A/N: As ever, we're going by the Embers rule. This'll be deleted FOR KEEPS if folks don't like it. So speak up! Make yourselves heard! Every bit of feedback counts!

This story has been revived by popular demand, drawn forth from the plot bin!

Obvious tribute to "Seduce That God!" by Mystical Pie is obvious. That story made me laugh like I haven't in a long time. as well. Sadly, the author of the latter appears to have passed on due to the Coronavirus. So...here we are. Second! Much like that story, this is a hard harem and will most likely be upgraded to "M" in the near future.

This was written...well, I suppose you could say I took issue with the finale. Now that everyone's seen it, I'm sure most people understand.

Screw. That. Finale.

Suuuuure go ahead tear out our hearts and stomp on them, Roosterteeth! Why would you *SPOILER* and make *SPOILER* a *SPOILER* just to *SPOILER* her like that! Not to mention *SPOILER!* That last episode did soooo many people dirty!

Here's another idea that...I'm not quite sure will become a story or not. Still, I wanted folks to at least see it.

Maybe its a tease of something that's coming. Maybe not. Haven't decided yet.

As ever, I own no references, quotes, memes or themes. Not a wit or a one.

I'm just a humble author trying to make his way in the world.

Hope this makes you smile~!

Cheers~!

"Two blonds walk into club. What could possibly go wrong?

Spoiler! Everything!'

"You're having waaaay too much fun with this, sis."

"Nope!"

~?

Gimme That Fire

Someone had stolen her seat.

Nobody but nobody stole Yang Xiao-Long's seat!

There were lines you just didn't cross. And this? This was one of them.

Even from this distance she could see the cheeky bastard's back, clad in threadbare black-and-orange rags that stuck out even in the flashing lights of Junior's club. Ugh. No fashion sense at all this one. What she couldn't see was his face; from this angle she saw what might only the rear of his head, framed by dirty blond hair. Really dirty. Like he'd fallen into a mud puddle and summarily been run over by a pack of angry Beowolf kind of dirty. She couldn't think of any other way to describe him.

As far as first impressions went, it certainly wasn't the best one; she hadn't even truly met the lout yet and she already wanted to knock him out.

A muscle jumped in her jaw. She forced it to subside. "No, bad Yang." she hissed at herself. "Don't smash. Smashing is bad."

She just wanted to talk with him. Loudly. Repeatedly. With her firsts!

All around her the Club heaved with people enjoying their weekend -but really now, what kind of name was The Club?! Honestly! Junior really didn't have any imagination!- forcing the exasperated blond to thread her way haphazardly through the swaying masses as she made her way toward the bar proper. Heavy bass music throbbed in her ears, deafening her to all else as she stormed forward. Pulsating lights had her squinting through a dry haze while she waded

Someone bumped into her in the crowd, nearly knocking her down. "Watch it, blondie!"

Lilac eyes snapped to them, and they subsided with a whimper.

Under any other circumstances Yang might have pitied the poor bastard sitting in her seat. That or tried to stand downwind of him. Now? Not so much! If he didn't move by the time she reached him...well, she was a lady after all. She'd give him one chance to haul his sorry keister out of her seat. After that she made no promises.

Ember Celica twitched on her wrists as she crept closer, armed and ready.

She'd come here looking for information on Raven...but it seemed someone had beaten her to the punch. Said someone was in her seat, chatting up Junior, and more importantly wasting her time! Could this night get any worse?! Spoilers. It absolutely did. As she looked on, the man in question slid a strawberry sunrise across the counter to him. Hey! First her seat, then her info broker, now her strawberry sunrise?! This meant war!

Lilac eyes blazed as she bulled her way forward.

(.0.0.0.)

Junior considered himself a good judge of character.

Some might call it foresight, magic, perhaps even a Semblance; when in truth, it was neither of those was merely a unique skill of his, one Hei had acquired over a storied career in the underworld. You didn't get to be where Hei Xiong, Leader of the Red Ax Gang without being able to read people, much less situations. He prided himself at being able to read an individual merely at a glance. For the most part, he could tell the innocent from the guilty, dangerous from harmless, and so on. Couldn't run a club -much less a gang!- without that kind of know how.

