Usually, I hate author's notes, but I figure this one has some justification to clear up something. Bowser and most of the species have their modern designs, you will find out why I say that in due time.

--

Bowser's march on the Mushroom Kingdom didn't pan out. He didn't expect it to. Really, when had it ever? It was all just a decoy while he executed his last resort plan. The last five years of those New York pipe cleaners would finally be settled, he told himself. He didn't know how well it'd work out, especially given Americans' propensity for warfare (Mario himself had just barely been old enough to fight in a particularly bad one, and even disregarding that he'd been tested twice now), but he was eager to see how the pesky unclogging crew ( except if it came to their own throats when they even hear the word "pasta") worked without every soldier's direct order coming from his mouth alone. He even got the help of a still-seething red birdo that he later learned was himself a skilled tactician.

Sure, the birdo had been beaten by the pesky plumbers once before, but that was a one-on-two match when he had already been weakened by one of those mushroom retainer guys, a match he won.

Bowser watched them fall and made his way to his personal room, throwing item upon item into a makeshift stick-and-bindle made of an iron rod and a duffel bag. Finally, he got to a Magikoopa wand, putting it on top of everything else and zipping it up on cue as an explosion much closer than he would have ever hoped shocked the castle grounds. It was, from experience, about two miles away but that means his entire army had either given up or been made even quicker work of than he'd hoped. He didn't know why they were taking it to his castle, though; he didn't even have the stupid princess.

So, he wrote them a letter. "Hey knuckleheads! If you're somehow reading this after tearing apart my castle, I'm gone! G-O-N-E! Looking for me isn't going to help you dimwits much! Thankfully, the kids are safe. No thanks to you chuckleheads.

"—The Great Sorcerer. P.S., there's some magic mushrooms in the fridge if you haven't taken the liberty of destroying everything I have."

Before taking his leave, he called Kamek to him and rushed the two out to see the Koopalings one last time, his six young children. The oldest was barely seven, this was no way for a kid to grow up, being bombed like this. He ordered Kamek to take them and run ( or teleport...) and cloaked himself in a ragged brown thing as he fled the scene.

It had been a long five years and it finally came down to this. His castle was nearly destroyed, kids gone in a flash, and he fled to Rogueport to make up a new plan. Obviously this one wasn't working. As for his kingdom... he'd have to figure that out on his own.

He'd have to make it to Rogueport first. Crossing the sea would be an ordeal by itself.

--

Mario Bros. Plumbing (Luigi didn't even take part in it until long after it was incorporated)—formerly straightforward New York, N.Y. plumbing service—used its trusty cannons and bombs to clean Bowser's pipes hopefully permanently. It seemed that it wound up happening. Mostly, it was Mario doing all the work. Luigi helped, for sure, but he didn't see much point when Bowser's soldiers could be taken out without making the trip.

"If he could send one army, he can easily send another unless we put a stop to what he's doing!"

Luigi somehow didn't quite buy it. It seemed to be a little too fun to his older brother. He could see something in his eyes that didn't quite sit well. No idea what it meant, but he had a strange feeling about it nonetheless.

It was him who noticed a huge shadowy figure in a brown cloak dash out of the castle at a notable speed, jostling the poor attempt at a bindle around recklessly. At least, a speed impressive for that mass. A flash of red hair quickly confirmed his suspicions, but when it came time to warn his older brother, he just locked up. By all means, he felt he should have, but...

That was strange, to help a threat out because it was so pathetic looking. But he could feel traits of himself in the King of the koopa. Er, these koopa at least.

And Mario had never really been quite the same since he came back in '73. Got into wrestling, started looking up to a Captain Lou. It cracked him up a little to remember his brother nearly had the chance to meet the man five years ago, just before they ended up here. But back to their new reality, Mario was asking him for something and he just barely caught what it was, grabbed it, and went to give it to him. Finally, Bowser's castle was more or less gone. Except the note, it escaped the wreck but not Luigi's vision.

