Seven Prayers To a Death God
What if Light really was a god? A fledgling, whimsical God who didn't know quite what to make of L and his sense of justice. One-shot.
His zeroeth prayer was Light playing by himself, pretending and play-acting what his future roles with mortals might be.
Light was a fledgling God of life and death.
Mostly death, though it was supposed to have been the other way around, apparently.
His overseer and guide was Ryuk, an older god who taught him how to kill by writing a name in his notebook, and how to gift life back by using an eraser. They spent a lot of time in an apple orchard near a graveyard, and Ryuk didn't quite understand Light's fascination with the mortals. As far as Ryuk was concerned, their job was kill, and that was that. There needed to be no reason behind it, and it was certainly counterproductive to get attached to the little mortals.
The first prayer he granted was to save a little girl from a burglar, although he didn't react quite in time to save her parents.
Ryuk scolded him and told him he was lucky. If he hadn't been a god of Life as well, saving one intentionally would have turned him to ashes. Ryuk himself was only a god of death.
It made Light briefly wonder why he was different.
"Every god emerges a little differently. I'm also a god of gambling; I've never lost a game," Ryuk told him proudly. "That's how I got you."
"You won me in a gamble?" Light said, affronted.
"Indeed I did. I was so bored, I would have done anything for entertainment. I saw your little fledgling soul shone so brightly, so full of promise, and I said to your caretaker... I thought it would be more interesting if you were a God of Death as well as Life, and beat them in a game they were foolish enough to play with me, so they had to give me what I wanted. And what I wanted was to teach you to be a Death God."
"So you corrupted me," Light concluded.
"Do you feel corrupted?" Ryuk answered.
"...No. I find this power glorious."
"Then be more thankful to your 'father' Ryuk, little God."
The second prayer he answered... now that was a strange one.
A woman visited the grave of her newborn babe and begged the gods for a child, any child. For her next child to not die.
"Don't do it, Light. You won't like it," Ryuk warned him.
"I won't know until I try. It could be interesting." Being a God was so... boring, most of the time.
When her second child was stillborn too, Light stepped into its body.
And it breathed.
He stared up at his new parents in fascination, his eyes an unnatural red that only certain beings could see.
The third prayer, well.
That started this whole new mess off.
Someone had begged for justice, for someone to delete the criminals from the world.
It had been many years since he'd thought about his immortality or his powers. He had seen enough of being human to know their incredible cruelty to one another, and to know the innocent often received no justice. It bothered him, in a way it had never bothered him before. If he had all these powers over death, why not use it for something?
But it didn't quite all go to plan.
Some of the mortals who were supposed to be on his side raged at him for breaking the law. Silly mortals: didn't they know acts of nature, acts of God, were above the law? You might as well tell a tornado what to do, or jail the sea for drowning sailors.
He was curious, in spite of himself, of the one called L. Of his clever ruses in trying to draw Light's true identity out, which might have worked better if Light really had been 'just' a teenager with supernatural powers and not a genuine immortal being, although he did have to grant one thing: Light couldn't kill someone if he didn't know their face, their name, or their location.
It was very, very foolish of L when he appeared in front of Light to tease him directly with a simple "I am L."
It made Light wish his young eyes were more developed. Years in a mortal form hadn't done them much good either, and he rubbed at them and peered above L's head. Yes, he thought he could vaguely make out a letter L at the start, but the rest of it was too blurry, although he could make an educated guess. Although that was odd: who had a single letter as their name?
"That's an odd name," he commented, which he didn't think L was expecting. "Do you ever want to change it?" He could do that. Reach out to his soul.
"I meant I am the detective," L tried to say, tried to pass it off as just a pseudonym.
"Yes, I know that. But it's also your name, isn't it?" Light said idly, starting to get bored of the mortal.
"How do you know that?" The shocked and fearful expression on his face was a little amusing, but predictable. "No, you were just guessing. You can't possibly know the full of it."
"Because if I were Kira, you believe I would have killed you by now? Or because you hid the information too well?" he mused aloud. "But you are right, it is a guess," he said, to seem more 'normal'. And what could L possibly do but agree with him? Anything else would seem crazy. "Thank you for telling me that amusing tidbit."
