Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise.
Challenges listed at the bottom.
Word Count: 4444
Warning: Bad language, murder… lots of murder, blood, apocalypse-y vibes.
AN: I don't usually bother with Author's notes anymore, but... this is my 1000th published story on my account, and that felt like a milestone I should mark. Thank you to all the readers that have been with me for so many years, and thank you to everyone that's left comments, sent me PM's, and just been lovely.
Also, Thank you to Ari and Dash for betaing, I love you both bunches!
since the day we met
Sirius settled against a tree, his back protesting the gnarly trunk that dug into his too thin spine. He remembered the days when he'd had enough meat on his bones that it wouldn't have hurt.
They were long gone.
Fucking soulmates.
None of this would have happened if soulmates didn't exist.
Sirius still didn't know how they'd come to exist exactly. Maybe they always had, and murderers just didn't try and kill their soulmates before, or maybe it was a new thing that the universe had decided to do just to fuck humanity over.
Or maybe to test humanity.
If it was a test, people the whole world around had failed dismally.
He pulled a knife from his book to slice into the apple he'd grabbed from a tree earlier in the day. Taking food from trees, or from anywhere really, was always a risk, but he had to eat.
Food production had long since stopped, and these days, you were lucky if you could find anything at all, really. The chances were part and parcel of the new world.
Besides, he'd always been a little reckless, even before the world went to shit.
"You're a pretty one."
Sirius dropped his chin to his chest, because really. He was about to eat. He already knew this asshole couldn't be his soulmate because his soulmate would let him finish his damn apple before coming to annoy him.
With unerring accuracy, Sirius looked up, found his target, and let his knife fly. The surprised look on his target's face made him chuckle, but he watched as the man staggered backwards, Sirius' knife lodged in his chest.
Sirius forced himself to his feet and walked over to the man, who lay on the floor, staring up at him with fear in his eyes. Sirius leant over him, reaching down to pull his knife out of its resting place.
"Gross," he muttered to himself, wiping the blood off the knife onto the man's trousers. "Not my soulmate, dude."
He turned his back, not interested in watching the man take his last breath. He'd killed enough that it didn't bother him too much anymore.
Fucking soulmates.
He retook his seat against the tree and bit into the apple. There was no way he was slicing into it with his knife until he'd had a chance to clean it properly in the stream. Who knew what diseases the guy could have in his blood.
And he'd already proven to not be Sirius' soulmate, hadn't he?
Whichever genius had decided that only finding your soulmate by not being able to murder them needed shooting.
Though to be fair, they probably already had been. Or garroted. Or taken a knife to the heart. Or… well.
Been murdered by some asshole looking for their own soulmate.
Frowning to himself, Sirius threw the apple core away and sighed. He'd hoped to keep his run of being alone going. Being alone meant not having to kill anyone. Being alone meant not escaping from would-be—and probably already had been—murderers.
Sometimes though, he wondered if it wouldn't be easier to just… let someone get him.
Death might actually be preferable at this point.
…
He walked.
He walked a lot. Moving on came with the added advantage of not becoming a known entity. If word got around that someone had settled somewhere, it brought all the assholes running.
He'd tried it once and had a front-row view of a mass slaughter. There were blood and guts scattered everywhere, even a few detached limbs, caused by a rather enthusiastic woman with a huge axe.
Sirius had debated killing her just for the axe honestly, but the thought of carrying it made him decide against it. He'd just stayed up in his tree, hidden by the abundance of leaves the spring brought, and watched.
He'd stayed up there for two days, just in case anyone had had the same idea and lingered there.
Sirius' only weapon was the knife he kept in his boot. He'd had another, but it had been left in the first person Sirius had killed, the horror at what he'd done making him run away without it.
He'd been young then.
It had certainly broken him quite aptly. Despite his nonchalance at letting his knife fly now, he'd never truly recovered from that first kill. He wondered if anyone did.
He travelled light on the whole. He'd seen others occasionally with large backpacks, filled to the brim with useless objects that wouldn't save their lives when people came to attack, but he didn't have the energy for that himself.