Information was his forte, and he knew it well.

Why, one might even call it a career of his! He knew nearly everything that went on in Vale. For a small feel, he supplied said information to those who wanted to learn.

So, yes. Hei Xiong was adept at reading people. But this? Here? Right now? This had bad news written all over it.

His sixth sense was shrieking bloody murder at him, telling him to give this latest client whatever the hell he wanted, grab the twins, pack up shop, and run for the hills. There was just one problem problem. The info he was looking for? Hei didn't have it. Friggin' lunatic. He Didn't seem to get that, however. He'd stumbled into his club hours ago, and been rambling ever since. Honestly, he'd given him a strawberry sunrise on the house just to shut him up for a few seconds!

It hadn't worked of course. Nothing ever did.

"For the last time, what the hell are you talkin' about?" He set down the glass he'd been cleaning to scowl at the battered young man leaning against the bar before him. "Shinobi? Elemental nations? You're barking up the wrong tree here pal. I've never heard of those things."

"So? What do you know?" whiskered cheeks dimpled in a smile as he set the glass down, having drained it in a single gulp. "I need information. Its really important."

Not for the first time, Hei considered telling him to sod off. Also not for the first time, something in his gaze stopped him cold.

This man had a well-traveled look to him, almost alarmingly so. If he didn't know better, he'd accuse him of being a huntsman. Impossible, of course. Not even huntsmen students were this naive. They certainly weren't this chatty on a bloody Saturday. He didn't have time for this! The Club was practically swaying with people tonight like a thing alive and he. Was losing. His! Patience!

Right, then. Time for a different avenue of attack. "This from the guy who loos like he got into a fight with Beowolf and lost?"

Blue eyes blinked back at him. "What's that?"

Junior nearly dropped his glass.

"Do you...not know what a Grimm is?" alright, the kid was having him on. Had to be. "You wanna run that by me again?"

"I'm not kidding." The stranger plonked himself back down on an empty barstool. "The hell's a Grimm?"

Junior stole another glance at the stranger's attire.

His clothes were tattered and his headband battered, its metal worn to near smoothness by the passing of time. His jacket hadn't fared much better; little more than orange-black rags now with barely a stitch of cloth between and no weapons to be seen. Any of observer would have thought him foolish at best, suicidal at worst; why else was someone walking around in bloody rags like those? Surely only a fool would willingly wear such a thing. A fool indeed. Or a madman.

Perhaps he was both. Blast it, the kid was talking again!

"Look, buddy. I've been asleep for...well, awhile, and I kinda woke up here." Still, that smile never wavered from those whiskered cheeks. "Well, not here here, but you know what I mean. He wrinkled his nose and clicked his tongue as though he'd tasted something incredibly foul. "Woke up underground. Had to tear my way out of the street and everything." He sat up a little straighter and something flashed in those bright blue eyes of his. "Ten thousand years can given you such a crick in the neck, man." his neck twisted with an sharp pop that had Hei wincing. "I really just wanna get out of here."

Hei threw his arms up. "Then why are you still sitting there!"

"I'm here because someone told me to come here." his smile brightened even more. "He said you know everything. Well, tell me how to get back to the Leaf Village and I'll be on my way."

"And who, pray tell," he all but snarled, "Is this someone? He got a name?"

"Eh, some guy named Roman." the blond threw out a shrug, heedless of the aggravated noise Hei made. "He told me to come here. Real nice fella. Hope nothing bad happens to him."

Junior pinched the brow of his nose and ruthlessly bit down on the urge to scream for what felt like the umpteenth time. There it was again; another migraine calling his name. Torchwick! Of course. Cheeky bastard. This had his fingerprints all over it! Right! That settled it! He was a dead man walking!

"Hey!" Another blond -not at all like the first!- butted in between them, lilac eyes sharp and angry. "Just how long are you two gonna talk?! I've been here all night!"

Not another one!

"I'm sorry," much to Junior's surprise, the whiskered one actually capitulated. "You look angry. Am I in your seat?"

The buxom blond planted a fist on her hip and tapped her right foot. "You are, actually."