"You realize trying to fish for my real name is going to raise your percentage chance of being Kira, yes?"
"Oh, please, like you would tell me the rest of it," Light dismissed. "At least now I don't have to call you by that ridiculous actor's name you originally pretended to be under." It was satisfying to know the name of the mortal who wanted to challenge him, silly creature that he was, and yet had managed to go further than any other mortal had.
"Actually, I would prefer you still do so in public although if you really do hate it so much, you could use Ryuuzaki instead."
"Ryuuzaki," he tasted the name on his tongue. "I suppose that's acceptable." And he moved his hand briefly and gently against his, and twisted against the unseen eddies of the soul.
Ryuuzaki Lawliet stumbled back as Light let go, looking at him warily. "I feel strange. Did you do something to me?" Yes, I altered your true name.
"Perhaps you finally hit puberty," Light suggested in a bland tone before walking away. Now he could kill Lawliet whenever he wanted.
If he wanted.
Right now, what was an ant to a god? Hardly a threat.
The Fourth prayer, he's quite startled to see another God that isn't Ryuk. He's never actually met another one before.
(Ryuk tells him this isn't much of a loss, and he believes him, if Gods are anywhere near as insipid as mortals.)
"My name is Rem. I am a Goddess of Love."
"Funny, you don't look it," he mused, eying her ugly exterior.
"Not that sort of love, foolish little fledgling. Love of inner beauty."
That made him quite perplexed. "Then why in the world are you with Misa Amane, of all people? The one who practically personifies external beauty?" Not that he himself was interested at all, but he wasn't blind to aesthetic tastes. "And helping her chase me, of all people? I can't believe someone would actually pray for a boyfriend." Of all the insipid things to pray for...
"She doesn't love you for your looks, little God," she said. "But for your actions."
Abruptly, he remembered, though her face had been much different, smaller, then. "The burglar."
"Indeed."
"I'm still not pleased. You stepped into my domain," he said hotly. "And made a giant mess of things, at that. Now L thinks there are two of us, and he's suspicious about the existence of shinigami even if it still seems ridiculous to the rest of the team."
He remembered vividly how L had looked at him like he'd never properly seen him before, after his response to his request.
'"I'd like you to pretend to be Kira and write a response to this imposter."
"That could be difficult, considering they want Kira to show off their shinigami power. But I could, I suppose, write that the power isn't meant to be abused for whimsy, and that using it should be reserved for the actual Gods. That should stop them from killing L."
"That might annoy the other Kira," suggested one of the task members, Matsuda. "Telling them off like that."
"It might, but my impression is they are quite worshipful of the original Kira," said L. "Telling them to stop what they are doing should be effective, as long as it is convincing. Light, do you really believe Kira would say that?"
"Hm. It's a hard question. Humans have to make life and death decisions all the time," Light mused. "One could say that they have the power even if they don't want to. But most deities don't strike me as the understanding type."
"That's if Kira really thinks he's a deity, and if he's that delusional, he might think the other party is a deity too," said his 'Father'. In a way, he actually kind of was, because Light had been a very young deity indeed when he'd decided to incarnate into a mortal body, just to learn what it was like. The man's notions of justice had influenced him deeply.
"You know, what if they are?" said Light. "I mean, it's not just that criminals have been dropping like flies. Death rates among every other population except the elderly have dropped significantly, at least in Japan." And that influence was slowly growing with his power as he matured.
"Then it's our job to try to convince them that they are still wrong," said Mr. Yagami, and that fascinated Light.
"Telling a God that they're wrong?" Light said. "Isn't that a little arrogant?"
"Perhaps, but, something tells me this god isn't using a trial and angelic jury. One of the victims was found to be innocent."
Light nodded. "Making it more likely Kira is really just a human after all, I suppose. Well, let's do our best to catch them."
L was staring at him with interest. "So what will you have our Kira say about L, Light?"