He had a jacket that spent most of the time wrapped around his waist. He had a pocket watch that had stopped working years earlier but that he couldn't bring himself to get rid of.
There was an old photograph of himself and his little brother inside it. He tried not to think about Reg too often, but sometimes… sometimes he just needed to see his face.
He had sturdy boots that had certainly seen better days but that were still functional enough that he didn't need to think about stealing better ones just yet.
And he had sunglasses because when the sun decided it was coming out to play, Sirius needed to not be blinded against enemies.
It worked for him.
He missed the luxuries of his youth, of course he did, but it had been long enough now that he'd mostly forgotten the comforts of a soft bed, the pleasure of a hot shower, the satisfaction of a full stomach.
Almost forgotten at least.
Not fully. Never fully.
…
Sirius washed himself and his knife in the next stream he came across and then laid himself out on the grass to dry, semi-hidden by a large plant that had sprouted stream-side.
He knew he should probably go deeper into the trees to protect himself, but he was tired of being cautious.
He was exhausted by all of it, honestly, but he did what he had to to at least try and survive.
When he was almost dry, and considering moving on to find somewhere at least semi-secure to get some rest, there was a splash in the stream. Sitting up cautiously, Sirius peeked through the leaves of the plant.
A man was stripping quickly and efficiently on the other side of the bank, leaving his clothes in a pile on the side. He stepped into the water, looking around the whole time as if he expected to be ambushed.
Not completely unnecessary, unfortunately.
He was cute, Sirius noted absently. Dirty blonde hair, almost the colour of desert sand, slight—but then, who wasn't these days—and about the same height as Sirius himself.
He looked… nervous. Skittish even.
Sirius couldn't help but wonder how he'd survived this long.
He thought about sneaking away, crawling until he was out of the man's line of sight, but something made him stay put.
Must be that recklessness again, he supposed. Instead, he moved forward, his knife gripped in his hand just in case.
"Hi."
The man in the stream dove into the water and came up with a knife of his own, looking around wildly until he finally caught sight of Sirius' head, popped up from beneath the plant.
Sirius had to admit, it must be quite unsettling to see a plant with a random head poking out of it.
The man's eyes narrowed, and his fingers tightened around his knife until the skin was white from the lack of blood.
"I beg your forgiveness for startling you," Sirius offered formally, snickering at himself in his head. He sounded like something out of the historical movies Regulus loved when they were little.
"What do you want?"
The man seemed anxious, which, again, understandable. Sirius was only barely keeping his own anxiety under control because this could go very badly and he really didn't want to kill this man.
He was very cute.
"I'm Sirius," Sirius introduced himself, waving with the hand not holding the knife. He kept that hand tucked back. No point scaring the man into doing something stupid, after all.
"Are you going to—"
"Try and kill you?" Sirius finished, rolling his eyes. "Wasn't planning on it, no. You gonna try and kill me?"
The man tilted his head. "I don't like to kill. I only do it if I have to."
Sirius knew that feeling.
"What's your name?" Sirius asked calmly.
"Remus."
"Remus," Sirius repeated, liking the way the name felt on his lips. "I like it. It's unusual."
"That coming from a man named Sirius?"
Sirius grinned. "I like unusual names, so shoot me. But probably don't. That's not productive in the slightest."
"How did you find me?" Remus asked, though his hand had dropped lower, the knife no longer aimed at Sirius.
"I wasn't looking for you," Sirius said with a shrug. "I came to clean up, and then you just appeared. It's like fate."
"I'll take a pass on fate if it's all the same," Remus muttered, shaking his head as he dropped the knife completely and started washing again. "It's fate's fault we're in this mess."
"Is it?" Sirius asked, wrinkling his nose. He propped his chin on his hand and stretched out on his stomach, knife loose in his hand now. "I'm more inclined to blame it on the stupidity of the human race, but you know, you do you."
"You think this is, what, humanity's fault?"
