Disclaimer: I just recently got into Grey's Anatomy; this is kind of an AU. I will try to be true to the character's as I can be, but there may be some changes. I am not a medical expert, I will do my best to make situations realistic and research them, but again I may not be thorough with everything for any of the readers who want to be online doctors. I am not out to make any particular character a bad guy even if they are a fan favorite, but situations need to happen, drama, etc. for character growth. This is post Lexie/Mark break up in 6x11 and post shooting 6x23, but in my story Lexie did not hook up with Alex they just remained friends, she didn't dye her hair. Lexie will be recovering post shooting, differently in this story.
Chapter 1
It had been a month and a bit since the shooting, Derek had resigned as chief, Dr. Webber had returned to his rightful position. Mark's daughter had decided to stick around with her baby. Mark was a grandpa. He was happy. Everything was slowly going back to normal. Everything would be fine, it was fine, this was fine, she was fine. Oh, how easy it was to lie and convince herself of that narrative. She firmly held onto it, like a dim lit candle in the darkest of rooms. She was fine.
Yet that morning, the brunette surgeon woke up with phantom nausea, or at least that's what the doctor in her decides to name the symptom. She's been feeling it more and more, yet she tries to convince herself, I'm fine. She pushes through it, usually, but today its relentless. Like an ocean wave set out to drown her.
Dark brown eyes open, looking out the window, it was gray and raining. Typical Seattle weather, it always rained here. She had to get up, she had to work. A knock on her door startled her, she heard her sister's voice, "Lexie, are you up? We're going to leave soon!"
"I'm up," Lexie called back, forcing what little strength into her voice she could. Meredith was a good sister. The kind of sister who sat at her bedside in the psych ward for thirty-six hours while she slept. After her body had been pumped full of antipsychotics and benzos due to her breakdown. She had very little recollection of those few days. The only thought that lingered like an unclosed wound was the fact Mark had committed her against her will and then left her there. Sloan had needed him, the baby had needed him, Meredith had told her when Lexie had woken up from her sleep.
He had chosen Sloan over her, again. That wound stung.
Lexie closed her eyes and buried her face into her pillow, her dark brown locks fell to curtain her face. The phantom nausea wouldn't leave. She wouldn't identify its sensations, refused to consider it, she let the feelings roll over her, fill her up inside, but she wouldn't name them. Naming them brought reality to it all. And at the moment, she could not afford to let reality to set in.
She was fine.
Lexie sighed, pushing herself up into a sitting position. "I guess this is as good as it gets today." She mumbled to herself, throwing the comforter off half-heartedly. She looked around the room, room, not attic. She'd gotten Izzie's old room. April had moved into the Grey home into the attic, while Jackson and Alex occupied the other two rooms and Derek and Meredith shared the master.
Making her way out of the room, dressed in a silk camisole and matching shorts, she threw her hair up into a messy ponytail. Ready for the battle that awaited her in the shared bathroom space. She could hear them bickering already.
Alex sighing in frustration, "Whatever, I didn't need a shower anyways."
April's annoyed, "If you just let me finish my turn in the first place, I would've been out of here ages ago and you could've happily showered."
Alex snorted, "Whatever."
Then she heard Jackson's, "Hurry up, we only got twenty minutes and you're taking up all the sink space."
"Fine, fine," April mumbled haughtily. "I'm almost done."
Alex exited the bathroom, nearly running into Lexie. He gave her a once over, raised a brow. "About time you woke up, you look like a zombie. You better hurry up if you want a ride to work."
Lexie rolled her eyes, highly unamused. "Gee, thanks Alex. You really know how to make a girl feel special." She chewed out dryly.
Alex cracked a smile at her biting response, "I do what I can for the women in this house."
Lexie shoved him playfully, "Bite me."
Alex furrowed a brow, "Is that an offer?" He asked jokingly.
Lexie's lips twisted into the faintest of smile, "Go, now, while you can."