"Oh." he offered a rueful chuckle. "Here, I'll move."

Lilac eyes widened. "Just like that?!"

"Yup."

Quick as you please he hopped out of his seat and made way for her. Blondie didn't bother him; she simply sashayed past to reclaim what was rightfully hers. Junior's gaze shifted. The kid was scrawny, he didn't look like he could flatten the club with her bare hands. The broad did. She had that air about her. A huntress, or one in training at least. Tch, blasted blonds. That settled it. In lieu of their names -which he still didn't know!- he was calling them Blond and Blondie. At least Blondie had a nice rack.

"Hey! Eyes up here!"

Aaaaaand he'd been caught starting. Crap.

"Listen," Hei coughed into a fist and quickly averted his gaze. "Info ain't free, kid. You'll have to pay up. "Twenty five hundred lien, and I'll see what I can do. Take it or leave it."

Blondie whistled, lilac eyes wide. "Ain't that kinda expensive?"

"He's been here most of the night." Junior crossed both arms before his broad chest. "At this point, I'm charging extra for my pain and suffering."

Frankly, he didn't know what the hell a "Leaf Village" was, but at this point he was willing to take the kid's lien just to be rid of him.

"Well, that's the thing." the whiskered blond looked aside and scratched a tan cheek. "I don't have any money." Junior growled at that and he looked back, decidedly sheepish." Didn't have any when I sealed the ten-tails into myself a hundred thousand years ago, and unless civilization started to operate on favors while I was away-

"It doesn't." the blond girl put in helpfully.

-then I've got nothing." he shrugged weakly. "Sorry. I was kinda hoping you'd do me a solid...

Junior's right eye began to twitch. The left soon joined it. His entire face began to darken, turning an ominous shade of red. Slowly at first, hardly noticeable, really. No one heard him grind his teeth over the music. Right, that tore it. Blond and now Blondie over there had worn down his last nerve. He was in no mood for a wild goose chase...nevermind whatever this was.

His clenched fist slammed down on the bar, fracturing the glass.

"What do you think we are, a charity?!"

Both blonds blinked at him. "Yes...?"

"That's it! You!" He stabbed a finger at the whiskered Blond, all but jabbing him in the nose. "Out!"

"Hey! You can't just toss him out!"

"One more word and you're outta here, too!"

"Me?!" Blondie squawked back at him. "I just got here!"

"Don't care! Miltia! Melanie!" he snapped his fingers, summoning his strongest fighters. "Take our guest outside. He's overstayed his welcome."

Like clockwork, the twins materialized on either side of the Blond, striking silhouettes in red and white. As one, they moved to hem him in, denying him any chance of escape. Blond only sighed. Usually this was the part where perps showed fear. Milt' and Mel weren't huntresses by any stretch of the imagination, but they were still a damn sight better than most of the goons in his gang.

And yet the Stranger barely batted an eyelash.

"This really isn't necessary." he frowned at them. "I haven't done anything wrong."

"Come on, whiskers." Melanie latched onto his left arm, eyes in with mirth. Time to go."

"You heard her." Militia claimed his right, claws scraping across his arm. "We can do this easy way or the hard way. Your choice."

He frowned, looking very much like a kicked puppy. "But where am I supposed to go?"

"Dunno. Don't care." Junior scoffed. "Anywhere but here."

It was the wrong thing to say; because the young man twisted out of the twin's grasp and rounded on him.

"Look, you really, really, REALLY don't wanna do this." There it was, that flicker in his eyes again to set Hei on edge. "I'm tired, I'm hungry, I've had a hell of a day. And you're making me angry." his back straightened a touch and he suddenly realized how tall the kid was. "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. Just tell me how to get home and I'll be on my way. Do that, and I'll never darken your door again." he made strange gesture with his right hand. "I swear. Scout's honor."

"I don't think so, Blond boy. Girls?"

The twins approached.

"Fine," the whiskered youth rolled his shoulders in a shrug as they moved to flank him again. "Have it your own way." his smile returned, just the wrong shade of annoyed. "And my name ain't Blond." From the shadows of a tattered sleeve right hand rose, and idly Hei noticed it ended in a ragged stump just below the elbow. "My name is Naruto." hooded eyes rose to regard him. "And you brought this on yourself. "Remember that."

