A/N: A crossover between two of my personal favourite games/tv shows. I wrote/posted something to the website a few years ago with the same name, before taking it down. I rethought the piece and here we are. Portal/Portal 2 is property of Valve. Doctor Who is property of the BBC.

Present day. Fairly peaceful on Earth, for once. The Doctor was looking at one of the TARDIS monitors, typing something into the console. The screen was filled with lines of code, simple enough to find, if you're him. He had been monitoring an Earthly science facility, trying to get into their systems after requests for an in-person meeting had been ignored. He was looking for signs of alien activity, after several strange reports had come from the place, and was currently trying to find proof.

The facility was known as Aperture Laboratories, formally. It was a hive of development, creating and testing new inventions, including a sophisticated security system which The Doctor was slowly getting into.

When he finally did, he found a single file hidden away, in an inconspicuous corner of the servers. It was locked behind a password. Once through that, he found videos, each labelled 'EMPLOYEE_INT.' followed by a number, as well as various photos and text files. As The Doctor opened the first file's video, the pixels slowly resolved themselves into an image.

On a high backed chair sat the subject of the interview - A man. He seemed nervous, but smiled anyway - slightly off centre from the camera, presumably at the person filming. On a table in front of him was a glass with a small piece of lemon on the side. The man didn't touch it, just edged it to the middle of the table, awkwardly.

He had red hair. Not bright, just...red. His eyes were a brilliant blue, which matched the shirt he was wearing. It was half tucked in, like he had been pulled into the interview room before he was ready.

"Hello." He smiled, his accent was British, from Bristol, if The Doctor was right, "I'm one of the employees here. I help to develop and maintain the IT systems. I've been working here for…" He paused, counting, "...Seven years. Just about."

"What do you think of this place?" A voice asked off-camera. It was female, serious but not too much. She sounded like a person that cared for those working for her.

"What do I think of the place? Well, it's… alright, I guess. It's never quiet. Always something going on."

"And your job?" The female voice moved on.

"It's good." He stuttered over the first part, making sure he was saying the right thing, "Like I said, the place is always busy. 'Manage to find something to do."

It was as if the recording was meant to stop there, but didn't, because a few seconds later, the man started talking to the off-camera woman.

The female voice spoke from off-camera: "Is there any chance that you could... be a little more positive? What do you like about it? The people you work with. That kind of thing."

"Oh, yeah, sure." He readjusted how he was sat, back to the interview. The Doctor assumed this was where the video would have picked up again. "The people I work with, well, they're great. I mean, could not ask for better people to work with." He pulled at his collar. Or, perhaps it was his neck. Hard to tell.

The Doctor, watching these videos silently, thought that the statement was genuine. If this was supposed to get people interested in working there, it certainly would.

Anyway, it wasn't finished yet. The interview seemed to be going well, though.

"The last thing is a few words of encouragement for the people watching. They'll already be here, if that helps." The female voice directed.

"All I can think of is 'You made it this far, now the real work begins.' or something. To be honest, not that good at inspirational messages."

"No, no. It's fine. And we're all done here. Thank you for taking time out of your work to do this."

"It was no trouble at all, really." The man stood up.

"Oh, and Wheatley?"

"What, uh, what is it?"

"The answer's still 'no' by the way."

"You really saw through me there." He laughed, "Can't get you to change your mind?"

"Absolutely not." The female voice replied in kind, as a button clicked and the camera stopped recording.

And that was where the video ended. The Doctor looked at one of the images next. The first was a group picture of, who he assumed, the man - according to the video, his name was 'Wheatley', although if it was an alias or not was to be determined- and the group he worked with. It had been taken on a modern phone, and everyone seemed to be either smiling or posing for it. All but one of them looked human. One was a rather inhuman-looking lizard man, wearing a hat that wouldn't look out of place on the head of Indiana Jones. He was tilting the hat over his eyes.

The number of people in the photo matched with how many videos The Doctor had marked as 'interesting'. So at least now he had an idea of what they all looked like before he watched their interviews.

The second video was shot similarly to the first - a chair in a square room. There wasn't a drink on the table this time. In its place was a bowl full of...things. The Doctor had always liked bowls of...things. Could put all sorts in there. He thought of putting some things in a bowl in the TARDIS.

"Focus." The Doctor told himself. He pushed the bowl idea somewhere further back in his head. Not too far, though, or he might forget.

The man in the chair this time seemed more sure about what he was doing. From this and the picture, he was the only one who actually wore a lab coat. It was buttoned all the way to the top. He had black hair, neatly brushed back. Obviously someone who cared about appearances. The only other thing were his shoes, a pink colour. They were probably more comfortable than any work shoes.

"Okay, so I want to do this a little differently than last time. We'll start with your name first." The same female voice said, still as positive as before.

"Well, the others just call me 'Fact'. Not that we actually tell each other our names anyway." He said, "My job, my role in this facility-" 'Fact' as he was known, spoke in an accent that was harder to place. Transatlantic? Possibly. It would come to The Doctor in time.

"Yes?"