"I think people who are willing to turn into mass murderers on the off chance that they're gonna find their soulmate in a population of billions is the stupidest shit in the world," Sirius replied. "And given most people did just that… well. There's your answer."
"You don't understand the curiosity?" Remus asked as he pulled himself out of the stream back onto the opposite bank.
"I mean, sure, I guess," Sirius said. "Doesn't mean I'd have ever been willing to murder people to find out if someone was my soulmate though."
"I find it hard to believe you've never murdered anyone."
"Oh, no you misunderstand me. I've murdered assholes that tried to come and murder me. Self-defence, you know? If the legal system was still a thing, I'd walk free, but…. I've never killed to find out if someone was my soulmate, and I never will."
Remus stared at him and then pulled his t-shirt over his head. Then he nodded. "That makes sense, I guess."
"Glad you think so," Sirius replied, smiling. It felt weird on his face, almost like he'd forgotten how to smile.
"So you're just moving through here?" Remus asked, once he was fully dressed, his knife placed carefully into his belt.
Stupid place to keep it in Sirius' opinion but he didn't say anything.
He nodded in answer, pushing himself to his feet, grabbing his jacket as he did. "Planning on it."
"Are you heading somewhere in particular, or just wandering?"
"Wandering," Sirius said. "If I keep moving, they can't catch me."
Remus wrinkled his nose. "True. But then you never have anywhere to call home."
"I don't think anyone does, do they?"
Remus shrugged. "I have a home."
"You live near here?" Sirius asked, incredulous despite himself. "How are you not dead?"
"People don't come this way very often," Remus replied softly. "And when they do, well. I can take care of myself if I need to."
Sirius couldn't help but feel resentful. He hadn't had a home for so long, and to meet someone who'd managed to keep one, made something in his chest hurt. Could he have done that?
Kept a home and protected it, instead of always running, trapped in the open spaces by those who wanted to find someone that could be anywhere on the planet.
"Well, good for you, I guess," he offered up when he realised he'd been silent for too long. "I… probably won't see you around," he added when he realised they'd arrived at a bend in the stream. "I don't tend to go back on myself when I'm walking and if you're settled here then… it was nice to meet you, Remus."
Remus opened his mouth and then closed it, nodding his head. "Nice to meet you too, Sirius."
He turned away, and Sirius continued the path he was on.
He'd barely made it ten steps when he heard a shout.
Turning automatically, he realised he couldn't see anything but that he could hear the sounds of a fight.
"Remus," he muttered to himself.
All caution abandoned, Sirius ran back the way he'd come, splashing over the stream to the other side of the bank.
He saw Remus, backing away from a brute of a woman, tall and statuesque, her muscles bigger than most men Sirius had seen. Remus had his knife, but he tripped backwards, landing hard on his back in the grass and she grinned at him.
Sirius didn't think. He ran, ramming into her to keep her away from Remus. She stumbled, shocked more that he was there than because of his strength, and he managed to get the upper hand, pushing his knife through the fleshy part of her ribs.
He twisted and pulled, dropping her onto the grass. He wasn't usually so rough, but something about the way she'd towered over Remus had set his heart racing and his anger soaring and he'd acted on instinct.
When he was sure she was dead, he dropped back, looking over his shoulder to see that Remus had gotten himself back on his feet.
"I… thanks. For that. That was… good," Remus said. "I… feel like I shouldn't think murder is good and yet. That was… something."
Sirius snorted. "Better to kill her than let her kill you, right?"
"I thought you only killed to protect yourself?" Remus asked, stepping closer.
Shrugging, Sirius replied, "I acted on instinct. Besides, if she'd killed you then she probably would have found and tried to kill me anyway, wouldn't she?"
Remus nodded slowly. "I… thank you. Do you… do you want to come with me? My home isn't a lot but, well. Maybe it's better than being out in the open for a few days, hmm? It'd be nice to have some company that isn't trying to kill me."
Sirius chuckled.
"That sounds great."