All around them, the air boiled. "Kurama? Cloak."

Something answered.

"COPY."

Contrary to his words, Naruto didn't don a cloak. Not at all. It was more akin to say he simply...burned. One moment he looked like some crazy murder hobo straight off the streets, in the next he became a gilded glowing avatar of death. Before their very eyes his body blazed an almighty shade of burning amber, rimmed with black markings about his head and shoulders. A strange rippling heat rose off his body, shimmering across a smile that seemed wider than ever before.

A golden arm sprouted from his ruined stump to complete the ensemble, clawed fingers flexing lazily.

"Alright." when next he spoke, his voice thrummed with that of another. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way."

Melanie surged forward with a snarl. "Don't you mock us!"

That unholy golden arm reared around and caught Melanie's leg as her bladed heel swept toward his skull. Long lashes fluttered in a rapid blink as she balked at him. Unable to balance herself, she threw a wild punch his way. It wasn't blocked by Aura; instead the blond took it dead on his headband.

She balked. 'No aura...? But that's impossible-ow!

"Hey~!" he reeled her in by the ankle and his forehead pressed against hers, his face now frightfully close. "That wasn't very nice."

Her mind short-circuited and her tongue betrayed her in spectacular fashion. "Uh...you have nice eyes?"

"Thanks." he beamed. "Now clench your teeth. This is gonna hurt."

"Whyyyyyy meeeeee~?!"

A vicious twist of the wrist upended Melanie and sent the slight girl crashing into -then through!- a pillar with a strangled yelp. Shards of broken glass flew everywhere, sending guests scurrying for cover. Simultaneously, his human hand snared Miltia's claws before she could avenge her sister and run him through. Red eyes met green and the duo descended into a whirl of motion that lasted all of three seconds; one that ended when Miltia crashed backward over the counter and slammed into bar. Bottles shattered. Alcohol stained the floor.

Junior swore and reach below the bar for his weapon. "Damn kid! You'll regret that-

Burning eyes seared into his, burning with the intensity of a thousand suns. A finger stabbed out at him. "Stay!"

Killing intent struck Junior like a physical force. Every muscle in his body locked up as one; each and every cell united in singular fear. For a moment he saw something; beheld a terrible glowing vulpine skull looming over the boy's shoulders. He stared into the abyss and abyss stared back, grinning at him with terrible teeth...and nine tails. No! Ten! He couldn't look away; it had him by the soul now and every second ground his mind down that much further...!

Monster! He was a monster. What the hell had been unleashed in Vale?!

Naruto saw his expression and took pity on him. A golden finger stabbed down and broke the spell. "Sit."

Junior sat.

He slumped to the floor wide-eyed and terrified; indeed, he was still sitting when someone walked up behind Naruto, grabbed him by a shoulder, and spun him around.

"Hey." Yang Xiao-Long growled at him, her smile decidedly strained. There was glass in her golden mane. "Thanks for the show. You ruined my hair, though." As if to punctuate that very statement, a few stray strands of gold fell to the floor." Gotta kill you now." the smile became a scowl. "Nothing personal."

Clenched knuckles barreled into Naruto's face at breakneck speed. He caught them in an open palm.

Not so the shockwave that followed.

Lights burst and glass absolutely flew in ever direction, flattening those foolish few who hadn't fled, henchman and clubgoer alike. High above, the music cut off with an ugly squawk as the DJ toppled down from his booth. Not one to be deterred, Yang planted her feet and threw a second punch, only to find her haymaker intercepted by another.

"Hey, that's much better!" Blond grinned back at Blondie, red eyes meeting red. "You fight pretty good! I actually felt that!"

"You won't be feeling anything when I'm done with you!" Yang pushed back against him, gone livid. "Hold still!"

Blondie and blondie collided like a freight train as Junior stat there, stunned, reeling from it all. This just wasn't his night. No! This was insane! What had he done to deserve this...? He whimpered a little as the two began to sack what little was left of his club. Surely one of them had to grow tired sooner or later. Right? R-Right...?