"My job is to oversee multiple projects that take place here. Mostly ones that focus on human testing." He smiled. Unlike his fellow workmate, this was almost forced, "What I like about it is how fulfilling it is to see these projects completed. Although I expect them to be the highest standard-"

"I don't think you need to be that specific. I was hoping to show the interview to the new employees." The woman interrupted him. He would probably continue forever if she didn't.

"Even more reason to tell them that the best is expected of them."

"I already know what happens when they disappoint you and I don't think our new employees would appreciate it."

"Do you think I'm too harsh on them? Maybe I am. They're only human…"

"I'm human." The woman seemed like this was something she had to keep telling him.

Fact looked to the left, at something else off-camera. He sounded irritated.

"One of the employees wants to talk to you. If they're bothering you I could always...deal with them"

"No. You're not- I can say this because I'm editing this video later- You're not eating them. Especially not the ones who practically keep this place running."

"But you let me do the same to the people that work under me."

"I don't want to know what happens to them. Just...stop giving me more paperwork to file. I have to report all of that and there's only so many times you can say it was an 'accident' before people get suspicious."

"It's getting to be a problem. I understand. I'll try better in pretending that it didn't happen." Fact gave a sincere smile, "I seem to have taken this on a tangent. What else do you need for the interview?"

"I would ask for some words of encouragement, but I think I know what you'd say."

Fact gave a very slight laugh, "Impress me. Or else." He said, staring down the camera for the first time in the video. The Doctor noticed that his irises were a shade of pink. Possibly some kind of resonance from a different form. The last thing that anyone would see was the cold unflinching stare of someone that demanded perfection.

The video ended on that note. The Doctor was feeling more suspicious. He couldn't tell what he was more annoyed, disappointed, and outraged at. This 'Fact' for even suggesting the idea that he was allowed to devour the people that didn't work to his standard, or for the woman in charge for letting it happen.

He didn't want to know what the other videos showed, because they would probably just outrage him even more. He glanced at another one of the images, hoping it would calm him down a little. This one looked like it was taken without the people there knowing, since everyone seemed to be working.

From the people he recognised, Wheatley was working on a table in the middle of the room. The top of it was lit up, like a massive light board. He looked like he was in the middle of writing something, glasses balanced on the top of his head - the first that The Doctor had seen of them. Fact was sat at a desk, on a computer. One that The Doctor would love to get to see. There was a green glow coming from the screen, reflected in Fact's eyes. That wasn't a good sign at all. The desk that you could see was cluttered with things like pens and sticky notes. A pile of folders were at his feet.

The reptilian man - The Doctor hadn't worked out his species yet - was carrying something across the room, glancing at the glowing table. He was still wearing that hat from before, and a jacket that matched it. The box he was holding had something written on it in one of their natural tongues. Again, The Doctor couldn't tell what it was just yet. A woman, whom The Doctor assumed was the woman he had been hearing in the interviews, was standing on the other side of the glowing table, pointing at something with a pencil. She was their superior, but also seemed to work with them if it was called for. The people that The Doctor had seen her interact with looked like they treated her as an equal. That was nice of them.

The third video was shot in a completely different way. It wasn't official at all. And it was quick to see why.

"-You want to film me? Is it for this 'interview' thing you're doing, Caroline?" The reptilian man spoke, he had a distinct southern accent, from the United States, "Got nothing better to do."

They sat at one of the desks in the room.

"Alright. Interview." He clapped his hands together, "Name's Rick. I do field research. Y'know, go out and collect stuff. Nobody bothers me much while I'm out there. Probably don't want to mess with me."

"I never asked- what's your actual name, because you just let us call you by a nickname, right?" The woman, Caroline, asked.

"My name's 'Ricreca', so it is a nickname. Nobody could pronounce it when I first met all of you. When your work woke me up after millions of years. You're lucky that it was just me that you disturbed."

"I did apologise for that."

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway If I have anything to say to the people that are going to work here, it's that they're going to end up hurt, dead, or scarred for life."

"Why are all of you so negative about this place?" Caroline asked, a little upset that she was the only person who liked the facility

"It's true." came a chorus of voices from various places in the room. The camera panned round to see everyone, looking up from computers and paperwork.

"I'm going to tell him you all said that." Caroline said to herself, loud enough for them to hear. Everyone else voiced their immediate dislike of that idea.

"He's the only person here that I'm actually afraid of." Wheatley's voice said. He was genuinely worried about it.

"Aren't you…" Caroline raised her hand up to a height much taller than she was, although when looking at both of them, they were near enough the same height, "...so tall? How are you scared of him? I don't think he could overpower you."

"Yes but he could fire me. And I don't really want that to happen."

"He does like doing that. I've seen people look at him 'wrong' and he fires them." Caroline sighed, "Can we get back to interviewing you now?" She pointed the camera back at Rick.

"Don't have much else to say-" Rick started, but was interrupted by an announcement from some speakers in the room. The voice of the person running the facility.

"I know you're all busy. I'll make it quick. We have some visitors in the facility today, and I ask you to welcome them to the labs. Show them some hospitality, and make me proud."

What the employees thought of their boss, and what he sounded like, were two completely different things. The Doctor wondered who was visiting the laboratory. Must have been important, if an announcement had to be made for their arrival.

