Take two with this story. Didn't like the first draft. Mixed with scenes from episode 12 and from episode 13 sneak peaks released a few days ago. Tan POV.

-SWAT-

Sitting at home by myself with the TV on I can't stop thinking about Chris and how worried I am about her. Erika's death hit all of us hard, but I never realized how hard Chris took it until last week when we were talking in the locker room. She never looked up at me or made eye contact once Erika was brought up; she only looked at me when I suggested hitting the ring, beating on the bag for a while after shift. That night we stayed for over an hour and while she did fine it wasn't close to how much she normally puts into it. It was like she was only doing it because I suggested it and wanted to appease me, show me that she's fine in hopes I wouldn't worry as much. I'm even more worried now than I was before. She didn't talk to me at all once we finished; she just gathered up her stuff and left without a word.

While I haven't gotten any more calls from her to pick her up at bars, I can tell she's still not doing well. She's not engaging with anyone unless it's work related, and she doesn't seem to enjoy the things she loved to do before Erika died like boxing and working out. She keeps to herself and won't open up when I ask her anything. I've kept her secret. I haven't told the others about having to pick her up that night or the fight she got into, but every day it's getting harder to keep it to myself and not reach out to someone just to have some backup.

My phone suddenly rings and I sigh, fearing we've been called in when it's supposed to be our day off the next day. We had been non-stop on calls the past few days and everyone couldn't wait for some time away from the action, not on call and able to enjoy some personal time. I tried asking Chris if she wanted to do some hiking, even though it's not my favorite thing to do but I know she likes to do it, but she shut me down again, saying she 'needs time to herself'. While everyone else seemed alright with that, I grew more concerned about how much 'time to herself' she was taking.

Picking my phone off the table I'm surprised to see it's not HQ calling us in, but Luca FaceTiming me. We haven't talked in a while, since I had called him asking for advice on the TLI competition. Accepting the call, I sit up straighter on the couch and smile, not realizing until now how much I miss him.

After a few seconds the call connects and I see his face for the first time in a long while. "Hey Luca, how's it going over there?"

He smiles his big goofy smile. "Hey Tan. It's going alright, all things considered. Restrictions have been lifted for the most part so I can do a bit more than when Covid first hit the country. The guys are amazing and really took me under their wing when I got here. It'll be fun to show Chris everything when she gets over here."

"Yeah I, um, I think she'll like that a lot," I stumble out. "I think she can use the break from everything that's happened." Can she handle it without having to drown a bottle every night though? I can't help but think.

Luca sighing brings me back from my thoughts. He never sighs. "Yeah, I know. Listen Tan…how's Chris doing? I've talked to her a few times since Erika died, but I can't get a good read on how she's actually handling it. She says she's fine, Street says she's doing fine, but there's a feeling I have in my gut that says she isn't."

"Well I don't know how Street would know how she's doing; those two have barley talked to each other since the TLI winner was announced." I debate for minute about what else to tell him. On one hand he cares about Chris as much as any of us; but on the other hand, he's almost 6,000 miles away in another country, how could he be any help? He's someone you can share your concerns with. The person you were just looking for. "Honestly man…she's not doing well at all."

I spend the next twenty minutes filling him in on everything that's happened since Erika died. How she wasn't cleared by Dr. Wendy for a while, having to pick her up at the bar, how her apartment was a mess, the alcohol stocked in the freezer, concerned about her being in the field on her first day back, how distant she's gotten from everyone over the past week. "I keep asking if she wants to do something but she keeps shutting me down. She spends so much time alone now; I don't even think she sees her aunt and uncle much anymore. I don't know what to do, but something has to be done soon. I'm getting really scared she'll do something to jeopardize someone's safety or her own."

We're both silent for a while, Luca trying to take in everything I just told him and myself for realizing how much I just told him. I feel bad for bringing it up, but it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, relief that someone else knows now.

Luca clears his throat and takes a minute before he can speak again. "I am too. Listen, when I get back next week we'll talk to her together and can hopefully get her on the right track to recovery."

I start nodding my head then stop when I think back to what he just said. "Wait, you'll be back next week?"