Light tilted his head. "That L is a mortal and no threat to a god, of course." That didn't please L much, his expression twitching. "He is only attempting to follow human laws, and does not believe he is chasing a god, so let him be." Light flashed him a grin. "He is... amusing." That made L bristle. "Like humans caring so much about things killing them, when they are destined to die anyway. It doesn't quite make sense."
That part had slipped out a little too honestly, perhaps, because L was assessing him then carefully.
"That's not my opinion, of course," Light amended. "Just what I think Kira might think."
"Why would Kira care about criminals if he doesn't care if humans die?" Matsuda asked, puzzled.
"Kira kills plenty of people who aren't murderers," Light pointed out. "He or she often goes especially strongly after those who cause others lots of suffering, or profit off of their kills in some way."
L titled his head. "You don't actually get it yourself, do you?"
"Humans have a natural instinct for self preservation," said Light. "So of course it bothers them. There's nothing there to get, L," he told him a little irritably.
The fifth prayer, he really shouldn't have been surprised at all when it happened.
But he was, and for some reason, he even felt a little hurt.
His own father leveled a gun at him and Misa.
"Don't do this," said Light, putting on, he hoped, the right amount of fake distress in his face and voice. He couldn't quite bring himself to actually sound hysterical.
"I have no greater hope than that you aren't Kira. But I can't stand the shame and the thought of it any longer."
A loud bang sounded, and Light gave an annoyed sigh. Really, he was going to lose a perfectly good body over this melodrama? He calmly patted himself while Misa screamed and was surprised to note that there was nothing there except a small bruise. A blank, then.
"I don't believe it... your reaction, it was just like L predicted. You don't really care that much about dying at all." Mr. Yagami stared at his son in horror. "My boy... are you suicidal?"
He blinked. "No. I just have no self preservation instinct." The truth, for once. He was getting a little bored. Ryuk, on the other hand, seemed to think this was the funniest thing he'd seen all week and was laughing his face off. Piss off, Ryuk.
"Light... tell me it isn't so. It can't be. You're just a boy."
"And you have no evidence, except a lack of a reaction to a gun," said Light flatly. "Which could be explained by a stoic character, not the possession of superpowers, which would sound quite ridiculous in any court of law you go to. When have you known me to freak out about anything?" Light responded oh so reasonably. Everything he said was true, yet misleading.
Yagami slowly lowered his gun, which, being full of blanks, was useless in any case. "R-right. I really must yell at L over this... I can't believe he convinced me to such a ridiculous stunt."
L's electronically altered voice sounded. "You can yell now, if you like. The test was useful: it showed that if Light was Kira, he had no inclination to use his powers to save his life, or no ability, or both. And it showed Light had the temperament of someone who doesn't care when a gun is leveled at their face, yet will fake caring. Don't you find it interesting that he would bother to fake it? Doesn't that seem suspicious?"
"Well, I would prefer Misa to not get shot, obviously, and I'm not exactly eager to get shot myself," Light retorted back. "So it was worth faking."
It was a prayer he couldn't grant. After all, he actually was Kira. But he could try to convince the man he wasn't, at the least.
The Sixth Prayer...
It was an irritating whisper against his skin, nebulous, yet growing. Someone wanted something from him that he wasn't already doing or planning, someone close.
He found himself glancing at L quite a lot. The man was growing more despondent lately. But it couldn't possibly be him, could it?
"I don't actually want to die. Kira has quite a temper when disturbed, even if they appear calm these days." L closed his eyes. "But I also don't want to fail. It's childish, but I hate to lose more than anything." Changing subjects abruptly, he asked, "do you hear bells ringing?"
Light turned his head toward the outdoors, the rain gently pinging off the nearby balcony. If there were actual bells somewhere, Light should have heard them. There weren't any. So he closed his eyes and listened in a different way.
"This is a little sad, but, Light was my first ever friend." It was easy to take that as just another bit of emotional manipulation, and it was, but also...
There. He felt it. He heard it.
The prayer. The wish. Part of it, anyway, the messenger reluctant to actually pray.
"You mean it," said Light softly. "You wish I could both be Kira and not Kira at the same time."
