As I load onto the train for our last year at Hogwarts I see my friends and then I see bill with them. I get onto the train before I am spotted not wanting him to see my black eye and bruised face cause I had not had the chance to cover up my looks yet. I get into an empty compartment and say the spell to cover how thin I am the bruises and my black looks. I looked like my father Sirius black but I've been hiding that fact for seven years straight even when we were at his house for Christmas every year since I had started Hogwarts. I hear my friends coming down the corridor as they come into the compartment.
"Bells!"
"hey guys "
"how was your summer?"
"I really don't wanna go there guys"
"bells my love what happened this time?"
I look up to see bill in the doorway. I then look out the window and ignore him. I feel him sitting down beside me as he puts an arm around me I flinch cause the spell may have taken the bruises and cuts away but it does not take the pain I was in away with it. He pulls me into his lap holding me knowing I was in pain.
"you need to tell Sirius."
"no I don't and I'm not going to its not a good idea because if he had wanted me he'd have been there from the beginning when I was born but he wasn't."
"you ever think maybe darling he didn't now about you?"
"my mom told me he new"
"she probably lied about that bells dear look at what she does to you every day your home for summer and any other break that u decide to go home for."
"I don't want to bother him with my existence."
"why would you bother me with your existence bell?"
we all look up none of us had realized Sirius was there. We had forgotten he always comes by to wish us luck every year at school. I look away not saying anything to him as I pull out of bills arms and face the window not wanting to look at anyone.
"Why would she think shes bothering me with her existence bill?"
"shes your daughter"
"BILL!"
"don't you bill me darling I'm sick of how you show up after every summer and you think I don't now but the others tell me and its always worse every year and I'm sick of it."
"what do you mean how she comes back every summer bill?"
"bill don't do this please its much easier if he doesn't now and I can just keep living my life as I have for 17 years of it."
"no you have been beaten every single day of those 17 years except when you came to Hogwarts for the year of school I'm tired of seeing the woman I love bruised, cut up and thin as hell as if shes starved over the summer"
suddenly hermione mutters the reverse spell to the one I had used to cover everything wrong with me and everything shows, the bruises, cuts and my thinness. Everyone looks at me in shock as its way worse then it was last year. Bill pulls me into his arms as I push and fight pissed off at them all. I run and hide in the girls restroom on the train and refuse to come out as the train gets underway Sirius not leaving the train either as we head towards Hogwarts. I refuse to come out the entire trip as they all try to get me to come out. I come out as soon as we arrive and run off the train into a carriage that was full all but one and it takes off to Hogwarts I go straight to my head girl room not caring. I lay on my bed in tears not wanting to see anyone. I don't hear the headmaster, Sirius, bill or professor Snape come into the room. I am passed out asleep from crying myself to sleep.
"she looks horrible "
"we know she does but she refuses to speak on it or anything to anyone and is now pissed that I told Sirius that he is her father because she didn't want him to know at all but I thought it was time he needed to know."
"I agree bill it was the right thing to do for her sake but who knows what shell do now because shes pissed at all of you."
"she probably will withdraw into herself and her school work and not hangout with any of us for awhile."
"I've noticed this many times with her and I've approached her myself worried even though I'm only the potions Master but she has had me worried more then once."
"thank you Severus that means a lot to me for u looking out for my daughter."
"its no problem Sirius."
"no wonder whenever her mother shows her face here to make sure shes behaving she goes into hiding or she just goes quiet and withdraws."
"she abuses her more then one way and I'm sick of seeing it."
I lay there my back to them listening knowing there was one little detail that wasn't revealed to them yet and I didn't now if I could tell any of them because I was scared. The fact my mother had been selling me over the summer this summer since I was old enough she was making money off my body and the only person who was buying was Lucius Malfoy. He had raped me multiple times over the summer everyday it happened till today when I got to come back to school and am safe now.
"Well she needs to be taken up to madam Pomphrey and looked at."
"ill take her up and if u all want u can come as well."
bill picks me up and carries me up to the hospital wing and lays me down on the bed as she comes over looking me over. She pulls the curtain around me shutting them out. As she does her examine she finds the evidence of the rapes I pull away as she does pulling my knees to my chest as she sits beside me.
