Chapter 1 - Meeting Lazarus
After returning from a delivery to the desert planet Arid 4 to deliver a vast quantity of salt, Fry felt extremely thirsty from this long journey, therefore thought he'd go to the kitchen and get a can of Slurm from the refrigerator, but once he got there, he saw something, something foul enough to make him drop the can he was drinking from. "ARRRGGHHHH! My Slurm! No, I mean... urgh!"
The rest of the crew came running in, wondering if Fry had lost his lottery ticket or something, but instead saw an awful sight before them. There were unattached arms, legs and a head lying around the floor, with other parts in the sink's waste disposal unit, while Cubert stared back at them, seemingly not bothered.
"My God, you've... you've killed the professor!" Leela screamed, eye wide open, ready to burst. "And you've done it in the kitchen, where we have to eat!"
The teenager just laughed back, in his arrogant fashion. "You fools! You have no idea that this is the greatest thing since Fry rediscovered the wheel."
However, the crew weren't listening, as they had finally found a good excuse to beat the living daylights out of him, as they all felt he was an obnoxious, repugnant brat anyway. Besides, he'd just murdered one of their closest friends... the one who paid them!
While they enjoyed themselves punching, kicking and pulling Cubert's hair out, they suddenly heard a noise, as if somebody was coming out of the lab. As the whole crew were in the kitchen, including the dismembered professor, there shouldn't really be anybody else there.
They stopped beating the cowering brat, and looked at each other uneasily. However, Leela decided it was up to her to do the dirty work, yet again, so she picked up a cleaver and walked out of the kitchen towards the lab. She slowly approached the lab, but heard someone in the lounge, so she stopped outside, readied herself, with weapon in hand.
Inside the lounge stood a young, orange-haired man pouring coffee for himself. He actually looked a bit like Fry, although better looking.
"Hello... you're back already!" said the orange-haired Fry lookalike, who also sported a pair of glasses. "Ah, seeing that cleaver's in your hand can only mean you're going to make a roast dinner... yummy!"
Leela ignored that absurd remark and called to the rest of the crew to join her: "Come out of the kitchen, and bring that bastard clone with you... dead or alive!" She then barked at the mystery man, "And, you can shut the hell up!"
As Fry, with the rest, dragged the bruised up clone out by his hair into the lounge, he stopped in his tracks, noticing the strange, young intruder. After gawking at the man for a while, thinking as hard as his tiny mind could possibly manage, Fry finally came up with a solution of his own. "Oh wow! Are you another one of my long lost nephews?"
The man, who was also wearing the prof's white coat, decided to reveal his identity to the curious crew. "Oh my, no. It's me, Professor Farnsworth! Don't any of you recognize me?"
"You can't be the professor," replied Bender, as he poked Cubert's face with his arm. "After all, we found this little monster chopping up Farnsworth's brittle, old body and about to stick him down the waste disposal. Why'd you think we got to beat the shit outta 'im."
"Yeah!" agreed Fry, as he continued to pull out clumps of Cubert's hair with his fingers."Besides, you don't look anything like the professor. For a start, you've got hair."
The others agreed, as absolutely nobody noticed even the slightest resemblance at all to Farnsworth, apart from the white coat and thick spectacles he was wearing.
The young man removed his specs. "Oh, fiddlesticks! These lenses have become far too strong for me, I'm just gonna have to get them seen to." He then smiled whilst examining his glasses. "Oh my, yes... I can see much better now!"
Escaping from the grasp of Fry, Cubert ran straight to the man. "Save me from these morons, Dad! Tell them what's happened... just don't use big words, it'll hurt their brains more than they hurt me!"
"You better explain yourself, and quick... because Cubert has a date with my blernsball bat," Leela responded, staring menacingly at the shaking brat clinging to "Dad".
As the rest of the crew glowered at Cubert, the young man began to explain more: "Cubert and myself have been working on something top secret inside the laboratory. I've actually been working on it for a couple of decades now, but Cubert and I have finally completed it.