"Yes. Selfish, isn't it?"
"It's human," Light said blandly.
"And Light would never judge someone for being a mere mortal, now would he?" L said teasingly. Light gave him a mildly annoyed look.
The seventh prayer was for strawberry cake.
At some point after that, L seemed to realize that sometimes, Light would respond to L's wishes without L vocalizing them, and had figured out how to annoy Light by thinking very loudly at him.
"Stop that," said Light.
"Stop what?" said L innocently.
Light huffed and went off to get him a coffee with cake.
"Oh Light! How did you know?" exclaimed L with amusement. "Why, it's almost like you're psychic."
"You get more hyper and grouchy when you want coffee with eighty sugars," proclaimed Light. "Simple to deduce."
"But that's not how you deduced it, is it?" L said.
This game had one side effect of cheering L up immensely. Light just wished it wasn't so damn annoying.
The cheer up was ultimately temporary. L's 'heirs', so to speak, got concerned over L's lack of solving the case and butted their heads in, and L asked Light not to kill them all when it looked like Light was started to get annoyed at the interlopers.
"Yes, Mello, Near, I'm pretty sure who it is. No, I can't bring them in, and no, I don't want you coming in and getting yourselves killed," L said very firmly. "No, I don't want you to try to assassinate them or kidnap their loved ones, and that's final, Mello!" He hung up the phone. "Kids."
L then paused and gave Light a concerned, slightly fearful look. "By the way, Light..."
"Yes?" said Light.
"You haven't eaten in seven days," L told him.
Light blinked. "With the lights on 24/7, I suppose I forgot."
"Humans don't forget things like that. Your stomach should have told you." L gave him a wary look. "Or you should have collapsed or shown signs of hunger."
Light looked amused. "And your point is? After all, a simple conclusion is that you are mistaken."
L sighed and rubbed his eyes. "At this point, you are just taunting me."
"That's not a very nice thing to say to the fellow who is getting you coffee," Light said, not actually offended.
L looked perplexed. "Yes, you do keep doing that... What in the world do you get out of it?"
"Is it so hard to believe that I have grown to like you?"
"Yes, actually," L said bluntly. "I'm strange, I'm irritable, I keep odd hours, I'm just not a very likeable person. And I keep challenging you."
Ryuk had suggested Light drag out actually killing L, because life could be very long and boring for a god. He made a bet it would be far more enjoyable to deliberately handicap himself and not simply seek out and kill the mind beyond Lind. L. Taylor right away mouthing off at him, and while Light had been kind of skeptical, Ryuk had ultimately been right.
"I didn't like you at first," an understatement, "but you made things more interesting."
"Is that all we are to you at best? Interesting?"
Light tilted his head. "Is there something else you'd wish I'd feel? You, who professed that before me you had no friendships? Be careful of what you say, lest you send yourself into hypocrisy."
L went rigid. "No. I suppose there isn't."
But something niggled at Light, and he moved closer to L. That sixth prayer. He'd never really satisfied it, had he? Of course, it had a contradictory element, but there was something else to it he'd never quite grasped. "You're lying. There is something you want."
"Fine," L spat. "If you really like me so much, then tell me the truth. Are you Kira?"
Light peered at him. "Do you really want me to tell you? After all, I've answered that question many times and you've never liked it, why would the next time be any different?"
"Because none of those times were the truth."
Light dipped his head. Alright. He was starting to get bored of this game anyway.
"As you wish. Lawliet."
L blinked, then froze in terror. "You know. How did you know?"
"I knew," Light corrected. His eyes had sharpened some time ago, coming in to full maturity around when Misa had stuck her nose in. "And you tell me."
"You developed your power further after contact with the second Kira," said L dully. "You were toying with me this whole time."
"Yes," Light nodded.
Abruptly, the door slammed open and Matsuda came careening into the room, gun held in his hand, and he fired. "How could you?! How could you? We saw the whole thing on tape. How could you be Kira? I trusted you! We trusted you!"
Light could only stare, taken back at the vehemence and the fact that he had just been shot at by Matsuda, of all people.
