A/N: Am I a 50+ man who makes money off of super awesome books? No.
Note:Okay, so first, in this timeline, the following are the ages: Jason is fifteen, Percy is sixteen, Thalia is seventeen, Bianca is also seventeen, Hazel is thirteen and Nico is fourteen; you can choose the rest of the ages as they are mentioned. Second, this is in Thalia's point of view.
Warnings: Mentions of Beryl Grace's alcoholism, language, femslash and birds and bees implication.
Summary:In which Percy is terrifying, Jason is not, and between homework, providing loads of tissue and her brother's tumultuous love life, Thalia needs a break. Mortal AU.

Only the scratching of pen can be heard as one Thalia Grace finishes her Biology homework in a quiet room.

That is, until her brother, Jason, barges in.

"I hate my life!"

The elder sister sizes up her younger brother, "Alright, baby bro, what's got you so worked-up? Honest answers, please!" the noirette honestly doesn't care that her voice during that last sentence sounds like Mrs. Sheldon's tittering. At the moment, she is doing her class' homework, so why not?

"I- uh, I have a crush?"

Here we go again.

Jason's – quite tumultuous – love life began when he was eleven, and got a childish crush on the Math teacher (why it was the Math teacher of all subjects, she would never know), who was Ms. Athena, and decided to spill to his elder sister, seeing as he was far too embarrassed to tell their far too drunk mother, and Dad was an absolute failure in wooing.

So that, naturally, left his thirteen-year-old sister. As an eleven-year-old, he didn't exactly understand the term "crush", and strongly insisted he didn't want to crush the sweet teacher. Under Thalia's wise supervision, Jason gifted her kid-sized a bouquet of roses with a letter simply saying: you are very pretty ~ JG

After that, Thalia had spared no time in explaining the birds and bees to him, seeing as Father was incompetent and Mother was drunk. Her little brother was blushing heavily by the time her impromptu biology lesson was over.

The next headache (yes, Jason's crushes were always headaches, and Thalia would stand firmly by that notion) was the Biology teacher, Ms. Demeter, as if the Math one wasn't enough. Again, there was the added problem of "what to gift her?" because her brother couldn't keep his mouth shut and blush in check.

The next time, she noted that he'd made improvement, with a bouquet of lilies and the note saying: you look beautiful ~ Anonymous

Unfortunately, he'd only driven the teacher to thoroughly look through all the male staff, and then get a boyfriend in the form of the Biology teacher. Jason was decidedly not happy, and decided he didn't like Mr. Whyne then and there.

When he was thirteen, he finally had a sensible crush, in the form of his classmate, Reyna Ramirez-Arellano. This time, he was doing well, and Thalia mentally applauded her skills in wooing and teaching her brother to do so to. He sent chocolates and flowers impartially, with sender's name as 'JG'; Jason insisted on adding that 'G' for Grace because he didn't want her going to Jeremy Johnson. Of course, when Reyna approached her brother with a soft smile, Thalia had crowed, victory at last! I no longer need to give him ideas in wooing... and I've done well.

But that was for naught, because apparently, Reyna wasn't into men, but when the Puerto Rican had informed Jason that, "I wouldn't have any problem if I was attracted to men." Thalia counted it as a – small, but there – victory, and got some confidence in her brother's skills at romance.

Until, he screwed up ultimately with his crush on Piper McLean. Now, it wasn't horrible, they even dated for a month or two, but then he just had to completely wreck one date by taking her to one of her dad's movies, which didn't send the right message, and she broke up.

Thalia had never wanted to bang her head on a desk due to her brother's antics harder.

But now here she is, listening to her brother chatter on about how she'll never even look at his direction, when he'd been so confident in the past.

"...I mean I'm probably some stupid blond guy that she couldn't care less about, and why does my heart like to play with me so much?!"

"Hold it." She halts him; "Who's the lady? 'Cause I know a bunch of women who swoon at the sight of you."

Jason mumbles something incoherent.

"Run that by me again?"

"Percy Jackson."

And Thalia promptly begins banging her head on her study desk.

Percy Jackson: those ominous words haunt her. Percy Jackson as in the woman a year older than Jason, who has a reputation for being downright terrifying (even to the older years), and breaking every single rule in the rulebook and then some.

Oh, and did she mention the part where she's downright terrifying?

But then, she can't really fault Jay-Jay. Apart from being scary, she also looks fine, and by that Thalia means drop-dead gorgeous... no, wait, she wasn't going to steal her brother's potential girlfriend. Nope. You are not going to accidentally get a crush on your potential sister-in-law, Grace!

