It's a debilitating feeling. Loving someone with your whole heart knowing that at any give moment, you could lose them. That's how I felt about Carl Grimes. We'd met as kids on daddy's farm. That was back when everything was going right. Back when all of us weren't separated. Back when everyone I cared about was still with me: Maggie, Beth, daddy...and Carl.

I swallowed a lump in my throat as the tears threatened to come. I pushed it down and kicked at a rock with one of my beat up sneakers.

"You coming, Rachel?" Carol called to me, looking over Judith's head, whom she was carrying on her hip.

Nobody ever knows, nobody ever sees

I faked a smile and nodded to her as I brushed past Tyreese.

I left my soul, back then, no I'm too weak

When we finally reached a deserted street, it was dusk. Carol pointed to one of the houses and we walked to it quickly as we heard the far-off sounds of walkers moaning.

Most nights I pray for you to come home

As I lay in one of the empty beds in the house that night, I prayed. Prayed that Carl would be okay, that he would make it back to me.

Praying to the lord, praying for my soul

The showdown at the prison re-played in my mind - Carl's dejected face and my own tears as we were separated. I didn't even know if he was alive now.

Now please don't go, most nights I hardly sleep when I'm alone

A sob escaped my lips as horrible scenarios filled my head. I barely slept now that Carl wasn't here. I used to fall asleep in his arms, my head on his chest.

Now please don't go, oh no

Hot tears trekked down my face as I pulled the blankets up around my tiny frame. To think that I'd never see those denim-blue eyes again.

I think of you whenever I'm alone

Pictures of him and that old sheriff's hat swirled in my mind as I drifted off to sleep...alone.

So please don't go

We were back on the road by dawn, the sun just starting to shine on the treetops overhead. I trudged along behind the group, just watching the sun come up. It was our favorite time back at the prison. Carl would sneak into my room and wake me up early so we could watch the sunrise together. Now here I was, watching it by myself...

Suddenly, Carol made a gesture with her hand, signaling us to stop. There was a blank sign up ahead.

Cause I don't ever wanna know

"We need to leave a message on here. So the others can find us." Tyreese piped up, hoisting Judith up on his hip.

Don't ever wanna see things change

I dug the old pocketknife that Carl had given me out of my jeans. I ran my thumb over the initials engraved on the side: C.G.

Cause when I'm living on my own

Walking up to the sign, I etched words into the rotting wood. When I was done, I returned it to my pocket and we began on our way to Terminus again.

I wanna take it back and start again

But my mind was no longer on the journey. I was thinking of Carl again. What it would be like if he was here.

Most nights I pray for you to come home

As I fingered the knife in my pocket, I could think of nothing more than how much I wished for him to be here.

I'm praying to the Lord, I'm praying for my soul

We had reached a deserted old cabin in the woods by now. There was a man outside, talking into a walkie-talkie.

"Yeah, I told Albert I want the kid's hat after they bleed him out." he spoke into it, grinning.

My heart caught in my throat. Carl.

Now please don't go, most nights I hardly sleep when I'm alone

Everything happened so fast after that - tying up Martin, Carol leaving to find the others, Martin threatening to kill Judith. After the fight between them, Martin escaped and I rushed over to Judith, making sure she was alright. Tyreese breathed out a sigh of relief behind me as I held her.

Now please don't go, oh no

I looked down at her in my arms and her blue eyes nearly made me cry, thinking of Carl being a prisoner to those psychotic people.

I think of you whenever I'm alone

I bit back the tears and Judith gurgled making me smile. Suddenly, I heard Carol call out to us from outside the cabin.

So please don't go

I took a deep breath as Tyreese took Judith from me. He walked out first and I slowly stepped out behind him.

I send so many messages you don't reply

My head swiveled from side to side as I looked at all of them gathered before us - Rick, Michonne, Daryl, Glenn, Maggie...

Where was Carl? Where was the boy I was in love with?

Gotta figure out what am I missing babe?

I hugged Maggie tightly, dread forming in my stomach.

Singing now, oh, oh, oh

Rick smiled knowingly and the group parted, clearing a path.

And I need you now, I need your love

Suddenly, I heard footsteps approaching and I looked up to see who it was.

Oh oh oh

Denim-blue eyes met mine and a sob escaped my lips.

Carl.

I ran to him as fast as I could, not caring who was watching. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around him koala-bear style as he held me.

"Carl..." I choked out as he brushed a strand of hair out of my brown eyes.

Now please don't go

His lips connected with mine and I never felt so complete in my life as I did in that moment. His lips were as soft as I remembered, moving with my own.

I said well, most nights I hardly sleep when I'm alone

That night, all of us slept in an empty barn. I was nestled into Carl as we whispered quietly to each other in the dark. No longer alone.

Now please don't go, oh no

"Please don't leave me again, "I whispered softly, my fingertips moving across the warm skin on his angelic face.

A sympathetic look crossed his face as he nodded, "I won't. I promise you."

I think of you whenever I'm alone

"I'd think of you whenever I was alone..." he said gently as he rubbed circles in my back with his hands.

So please don't

I nodded and tears spilled down my face, "I'd do the same."

Please don't go

Carl's lips brushed across mine once more and I melted into the kiss, feeling the sparks like always.

So, please

His arms wrapped around my waist tightly, bring me closer to him.

Please don't go

As the rain came down in buckets outside, Carl held me close. His shaggy brown hair hung down over his forehead and I reached up, brushing it away with my hand.

Please don't go

I snuggled deeper into his worn t-shirt, his warmth enveloping me.

Oh, no, I think of you whenever I'm alone

I heard Carl sigh and I smiled as I looked up at him, his eyelids closed. He wore a peaceful expression and my heart soared. I finally had him back...and I didn't have to be alone anymore.

So please don't go

I looked up at the rafters above us and the song Carl used to sing me back at the prison came to my mind. I started to hum the song quietly to myself as I laid my head down on his chest. The soft material of his t-shirt brushed against my cheek and I closed my eyes, drifting off to sleep...