The last pictures looked almost the same. One was a group photograph, but taken properly this time. They all looked happy to be there, sat on and around a chair for three people. The other was the same, but monsters and creatures replaced where some of them stood.

One was the complete opposite of the human they mirrored: a tall, bulky creature with talons that reached the floor. It was both intimidating and...not. Depends on which side of it you got. Another was like a bat. It hovered above the ground with its wings. It had pointy teeth and claws.

If what The Doctor saw was right, then the human beings at that lab were on a very thin line between life and death. All things considered, if this picture was anything to go by, then the last two people were undoubtedly human. Which begged the question as to why they were all in the same group.

The second-to-last video was back to being in a single smaller room again. Changed again, the walls looked brighter than before. And the table had a tiny plant on it.

"At least this interview will be normal." The Doctor heard Caroline say. She sounded tired, like she really didn't want to keep doing this, "Okay, so. Name, nickname, whatever."

The man she was talking to looked a little younger than the others. He'd still been in the photographs, but always busy or stood somewhere at the back.

His hair was light brown, in a perpetual state of mess. Maybe he was too busy to do anything about it, or maybe that's just how it was. He was wearing a lab coat like the rest of them, over a shirt emblazoned with pins and badges. They were all themed around the same thing, clearly. The man's eyes were also brown, with tiny orange flecks dotted around his iris.

"Everyone just calls me 'Space'. It's because of my job. Of course it is. Mostly because I spend most of my time looking at the stars and writing down what I need to know. It's really interesting actually because-"

The Doctor, who had been known to be an avid fan of space and the contents thereof, could have listened to the man talking for hours. Seeing how long the video was, it was safe to assume that he had been allowed to talk until he ran out of things to say.

"-because, well it's not the best job to be doing when you're so far under the ground. I really want to get out there and see it for myself one day. See how beautiful it is for real." Space stopped, "Sorry, am I taking this off what you wanted me to say?"

"No, It's fine. Just, keep talking if you want to. I have all day." Caroline yawned. Were all the videos shot in one day? The Doctor wondered if that were true.

"Okay, so...well the best part of it is explaining everything. Like the tests we've been running on those-" the audio cut out, censored for some reason, "-samples that he ordered. The dust is actually very harmful if you breathe it in-"

The Doctor moved the video along. He made a note to ask about what the samples were, when he paid them all a visit. He started the video at a later point, where Space's face looked increasingly concerned.

"They're doing what with it? You can't! It's dangerous! Why did you think we ran all of those tests on it? It was to prove it was safe for human testing and it's clearly not."

"It's what he ordered them to do." Caroline replied. Serious, and also sympathetic, "You can take it up with him if you'd like, but it won't change a thing. I would know- I've already tried."

"I suppose if you mix it with something else then it may be less likely to kill you, I guess."

"They turned it into one of the testing gels. So now there's three. And more people are bound to get injured by it."

"Didn't someone get given blue paint instead of the...the blue gel?" Space asked. He didn't seem to remember what it was called.

"And we all know who was monitoring that test, and who was responsible for it. And who was severely reprimanded for tampering with the testing spheres."

"That was hi-"

The recording stopped abruptly.

If the beeping noise in the last thirty seconds indicated anything, then the cause was just the battery running out.

From what The Doctor knew, he could guess who was responsible for messing with their tests. He really wanted to go back and listen to Space talking about his job but no. There were more important things to do. Like watch the last of the videos. It was only a few seconds long.

It was Caroline, sitting in the same chair that all the others had been. The woman who had been doing all the interviews. She had dark brown hair, tied back by a red and white neckerchief-turned-hair decoration. She'd set the camera up herself, and sat down in front of it. The mood was different this time, like this was only meant for certain people. Or a certain person.

"If you're viewing this, then that means either A: I finally decided to show the videos to everyone and their being in the lab is accepted, or B: you're someone looking around for information. I'd assume the latter, probably in the form of a rival facility looking for anything you can get your hands on without being caught." She bowed her head, "If that is the case, then please accept this formal invitation. I wish to see the person - or people, if that may be - who managed to view this video."

The Doctor made sure that he would mention this if they ask him why he's there.

"But please be aware that anything that happens to you here is not our responsibility."

That sounded like a threat. Or a warning at least. 'You have the information, but you can't come over here to prove it.' That's what it meant. Anyone who did would be left in a sort of...stalemate. Clever. Especially if some very dangerous creatures that were more than happy to kill were there.

The Doctor, however, wasn't stopped by this. It just made him more interested, and since that was everything he had to look at, it was time for him to pay them a visit. Although the time period was probably a little off. Not present day - the decor wasn't modern enough. Maybe the 1980's. He punched in the coordinates, preparing for whatever he faced. Science, and a whole lot of it. He might even do a bit of sightseeing, take a tour around their laboratories. Pick up some stuff.

But he couldn't just leave them alone. He had to check that the human employees were safe. He had heard some rumours about the place as well. Well, The Doctor said rumours. What he actually meant was 'highly advanced technology that was suspiciously not like anything else on Earth', and someone paid the lab to make it. He found that in their files as well. If you do have time to look around…