Yakshas Grief

Okay, first chapter out. I hate dialogue, so I avoid it like the plague. Also my respect to writers who release long chapters, I could hardly ekk out this much from my head. Review, but this is my first real chapter. Also no beta. Or proof read. I will likely put off the next chapter or (more likely) just avoid the first conversation and get as far as possible without saying anything. I don't know how this reads with no distinction between thoughts and dialogue and filler. But it is all in his head so it shouldn't be a problem. Now I have to go back to studying ;-;

As the sun set once more over the horizon, Xiao kept thinking back to when the traveler visited him with news from Liyue Harbor. Despite being more than two millennia old, and being one of the most powerful adepti still alive, he knew as the sole remaining yaksha he would be consumed by his karmic debt. He had accepted that, he knew that this was his punishment and redemption. Not only for the countless dreams he has consumed during and before the archon war, but for the lives, immortal and mortal, that he has taken. To repay his debt from his tutelage under the evil deity and his eventual release by the god of war, Morax. Morax, Rex Lapis, the Prime of the Adepti, Xiao's …. Something. While Xiao was very careful in keeping his power sealed in his mask and his debt separate from his waking mind, the thought of Morax's death drove a hot knife into his stomach. He was the one who saved him, he was the only one Xiao trusted to put him down when he became overwhelmed by his karma. Morax's consistent offers of medicine and shows of care often left Xiao confused, why would he try and help someone like me? Xiao couldn't help but rage, was his karma so bad as to kill everyone around him, but never himself? His fellow yakshas, his parents from ages so long ago he doubts their existence, and now his lord. It was only that night that Xiao realised that he looked up to Him.

From a distance, one could see vague impressions of a shadow fleeting across the land and clouds. Closser, one might see the tell tale mask and polearm the yaksha. This was getting ridiculous, he thought, he hadn't taken off his mask for nearly a full week now. He knew he was being unreasonable, that he was trying to distract himself. But the pain was relieving, numbing, like the anesthetics and drugs he had seen mortals use before to escape reality. Before he had put his mask on, ran away from his karma a part of his mind said, he had released he thinks of morax as, like mortal would say, his father. But the relationship between adepti and archon was different, for yakshas even more so. They were often closer than mortals would imagine, treating each other as family. Yakshas often distanced themselves, but were more devoted and connected to their archon. With Xiao being the last yaksha and Morax being the kind god he was, he often doted on Xiao, and eventually Xiao grew past simply reverence to thinking of him as his own father. Just a little while before he had last taken off his mask, he was struck by lightning.

When was the last time he saw Rex Lapis? Too long, he knew the answer in his heart, but couldn't bear to think it for the implications it might have. But too late, his mind had raced ahead, perhaps if he had checked up on his Lord he may have caught it. For mortal hands could never hope to fell the God of War, unless he wished to die or perhaps he was encumbered with some sickness. Xiao didn't know which was worse. It was too much for Xiao and he escaped into his karma, usually his bane and pain, it was his savior now. But Xiao knew that he couldn't tarry around his issues for long, as his karma was beginning to seep into the earth around him, Morax's Earth, he quickly took off his mask with that thought. Xiao couldn't endanger Liyue while he dealt with his problem, nor could he leave. He was bound by duty, his contract, and his loyalty. He reflected on the last one, while he had many masters, none had ever commanded his respect. Rex Lapis is… was different, he commanded respect with his very figure. Other gods might have imitated him, but they only produced fear. The other adepti were also fiercely loyal. The other adepti, for a split second he thought about asking them for advice, but they were his brethren, not comrades who had similar experiences. Besides, he reasoned, they were likely also very busy, especially the workaholic ganyu. Thus Xiao was forced through necessity to do something no mortal or even adepti could think he would or could do.

For the third time in Xiao's long and lone struggles, was he accepting that he needed the help of others. The first time from Morax himself and the Second from Barbatos, both of who are dead or missing... , he shut down the thought, archons couldn't help him with his grief. For grief is what it was, simply more potent. While adepti, especially Xiao, may claim that they didn't feel mortal emotion, they surely did and yakshas perhaps felt it more deeply because of the daemonic corruption. It was ironic, he would have smirked if he wasn't overcome with grief with his mask off, while his karmic debt may have made him powerful enough to rival weaker gods and made him into daemons, it also made his mind more akin to mortals. But alas, with his mask off, and feeling more than he could ever have imagined, he was vulnerable and unable to carry out his duties. In the past he would just scowl and work past his pain and weakness, burying it in karma and retribution. But soon after the war, when he became the sole yaksha, Morax instigated conditions into his contract so that he was forced to take care of his health. More practically, now that Morax ws no longer here, Xiao swore to himself that he would protect Liyue for as long as he could, before vengeance brought him low. But those thoughts were useless if he couldn't fix himself, he could feel panic building combined with frustration and pain, it coiled around his limbs like daemons he had defeated. It felt good to be out of control, he could crumble in some small corner of his mind and work on instinct, while shamelessly contemplating this, he was hit with a memory from the archon war, of dancing and flame, of final rites, and burial, of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.

Step one and two were kinda skipped, but hopefully you have finished that part of the game and if you haven't played the game, why are you reading. That said I spent more time on 4 and 6, but didn't really fill it out as well as I would like. 5 was mentioned in passing and I honestly couldn't care less about Ganyu, but it connects to the world. Maybe I should mention more characters, but like I said Liyue Master Race. Review plz 3