hers to her sunshine boy. How she comes and goes without remorse, how when she looks at him she doesn't hear the echo of her confession, his only lifeline to their what if relationship.
He tries again
One kiss should be enough. He thinks to himself as he leans forwards, one kiss should be enough to make her fall in love. Or maybe it won't, maybe it will make her hate him. He never finds out
And everytime she leaves. She leaves like the tide. And when she comes back, he's dry. He's dry from the lies and the half backed excuses. I part of him wonders if she's sneaking off to see someone else and he hates himself for thinking so. But he can't stop. She's not there for the movie, neither for ice-cream and always gone before band practice. He's tired. So he makes one try to fix it. Fix whatever they have.
It doesn't work. Once again, he awakens to the silence of memory loss and the darkness of his own unknown mistakes. But this time there's a truth gaping at him that hurts like nothing else.
Now she stands in front of him, ready to cry. He won't know why she choose to keep her secrets or why she chose to stop their flames before they were even sparks. He doesn't know why she does what she does but all he knows is that he's in love. And he can wait.
So he holds her close and lets her go. He watches as whatever was between them floods their ground, as stability collapses under the weight of unbound emotions and suppressed cries.
His heart tells him she'll come back even when his mind tells him she won't. He adds one last thing to her song. That she's like a tide. She comes to take his heart and leaves with his soul.
AU: Yeah...I don't know why I wrote this fic either.