Alex laughed as he headed for the kitchen to make his to go coffee. As Lexie approached the bathroom, she quickly side stepped a frantic April. "Oh my god, I forgot my bag." She slipped past the younger Grey sister and hurried back to her room, mumbling under her breath. Lexie watched her leave in a hurry, "Good morning to you too." She murmured after April.
"Ignore her, she's just worried on impressing Stark." Jackson told her; Lexie glanced over at him. He stood there shirtless, in gray sweatpants, toothbrush hanging from his mouth.
Lexie fought a shiver at the mention of the unbelievably frustrating pediatric surgeon. "Why on earth would she care what Stark thought? I thought we all hated him." Lexie grabbed her pink toothbrush from the holder and turned the sink faucet.
"I have no idea," Jackson shook his head. "And to be completely honest I don't want to know. As long as he doesn't hurt her. It's none of my business."
Lexie raised a brow, "Look at you being all protective."
The green-eyed surgeon rolled his eyes, "Yeah well, April is the only friend I have left here."
Lexie stopped mid-brushing of her teeth, she lifted her head and looked at him. She elbowed him in the side, "Don't be stupid, that's not true. I'm your friend."
Jackson paused a moment, mockingly rubbing where she'd elbowed. "A violent friend, that hurt."
Lexie scoffed, rolled her eyes and kept brushing her teeth. "Don't be such a baby."
"Verbally abusive too," Jackson continued.
Lexie froze, turned and raised a brow at him. "Maybe I won't be your friend after all."
Jackson smirked, "You sure about that?"
"Are you?" Lexie challenged. "Do you really want to push it, Jackson."
Jackson raised his hands in defeat, "I surrender, Grey."
Lexie smiled victoriously, "As you should." She rinsed out her mouth, glancing at the clock and sighed. "We should hurry, ten minutes left. Meredith will leave without us." She said gravely.
Jackson nodded quickly and rinsed as well, "Yup, let's go."
Lexie had quickly changed, throwing on a fitted long sleeve black shirt, and snug dark denim jeans and black knee length boots. She threw on her brown trench coat and tied it securely, and grabbed her work tote. She glanced in the mirror and fluffed up her hair, she had only been able to quickly wash her face and run a brush through her hair before she hurried to change. Lexie's eyes settled on her reflection for a moment to long. Like the shattering of glass, she could feel the balance in her shift as if pieces of her inside were slowly fraying at the edges. Seams she'd tried so hard to keep tightly woven were unraveling. The brunette shook her head and hurried out the door when she heard Meredith yell her name.
"Lexie, come on!" Meredith called again. Lexie shot down the stairs, Meredith handed her a black coffee thermos. "What is up with you today?"
Lexie looked apologetic, "I'm sorry, I'm fine I promise." Meredith looked unconvinced. Lexie was a terrible liar.
Meredith sighed, the look in Lexie's eyes begged her not to push for more. "Okay, let's go." She made a mental note to keep an eye on the young Grey.
Lexie sat in the front while Alex, April and Jackson chatted animatedly in the back. Meredith would glance at her the odd time while she drove. The blonde sighed. Telling herself, 'It's going to be fine. It's all going to be fine.' Meredith parked as they all hurried out of the sleek, black Porsche. Derek was going to come later as he had had a late-night surgery last night. Lexie walked through the doors of Seattle Grace Mercy West; the residents' filed into the locker room to change. Lexie had chugged her coffee as she went to the floor, Jackson and April close behind. She felt a pair of eyes on her, brown eyes flickered up to see none other then Mark Sloan watching her while he stood with Callie and Arizona. Her eyes narrowed coolly on him before redirecting her attention back to Bailey to get her assigned attending. She was on Bailey's service.
She remembered, replaying her day with unrelenting focus, making sure she'd done everything right, with the utmost diligence. Then it was the moment in the bathroom, nearly three hours ago, when Meredith had confronted her. The younger Grey remembered, the ferocity, the sincerity, in Meredith's voice, her older sister's voice, when she'd said, "Are you okay?"
Lexie had forced a smile, "I'm fine, completely fine."
Meredith sighed, "You can talk to me, Lexie. I'll listen."
"I'm fine, Meredith."