He let it stay there for the next few days as he and Mario returned to Toadstool's Castle. And then on the second day of having returned he was off to read it.

--

On the outskirts of Rogueport's east side, he noted how oddly well off it was. Where did the name "Rogueport" even come from, anyway? He didn't see any rogues here, aside from himself of course! He almost blitzed the city himself just to watch them freak out, it never got old to him! But... it wasn't worth it this time. There was a reason for the disguise in the first place, in this case to prevent the pasta kids from knowing where he was.

So, no better time than now to get that spell out of the way.

Flipping through one of the books he took, he grabbed the wand and chanted an incantation which had never been recited to me; if I knew it, I would have written it there. In any case, his spell was intended to mask who he was to the public through the most reliable means possible, genuine transformation. Only a sorcerer of his magical might could do it more than once or twice, in his case it came to him much easier than he expected.

His body lost much of its muscle mass and the hair on his head grew longer, the most pain coming in from his face twisting and contorting, until he was unrecognizable to any native of the... uh, Mushroom World? That's what the brothers called it, at least. He'd never really come up with a name for it. Not that he didn't try. It'd necessitate him taking over, which he had a... pair of problems doing. At least, anyone who knew what was good for them.

A few steps and he realized the problem with his plan: getting used to the balance. He tripped and fell flat on his face on absolutely nothing, just laying there for a minute wallowing in self-defeat. It took another minute to register the sharp pain and bleeding from the nose over his pitying himself.

He took this opportunity to clean up his stuff. The bindle went over his shoulder once again and he made the last mile to Rogueport bleeding and shamed, hoping beyond hope that his children were safe.

Arriving on the stone floor was the greatest feeling he'd ever felt, compared to rocks and sticks. And then he was hit on by a gang of bandits.

They weren't his type.

Upon telling them to get lost, he wasn't in the mood for this right now, they acted offended and challenged him to a fight.

A fight he lost.

The three bandits were almost going to lose when the third of them remembered he'd pilfered a spear he instantly figured he could chuck at Bowser, which did the trick.

Battered, bruised, beaten, and impaled, he collapsed right there, leading to the three nabbing all his coins and running. All in broad daylight.

He knew which three bandits he was never hiring.

--

Why did they hit on him? To be fair, he was in an unrecognizable state, but he was still a former king! Or... was he?

He didn't want to wake up much but his eyes eventually opened, and he found himself in a small round room, covered with a blanket. And it was... wet? What did he do this time? He didn't even take the Princess! Not that it mattered, Rogueport is days away from the Mushroom Kingdom.

Taking a look around, his stuff was still here at least.

...

Hey, where are his coins?! Those damn bandits, when he's back in power... He'll have his secret police learn where their hideout is and then burn it down personally! Yeah, that'll work!

A mirror on the opposite end of the room caught his attention. His eyes focused on himself, looking himself over. Moving his limbs, slapping his face, it was all his.

And bloodied from his once pouring nose.

It was at this point that he realized why the bandits hit on him.

He ran his hand through what had once been a mohawk, now long and unruly, draped down the left side of his face and stopping a little below his shoulderblade. Then grabbed his chin, weaker and rounder than before. His eyes were a deep, dark blue he hadn't seen for a good twenty years. In fact, he looked a lot like he did 35 years ago.

It then dawned on him that the rest of his body had an equal, or probably greater, change. One that definitely didn't reflect younger him. He was a lot... curvier than usual. Proportionally even slightly wider around the hips, and even a bit of growth under the neck...

"Well, damn. Guess that explains the wetness."

Wait, that doesn't sound right. To make things even better, he said it out loud. To an audience of one. A fact it took him a second to realize.

He turned to the snifit, grabbed him by the neck, and threatened to breathe fire if he said a word.

"Yes, king Bowser."

His heart stopped. King Bowser? He could see through the disguise?