…
Remus' home was a ramshackle house. The area around it looked abandoned—it most likely was abandoned—but when Sirius stepped inside the house, he felt a warmth that he hadn't known since he was a child.
And maybe not even then.
There was no electricity or lighting of course, but there were books and a small portable heater in the kitchen. Possibly more importantly, there were beds with slightly moth-eaten blankets covering them.
Sirius had dreamt of having a real bed for so many years, he couldn't believe he might actually be able to sleep in one.
"It's not much but—"
"It's great," Sirius interrupted. "Really great, Remus."
Remus smiled, looking down, but it didn't stop Sirius from noticing the pleased flush that stained his cheeks.
"Out the back is my favourite part of the house," Remus said, leading the way to another door. The fence around the small patch of land was high, but it didn't stop Sirius from looking around for any sign of a threat.
Habit, he supposed.
Along both sides of a footpath, were vegetable patches.
"You have food growing," Sirius muttered, amazed at what he was seeing. Then he frowned. "Why are you still so skinny?"
Remus chuckled. "I'm naturally skinny, but also, I try and save as much as I can for the winter months, you know? Hard to grow food in the winter."
Sirius nodded. "Still… you're the first person I've met since this all began that hasn't just… turned into a savage, you know? It's nice. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who doesn't want any of this."
Remus smiled and nodded his head. "I know. Why do you think I invited you back with me?"
"I thought it was because of the woman. You can't have forgotten her already, Remus. Helga was pretty unforgettable."
"Helga?"
Sirius wrinkled his nose and shrugged. "She looked like a Helga."
Clearly unsure what to say about that, Remus laughed. "Fair enough. So… do you want something to eat?"
Sirius smiled. "Please."
…
Sirius sat by the back door, looking out at the torrential downpour. It had been unexpected but perhaps not completely unwelcome. He'd been planning to leave Remus' house that evening, not wanting to out-stay his welcome, but Remus had insisted he stay after seeing the weather.
He'd been with Remus for three days and three nights and if truth be told, he never wanted to leave.
It was more than the bed—though that had been heaven by itself—and more than the food, and the shelter without worrying that someone was going to dig a knife into his ribs.
It was Remus.
Remus was funny and he was sweet and he was intelligent.
Sirius hadn't realised quite how much he'd missed human contact—the ability to talk to someone who actually talked back instead of muttering to himself just to hear a human voice… it was wonderful.
But Sirius knew he had to leave.
He couldn't encroach on Remus' home, and he knew, eventually, the curiosity would get the better of one of them, and they'd test it out. Someone would die, and Sirius didn't want Remus to die.
He certainly didn't want to be the one to make it happen.
"Not still thinking of leaving tonight, are you?" Remus asked, joining him by the back door.
Sirius shook his head. "No, no. I was just thinking about… random stuff, I guess. It's nice here, not having to worry about someone coming round a corner you didn't think to watch, you know? I was just thinking about maybe trying to find somewhere like this of my own."
Remus nodded. "You know you don't have to leave, don't you?"
Sirius looked at him. "You'd let me stay?"
"As long as you want," Remus confirmed. "It's been nice, having you here. I… I forgot how nice it was to have someone to talk to."
Sirius bit his lip as Remus unknowingly echoed his own thoughts.
"Don't kill me if you don't want this," he murmured, leaning forward and pressing their lips together.
Remus seemed frozen beneath him for a moment, before it was almost like a fire had been lit inside him and he surged forward, leaning into Sirius as he kissed him back, one hand immediately moving into Sirius' long, dark hair.
…
They lay on Remus' bed, the sheets draped over their cooling bodies.
"That was amazing," Remus murmured, pressing his lips to Sirius' bare shoulder.
Sirius nodded, words escaping him as he turned onto his side and pulled Remus close. Remus smiled, melting into him until they were so close that anyone looking in wouldn't be able to tell where one of them began and the other ended.
It had been amazing; Remus was amazing.
Somehow it only made Sirius feel worse because he wanted nothing more than to stay and he knew even better now that he couldn't.