He laughs before speaking. "Yeah, with restrictions being lifted I was able to get a flight back home for a little bit while we break from the competition. You're the first person I'm telling, everyone else will know as soon as we're done talking."

"Yeah, can't wait to have you back. We've missed you since you've been gone." We talk a bit more before hanging up, Luca agreeing to keep me updated on his flight back while I promise to keep an eye on Chris and let him know if things get worse.

That night I'm able to fall asleep easily for the first time since Erika's death, knowing soon I'll have extra help dealing with Chris and hopefully getting her back on the right path to recovery.

-SWAT-

The next week moves slower than I ever thought was possible. Luca and I keep in contact about when he'll be back in LA, how the team is doing and, more importantly, how Chris is doing. Nothing new had improved or changed with Chris; she's still quiet unless spoken too, doesn't want to do anything with us outside of work, and I still catch her taking meds to help with the headaches almost every morning in the locker room. Nothing I say to her seems to help; she's still defensive and says she's 'dealing with it' though we both know she isn't. How the rest of the team hasn't caught on yet I have no idea. Besides Street, no one questioned her black eye from the bar fight last week but it's only a matter of time before someone starts to fill the gaps in.

Luca had flown in the day before, so walking into HQ the next day and seeing him at the ring watching two other guys box brought a smile to my face. Deacon and Chris seemed just as happy, hugs going around and Luca filling us in on his special project he's on until he goes back to Germany with Chris. As Deac and I head to the locker room, I look back and notice Chris and Luca talking. Please let us be able to help her, I think to myself. Our phones going off with our work ringtone get us all moving, personal problems and worries put aside for now.

-SWAT-

Days turn into weeks and neither Luca or I have been able to have a real conversation with Chris. Calls kept us busy during work time, and on our off time she declines doing anything with us. Every time she declines I have the desire to drive to her place and just confront her, get her to see she isn't fine like she claims and get her the help she needs, but I never do. Addiction isn't an easy thing to get over, I know that from my cousin Zee, especially when it's tied in with guilt and depression, but I can't let Chris get to that danger zone and have something horrible happen that can't be undone. I can't lose another family member to the monster that is addiction.

One day I'm in the kitchen at HQ making a quick lunch to eat on the run when Luca walks in with Street right behind him, both with worried looks on their face. "Hey, we need to talk," Luca says in the tone of voice I know means business. "It's about Chris," he adds softly, so hopefully no one overhears him. When Hondo had told us Chris called in sick that morning and we'd rolling one person down since Fowler wasn't available, my concern only grew a thousand times more. Things were only getting worse.

Luca turns to Street. "Tell Tan what you told me earlier."

He seems reluctant to but only holds off a few seconds before talking. "She called me at six this morning from a motel in Hollywood. She told me she couldn't remember how she got there or where her car was. I went and got her, we found her car, found a place to keep it parked because she was too shaken up to drive, and I brought her back home, told her to rest up. The thing is…alcohol bottles were all around the room, she was dressed in sexy clothing, the bed clearly held two people at one time, and she reeked of alcohol, like she drank more than what was in the room."

Placing my elbows on the table and bring my hands to rub at my eyes, I sigh, not wanting to believe what I just heard. Chris having a one-night stand, getting so drunk she couldn't remember anything the next morning? I never thought it would get this far. "It's only getting worse," I say out loud, looking at Luca who shares the same concerned look I have right now. When Street gives me a confused look, I tell him about Chris's bar fight, how I had to pick her up and seeing all the alcohol in her freezer.

"We have to do something," Street says after I finish and all three of us had been silent for a while. "We can't let her continue down this road."

"Yeah but how? Every time I try to talk to her she says she's fine, and she won't do anything with us outside of work."

"Then we confront her and tell her the hard truth," Luca says. When Street and I give him uncertain looks, he moves on. "Look, she's not going to admit it out loud to us. We have to make her see how she's handling Erika's death isn't healthy and is only going to cause her problems in the long run. We have to be harsh with the truth, but show her we're doing this out of love and concern and that we'll be there with her through it all."