"Yes, you're not exactly well disguised. Not even mentioning the fact your species is rarer than a Rare game running over 15 frames a second..."

Bowser's head tilted curiously but he shook it off, not being a video gamer and none of his kids asking for them.

"Again. Fire. Don't tell anyone or I'll... uh, actually I might or might not still have an army..."

The snifit chuckled to himself and shook his head.

"I still have fire breath! That hurts really bad... I hear. I swear I've never been bored in my life!"

A rolling of the eyes, a couple parcels, a letter, and breakfast were dropped off onto Bowser's nightstand haphazardly, with great care taken on the breakfast as those plates weren't cheap.

Bowser went back to reflecting on his own reflection, and he thought he'd hate the experience a lot more than he actually did. Though really it wasn't a topic he'd thought much of. The only real time he got enough time to think of it was when he was six and the man on the phone thought he was a young woman. He secretly enjoyed it, but corrected him.

This wasn't bad, though. He wasn't going to start getting perverted with himself, he isn't that narcissistic, but certainly being lighter and a foot smaller had its advantages. A voice check (he hadn't been paying attention earlier) and he still heard himself in his voice, the growling gruff tone was still there, but the timbre was all off. Er, correct, he supposed, for his situation.

So, female and all that. Allegedly weak and fragile, but not Bowser. Which he really couldn't call himself for his plan, not that he minded that all that much, given how often he'd have people call him something else anyway, like "the great magician king", though rarely with any success, and more out of the obligations of his post than of his own personal desires. His initial, greatest idea ever that nobody would ever see past was 'Bowsette'.

Wait, no, that was completely and irredeemably goofy, even for him.

Instead, he figured most koopa had names that had "koop" hastily and awkwardly inserted in there somewhere, so to slap something together he'd come up with 'Kooplisto'. With the new name... for now, he ditched the surname. It became trendy in the last decade to ditch them entirely anyway, but if pressed, he'd dumbly reply "Hammer".

So, Kooplisto was born. Bowser thought the name was clunky but used it anyway.

Still, if it was this easy to get recognized, a much better disguise was in order. A look in the dresser and... nothing. If those minions of his were anything to go by, that snifit was just a fluke and most of these people wouldn't recognize him.

At least the cloak was there, and he had the foresight to take off his spike bands. They didn't fit quite right anyway.

He did as best as he could with what he could do, leaving the bands in the duffel bag and walking outside the room to have a nice little talk with that snifit, leading to him finding out he's in the middle of town, not 100 feet from the gallows. Kind of a rough spot to put a bed and breakfast...

Gaah, when he was ruler again he'd make this place less of a dump! And then more of a dump for the fun of it! That'll teach them for being crooks here!

For the most part, at least.

At the very least, nobody was running away. Kinda boring, but he didn't want anyone to so that's good enough.

The young boy of a construction-working hammer wielder gawked at him for a second, trying to place exactly where he'd seen that oddly familiar Reial koopa...

The answer seemed to have eluded him, so he asked her outright. She took a second to respond and caught herself as she pronounced the first vowel of her original answer, replacing the whole thing with "Bah, I'm nobody. The name's Kooplisto. I wandered all the way over here from the Koopa Kingdom, got fed up with life over there."

It wasn't all lies. Just by omission.

He nodded politely, figuring she would probably be telling the truth considering King Bowser would have taken the opportunity to brag his everliving—

But, in any case, she seemed trustworthy to him, his eyes studying her innocently before he nodded again and repeated her name back to her. "Kooplisto, got it! I really wanna hear specifics, I'll see you around!"

She nodded back and gave him the finger-guns, before realizing that she looked like a doofus.

Snifit for what it was worth helped out her self-appraisal by laughing at her quietly. "Pretty good with kids for a former... queen."

Seriously, it was weird he didn't mind being called that. "With six of my own I have to be."

Snifit was very interested after that.

