Elliot leaned heavily against the counter, glaring back into the confused gaze being leveled at him.
The nurse spoke slowly, obviously convinced it was an affect of his concussion. Or amnesia. Or just plain stupidity. It was when she raised her voice WHILE drawing out her speech that he nearly lost it.
He was not DEAF.
"You want to change your emergency contact" she repeated.
"Yes." Elliot enunciated. Making sure his speech was steady, and pointedly not that of an invalid.
She blinked back at him, "You updated your contact information yesterday, Detective Stabler" she reminded him. Helpfully pointing out the same number that lived at "number one" in his phone. This time lowering her voice to a hush, as if she was trying to cover for his embarrassing situation.
"I KNOW" Elliot ground out. While thinking that if Olivia wasn't so stubborn, and so loyal, and so God damn ESSENTIAL; this, whatever this is, would not be occurring.
"And you're changing it. Today" she confirmed, as he nodded enthusiastically. Quickly grimacing at the rushed movement.
Relief spread over him, immediately strangled with an unwelcome sense of loss and broken connection, as she slashed a line through her name.
That last tendril that hung on from their past life, the tangible proof their unbreakable bond existed. Galvanized by the desperate urge to keep her safe, untouchable, to not fail at THIS spurred him on.
After spelling it for her five times, he tried once more "T-U-T-U.." his shoulders sagging when he heard the steps behind him.
"Hey man" he heard behind him, and Elliot turned to greet his friend. Unable to resist a sweeping glance over his shoulder. But the corridor was empty.
"Thanks, they weren't gonna let me leave" Elliot scoffed. "Eli –" he sputtered, as his mind was once again filled with that torturous moment that moved all too slowly. And too fast, at the same time. When Eli was in the MIDDLE, and he was too many steps away.
"Eli is good. Shaken up but he's good. Checked in on him first" Fin promised.
Elliot shot him a look of gratitude, while Fin surveyed the damage.
"Back a week and look at you man" he cracked. But he had to admit to himself, even the familiar battered sight felt good.
Elliot did not share his joviality. The weight of the world, the gravity of keeping those he loved most safe heavy on him.
Fin hesitated before he had to ask. "You uh, call her?" He didn't have to say her name. In the same way his name had been silent for years. Unneeded when the presence of their connection still hung in every corner.
Elliot was silent and strode out, with Fin following behind. Shit. This was not gonna be good.
Fin shot yet another glance into her office. As he had been for the last thirty minutes. Loathe to shatter the relative calm currently permeating the squad room. He knew the firestorm that was about to singe everything in sight. He knew. He KNEW 10 years of casualties getting in that path.
He got as far as her office door, before determinedly striding away. But he didn't move fast enough.
"Fin? Come on in" Liv called. Shit. Double shit.
"Everything okay?" she started. Fin nodded, but he knew the question was only a formality.
She had the "Tell me NOW" look.
"Yes" Fin assured her. "It's fine. He's fine. He's FINE" he repeated.
It was that moment when her dark eyes latched onto his and Liv sucked air into her lungs. And she was already on her feet.
"What happened" she stopped herself, asking the real question "WHEN"
Fin cringed as he muttered "Last night" And again when she repeated it back. Slowly.
"Last. Night" He thinks he prefers when she is yelling.
"He called YOU" Liv choked out. Hurt, abandonment and utter distance all tangled up in one word. She was forced to admit, maybe for the first time, how much she wished the distance could be erased. She didn't know if she could give him back his place. But she wanted HERS.
"Livia, it's not…" Fin stumbled. "His wife DIED. Eli almost…" he stopped when he saw her eyes widen. "Elliot is just trying to…"
"I know what he's doing" Liv cried out. "I KNOW." Whipping her coat from her chair, she rushed for the door.
One week. One week and he is already back in the middle of this… THIS.
He thinks he can breathe until Liv halts her flurry of steps, to toss a seething "COME ON" back over her shoulder. Fin exhales a heavy sigh. Into the firestorm.
She knows he's hurt. And she wasn't there. It rattles through her brain on repeat with every step she slams down. That pull, that sense of where she should be is still so ingrained so many years later. So many emotions wage an ongoing battle. Betrayal. Blame. Relief. Rage. But this one, this one just has to be so utterly clear. She is his partner.