"sweetie its ok no one is gonna hurt you here I promise you that I wont allow it neither will anyone else in this school, can you tell me who did this and why it looks likes it been done multiple times and roughly?"
I look up tears in my eyes.
"my mother sold me all summer everyday till the day we came back"
"who did she keep selling you to sweetheart?"
"Lucius Malfoy"
"he did this to you?"
"yes he kept paying my mother to let him do what he wanted to me and all he did everyday and sometimes all day was rape me and beat me."
"sweetie I am so sorry the damage that has been done is going to prevent you from being able to carry any children when you want too."
I scream and burst into tears of pain and anger all at once as my eyes glow purple and a protection shield forms around me preventing anyone from touching me as Bill, my father, the headmaster and Severus comes rushing into the room. They all stop seeing me and bill comes towards me and hes the only one that gets through that shield wrapping his arms around me as it seems to calm me as I collapse into his arms.
"what happened?"
"I told her that because of certain damage done over the summer she wont be able to have children."
"wait what damage?"
"none of you now?"
"know what?"
they all look at me and I look down not saying anything.
"she was raped all summer and it was roughly and it looks like many things were used to do it and its damaged her insides bad enough to have basically removed her uterus and Fallopian tubes as well."
"who the hell did this to her?"
"Lucius Malfoy kept paying her mother everyday over the summer till the day she was due to come back to school."
"I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch for this"
"no Sirius what you need to think of is bells right now he will get his in the end trust me."
"that is my daughter and you want me to just sit back and let this happen"
"what I want and expect you to do is worry about her and take care of her she needs you and the others right now."
"fine ill take care of my little girl but I'm pissed off right now."
"you think the rest of us aren't because this is bullshit and they both need to pay for this."
I lay against bill in tears as he holds me close to him as she heals what she can on my body.
"she needs rest and sleep, she also needs to eat something she is way to damn thin right now and its got me worried."
"we will make sure she rests and gets some food into her like she needs to"
"good but I think its best someone stays with her at all times because of the fact this whole thing with Lucius could cause her to become depressed and try something stupid"
"someone will be with her at all times"
"good"
I close my eyes falling asleep in bills arms as he holds me close to him. He picks me up taking me back down to my room laying me on the bed for the night as he lays down with me not letting me go. He didn't want to leave my side now after everything that had happened came to light to him and the others. Sirius slept out on the couch in the sitting area of my room. I woke up earlier then anyone and got up getting dressed sneaking out and out side cause it was to early for classes or even breakfast for that matter so I went out to get fresh air. I didn't hear professor snape following me I thought I was all alone. I sit down near the lake looking out as the sun begins to rise. I hear him sit next to me.
"did you follow me professor?"
"yes to make sure your safe"
"why do you care I'm not your daughter?"
"no but I've tried for the last seven years to get you to open up and tell me whats been going on and now I find out what happens every summer you go home."
"the beatings yes but the other just happened this summer so its ok don't feel bad I don't tell many or anyone at all I don't like to be a bother to anyone."
"your not a bother bells"
"no I'm just broken used goods that no one should love or want as their girl or their daughter."
"sweetie that is not even true, bill loves you and so does your father how can u even think like that"
"why shouldn't I, I wont be able to give bill children or be a mother like I've always wanted to me, I cant give my father grandchildren so I'm just nothing but used broken damaged goods nothing more. "
"no your not your so much more then that sweetie, your bright , smart and you love everyone around you, hell your even nice to Draco and you shouldn't be after the hell his father put you through."
"I've always been a kind person who loves everyone around me what his father did had nothing to do with him , he never new what was going on so how can I hold that against him? "
"that is true but still your not evil or bitter and you still love with all you have and are don't let anyone tell you any different."
"bill deserves someone who can give him children so I'm gonna break it off with him and be alone for the rest of my life even thought I love him with all I am and want to be his wife one day but I know its better I leave him now then for him to leave me later because I cant give him what he wants"
"sweetheart do you actually think hes gonna leave you later on?"