Their conversation afterward about parenting was, to put it lightly, intense. It broke the ice nearly instantly and Snifit was much more cooperative afterward.

It turns out he was a father himself, of three. This hotel was what kept the lights on for his kids after their mother died, not too dissimilar from Bowser's own kids.

Wow, it was awkward calling himself "father" and "king" when he sounded like a 24 year old woman. That wasn't even the worst part, it felt a lot like he was... wasting an opportunity. With all the subtlety of a bull in a china shop, he, post-sentence, blurted out his thoughts that maybe it would be awkward for a fairly younger woman to get called a father.

Before immediately questioning why he called himself a "woman" there. And especially the "fairly younger" part when he was in his fifth decade here and rolling in on his sixth not too far into the future. And yet, not too against it either, it was just weird. Maybe and adjustment period might help.

Speaking of rolling, snifit rolled his eyes at "far younger," reminding the former king that he had been born before the economy tanked 59 years ago.

Had it really been that long? He lost track of time in that castle, never really thinking hard about the year. Him being in his late fifties really took him by surprise and hit him a little harder than it should have.

The conversation kept going for the rest of the night. Generally, guests get kicked out of the little round bed and breakfast after a day, but he could tell that Bowser... er, Kooplisto, gonna need training to reliably say that one when it's so obvious, was a koopa in need.

--

Luigi made it back in time to save the paper from a watery end. The wind tugged at it but he read it thoroughly, dodging a sergeant's hammer or two.

"On the run? I gotta get back to Brooklyn... to check up on it, make sure he isn't there! Yeah..."

Mario wasn't there to witness this, but surely would have rolled his eyes if he had been. He rolled the paper note up and stashed it in the back pocket of his green overalls, making a mad dash back to the Mushroom Kingdom to report the news and find a warp pipe back to New York.

--

Luigi's return was short and sweet, he barely got the note to Mario before he got knocked on the head by a stray hammer sergeant hiding in the bushes outside, leading to him needing to recover for a few days. Once he was all patched up, he'd search all throughout the land looking for a warp pipe home to Brooklyn.

--

A magic mushroom, a fire flower, and a good luck wish was all that was afforded to him by his brother and Princess Toadstool. Of course, he wouldn't have believed them any other way. So, flashlight in hand, he set his course for the navigator hotspot deep to the south of them.

--

Kooplisto could be an intimidating figure, and was around snobbish adults. She even burned a guy! Kinda cool, the young boy thought. They met up two days after their meeting for her to tell him her tale and he seemed captivated by the story she was weaving for him. It even got so intense that a young yoshi started listening in as well.

"And that's how I got here! It took quite a bit of effort to make the trek from Koopa Kingdom to here, easily a few days of walking on top of the boat ride."

Snifit smirked to himself. This didn't seem at all like the Bowser he knew of. But with six kids, he supposed there had to be some of those kid-raising instincts in that koopa somewhere.

"The... nosebleed? Well... the story is kinda underwhelming. Alright. I... tripped in King Bowser's castle right before I escaped from it. On a piece of debris because it was in the process of being destroyed."

Definitely didn't trip and fall on absolutely nothing but the changed center of gravity.

Nevermind that, though, the kids loved it so she was content to tell the story. It sure passed the time while the two pesky plumbers looked for her.

Speaking of, they asked about Mario and Luigi. Given the cue to act dumb and not give off the inclination she hated them, she feigned indifference, stating she didn't have anything innately personal against them, but hunting them down paid the bills for her two kids and they, or specifically Mario, put down two of her friends in open combat while fighting against Bowser's scheme to annex the Mushroom Kingdom. Luigi... was just there. Even merciful. Which was true, but she struggled to not blurt out her opinion that it was because he was a coward.

They thought for a minute about what she said. These parts never really heard much about Mario, so while someone in the Mushroom Kingdom might not believe her, they were more inclined to.

Hey, wait a minute, what was that wetness about?