A/N: Hey, guys! First of all, I'm so sorry for not posting anything since three months. I got busy with other things and somehow I wasn't motivated enough to write, so I took a longer break. Obviously, there won't be any sequel to my previous fic, but I hope this little one shot will make up for it. :)
Prompt: "I think I'm in love with you, and I'm terrified."
Set after the episode 4x19 – "47 Seconds"
Kate angrily shut the door behind herself, fighting back tears. It was already the third day in a row that she came home utterly devastated, at the verge of tears. She was always strong and badass, but lately she was somehow unable to control her emotions. What was wrong with her? Well, she knew excatly what, and the mere tought of it made her even more angry. Oh God, she was such a failure!
Kate quickly stepped out of her high heels, relieved that her long work day was finally over. She then padded into the bathroom, completely drained and exhausted, both mentally and physically. She turned the faucet on, hoping that the sound of flowing water will drown off her devasted sobbing. Not like anyone would hear it, but still. Kate wanted to hide her feelings as much as possible. Maybe that's why her life was so messed up, she thought. Maybe that's why her partner had given up on her after almost four years of shadowing her. Because she hid her feelings too well. Kate had seen him with a blonde bimbo this morning, actually it was Castle himself who had invited the girl to the precinct to introduce her to his friends, and seriously? After everything they went through together? Why would he even do such a thing? Kate fumed under her breath, still crying. She thought they are more. Partners at least. She thought they are heading somewhere. Kate tought he was willing to wait for her to heal and get ready for a relationship, but apparently he wasn't. Damn it, she was almost there! She was almost ready to tell him how she feels, and now this. Kate even contemplated calling him out for dinner, so they could talk in private without her colleagues listening in, but now he ruined it. He ruined it all, Kate sobbed under her breath heavily.
"Hey, are you there?" Suddenly a soft, familiar voice broke through the haze of her desperate thoughts. How the hell did he get in? She had probably forgot to lock the front door, damn it! Startled, she quickly wiped off the remnats of her tears with the streaming, ice cold water, then she turned the faucet off, and stepped out of the bathroom.
"Castle, what are you doing here?!" Her voice was rough, her eyes red-rimmed. Ignoring her question, he took a step closer.
"Kate, are you okay?" He asked, concerned.
"Yeah, I'm fine." She said in a stern voice, but her swollen eyes told him otherwise. He swallowed hard, his heart aching for her more than ever before. She was obviously crying, and he knew excatly why.
"Kate please, let me explain." He pleaded gently, but she only gave him a hard glare in return.
"There is nothing to explain, Castle." She said in a sharp tone. "And now leave!" She ordered, but of course he didn't listen. He never did.
After about ten minutes, Castle was already sitting on the small sofa in her living room. They both occupied the opposite corner, so they could sit as far away from each other as possible. The athmospere was tense, the silence unnerving, but at least she allowed him to stay and didn't throw him off, Castle noted to himself with a little bit of relief. After letting out a heavy sigh, he finally spoke.
"Why does it matter that I'm seeing another woman?" He blurted out.
Kate narrowed her eyes, surprised. It was definitely not what she had expexted to hear. Kate tought that he came here to apologize, to finally fix this awkwardness between them which was there since weeks, but he apparently he wasn't. Seems like he was only here to let her know that he moved on. Great! Her mouth was suddenly dry, her throat tightened, and she felt a familiar ache in her chest.
"Kate," his soft voice startled her back to the present. "Why do you care who I am with?"
"Are you seriously asking this, Castle?" She retorted in a hoarse voice. Damn those feelings! "Do you seriously expect me to watch you hang out with other women, and be okay with it? I thought we are heading somewhere!" She almost yelled. "You said you understand. The night at the swings. You said you are willing to wait for me. How could you do this, Castle?" She said with misty eyes.
"You are the one who changed, Kate." He interrupted, ignoring her devastated expression. "You are the one who obviously doesn't want to see me around. You are the one who lied!" He blurted out bitterly, then he stood up from the couch, ready to leave.
"Wait," she called after him hesitantly. "What do you mean I'm the one who lied?"
"You know excatly what I mean." He picked up his coat, and headed toward the door.