"why wouldn't he?"
"he loves you"
"he may love me but I cant make him a father and I don't want him to resent me for it one day"
"he wouldn't resent you its not your fault what happened"
"he will eventually resent me trust me I'm not able to give him the children he wants us to have."
"bells listen to me your an amazing young woman who deserves to be happy as well as he does but listen to me you cant just give up someone you love."
"I'm not giving him up I'm giving him an out and a better chance at love."
"who says I want an out and a better chance at love bells I love you and I don't care if you can give me children or not what matters is that we love each other that is all that matters to me."
"bill you will resent me one day cause I cant give you a child and I cant have you resenting me I just cant I love you way to much for that so please just accept my decision,"
"no I wont accept your decision because it is the wrong one, I love you and you love me that is all that damn matters to me so don't even think I'm gonna let you leave me because you cant give me a child like u think I want so bad"
I get up and run into the castle skipping breakfast and going straight to potions class hoping to avoid everyone for the rest of the damn day. I go class to class skipping the meals then I go down to my room shutting and locking my door to keep everyone out not wanting to see or deal with anyone. I fall asleep shortly after finishing all my homework forgetting that bill knows how to get into my rooms without me unlocking the door for him. I stir as he opens the door coming in being followed by my father and others as well.
"told you we would find her down here asleep shes been avoiding all of us all day because she thinks I'm going to accept the fact of her not wanting to hold me down because she cant give me a child."
"why would she think that is going to prevent your from loving her?"
"she thinks Ill end up resenting her because of it not that I wont love her."
"but she loves you and you love her that is what should matter not the fact if she can or cant give you a child there is adoption."
"she dosent see it like that unfortunately."
"what are you going to do bill I know that you love her and she loves you."
"I don't now what to do right now because she wont listen to anything I have to say about it she just thinks shes nothing but damaged goods and I deserve better then what she can give me."
I stir in my sleep crying as I start to scream.
"NO LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE DON'T HURT ME ANYMORE PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE!"
bills rushes to my side pulling me into his arms as I struggle against his chest my nightmare getting even worse as his voice slowly settles me down as I go back to sleep. He holds me close to his chest as my head lays on his chest his heartbeat relaxing me back to regular sleep as the others stare in awe.
"your telling me your and her connection is like this yet she wants to walk"
"shes afraid Sirius what do you expect her to do but run from it."
"what I think is she needs to be away from here and everything that is stressing her out but we all know with it being her last year she will argue over it."
"she may but there is one person who can order it and shed have to listen to him cause he is the headmaster,"
"Severus do you know how pissed she would be if we go him involved leaving her no choice in this matter?"
"yes I do know Sirius but I believe all of us in this room right now agree shes more then past the grades to graduate early and we all know she needs to be away from all this and away from anyone who's causing her stress to the point shes screaming in her sleep like this."
"yes we do all agree but who says that he will even agree to any of this."
"I'm right here and have been for sometime and I agree with Severus shes been ready to graduate since the middle of last year but we let it go because we knew she needed a safe haven and that she wanted to be with her friends."
"whats so different now?"
"shes over stressed, she has bill and you now Sirius I know shell be taken care of as she should be."
"so now what happens?"
headmaster hands bill my diploma and says a spell packing all of my things into my trunk and sends it to the burrow. He looks at me as I'm still asleep against bills chest.
"bill before she wakes up I want you to take her to your parents house and let her rest there with you and have your mother tend to her wounds that still need healing and I want you to keep trying to get her to see things your way because I know how much you two love one another."
"yes headmaster."
"bill steps through the fire with Sirius behind us as bill says the burrow as we land in the living room of the burrow scaring both his parents. They both look up as he steps from the fire with me in his arms then Sirius appearing behind us from the fire as well.
"bill dear what is going on and why are you here Sirius?"
"I figured this was a safe place for me and bells so she can heal and maybe have another woman to talk to mom."
"her mother again?"
"that and her being raped repeatedly over the summer by Lucies to the point she cant have kids now and she thinks that I'm going to resent her one day for that."
