"Come on, we have to get her to the doctor." Rick whisper-yelled to us as we carried a sickly Maggie on the cot.
Her skin was pale and there were bags under her eyes. Her hands were resting on her swollen stomach. I sighed as we moved quietly through the woods, Carl killing the walkers that were roaming ahead of us. He was so strong and brave now. Carl's ax sliced through the air, cleaving the walker's head in two, blood spraying everywhere. Smirking to myself, I thought of how he was when I first met him.
We were only ten years old when this thing broke out. My parents had been best friends with Rick and Lori back in high school. So when people started getting infected, Lori contacted them. Since Rick was still in a coma, it was just her, Carl, and Shane. I admit, at first I didn't like him. Our parents forced us to hang out with each other and he annoyed me to death.
But after we arrived at the camp? Things changed. Carl became my best friend, my confidant, and...my crush. I don't know how or why it happened. But when it did, I welcomed it. He was everything I had ever wanted and more. He made me laugh, he protected me, and he made me become the best version of myself. No one had ever affected me the way he did.
"Here, you rest a minute. I'll take over, Morganna." Sasha whispered from beside me, snapping me out of my thoughts.
I smiled at her gratefully as she took my place holding the cot. Moving through the darkness then, I brushed up against Carl. My hand slid into his free one effortlessly. He turned to look at me, his blue eyes boring into mine. He smiled tiredly at me and pecked a light kiss on my cheek. I blushed ,moving a strand of dark brown hair behind my ear. He still had that affect on me. As we walked along, hand-in-hand, memories came back to me once more.
~ Flashback ~
The air was chilly in Alexandria and I could feel winter coming. As the cold seeped into my skin, I pulled my sweater tighter around me. Anxiety and dread plagued me as I sat on the front porch swing of one of the "designated" houses that the Mayor had given us. I had decided to tell Carl how I felt but I didn't know how to. How do you tell someone you've known for six years that you're in love with them?
I sighed as the thoughts swirled in my mind. Suddenly, the sound of boots on the front steps made me look up. Then my gold-flecked ice blue eyes met Carl's piercing blue ones. A lump formed in my throat as he smiled and sat down beside me on the swing. We swung in comfortable silence, the only sounds to be heard were the blowing of dry leaves on the sidewalk and the squeaking of the swing itself. Well, it was time. Now or never.
Clearing my throat, I looked over at Carl.
"So, um...I had wanted to talk to you about something," I started, feeling his eyes on me.
He gave me a pointed look.
"I'm not eating pudding again. I should have never let you talk me into that," he said, shaking his head.
I scoffed.
"Excuse me? You were the one who talked me into eating the pudding." I arched my eyebrows at him.
We broke into laughter then.
"Then why did you listen to me?" he asked, still chuckling slightly.
My cheeks turned scarlet and I looked away from him.
"You were really convincing..." I trailed off.
He squinted, turning in his seat to face me.
"No, that's not it..." he paused suddenly, "What aren't you telling me? Was there something wrong with that pudding?"
I burst out laughing at the remark before gaining composure once more and shook my head no.
"Then what is it?" he asked, softly.
Biting my lip, I took the plunge.
"The reason that I always listen to you, always stay beside you..." I started, taking a deep breath.
"-is because we're best friends?" he supplied.
I shook my head once more.
"Yeah, but...it's more than that. I...I love you, Carl,"I breathed out, not daring to even glance in his direction.
There was silence for a moment before I felt two fingers slide underneath my chin, lifting my icy blue eyes up to meet his. What I saw shocked me. A grin was plastered on his face and his sapphire-blue eyes were shining.
"I love you, too, Mo. I love your sarcasm and even your stubbornness even though at times, it gets under my skin, "he laughed and I blushed, "But I love you...so much..."
He leaned in slowly then and his soft plump lips brushed over mine before I boldly bridged the gap between us, connecting my lips to his. He tasted like chocolate and it left me breathless. His calloused hands cupped my face and my own wound their way around his neck. We stayed like that for several seconds before we both broke away, panting.
I looked up into his eyes and furrowed my eyebrows.
"You taste like-" I said before he put a finger to my lips, shushing me.
"Shh! Don't tell Carol!" he said and I laughed.
~ End of Flashback ~
I smiled, both the memory and Carl's hand in mine warming me from the inside out. But my happiness was short-lived. Before we even realized what was happening, we were surrounded. But not by walkers, no, these were mean - living, breathing men. There were hundreds of them it seemed and they lit up the clearing with blinding lights. They grabbed us roughly by the arms and led us towards the middle of the crowd.
"Carl!" I called out as one of them forced me to my knees, the wet dirt squelching beneath me.
"Don't touch her!" Carl shouted angrily but the man holding him just hit him over the head and I cried out.
They forced the others to their knees as well and I could feel the tension in the air. Soon, their leader appeared. He was a tall man, dark and menacing. He carried a baseball-bat wrapped in barbed wire over his shoulder. Slowly, he walked in front of us, sneering at each one of us in turn before finally stopping before Rick.
"You're Rick, right? I'm Negan. And I do not appreciate you killing my men. Also, when I sent my people to kill your people for killing my people, you killed more of my people." he said, grinning in an evil manner.
He kept talking, making threats and telling us how it would be from now. What he would do to us. And try as I might, I couldn't keep my eyes off of Carl. What would happen to us all? Gosh, I hoped that nothing would happen to him. I couldn't live without him. Not ever.
All of a sudden, a dark shadow loomed over me and my head snapped up.
"You don't look so good," Negan said, clicking his tongue at me, "I should just put you out of your misery right now."
Carl cried out then, "No! No!"
He tried to struggle away but they caught him and my heart leapt into my throat as they punched him.
"No! Please! No! Stop!" I shouted, tears streaming down my face at seeing him in pain.
"Nope, get him back in line. All right, listen. Don't any of you do that again!" Negan sighed, still holding his beloved "Lucille" over his shoulder.
I sniffled as shoved Carl back onto his knees, his lip split and bleeding. He walked over to Carl and grinned maliciously before looking over at Rick.
"This is your kid, right?" he said and laughed, "This is definitely your kid."
Fear coursed through my veins as he kept walking along in front of us.
"I gotta pick somebody. Everybody's at the table waiting for me to order."
My heartbeat fast and the tension in the air was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to stop crying, trying to not let the fear eat me alive. But I couldn't shut out the sounds, I couldn't shut out the snickering of the men or the sound of my own heart pounding in my ears. And I couldn't shut out the sound of heavy footsteps coming my way. Steadily, I opened my eyes to see Negan looming before me. He was grinning and "Lucille" was held high up in the air.
"My mother told me to pick the very best one and you are it," he sneered, "Anybody moves, anybody says anything, cut the boy's other eye out and feed it to his father and then we'll start."
As I closed my eyes once more, I prepared myself for the blow and the searing pain that would follow...but I didn't feel anything. I felt nothing. My eyes flew open then as Abraham screamed beside me. I gasped in shock and blood splattered on my face and my clothes as Negan hit him repeatedly with Lucille. Tears streamed down my face as it went on and on. Negan was too wrapped up in it to even notice Carl slip away from his men.
He raced over to me and cradled me in his arms as I cried into his chest. This couldn't be happening! It was supposed to be me! It was supposed to be me! As I sobbed, Carl held me tighter. My heart broke that day.
Ever since then, those words had haunted me like a ghost following me around everywhere I went:
It was supposed to be me.