Remus drifted off to sleep, his head resting on Sirius' chest, and Sirius looked out of the window at the moon. It was bright, big in the sky.
Sirius suddenly hated it. He hated everything. If life was normal, if humanity hadn't ruined itself, he and Remus could have been so happy.
He ignored that had the world not basically imploded on itself he likely wouldn't have met Remus because… he would have met him.
If he believed in fate at all, then he and Remus were inevitable, surely. Nobody had ever made Sirius feel the way he did now.
He shifted slightly, pushing his head back into the blue pillow, and closed his eyes. One more night, he told himself. Just one night to hold Remus in his arms.
He'd leave tomorrow.
…
"Hey, I'm gonna go down to the stream while it's warm and have a wash. You coming?"
Sirius nodded, standing up to grab his boots. It had been a week since he and Remus had slept together for the first time, and he hadn't yet been able to force himself to leave.
"Why do you always carry that?" Remus asked when Sirius slipped his pocket watch into his pocket.
Sirius pulled it back out and opened it up, showing Remus the picture inside. "This is my little brother, Regulus."
"Your parents really were fans of the stars, huh?" Remus said, taking the pocket watch carefully. "He was a cute kid."
Sirius nodded. "He was. He was sweetness and light, you know? He used to follow me around like a little puppy when we were little. I loved him to the ends of the world."
"What happened to him?" Remus asked softly.
"He was killed by a woman searching for her soulmate. She decided he was cute, that he was hers because she liked the way he looked. He didn't have a chance."
Remus bit his lip. "I'm sorry."
Sirius nodded. "I got there too late to save him. She tried to kill me too, but, well, I guess I've always been quick with the knife."
"Was she your first kill?"
Sirius shook his head. "No. No, my first kill was a man a few weeks earlier. He—"
Sirius choked on the words, and Remus reached out and cupped his cheek. "You don't have to say it."
Nodding, Sirius put the watch back in his pocket and stuffed his knife into the side of his boot.
"I'll always regret that I couldn't protect him," Sirius whispered, and Remus gathered him up in a hug.
"I'm sure he knows that you would have always tried your best to save him," he murmured into Sirius' hair. "Come on, let's go and get washed up."
He took Sirius' hand and led him from the house. It was nice. It felt almost like they were a normal couple, walking hand in hand like the world wasn't a chaotic wasteland.
For a moment, Sirius allowed himself to be hopeful that he could have that feeling for a while longer.
Just a little while.
Surely he was allowed to be greedy occasionally.
…
"Hmm, you look good, dripping in water like that," Sirius murmured.
He was splayed out on the bank, watching Remus walk towards him from the stream.
Remus chuckled, shaking his head at Sirius. He joined Sirius on the bank, and they laid in the sun happily for a few hours, drying off and talking about nonsense. No hard topics, nothing that made Sirius hurt, or Remus wince.
It was the best day Sirius could remember ever having.
"We should head back before it gets dark," Remus said eventually, pushing himself to his feet.
Sirius allowed him to pull him up after him, and they walked side by side, their hands once more entwined together, back towards Remus' house.
And then Sirius stumbled.
Something sharp had hit his calf, and he spun around even as pain lanced through him to see a man behind them, a gleam in his eyes as he approached.
"Run," Sirius muttered to Remus. "Run and don't look back."
"I'm not going to leave you," Remus replied, taking his knife out of his belt.
"Remus, GO!" Sirius demanded, pushing Remus in the direction they'd been walking.
Remus hesitated, and Sirius let his knife fly, wincing when it only hit the guy in the shoulder.
"Fuck."
He moved as quickly as he could towards the guy, the only thought in his mind to keep him away from Remus. They tussled, the guy actually laughing as he overpowered Sirius.
Bastard.
Sirius fought back, pushing at the dagger the man held over him as he twisted to grab his knife back. As he managed it, thrusting it as hard as he could into the nearest body part he could, he felt the man fall on top of him.
He pushed him off, as he heard a groan, and realised in horror that the guy had died with a knife in his back and the knife wasn't Sirius'. It was Remus'.