"take her up to your room dear and lay her down then and stay with her."
"yes mom"
"Sirius this still does not explain what your doing here"
"bells is my daughter molly I just found out "
"at least she has one parent that actually cares for her."
"I wish I had known sooner I could have done something but she didn't want me to know for some reason and I don't understand why."
"Sirius she didn't want you to know because she was told you did not want her."
"I never new about her to begin with till now"
"not what she was told Sirius you cant blame her for not wanting to chance being rejected by you."
"I know I cant I just wish she would have came to me all those times we had Christmas at my place"
"we all wanted her to trust me there but she refused to she hid the fact she looks just like you."
"yes I figured that out once I see her true features esp her long black thick hair and the fact she has my piecing eyes."
bill carries me upstairs laying me on his bed as I stir opening my eyes looking around realizing I wasn't at Hogwarts anymore I start to freak out.
"bells darling its ok your safe at the burrow"
"whats going on "
"headmaster gave you your diploma early and had me bring you here so you can heal darling we all are worried about you."
"bill I cant do this I cant tie you down and not be able to give you a child or even become a mother like I've always wanted to be."
"bells my love listen to me for a minute ok?"
"yes"
"I love you for who you are not what you can or cant give me what matters to me is we love one another we can always adopt or we can have someone carry a baby for us one or the other but you not being able to carry our child is not something I am going to resent you for in the future."
"I do love you but it scares me to think you might and then if you did, you would just leave me and Id be all alone again."
"never going to happen my love I love you way to much to do something like that to you."
I lay my head down against bill in tears as he sits down with me holding me against his chest letting me cry as he rubs my back. I crawl into his lap and curl into him. He looks up as my father and his mother come into the room as they see me curled up on his lap as he holds me close to him.
"she ok bill?"
"shell be ok we talked and I got her to see things how ive been trying to get her to see them shes just scared and I can understand why she is I wont hold that against her one bit."
"shes been through so much so I cant blame her for being scared either son."
"headmaster wants her here so she has someone to talk to and that she can heal properly."
"she needs to be able to heal properly and talk to someone when she needs too."
I fall asleep against his chest as he holds me close not letting go of me. He kisses the top of my head as he lays me down onto the bed. He goes downstairs and sits with the others talking letting me sleep as I curl under the blankets blocking out the world wishing that the nightmares would just stop and go away. I sleep through dinner the next thing I know is I feel bill crawling into bed beside me as he wraps his arms around me pulling me close to him. I jump slightly as he pulls me close to him.
"shh bells love its just me your safe here baby"
"im sorry bill I didn't mean to jump you startled me."
"its ok my love I understand but your safe here with me I promise no one is going to hurt you ever again."
"my mom will find away because she told me once im out of school I am not going to leave home ever again and im going to serve her the rest of my life."
"thats not going to happen my love if I have anything to say about it your going to be with me the rest of your life."
"is that your way of purposing bill weasley?'
"will you marry me bell black?"
"yes my love I will marry you."
he kisses me deeply as I kiss him back pressing close to him as he runs his hands along my body. He looks down into my eyes as I look back up into his eyes.
"are you ok with this bells love?"
"yes love I'm ok with it."
"I don't want to push you after everything you went through this summer."
"your not pushing me love , I love you and I want to be with you in every way I just feel bad I cant give you a baby."
"love what did I say about that"
"you said all that matters is we love one another."
"exactly."
he kisses me deeply again as I kiss him back as he slowly undresses me then himself as he kisses along my body as he slowly makes love to me for the first time. We lay in each others arms after we made love. He holds me against his chest as I close my eyes resting against him.
"you ok my love?"
"yes my love I am ok it was so much different then this summer."
"yes my love it was because what he did was forced on you what we did was something we both wanted. "
"I am sorry I couldn't save myself for you like I wanted to."
"its not your fault love don't u dare blame yourself for what he did to you cause it is not your fault one bit."
"I know love but I was saving myself for our wedding night if we ever got married."
"I know my love but its ok."
we fall asleep cuddled tight against each other as we fall asleep together. We sleep through the night till my nightmare flares up around 2 am I wake up screaming again. Bill wraps his arms tighter around me and holds me close trying to get me to calm down.
