This story is dedicated to the one who makes me heart smile brighter then it ever has before. Thank you for pushing me to write again. I love you more then words can express.
Bored. Thats what I was bored out of my mind. Work conferences were such a drag. All it was was a bunch of pointless meetings that would last for way too long. But despite that I was so happy. You know why? Because I was out of the fucking house. I was free. The coronavirus pandemic was finally a thing of the past. Despite my job still primarily using the remote model, I was going to the office more and things were finally back into place. I was fortunate that my company was able to survive the pandemic but see alot of positive growth. I worked in the human resources department of a business company in New York City. I loved my job! Working with people and the company to try to make the work environment as stress-free and comfortable for everyone, gave me alot of purpose. I have always wanted to help people as much as I can. Honestly, my career was going so well. I have received several promotions and raises over the past few years I have been working for the company. Not too bad for a girl from Rosewood. I was so proud of myself after all the bullshit I went through when I was younger, I finally felt like I found my footing. I finally found myself. And I was falling more and more in love with grown up Emily by the day.
Now, my love life on the other hand was a whole different story. Paige and I have been together for several years. After I got the job offer in the city, she moved here with me. Our relationship has been rocky to stay the least. We struggled alot at first , which led to high stress and lots of fights. Even though things are way less stressful now, we still fight often, over the smallest of things. And the pandemic only made it worse. We were both working from home and we were together 24/7 and it almost drove me to a mental hospital. I just couldn't take it. Paige has always been clinging but she wanted all my attention, all the time. I felt like I couldnt breath. I found myself purposely forgetting things at the grocery store, so I would have an excuse ro run back, just to get some peace.
I have tried to ask for space but I'm always made to be the bad guy. Paige would make me feel like the evilest and most selfish person in the world. I know she doesnt have alot of friends and is more talkative than I am, so I get it. But at the same time, she should understand that I'm more quiet and to myself. I need time to myself to destress and relax. Don't get me wrong I still love her. But all the spark in our relationship fizzled out a long time ago. All the romance felt forced and there was no intimacy between us. Just pecks and occasional cuddles. I long for having that passion, that fire again. Those butterflies in your stomach everytime your person walks in the room. Your heart skipping a beat every time you hear their voice. But with Paige, that was simply wishful thinking because I never felt that way about her. Even from the start, our relationship was just simply convenient. It was safe. And after everything I've been through, all the unstableness and stress. Safe felt good enough. But that didn't stop me from constant daydreaming about having that intense love, that undeniable passion with somebody. Which always brought me back to the same place, the same person. Maya.
As much as I tried to force myself not to think about Maya, I couldn't help it. You would think after six years of barely any contact, it would make easier but it doesn't. My mind constantly wanders to her and how she is doing. Where is she? Is she still in California? Is she single? Does she still have that smile that melts my heart? Is she happy? Does she hate me? It makes it harder because I have no idea any of her social media accounts, if she even had any. I tried to search her countless times but could never find any. Lately, I have found myself thinking about her alot more than usual and I just don't understand why. Like when I say constantly, I mean alot. ALOT. I have been waiting to reach out to her more then but I chickened out everytime I'm about to send the email. I'm afraid she really might hate me and I would rather wonder then to get confirmation from her that she actually does.
My thoughts of Maya are cut off when my co-worker, Mel, taps my arm. "Earth to Emily!" she says laughing. "Come on, it's time for lunch" she says standing up. After she said that I noticed everyone in the large conference room standing up and starting to move around.
"Oh sorry, I wasnt paying attention" I said, quickly trying to grab my things.
"It's fine, you didn't miss anything that we haven't heard a hundred times before", Mel said. She was right about that, all of the conferences with other big companies in the city were pretty much all the same. But any excuse to get out from my desk. Not to mention free food, which was one of my love languages. Paige was a health-nut and always had us on a strict-diet. So anytime I could seek in some carbs or sweets, I was all for it.
"So, have have things been going for you?" Mel said while we walked down the buffet line grabbing our lunch. "You seem a little more spacey then usual the past month", she said with a lighthearted laugh.
"what do you mean more than usual?", I said with a laugh. Mel was my work bestie. I loved talking and hanging with her because she was fun to be around and didn't take herself too seriously like everybody else in the office.
"Girl, you know your head is always in the clouds somewhere. But I keep you around because you keep me sane with all of our crazy coworkers. You're the only reason I haven't been fired for slapping somebody", she said. Mel worked in the public relations department and had no problem telling people what she really thought. Mel was a NYC girl, born and raised. So, she sometimes rubbed people the wrong way with her harshness. But I loved her directness. And lets just say several of the HR complaints I realized about her, never made it to my boss.
Laughing and looking up from the food table, I started to reply when I felt like all the wind was knocked from me as I looked hard to make sure my brain was not paying tricks on me. Standing close to the door, amongst a group of people, was a woman who looked a hell of lot like Maya engrossed in conversation. But she was too far for me to be able to know for sure.
Noticing the shock on my face Mel asked, "Emily? What's wrong?"
"I...I think that..I'm not sure..but..I'm sorry, be right back", I said handing her my plate of food and running off in the direction of Maya or her look-alike to get a closer look. I swarmed through the tons of people trying to get to her but by time I made it over there, the group was gone. Looking out the door, down the hall in both directions, I saw no sign of them. Feeling both sadness and relief, I headed back into the conference room.
My mind was playing tricks on me. I knew I had been thinking about Maya too much and that was just confirmation. She wasn't here. My brain just wanted her to be. Seeing Mel, I made my way back over to her.
"Sorry about that, I thought I saw someone I knew but it was a false alarm" I said sitting next to her.
"Damn, I thought you were about to have a heart attack the way you were looking" Mel said, in between bites of her sandwich.
I laughed it off and quickly changed the subject. The rest of the conference went on smoothly. I tried my best to pay attention but my mind kept going back to Maya's look-alike. It just looked so much like her. Could it have been? I quickly dismiss those thoughts. No way! What are the odds? And Maya was most likely still in California living out her artist dreams. Lost in thoughts again of Maya, the conference was over quickly.
Saying my goodbyes to Mel, I start to head out of the building. I was just texting Paige to let her know that I was on my way home.
"Emily?" I heard from behind me. Standing dead in my tracks, not turning around I froze. I knew that voice. I have longed for that voice. My knees felt weak. I took a deep breath and turned around, knowing what to expect but terrified at the same time.
"Hello Maya", I said, my voice slightly cracking.
Smiling that smile that I adored, "Hello Emily".
Thank you for reading! Please review xoxo