"Promise?"
Lexie paused, "I promise."
"Okay," Meredith said softly, she knew pushing wasn't going to get her answers. Lexie would talk when she was ready. She knew her, she was a Grey after all. They didn't talk unless they were ready too. Meredith offered her a small smile, squeezed her forearm comfortingly before leaving the bathroom. Lexie had spent the next hour curled up on the floor next to the toilet. Head in her hands, knees under her chin, and thoughts resolutely fixed in convincing herself, she was fine. By the time she stood, straightened her coat. Left the bathroom, veered down the hall and turns slightly left she found Mark waiting for her, she had managed to stamp down any and all nausea.
"Lexie," He greeted her.
"Dr. Sloan," Lexie returned coolly. She grabbed one of her patient's file and began to fill out her charting at the nursing station.
"Dr. Sloan?" Mark looked and sounded slightly offended.
Lexie didn't offer him a glance, "That's your name isn't it?" Her voice was calm and detached as she checked off boxes, quickly and precisely with her pen on the chart.
"Lexie," Mark tried again.
"Busy," She cut him off curtly.
"Lexie," Mark said more forcefully.
With a deep sigh, Lexie closed the chart, placing it down on the counter with more force then necessary as she tried to collect herself. "What? What do you want?"
Mark froze, unsure of how to respond for a moment. Lexie raised a brow impatiently, prompting him. Mark rubbed his chin thoughtfully, thinking carefully of his words. "How are you?"
She was floored. She nearly scoffed, "How am I?" She echoed his words. He nodded. Her brown eyes narrowed quickly; her lips pressed into a firm line. "I'm fine." Her tone was frigid. "If that's all Dr. Sloan I should be returning to Dr. Bailey, I'm on her service today."
"Lexie, please." Mark looked at her hopefully.
"No, you don't get to do this. You don't get to make me feel like the bad guy." Lexie rounded on him. "You committed me and left me alone in the psych ward. You chose her. You chose Sloan. You don't get to ask me how I am."
Mark stood there, staring hard at the young Grey. He wanted to yell at her, tell her she was wrong. But he couldn't. He had gone to Sloan and his grandbaby, left Meredith to tend to her younger sister. Big Grey had been less then impressed by him, but said nothing except struck him with her infamous Meredith Grey glare.
He remembered that moment so clearly. Meredith had been paged to the psych ward to find Lexie in a bed deep asleep.
"What the hell happened?" Meredith demanded as she went to Lexie's bedside.
"She had a breakdown." Mark explained solemnly. "I had her committed."
"You did what?" Meredith turned to stare at him in disbelief.
"You didn't see her, Meredith." Mark defended his actions. "She is a risk to herself and others."
Meredith looked at Lexie's sleeping face. "They snowed her." She stated. Mark slowly nodded. Meredith closed her eyes and sighed heavily, it was to much, everything was to much. She tried to calm herself, her miscarriage, Derek, and now her little sister. The blonde fought back angry tears. She gingerly reached down to Lexie's hair from her face. Mark watched them for a few moments before turning to leave. He heard Meredith call after him. Her voice was soft as she asked, "You're not staying?"
Mark turned to look at her, "Sloan called, she needs me."
Meredith's eyes narrowed, a trait both Grey women shared when were becoming upset. "Lexie needs you too. Can't Arizona or Callie look at her and the baby for a little while."
"She's my kid, and that's my grandbaby, Grey." Mark spoke with a sorrowful look.
"And Lexie is my little sister," Meredith said protectively. "She told me why you two broke up. She told me everything, while I held her crying in my arms."
"I'm sorry," Mark looked guiltily at the sleeping woman.
"Don't apologize," Meredith cut him off. "Don't apologize. Just promise me, promise me you won't pursue her again. You'll leave her alone, you'll let her go. She needs to move on with her life. You can't help her anymore. She's suffered enough." Meredith spoke gravely while her hands clenched tightly at her side. "Just promise me, you'll let her move on."