"shh baby its ok I got you."
I calm down laying in his arms. He kisses the top of my head as he holds me tight as I go back to sleep. We wake up around 10am the next day. We go downstairs and into the kitchen to see his mom cooking breakfast his dad sitting reading the paper. They both look up as we come into the kitchen.
"good morning sweetie how are you feeling?"
"I'm ok ."
"did you sleep ok?"
"yes I slept ok better then I normally do."
I lay my head against bills shoulder as he wraps an arm around me. We are sitting side by side at the table. Suddenly the kitchen gets noisy as charlie shows up with his girlfriend. I sit quietly watching not saying a word as bill keeps his arm around me knowing how I am around people at times.
"charlie don't be rude you remember bells don't you?"
"hey bells Hun how have you been?"
"I've been ok charlie its good to see you again."
"why in the hell are you calling her Hun charlie I'm your girlfriend are you cheating on me with this little harlot."
"excuse me my fiancee is not a harlot so I suggest you back off."
"wait since when is bells your fiancee?"
"since last night when I asked her to marry me"
"you purposed and did not tell any of us?"
"well hadn't had the chance to tell anyone yet was getting ready to when you and your girl came in."
I sit quietly watching everyone around me as bill keeps me close to him. Charlies girlfriend is still glaring at me behind his back. I look over to his mother and she can see that I'm on a verge of a panic attack. She comes over and takes my arm telling bill to finish breakfast that we will be back in a moment. She leads me upstairs to bills and my room. I sit on the bed shaking as I do putting my head in my hands as the tears fall from my eyes.
"shh bell its ok I'm right here I promise no one is going to hurt you while you are here."
"she called me a harlot just like he did every time he raped me over the summer, I'm not a harlot I'm a good person."
"sweetie you are a good person and didn't deserve what happened to you and there is no way in hell you are a harlot either and I will not stand for you being called one in my own house."
she goes downstairs then I hear yelling and screaming coming from the kitchen. I hear charlie tell his girl it was over and that he was not going to have someone calling his little sister a harlot when she had done nothing wrong to anyone in her life and the hell she has been through she didn't need anymore from someone like her. I lay down curling up and fall asleep still in a midst of a panic attack. I don't hear charlie and bill come into the room a little while later.
"I think she cried herself to sleep"
"she probably did mom took her out of the kitchen because she was having a panic attack and I could tell she was but I knew mom wanted to handle it so I let her."
"shes been through enough and I'm sorry that my ex did that to her it was uncalled for."
"wasn't your fault bro."
"no but I feel bad about it you know that I've always seen bell as a sister to me and now that you two are engaged she will be my sister in law."
"I know bro"
I roll in my sleep as they watch me sleep worried about me. I sleep for the next few hours. Bill sits down beside me rubbing my back slowly to wake me up knowing I haven't ate anything all day cause of what happened this morning.
"love wake up sweetie you need to eat something."
I slowly wake up and open my eyes looking up at bill as I smile softly at him. He smiles and leans down kissing me softly.
"hi my love"
"hi my love sorry I slept so long"
"its ok love you needed it and I understand."
I sit up and lay my head against his arm. He puts his arms around me and kisses me softly. His mom comes in as he holds me close to him.
"you feeling ok bells sweetie?"
"yes I'm sorry about earlier I didn't mean to cause any problems"
"you didn't sweetie its ok don't u blame yourself for someone else actions."
"I still feel like I did something to provoke her and I didn't meant to cause her and charlie to breakup the way they did"
"charlie stood up for you sweetie he called you his little sister and protected you like any brother would."
"I thought he was mad that me and bill are engaged and didn't tell anyone yet."
"no we were all a little shocked cause neither of you mentioned it yet but then again it did just happen last night after everyone had gone to bed."
"we were going to tell everyone once we had woken up more we just didn't now charlie was going to be here with his girl either."
"its ok sweetie you don't need to explain things to me no one is mad about it we all expected you and bill to get married as much as you two love one another."