"No, wait!" She grabbed him by his arm, immediately regretting it. The mere rouch of him made her insides tingle. Their gazes met for a moment too long, and the intensity of his deep blues made her shiver with warm pleasure. "I really don't know what you are talking about, Castle." She said in a low, sincere voice, still holding onto his arm. Her eyes were green like an emerald, and her voice was so deep and regretful, he just wanted to wrap her in his arms, and never let her go. Oh God, he really ruined everything, didn't he?
"I heard you in the interrogation room, that's it." Castle blurted out after a moment of awkward silence, unable to keep it in for any longer.
"What?" She frowned, narrowing her eyes.
"Yeah, what you said to Bobby. That you know excatly what trauma is, and that you remember everything." He pointed out bitterly. "For weeks I wondered why would you lie about such a thing," Castle went on before she could even say anything. "Then I figured you probably don't feel the same way as I do, that you probably don't love me." He added, his voice almost cracking.
Oh God, that's why he was acting so strangely lately? That's why he started dating bimbos again? Not because he moved on, but because he was hurt and devastated? Because he thought she doesn't like him anymore? She felt guilty and helpless. She never thought that one misunderstanding can lead to such a big trouble. Kate let out a long, frustrated sigh, mad at herself. She never meant to say it like that, at the middle of an interrogation, it just accidentally slipped out. Well yeah, she wanted to tell him eventually, but not yet and not like this.
"It's not that," Kate shook her head, fiddling with the hem of her shirt. "I just wasn't ready, that's all." She tried to say it casually, running her hand through her hair, like it would give her more confidence. His expression changed a bit, and his gaze finally softened.
"I want you Castle," she said after a short pause. Now that this whole mess was out in the open, there was no pint to hide her feelings anymore. "Yeah, I want you and I love you." She declared in a low, meanigful voice, noticing the slight surprise in his eyes. "And I want to be good enough. For you, for me, for us." She sighed.
"You are good enough, Kate." He said huskily, slowly reaching out to caress the side of her face with the pad of his thumb. "You always were, and always will be. Well, at least for me that is." He said playfully and she chuckled at his compliment, her eyes filling with tears, with happy tears this time. She knew there is still a lot discuss and talk about, but she was also thankful for his presence. She would have never been able to make this far without him. He was her strongest motivation in the last eight months, during her entire recovery.
"Thank you Castle." She said in a low, intimate voice, touching the side of his face as well. His closness made her weak and dizzy in a way she never felt before. The mere touch of him made her insides burn with need, and she realized she wanted him so badly, here and now. Without even thinking, she leaned closer, pressing a light kiss to his lips. "Thanks for being here for me." She said in a low voice.
"Always," he whispered in response before pulling her in for a long, delicate kiss.
Heat boiled inside her entire body as their tongues met and were dancing with each other, and she felt her knees weaken beneath his soft touch. Before she would fall and embarrass herself, Kate took a step backward toward the living room, pulling him along with herself.
Soon they both stumbled and landed on her sofa, their mouth still fused in a fiery kiss. Every part of her body was yearning for him, but the racional part of her brain knew it would be too early to cross that line yet, so she slowly pulled away, but never left his side. As their mouth finally aparted to get some fresh air she snuggled closer into his embrace, buried her face in the crook of his neck, and took in a long, calming breath. The firm wall of his muscular chest, the warmth of his body, the heat of his touch, and the sweet scent of his aftershave filled her insides with long lost hope, reminding her that no matter how messed up her life was, there is always a way out. And now, after more then a decade, even if her mom's case was still unsolved, she was finally at peace with her own feelings, and she was ready for a relationship, she was ready to finally dive in. With him by her side, chasing dragons and bad guys, forever and always. She smiled under her breath contentedly, imagining a better future together. Closing her eyes against the gentle move of his fingers, she let out a long, grateful sigh. He kept caressing the side of her face, murmuring sweet promises and reassurances into the shell of her ear as she slowly dozed of beneath his touch. We will work it out together, we will get through it all, he half-whispered, and she believed him. She would always believe him.
A/N: Thank you so much for reading, following, and reviewing. It really means a lot! :) :)