The flame in her eyes, flecking dark to light, fires side to side, matching her strides. Seeking. Honing in. Bulls eye.
The Sergeant, just beyond his broad shoulders filling her view. Still many feet away but it's almost as if his bulk is colliding against her chest. Again. The way her body senses him across the distance.
Don't hit her. Don't scream at her. Don't. Just don't. Liv repeats over and over to herself as she approaches the woman that has been gifted with watching his back. The responsibility that had been hers. Before it was wrenched from her hands. The woman also is now the proud owner of his stubborn, pig-headed, aggravating arrogance. But that is for another time.
Fin, falling back as far as he can without prompting Liv to whirl around to question his absence, is most definitely not going to volunteer that her words had actually been mumbled out loud.
Sergeant Bell was actually safe from harm, invisible even, when the man turned around. He had known the moment she set foot into the building. Her presence was just as weighty to him, just as much a live wire sputtering off sparks.
He could feel her slowing as their proximity overwhelmed the air in the room, and turned for her to fill his field of vision. Stepping closer to her, it was not lost on either of them that they stood, to the actual millimeter, the same distance as when they had lied eyes on each other again.
Liv counted the stiches. Catalogued the size and color of the bruising. Every blemish and angry mark on his skin taunting her. She could feel the tingle in her fingers, lacking contact with his skin. The touch that would slow her breathing, affirm he was still here.
The desperation for contact exploded within her, eviscerating the walls she had been scrambling to throw up. Liv took another step toward him and SHOVED. Pushing out all the feelings she had been clutching tightly.
El grimaced at the impact. But didn't move back. She heard the low grunt. It filled her with equal amounts of satisfaction and pangs of guilt. Both were momentary.
"Back OFF, Liv" she thundered at him. "Back OFF? This what you had in mind huh, Elliot?"
Ayanna stood frozen behind them, darting her eyes over to Fin, eyeing a possible escape around the warring duo. Fin just shook his head in warning, and she shrugged. Moving back behind her desk, she dropped into her chair, crossing one knee over the other and took in her view of the firework display.
Elliot blew out a hard breath. She was exasperating. And beautiful. And he had never loved her more.
Some things had faded and become fuzzy in the absence of the last ten years. But not this. Not the way she fought. Not the way she fought right by his side. Even when he didn't deserve it. Especially when he didn't deserve it.
"You know what I wanted. You know why, Olivia" the words came out soft. But the gaze they held was strong.
He couldn't look away from her. He had known. It would always be like. To hear her voice. To see her. Would always break him. She had always been stronger. He had tried like hell to stay strong, to protect her from his downfall. He should have known she would be stronger. Her strength would hold them both up.
"I'm crawling, Liv" his voice was rough. "I can't - I'm lost, I can't find the exit"
His eyes were shining, never wavering from hers, imploring her to understand. She did, oh she did. She knew the inside of that lost hole too well. Had lived and breathed it's dimensions from the moment she slid down the wall of the interrogation room.
She wavered, not because she didn't want to pull him out, because she didn't know if she could. And dropping him was something she could never recover from.
Liv took a tentative step closer. It wasn't erased. The distance. But it felt surmountable. Slowly, she rolled up his cuff, letting her fingers trace the inked anchor she found there. Raising her gaze back to him, she didn't let him look away, as her other hand squeezed around his wrist. A promise. His smile told her he understood.
Still wearing the smile, Elliot quipped, "I should have ducked" His heart soared as Liv's smile widened.
"Had I known my partner was hanging around with scum bags, I would have stuck around" she shot back.
Letting go, Liv let her hand finally raise to meet the bruising darkening against his skin. The contact, and the way she could feel the steady breaths escaping his pursed lips, eased a whispering breath through her. And after ten years, she let out her own stuttering breath from it's prison.
"You gonna see the doctor about those bruises" she questioned, before the chuckle started in his throat.
Pressing her other palm to his chest, in warning, she got his attention. "When you go to the doctor, you call ME" she instructed as they shared a soft secret smile. The kind that no one else would ever understand.
Mercifully, Ayanna had taken the opportunity to sneak around them once the sizzling slings of the firestorm had dissipated. She leaned against the wall next to Fin as Liv walked out, oblivious to them. And that she was leaving her Sergeant behind.
"How long has that been…." Ayanna wondered.
Fin just shook his head and smirked "It's in your house now"