Mark ran a hand through his hair, a sign of frustration. His gaze was conflicted, Meredith's stone cold as she stared at him. Pain laced his words as Mark slowly nodded, his voice quieter, "I promise."
"Good, that's good." Meredith sighed in relief as she set her eyes back on her sister. Mark took one last hard look at the Grey sisters before turning and walking quickly out of the room.
He remembered that moment clear as day, it had been weeks since and he had done as he had promised. Until now, if Meredith found out, she'd personally kill him with her tiny hands. His gaze returned to the younger Grey, Lexie was already gone and disappeared around the corner, leaving Mark to sulk with his thoughts.
Meredith ended up having to stay late at the hospital to help Derek. Alex had stayed to help Arizona with a peds case. He would be staying all night with a preemie despite Arizona's reassurance the baby would make it through the night. April and Jackson had retuned home earlier via taxi. Instead of going home, Lexie found herself at Joe's. She had gone to have a drink to unwind before returning home. The young surgeon had sat the bar, nursing her second shot of tequila. Joe changed the channel to the news. Her lips parted with a small shake, eyes growing wide as she read the headlines. A shooting in a different state, far away. Images of victims, people crying, flashed across the screen. She'd gone pale, tensed all over, goosebumps prickled her skin, her heart pounded in her chest.
She stumbled over her words, "I need another shot." Three became six, until she'd lost count altogether. She had been flirting with a guy, brown-haired, brown-eyed, very cute. They danced for a good thirty minutes, she twirled around him in a drunken haze of laughter. She'd gone to the table to grab her coat and bag which had been under Joe's watchful gaze. When Joe had tried to touch her hand, to bring back some sense of reality, Lexie had jerked back away from him. She had shot up from her barstool, thrown money onto the counter and left the bar in a rush, without another word.
Joe yelled after her, "Lexie!" He grabbed his cellphone and began to dial Meredith's number.
Lexie stumbled down the side walk, her mind a mess, tears streamed down her cheeks. She wanted to go home, she wanted to curl up in her bed. The noise, it was suddenly so loud, she wanted it to stop, she wanted quiet. She didn't notice when a car pulled up next to her until the driver honked at her, she nearly jumped out of her skin as she rounded to glare at the driver.
"Hey, want a ride?" It was the boy from the bar, Jonah, that was his name. Or, maybe Jacob? She wasn't sure.
It was beginning to rain; Lexie began to feel the adrenaline rushing out of her. She felt vulnerable, she wanted to go home. Common sense had gone with her tequila shots. She shook her head, "I'll just call a cab."
Jonah, she had decided, spoke up from the rolled down passenger window, "A cab will take longer to get here. Come on, I'll take you home."
It was pouring now, it was cold. She was exhausted, mentally and physically exhausted. She didn't want Meredith to see her like this. "Fine, straight home or so help me god."
Jonah laughed, "Okay, okay, home I promise."
Reluctantly Lexie got into the car, she could smell the alcohol on his breath. It was strong, her brows furrowed together, concerned. "Are you sure you're okay to drive?"
"Oh yeah, I'm fine." Jonah reassured her with a boyish smile, which in her drunken stupor is quite attractive.
Lexie said no more as Jonah pulled away from the curb and drove off into the rainy night on the Seattle streets. The street lights were spinning brightly as they flashed past. Yes, she wanted to get lost in the bright, spinning world for a moment. Forget her reality, where everything is still and painfully, heartbreakingly real.
Who wants to be sane, still, real for so long? Not her, she concluded.
The accident wasn't her fault, it's the fault of Jonah, and a Mercedes SUV whose driver had two shots to many as well and with him three other passengers. The streets were slick with rain, the car and SUV slid uncontrollably, breaks screeched, headlights blurred the night, metal meeting metal howled into the rainy night and eventually the spinning had come to a stop.
There are sirens in the distance, people screaming and crying in the rainy night.
End of Chapter!
Leave a review if you'd like an update!
This is my first time attempting a Grey's Anatomy story. I will have many hiccups, learning of character traits, etc. Please be kind, I appreciate honest and constructive criticism to improve.
Thank you.