"Remus?"
Remus was just a little bit to the side, Sirius' knife lodged in his chest, blood bubbling around the edges of it like a sick little border around the silver.
"Remus! Remus, no! No, no, no! You can't… Remus, please, I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry, you've got to be okay. Remus—"
"I'm okay, Sirius," Remus murmured, as he pulled the knife out slowly. As Sirius watched—half wondering if he'd finally gone nuts and was hallucinating—the skin knitted back together across the wound until all that remained was a little blood on otherwise perfect skin.
"Sirius… you're my soulmate."
…
The sun was setting over the stream but Sirius wasn't ready to go back to the house just yet. Winter was swiftly approaching and he wouldn't get many more days to stretch out in the warmth.
Eventually, he had little choice but to get up, gather his things, and head back. Not that it was a hardship, of course.
Remus was waiting for him.
He'd be waiting in the kitchen most likely, or maybe the garden, picking the last of the vegetables.
Sirius could picture him perfectly in his mind, but it was never as good as seeing the real thing. He picked up his pace.
They didn't get many visitors anymore. He wondered if word had spread that they were a mated couple, or if people had simply realised that anyone that ventured into these parts didn't come back, but either way, Sirius wouldn't complain about the peace.
He entered the house quietly, making just enough noise that Remus would know it was him because they might enjoy the peace but they'd never fully relaxed into it.
"Hmm, hey baby," he greeted, pressing his lips against Remus' neck as he wrapped his arms around Remus' waist from behind.
"Hey yourself," Remus replied, the way he always did. "Did you enjoy the stream?"
"Not as much as this," Sirius replied, grinning against Remus' skin as he pressed his groin closer to Remus' back.
"Really, Sirius? Really?"
"You inspire me," Sirius replied, entirely unapologetic.
"Uh huh. Any trouble?"
Sirius shook his head. "Not a peep. But you know I'll keep you safe if anyone does come near, right? I will, Remus."
Remus turned in his arms and pressed a kiss to his lips. "Yeah, love. I know you will. You have since the day we met."
Written for:
Wolfstar Exchange: Murder March - Twisted Trope: Soulmates: Soulmates are the only people who can't kill you. (Yes, I'm late, are we surprised? No, I didn't think so.)
Record Collection: 3. You Might Need Someone, Shola Ama: Write about someone who tries to live alone, without any support.
Written In The Stars: 4. Reckless
Book Club: Serena Joy: Blue / Frowning / Resentment
Lizzy's Loft: 13. Old Photograph
Elizabeth's Empire: 19. Hundred - Khalid / (word) control
Sophie's Serial Killers: 10. Prompt: (emotion) Hopeful
Scamander's Case: 8. Attack
Lyric Alley: 9. I was broken from a young age
TV Spree: 16. (Word) Abandoned
Forecast: 22th: Sunny: Melting
EnTitled: 21. She's Come Undone - (word) protect
Milkshake Bar: Flavour: Strawberry: Sirius Black
Cherry Blossoms: 14. Takesimensis Cherry - (weather) Torrential downpour
Rainbow: Green: Lower
Tree Planting: Dogwood: Sirius Black
Teddy Bears Picnic: Strawberries: Remus Lupin
Birdhouse Building: Step 4: Soulmate!AU
Petting Zoo: Alpacas: Skittish
Spring Parade: Winnie The Pooh: Piglet: Anxious
Days of the Year: 17. April 3rd - Find A Rainbow Day: Write an Angst with a Happy Ending fic.
Date Your Mate: Sirius&Remus
Aquarium Month: 1. Tank: Write about someone who feels trapped.
Crayon Day: 40. Desert Sand
Colour: 6. White
Crystals And Gemstones: 10. Carnelian: (word) Forgiveness
Hufflepuff OTP's: SiriusRemus
Leaving On A Jet Plane: 23. Budapest: (Word) Exhausted
365. 99. RemusSirius
Fantastic Beasts: 199. Werewolf: Remus Lupin