Then he fingered his shirt and changed that from 'shot at' to just 'shot'.
"You genuinely don't understand it at all, do you Kira?" said L with a degree of frustration. "Why we care when we die. This entire thing was just a game to you, and you grew bored of it. That's the only reason I won. How utterly dissatisfying."
"If Light really thinks himself a god... why is Light bleeding?" Matsuda asked quietly.
"Because this body is mortal," Light said, watching the red pool and grow in crimson rings around him. He stood up, and Matsuda flinched and shot at him again. It made no difference, just a few more holes.
"Light..." said his father, despair on his face. "I can't believe it."
"Your stillborn child was indeed stillborn. I heard your prayer, and came as a changeling. I thank you for the experience." He bowed briefly, the only time he had done so for a mortal. "I guess it is time I bid you goodbye."
Matsuda whimpered at 'goodbye' and shot at him again.
Light shot him an irritated look, a hole now in his skull. If there had been any doubts about his inhumanity before, there were none now. "Was that really necessary?"
Matsuda screamed and fainted.
Light just sighed. Mortals. Even L looked rather shaken by him still moving despite all his wounds. He moved toward the window to fly away, and stopped.
The sixth prayer. It still sang on the air.
He whirled on L with a snarl. "What do you still want? Because outing me as Kira apparently wasn't it."
L gave off genuine confusion. "I... I don't know."
"The thoughts in your head. What you keep praying for," Light insisted. "You must know. They're your thoughts, damn it."
L stared at him. "You really don't know. Why most of us want to live. It's not just instinct, Light. There are things worth living for, things we crave, things we want, things that make us want to get up in the morning. What I want now is to go back to that state, where things didn't hurt and I felt I had something to live for. But the thing I live for is solving mysteries, so it could never be enough to just wind back time. I wish things had been different. I wish I could have both had you as a villain and had you as a friend, with neither of those ever changing and without having to deal with the consequences of their contradiction. I wish, Light, for things I can't have."
Light sucked in a breath, even though he didn't need to breathe. "For a thing. You want me."
"Yes," L admitted, worn. "Yes."
"Why can't you have me?" Light asked.
"Because you are a mass genocidal killer?" L said. "Who I doubt very much is willing to sit in a prison cell and stop killing?"
"I don't think natural disasters are punishable in court, L," Light pointed out. "I am nature."
"You have intent. A tornado does not. Ergo, you have agency under the law."
"I could sit in a cell for several human life times, and outlive you all," said Light flatly. "And then just waltz free. Is that really what you want? Is that really justice?"
Light's 'father' frowned. "Well, we apparently can't kill you."
"Is that what you wish, then? To kill a killer? Doesn't that make you like Kira?" Light asked. "Matsuda shot at me without giving me a trial. How is that really different from any of the deaths I caused? Because you're a cop and I'm not?" Humans truly puzzled him.
"It is. We've been entrusted by the people with that power."
"I think if you ask most people they don't really want cops to perform extrajudicial killing," Light said dryly.
"What Matsuda did was a bit over the top, driven by fear," L said. "The correct procedure would have been to cuff you, and yes, send you to jail. I never really concerned myself with what punishments the criminals I caught received, only that justice was served."
Light peered at him, and threw his words back at him. "It was just a game to you."
"...yes," L admitted. "It was. I'm selfish, Light. I've never pretended otherwise."
"Then come be selfish with me," Light extended a hand. "I can hear your wanting."
Mr. Yagami looked horrified, and Watari's voice came over the speaker in agreement with his feelings: "L, don't!"
But L wasn't listening to him. He was staring at Light wistfully.
"Would we solve cases?" he asked, starting to reach out his hand.
"We would," Light said.
He didn't wait for L to reach the rest of the way, grabbing and pulling him to his side and hooking an arm around him. Then he turned, and took flight with raven-black feathered wings, the last prayer finally answered.
Author's note: L always struck me as pretty amoral, although less so in the original Japanese live action movies. Man, it's been a long time since I watched those. This was just a short story which I hope dearly you enjoyed, I have no plans for a continuation.