"My new invention didn't just change my old self into a new, much younger self, but also added other more attractive features to me. For a start, I'm now much better looking than the Farnsworth you probably remember - more like somebody you'd see in film clips - and I also have an amazing physique, unlike my previous self, who's always been a wimp."
"OK, if you're the professor, how much do you pay us?" interrupted Bender, trying to cause the intruder to slip up.
"I pay you? Oh my... no... that can't be right!" stuttered the orange-haired mystery guy. "When did slaves... I mean employees... get paid? I know my rights!"
"Yeah, that's the bastard cheapskate," Bender sighed disappointedly."You're a lucky clone, you freak! Next time, we'll be quicker in getting the job done." This made Cubert grab harder onto the professor.
Fry interrupted Bender's taunting, "Come on, out with it, you old croonie, anything else that you're not telling us about?"
Standing up straight, with Cubert hiding behind him still clutching, the "new" professor hardly looked like an old croonie, he looked much more like a young dude, with his little brother by his side. "Oh my, I almost forgot... thank you for reminding me, Fry. If you all come into the laboratory, I'll show you the long awaited invention; I know you must be dying to see it."
The curious crew followed Farnsworth out of the lounge and into the laboratory, each one of them as eager as the next to see his "new invention".
When they all had entered, the professor made a swift, sharp gesture with his arm, pointing his finger towards two seven foot high chambers, standing side by side in the middle of his lab, connected by masses and masses of wires and pipes.
"Everybody... my new invention! My kaleidoscopic youth machine! I decided it was a little too long a name for me to keep repeating over and over again, so as it's a youth machine, and helps one to stay as young as they want, therefore live as long as they please... I decided to name my invention Lazarus, after the man who wanted to live forever."
Leela began to study the two giant chambers with great interest. She found a dial on the door of one of the chambers, which had several multicoloured numbers printed around it ranging from 20 to 200. "You gonna show us how it works, Professor?" curiously asked Leela, still fondling Lazarus.
"Oh, sweet Zombie Jesus!" screamed the angry professor, completely panic-stricken, as soon as he noticed her. He was terrified that something fragile or explosive might suddenly go BANG! He ran over and slapped her hands off his invention, continuing to yell at her with angry disapproval, "Don't touch that, or it might go off!"
"I'm sorry, Professor," she apologized. "I was just wondering what all these numbers around this dial were for, and how Lazarus changes an old person into a young person... It just sounds so impossible, that's all."
Since most of his crew seemed to have extremely curious faces to match their extremely confused minds, Farnsworth decided to introduce his machine to them a little further. "Well, if you're all patient and have the time, I'll explain how you, too, even after you've already gained the natural wear and tear of ageing, can reverse the clock like me!"
Most of the crew, in particularly Amy, who wanted to know the secret to keeping her good looks forever, were eager to find out more, therefore, even if they didn't originally have the time to stay and listen to Farnsworth's explanation, they began changing their plans for the day there and then in order to make time.
Amy picked up her cellphone, from what seemed to be inside her cleavage - a little trick she'd learnt from Mom. She then punched out one of her many lovers' phone numbers, and began to twist the boyfriend on the other end of the line around her little finger. "Sorry Kif," she squeaked, "I have to cancel our dinner date tonight. A fantastic new beauty treatment's just come up... and it's taking place for one night only."
The muffled, but desperately sounding, voice of her lover could be heard, trying to arrange a new date with the woman he was crazy about. When he'd finished speaking, she agreed to his plea for another date. "Next week's fine, Kif. Byyyeee!" She then switched off her cellphone, and tucked it back comfortably down her bra, then grabbed a vacant stool to join the rest of the crew.
They all sat around in a semicircle, staring at Farnsworth, as he began to give a lecture about Lazarus; they had become all ears.
"This is the door that you enter," he explained, after opening the door of the left chamber with the numbered dial fixed to it. "While this," he then pointed to the second chamber to the right, "after all is done, is the exit, so to speak."