...this couldn't possibly end well.

(.0.0.0.)

She'd never felt so alive!

Yang felt a laugh tear out of her.

At some point their little spat had turned into an outright punch-out. They traded hits like champions, roundhouses and haymakers, wilds swing left and right with reckless abandon. She boxed, and her fellow blond boxed right back, giving as good as he got. Every strike was meant to break bones and shatter sinew, mangle muscle and crush cartilage. No mercy was given, and none expected.

Her head snapped back as his fist crashed through her aura to strike her dead in the face. She'd have a black eye tomorrow. Ruby would ask questions.

Worth it!

Truly, she couldn't remember the last time she'd fought someone who could match her, exceed her even! She loved it. Adored it. Every bloody bit of it. How much time had passed? Minutes? Hours? She'd lost track of the time well and truly, and she did not care.

"C'mon, whiskers! That all ya got?!"

She whirled, Ember Celica barked, and the blond grunted as her first thundered into his cheek. He pushed past it and kicked out, sending her sprawling. She shoved herself back up and bounded in once more with a roar, one her fellow blond mirrored. The night was long, and she was nowhere near finished with him. He certainly wasn't with her!

It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

A/N: As ever, Embers Rule.

I repeat, we're going by the Embers rule. This'll be deleted very quickly if folks don't like it. So speak up! Make yourselves heard! Every bit of feedback counts!

This story will have spicy bits, and may be upgraded to "M" in the near future. You've been warned.

And with that, I'm done with new stories for the year! I've paired Naruto with Ruby in "Killing Monsters" followed by Blake in, "Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover" then Weiss of course in the recent, "Chef of Beacon" and now we come full circle with Yang in "Gimme That Fire!" Finally! Requests are done!

So In the Immortal Words of Atlas...

Review...Would You Kindly?

(Preview!)

"Sorry about your hair." he grinned and leaned over her. "Here. Lemme fix it."

He touched a marked hand to the side of her face, regrowing the golden locks in no time at all.

"Truce?"

It was like flicking a switch; scarlet flicked back into lilac, and her grin returned. Heh.

"Damn, you throw a mean right hook!" she grimaced, rubbing her jaw. "Not even Uncle Qrow punches that hard. You wouldn't happen to know a woman named Raven, would you?"

Naruto tilted his head at her and frowned. "What, like a bird?"

Yang grimaced. "Don't ask about the name."

"Can I ask about food instead...?

"What, seriously? You haven't eaten all day?

His stomach growled. Well! there was one way to repay him.

"C'mon, whiskers. I pay my debts." She grabbed him by the wrist. "Lets get you something to eat; it'll be my treat."

Naruto let himself be tugged along. "Well, if you're buying...

Oh, hell.

Junior came to a conclusion.

"Seduce that bastard if its the last thing you do!"

Cinder cocked her head like a wary she wolf. "Interesting...

Naruto uttered a jaw-popping yawn.

He had been asleep for so...very long now. He wasn't exactly aware of the state of the world. The hour was late and the moon was full; shining down in all its shattered splendor. Well, that was new. Last he remembered, the moon wasn't busted up like that.

A groan echoed in the back of his skull.

"Wake me up nine centuries from now...

"No!" he mentally shook his partner awake. "We already tried that!"

He was a relic of a bygone age, woken to a world changed. And he had to change with it.

"What do I want to do? I'm not really sure." tan fingers drummed loosely against the table. "Already saved everyone once. Maybe I'll try to conquer the world with ramen this time around...?" He shrugged. "But me? Go to Beacon? Why would I wanna do that? I already sat through school once. No way am I doing that again."

"What about teaching?"

He frowned. "Huh. Never really done that...might have to think about that.

You're a relic in your own way. A Relic of Hope. Hope is a powerful thing. Sometimes it comes from the strangest places.

We need hope, my friend. Each and every one of us. For the night is dark and full of terrors."

"I get that and all...but seriously, what's a Grimm?"

...you cannot be serious."

"Teach us!"

"Twins, huh? Could be worse."

With a shrug, he let them lead him upstairs.

R&R~!