After thinking about it I find Luca is right. She won't confess to us; we have to make her see how it's affecting her and how she's handling it is affecting us. That we're on her side and want to help her get past this and onto a road to recovery. I look at Luca and nod my head, letting him know I'm on his side. After a while so does Street, though he looks scared about going through with it.

Leaning on the table in front of us, Luca gets closer to Street and I so we're in a small circle. "Alright here's the plan."

-SWAT-

After shift the three of us head out together. Street goes off to grab food from Chris's favorite Mexican restaurant while Luca and I go grab her car, all of us meeting at her apartment complex in the parking lot. Street leads the way, knocking on the door while Luca and I hang back a little bit. When she doesn't answer on the first knock, Street tries again. "Chris, it's me. I brought you food; I know you probably haven't eaten all day. It's from your favorite Mexican place."

After about a minute the door opens. "Thanks," we hear her say softly, like talking too loud would disturb the quietness of her building. Or bother the monster headache she might still have, I can't help but think.

"We got your car back here too. It's in the parking lot," Street says casually. At the 'we' Chris looks out the door and spots me and Luca. She sighs and drops her head down, chin hitting her chest, like she knows she's been busted. "Can we come in?" Street asks, and I'm surprised when she actually agrees.

Walking into her place it's even more trashed than the last time I was here. Her table is covered in left over plates, cups, and to go containers; dishes are piled high in the sink, her small table by the couch is also covered in food containers and alcohol bottles and cups. Luca and Street take a look around, their first time seeing it first hand, while Chris just stands there not trying to defend herself like she did with me last time. "Sorry for the mess. Take a seat if you can find one," is all she says defeatedly as she walks towards her couch, pulling a blanket over her lap.

Luca moves to sit next to her on the couch while me and Street move to sit in the chairs to the right and left of the couch, turning them so we can face Luca and Chris. We're all silent, not knowing how to even start the conversation, Chris staring down at her lap playing with her hands like she does when she's nervous about something.

It's Luca who speaks up first. "What's been going on Chris? This isn't like you, the drinking I mean." When she doesn't answer he does something he never dose, he pleads. "Please talk to us, we just want to help."

She still doesn't answer. Luca stares at her, waiting for her to say something, while Street looks just as lost as Chris does, and I don't know what to say. It feels like hours later, but it was only a few minutes, when she speaks in the softest voice I ever heard her use. "It's my fault she's dead. I got her killed."

"No, it's not Chris," Street speaks up, but Chris looks up and fires back. "Yes, it is. I asked her to fill in for Deac, even though it was her day off. Had I not asked her, she would still be here. I'm the reason she's dead."

"Do you blame me then, too, Chris?" I ask. She looks my way, confusion plastered on her grief-stricken face. "I got hit remember? One of the bullets grazed me on the leg. Had I not been hit you and Erika wouldn't have had to move from your cover to help get me out. That's when we think she was hit was during that time. So if you want to blame someone then part of the blame is on me." It's a tricky game to play but it's the only way I can think of to get her thinking in another direction.

Shaking her head while rubbing her eyes, she says "No it's not your fault Tan. You couldn't help getting hit."

"Had my positioning been better I could have. My leg was sticking too far out; had it not been, I wouldn't have gotten hit," I fire back. I can see the fight coming in her eyes, she's getting heated, so I continue. "If you wanna blame someone else then blame Hondo too. He okayed Erica joining us, he told you two to go with me while he provided cover fire."

"It's not Hondo's fault and it ain't your fault either," she yells back. "I asked her to come, it's all on me."

Street can't stay silent anymore, he speaks up. "You're not the one who pulled the trigger Chris. You're not the one who put the bullet in Erika's chest. That's all on the guy who shot her and he's dead. There's nothing you can do about it, we can't change the past so her death doesn't happen. We learn to move on, but lean on the people who care about us for help. That's all we want to do Chris. We love you and we hate seeing you hurt, but drinking your sorrows away doesn't help; it only makes it worse."

Luca places an arm over Chris's shoulder, bringing her into a hug even though she fights it. "Let us help you get past the grief and move on Chris. I know you don't like opening up, who does? But you need to do this in order to get to the next step of healing. This isn't the road you want to go down, I know it."