"Errr, how can we go from one cubicle to the other?" asked Leela.
"If you want the toilet, then go, Leela. I'm not your mother. Damn you!"
Leela sighed and shrugged, allowing the professor to continue.
"Anyway, gather 'round, gather 'round, my young servants... I mean friends," the professor stuttered. "Tell me that I've done it again, that I've created yet another outstanding, super invention, one to outsmart anything Wernstrom... Werrrrnnnstrom... could ever think of!" The professor shuddered at the thought of his old rival, then continued with his lecture.
The crew took a close look at the cubicles, taking a look inside the empty chambers.
"The dial that you were clumsily fiddling with on the chamber's door, Leela, sets the different ages that one may choose to become, from the wrinkled older age that they'd been," the professor explained.
"After one has chosen their preferred number of years on this chamber, they get into it. Then a complex mixture of multicoloured gases appears and takes all the best parts of its subject, and carries them through the next chamber via these wires here connecting them. The complex gases in my machine, together with the new younger gases from one's old self fix together to make a new you in the second chamber, leaving your other self behind as waste in the first one; it was my wasted previous body that you saw Cubert hacking up. Once the metamorphosis has been completed, one doesn't just become the younger person they used to be though, one becomes more!"
Farnsworth then stopped talking and eyed up the crew with a sneaky expression on his face. He licked his lips, rubbing his hands together, then told them what was on his mind. "Would you all like me to demonstrate? Maybe somebody would like to volunteer. Please let me show you... otherwise you're all fired!"
Leela walked behind the lobster and pushed him forwards, towards the professor. "Zoidberg'll do it!" she blurted, as she enthusiastically volunteered the lobster for the job.
"Wha' whaaaaaa..." before Zoidberg could get a word out, the rest of the crew helped Leela to thrust the crustacean into the first chamber to be experimented on, as the professor locked the door shut.
"I'm going to twist the dial around now and change Zoidberg into exactly the same age as I myself have become: twenty-years-old."
The professor then began his demonstration. He twisted the dial to the number 20, then just waited for something to happen; actually, the entire crew stood there waiting to see what would happen.
Both cubicles rattled and roared, vibrating wildly as they shook tumultuously! It shook so fiercely, that the crew were overcome with fear and guilt-stricken minds as to what they'd volunteered their friend for. After about two minutes, the noise gradually died down and finally stopped. The professor then announced that the process had been completed.
After opening the second chamber, as sure as could be, a slim, muscle-bound lobster that could pass for twenty stumbled out. The crew all stared in amazement... even Amy was impressed as she studied the lobster closely!
"Mmm... you look good enough to eat, but I wouldn't want the smell of fish to ruin my bed sheets."
Zoidberg sighed, though not too disappointed as he didn't really go for humans anyway.
Fry walked up to the first chamber and began to stare into it, he saw a continuous circulation of bright, kaleidoscopic colours that just kept twirling round and round inside the machine... even after it had stopped. He also noticed that the young creature that had just stumbled out the other chamber had left behind most of its now dead body.
Fry, puzzled, asked, "So, we now dispose of Zoidberg's body down the waste disposal unit?"
"My, yes," the professor replied. "A gruesome, terrible job... smelly too!"
Bender then interrupted, "I have a devious scheme, one so foul that it will make me rich! If you give him to me, I'll sell his body to a delicatessen or restaurant at a low price? So, you get rid of this rotten body, and I make some money; everyone's happy then."
Fry scratched his head, still totally confused about how the machine worked. "I don't understand, how can something that looks like a piece of junk be so amazing?"
The professor felt he'd described the workings of his invention simple enough for any dumb idiot to understand. He'd even given them a demonstration of how it worked. Besides, he certainly didn't want to give the entire lecture again from the beginning. However, judging by the way the others in the room groaned at Fry's confusion, it seemed that they had fully understood, so the need to re-explain wasn't really necessary.
"Shut up, Fry, you idiot!" blurted out Leela, who seemed to understand everything thoroughly. "What on earth did the professor do to deserve you?"