However, Jackson's record for breaking her admirer's noses – and sometimes total faces – was high, as in no-one-else-can-ever-reach-here-high. So, the odds were stacked against her baby bro terribly.

The next time she sees Jason is when she is doing Physics, and he decides that, "I hate Will Solace!"

Her new friend, and part-time tutor, Bianca di Angelo, whispers to her, "Is this usual?"

"What, getting crushes, trying and failing miserably at wooing them, or deciding he hates someone out of the blue?" because at this point, Thalia has just decided to kick back, relax, and watch her brother screw up (while taking pictures- hey, any sister needs blackmail material!) his love life.

"Uh... Both?" Bianca confusedly asks.

"Well, the first happens yearly, and will do so until he's in a stable relationship, I reckon; the second, well, it only factors if someone from the first is dating... So I'm gonna take an educated guess, and say, Percy Jackson's dating Will Solace."

B, apparently, isn't as slow in romance as Thalia previously believed, because she disbelievingly whispered, "He's got a crush on Percy Jackson? Is it a death wish, or a wish for failure?"

"I have no idea." The blue-eyed girl blankly concludes.

Thalia is now doing her English Literature homework with Bianca when her little blonde sibling enters.

"I hate Luke Castellan!"

"It's not even been a week! First she rejects every single one of them, and now she's faster than Drew Tanaka... what's she planning?" Bianca has always been skeptical of people, as Thalia has found out.

She shrugs. "As long as Jason doesn't do anything stupid relating to her and break his face or just his nose, I have absolutely no care in the world what that that scary woman does."

Bianca thinks on that for a while, before coming to a conclusion, "I have the same opinion with Nico."

So, the next three days passed, with Jason barging in while she was doing homework and gossiping with Bianca, declaring that he now hates a new person.

Then, they go home for the weekend, and she hears crying.

It's Jason.

"Jay, baby bro...Stop crying, will ya? And please, for the love of God, don't ruin my bed."

He continues crying.

"Come on Jay-Jay, Mama loves- no, I really don't know, she's drunk at the moment... Dad loves y- wait, I need to check if he has emotions..." she cringed as Jason's crying got harder.

"I think I made it worse with that...Don't be so miserable, Stapler Boy, there're a whole bunch of ladies who'll swoon at the sheer mention of you!"

"That's not the point!" is screamed back at her. His crying gets even harder, to the point where sobs are wracking his body.

This is a lost cause.

She gives a long-suffering sigh and announces, "I'll get the tissues."

So, more weeks pass by, with Thalia constantly having to get new tissues, and Jason constantly hating new people because Percy Jackson was constantly getting new dates. But at least she can listen to Bianca's soft Italian accent and her deep melodious laugh, see her silky onyx black wave as the fly in the never-ending blue sky, and the way she chewed on her pen when she couldn't get an answer...wait.

What.

No, no, she is not having Jason-crush-syndrome! It can't be contagious... then why the heck is she falling for Bianca di Angelo?

And, another thing... well, at least I have something to write in my English poem... gosh, when did I become such a sap?

The monotony of her days – and she's hoping for a miracle, if only because she is running out of tissue paper – continues, until Jason decides to re-grow his probably broken spine, and walk up to one Miss Percillia Jackson.

"Will you go on a dinner with me?"

The cafeteria literally freezes.

Sure, boys have given her gifts – perfumes, clothes, food, flowers, chocolates, you name it – and sure, they've tried to "subtly" impress her, and sure, they've implied stuff, but nobody has ever had the courage, or the stupidity, to ask her outright for a date. And if she can casually deck the "subtle" admirers, well...Jason, my boy, you're going to single-handedly extinguish the tissue supply in our house.

Jackson smiled, "Took you long enough!" she laughed, "Yes, of course." And with that, her potential sister-in-law kissed Jason.

Someone fainted.

Another two choked.

And Bianca leaned into her, "What just happened?"

"I have no idea." Thalia parroted her earlier response to Jason's intentions.

Suddenly, Silena Beauregard squealed, "That was so romantic of her!"

"What now?" Thalia demanded.

"She picked new dates every other day to make him jealous, no doubt paid either in money or homework, and ignored him so that he works harder to get her attention!"

Personally, the house's money was also used up in this "noble goal", so forgive her for not liking Jackson's methods.

If she spied on Jason's date with Percy alongside Bianca, but ended up having a make-out session with the latter under the bushes, well, why not?

Needless to say, five years later there was a double-wedding of Thalia Grace and Bianca di Angelo, and of Jason Grace and Percillia 'Percy' Jackson.

A/N: That's done! Tell me how I've done, and do inform if my humour is up to the mark.