She's almost at the breaking point. Tears are streaming down from her eyes, her face is red from holding back the sobs that want to escape from her. It's Street that finally gets her to break. "This isn't what Erika would want for you. She wouldn't want you holding onto this. She doesn't blame you."

Her walls crack and she cries like I've never seen anyone cry the way she dose. She presses her face into Luca's shirt, hiding her face from us, but she sobs and clings to Luca's shirt like her life depends on it. His hug tightens on her like he's her life preserver keeping her afloat in the sea of grief, tears streaming down his face too. Looking at the two of them I realize this is probably the first time since Erika's death that they're both properly grieving. Looking back at her funeral I don't remember Chris crying or looking upset at all through the service. She just looked numb. Luca had still been in Germany when this all happened, he was alone with this for weeks helping Chris along but no one to talk to himself. They both needed this. I just wish it wasn't under these circumstances.

There's no room on the couch but I get up from my spot on the chair and move to the armrest of the couch, sit on it and hug Chris from behind, hoping she understands that she is not alone and never has been. Street moves from his seat and moves behind the couch, wrapping his arms around me and Luca in a big awkward family hug. We stay like that for an unknown amount of time, but by the time Chris and Luca start pulling apart my back is complaining. I sit up, Street moves towards the kitchen while Chris and Luca wipe their faces with tissues that happened to be on her table. Her face is a mess with her eyeliner and mascara all smudged up but her eyes look a little clearer, as if some of the immense grief has been lifted off her shoulders.

Street comes back with a glass of water that he hands to Chris who takes it greedily, gulping it down. She hands it back with shaky hands, looking down at her lap yet again. Street kneels down on the ground, placing his hands on her knees. "Please Chris, let us help you," he all but begs. There's something else he's asking for, I can't tell what, but the icy interactions I've seen between them since Erika's death come forward in my mind. Deal with that later. Focus on getting her off the alcohol.

It's a while before she answers. "Please help me," she half begs, half pleads. "I'm tired of fighting on my own, I can't do it anymore."

Luca brings her into another hug. "You were never alone Chris. We're here for you, we got you girl." When they let go I move in. "Like Luca said, we're here to help all the way. Nothing comes between family." She and Street share a hug but say no words to each other.

When she lets go of Street she wraps her arms around her as if trying to create her own security blanket. "Now what?" she asks hesitantly, scared not knowing what to do next.

"Now we start the healing process." Luca turns and makes his way towards the fridge, opening up the freezer door. He pulls out the bottles of alcohol stored in there and places them on the counter. "Come on Chris," he calls. "Dump each of these in the sink." She moves to stand next to him but freezes, a scared look in her eyes. "This isn't the way to healing. You need to face your feelings head on, and alcohol only hides them away." When she gives him an unsure look, one of his hands goes on her shoulder. "You can do this." She looks to me and Street and we both nod our heads, letting her silently know we believe she can. Eventually she opens the first bottle and dumps it out, grabs the next one and empties it out and continues until all the bottles are empty. She opens the fridge and empties out some more bottles with us telling or asking if she had anymore.

All the bottles empty and sitting on the counter she starts crying again, and we all move forward to embrace her in a hug I only hope is comforting. This is a big step and I only hope we can keep her on the straight path to healing the right way. I know it's not suddenly solved, it'll be a fight for a long while to keep her on the straight and narrow.

We break apart, Street reaching for the food he left on the table when we first got here. "Want to reheat this and we can eat and talk, figure out how we can help you?" She nods her head, Luca telling her to go clean herself up a bit while we take care of cleaning up the living space. She comes out not long after, clean from a shower, and we sit down and talk for hours, not leaving until late at night when Chris is about to pass out from exhaustion. After she shuts the door on us, Street, Luca and myself set up a time to be back at her place to finish the rest of the cleanup and figure out the rest of her healing.

I get home and sleep better than I have in weeks, knowing one of my best friends and family members is on the right track to getting past grief. I find myself slipping into sleep a little less worried.

-SWAT-

So much better than my first time posting this. Excited to see what actually happens in the episode and how all of it goes down. Thanks for reading!