Fry started shoe-gazing, as he stood there ashamed at being the only member of the crew who'd hardly understood a word of the professor's Lazarus lecture.
Amy ran to the door where the dial was, she seemed extremely impressed with the prof's work for once in her life. After all, if she was going to use Lazarus later on in her life, she would have to know exactly where and what all the bits and bobs went and did. She pointed at the numbers on the dial and squeaked cheerfully, "So, this is the part that makes you beautiful again." She was very interested in just this one invention, for it would give her endless young, handsome hunks knocking at her door till kingdom come.
The professor looked straight at Amy, pleasantly surprised with her own understanding. "Oh deary me, how is it that you understand and a member of my own family doesn't?" asked the curious professor, who stood there addressing her with a puzzled look on his face. "What seriously could have gone wrong down the line?"
As he began to talk to himself continuously about what a misfit his great uncle was, he just couldn't understand what could've happened to him. Why didn't he fit in with the rest of the brainboxes belonging to his family. Fry's mind just continued to puzzle Farnsworth, ever since the man from the 20th century had arrived.
Leela decided to comfort the professor, as she seemed to know what he was thinking about, as did most of the crew. "Don't worry yourself sick about Fry... he probably just banged his head a little on the hard side when he hit that cryogenics cubicle. I suppose it just destroyed most of his thinking cells, that's all."
Fry groaned with displeasure at the continuous taunts at his IQ, wondering when will it ever relent.
Hermes cut in angrily, urging everybody to continue the previous subject, as he had to get home fast. "For Heaven's sake, can everybody hurry up wit dis ting, or we'll be here all night. I need ma sleep ya know, and de wife's gonna kill me if I don't get home for mi dinner!"
The crew thought that Young Zoidberg would be happy with his younger self, yet he seemed to be in tears. "But I want to be useful. I want to be a magnificent doctor and be recognized by the population for being a genius."
The giant lobster snatched the handkerchief sticking out of Farnsworth's top pocket - a useful invention from before Fry's time, which could be used to wipe a doctor's brow, protect an old man's head from sunburn, and wipe away a lobster's tears when it was clearly obvious that he was in deep distress.
"What use could the world possibly have for me if this machine of yours is ever made public?"
Bender interjected, "Well, you could be useful for a shrimp salad... especially now that you're young and fresh!"
Zoidberg sighed at this mocking, he could never seem to reply in kind.
"I wouldn't worry too much, Dr Zoidberg, that's impossible," assured Leela. "After all, people will always need doctors for sick notes and addictive medication. Besides, nobody would even begin a duplicate of the machine without the plans. I'm sure the professor's hidden the plans and blueprints someplace where nobody'll ever find them." She then turned to face Farnsworth. "Right, Professor?"
"Oh my, no," replied the professor. "In answer to your first question, nothing is impossible, so Zoidberg could always remain useless, and in answer to the other one... what was it again?" Although many of his brain cells had been rejuvenated, Farnsworth's mind still hadn't fully reached the peak age that he'd become. He would have to wait at least a week to notice the complete change.
"The blueprints, Professor?" Leela repeated.
Zoidberg hoped that the professor had locked them up somewhere safe and secure, for if he hadn't, then the lobster would have to take drastic action while everybody was sleeping: sneak into the professor's lab to find and eat them.
"Oh yes... I remember now... you wanted to know where they were kept. Well, I'm afraid I've got bad news for you. As I have a tendency to fall into absent mindedness, I firstly put my plans on a computer disk, but afterwards I began to feel that some greedy little shit like Wernstrom... Werrrnnnstrom!... might try to steal them, therefore I hid them in Cubert's brain for safety. I did what I had to do: put all the blueprints on a tiny metal microchip, then I inserted it inside the little boy's head, via quick brain surgery."
The brat sniggered at the crew, "He-he-he, and none of you can have it either! So there!" He continued to smirk and titter happily to himself, in his usual irritating manner; as vulgar to them as he always was.